Would you leave DC for...

[SkyrMommy]

... a vacation?

DH is being a wonderful person and has saved some $ for a possible vacation in March. Think beach, warm water... A vacation for us as a couple, a break from DD (before we start trying for DC#2:heartbeat:). 4 nights.

Both my mom and MIL are wonderful with DD and both have voiced an ok with an overnight. DH has checked with them and they would split the vacation at our house so DD would stay in her comfort zone.

He's left it totally up to me... if I feel I can't go away from DD (she'll be 11mo. when we go) we stay home.

Trouble is I'm not sure... I missed DD when she went with DH for one day up to my in-laws. I can't imagine 4 nights, as well as flying... but the lure of a vacation with DH just to reconnect before we take another giant step as a family...

What would you do?

[BabyMine]

Yep and DH have done it for a week and a weekend. It is important to spend time with just your DH. I never have any regrets.

[egoldber]

Well, I like the idea in principle, but that may not be such great timing. That is a hard age IMO for parents to go away. Old enough for them to really get that you are gone for awhile, but not old enough to be reasoned with or get the explanation that you will return soon.

I also think 4 nights is kind of a long time. Maybe start with a weekend trip?

Are you breastfeeding? That would be the deal killer for me.

[elektra]

I don't have anyone I feel comfortable leaving DD or DS with except for DH, so personally, I wouldn't be able to do it. When I had DS and I was in the hospital, my dad could barely hang for one night caring for DD at our house. And he cares for her one day a week, so he knows the routine.
But I have gone on business trips and a long weekend away with a girlfriend in Mexico for 3-4 days and left DD with DH (this was before DS). I would love to get away with DH too. We really need it, but like I said, I just don't have anyone who can take my kids for 4 days straight!
So if I were you, I would maybe do an overnight practice run with your mom or MIL before I went for the 4 nights.

[niccig]

Yep and DH have done it for a week and a weekend. It is important to spend time with just your DH. I never have any regrets.

Same here. A weekend when DS was about 2, and a week when DS was 3.5 yo. I will say that the leaving is the most difficult part. For the week vacation, DH had to make me drink 2 compolitians at the airport to get over my guilt. The rest of the week, I was fine, and the time alone with DH was well worth it.

[alexsmommy]

Yep.
Done it.
I think if it's possible and you have great childcare it is a wonderful thing to do for yourself and your marriage... and you'll come back loving DC even more with more energy to be a better parent.

[AnnieW625]

We didn't leave DD anywhere for more than a night until she was almost 2 years old. We did a four day trip up the coast of CA but were not more than 4 hrs. from where DD was so we could get to her if there was an emergency. We thought about flying/going a cruise but we didn't have a will in place (still don't) so I wouldn't fly/cruise anywhere without a will in place. If you can get a will in place and have someone to take care of your daughter then great I would go.

[Piglet]

We did it at least once with each of the 3 kids... and are doing it again next week. Obviosuly BFing would make a difference, but if you are not BFing, then I would go for it!

[mominmarch]

Never did it, but wish that I did. My DH and I have never left DD (now 2) overnight and I think she would be shocked if we did it now. I really wish that we had done it when she was younger, to teach both of us and her that she would survive/thrive in the situation.

4 days seems long to me but if that's what it takes for you to get where you are going and have some downtime, go for it. I have left my DD with my husband for about 10 business trips, always one night and 2 full days, and come back incredibly refreshed. She bonds with DH during those times too. I wish that the sets of grandparents were young enough to take our little one on for a vacation now.

[SkyrMommy]

I am breast feeding now, but will be weaning her or weaned by then (my choice - I want my body back for a short time). If we decide to go I can pump enough to make do for whatever stage she's at.

Maybe I should try one overnight (really nearby!) to see how I and DD do.

And we do have a will, we finished it right before DD was born...

Sigh... so torn.

[doberbrat]

no way w/a child <2.

but I nurse till past 2 (cought past 3...)

dd is 4 and has never been gone overnight.

[sarahsthreads]

I've had trouble with that age - just leaving each DC with a grandparent to go out for an evening. Neither girl wound up going to sleep until I got home, hours after their usual bedtime. Both DDs had been left with DH for bedtime many times without an issue and were really attached to their grandmothers by then, but bedtime with Nana or Grandma was a disaster. I wouldn't be comfortable being away for 4 nights. (I also was nursing, so being away for 4 nights would *really* be uncomfortable!)

I do fantasize about going on vacation without the kids - we're going to Disney in February *with* the kids, but sometimes I'm tempted to drop them off at Nana's and go *without* them. ;) So if you would be comfortable with it, I'd say go!

Sarah :)

[Melaine]

No, I wouldn't be comfortable being that far away for that long. But that's just me.

[egoldber]

Never did it, but wish that I did. My DH and I have never left DD (now 2) overnight and I think she would be shocked if we did it now. I really wish that we had done it when she was younger, to teach both of us and her that she would survive/thrive in the situation.

FWIW we didn't leave Sarah until she was 2. She did fine with Grandma for 4 nights and they had a great time.

We haven't left Amy yet (our choice, Amy was soooo needy and so not ready), but I think she is approaching the age where she would do OK with Grandma overnight. We couldn't leave her for 4 nights yet though.

Different kids, different needs.

[TonFirst]

Yes, absolutely.

I have done it, and I would do it again. Everyone survived unscathed. Personally, I think is is healthy and important for couples to have quality alone time for more than 24 hours, and no one should feel guilty. Why should you feel guilty about working to make sure your children grow up with parents who have a healthy marriage?

In fact, when my son was 4 months old and I was exclusively breastfeeding, we took him overseas to visit my parents in The Netherlands. During that trip, my husband and I hopped a train to Bruges and didn't return for about 36 hours (my parents knew, of course - it's not like we snuck out and were like, see ya, suckers!). I packed a cooler of milk for my parents (ask me about trans-Atlantic milk transport!), I pumped-and-dumped in Bruges, and everyone had a great time.

[maestramommy]

I'm bfing, so no. But let's say Laurel were bottlefed. ONLY if I had access to a sitter the girls loved and that I absolutely trusted. IOW, no. The only people who fit the criteria are too far away.

[HIU8]

Yes, I would and I am attempting to do so now. We have a family wedding at the beginning of January. My mother has offered to come and stay with the kids for 2 days. FWIW, the wedding is in Orlando, so it is a big of a vacation spot for us. We really want to go. If we can't make it work then DH will go the wedding alone. But we really want to make it a weekend together.

[MoJo]

*I* couldn't do it, but I want to say kudos for your DH for wanting to! If you decide not to do it now, I'd definitely recommend doing so some time (although your point about going before trying for #2 makes sense, too).

I agree with everyone who said try one night first.

Unfortunately, my DH is one who needs several days before he finally relaxes.

Alternatively, could you take your DC and either your mom or MIL. . . you'd still get a break and the nice weather, but wouldn't be so far or so separated from your DC.

[carolinamama]

DH and I went to Europe for 14 days when DS1 was 15 months old. Best thing we have done as a couple since having kids. We reconnected and had a blast. It was hard to leave DS, but I would do it again. He was completely fine with mil and my parents.

[Corie]

Yes!! Definitely!! If I had family willing to watch my kids, I would go
on a vacation too. :) Take me!!!!

[pinkmomagain]

I would go in a heartbeat.

[Seitvonzu]

i couldn't have done it at that age because i was still breastfeeding and at 3.5 months my child started refusing the bottle completely. she wasn't the greatest nurser either...getting her fed was a serious business!!!

i would have loved to go if i could though. if i had the child care options,etc. now lu is 22 months and this post got me dreaming about a vacation with just DH. i think in a few more months lucy would be great staying at gee-gee and paw-paws for a few days. both our parents live away, so logistics are hard, even if the baby could take it. whenever our parents are in town or we visit them, we go to the movies. that's as much as we've done since she was born! it's hard!

given your situation, i think you should go for it!

[elephantmeg]

we did shortly after a year with both kids and it was fabulous. I say go for it! It was a really, really good thing for our marriage!

[crl]

Yes, I would do it.

Catherine

[billysmommy]

We went away for 2 nights/3 days when the boys were just about 2 and 5. They stayed with my mom and dad. DH and I had a great time and wondered why we hadn't done it sooner!!! We're going to Savannah for 5 nights this coming April for 5 nights for our 10th anniversary and are already counting the days :). The boys are going to stay at my parents again and everyone's excited for that too.

[edurnemk]

DH and I planned to go to Europe for 2 or 3 weeks when DS was 17 months old, but had to postpone it for financial reasons. DS would've stayed with my parents, the only people I trust to care for him.

I think it's super hard to leave, before cancelling our trip I was feelign very anxious about being separated from DS. But I also think it's a great investment in your marriage, and I can't wait to travel just with DH, we really need it. So if you have good cargivers, go for it.


...I wouldn't fly/cruise anywhere without a will in place. If you can get a will in place and have someone to take care of your daughter then great I would go.

Annie, I'm curious why would the will be more necessary if flying or cruising? Realistically the risk of having an accident is much greater when driving, right? But I agree that having a will is super important.

[brittone2]

I might do an overnight, but I've never been ready (or felt my kids were ready) at that age. But if you are ready and confident that she'll do okay with the caregiver(s), then it is totally fine to go :) Enjoy!

(I nursed my kids well into toddlerhood so 4 days would have been a PITB for me. My kids also tended to still nurse to sleep at that age and I'm not sure they would have gone to sleep for anyone else all that well).

[khalloc]

Yes, I have and I will. We're leaving our 2 kids with MIL for a week over Thanksgiving and going to Barbados actually.

I left DD when she was 17 months old to go to Aruba for 1 week.

Then I left DD (age 3.5) and DS (age 12 months) with my parents while we went to Aruba again (kids came for one week with my 'rents and then flew home with them to their house while DH and I stayed for another 5 days).

Now we are going away again. DD is 4 and DS is 19 months.

Its SOOOOOOOOOOO nice. I miss them and all, but you can forget about them awfully fast when you are relaxing. I'd feel better if my mother was taking them this time, but MIL needed a turn.

[gobadgers]

We went to the Bahamas when DD was something like 15 months old. It was really nice to get away, and I think it was good for our marriage. The first night was pretty bad (for ME, not for DD - she did fine with my parents), the middle two nights were great. By the fourth night I was just itching to get back home to DD though...

We also went away for a weekend when she was around 18 months.

I'm really glad we did both trips. Its a tough thing, to leave though.

[SkyrMommy]

Hmmmm... 4 definite no's, 3 maybe if's, and 19 yes's. Food for thoughts - thanks mamas!!!

It would be wonderful for DH and I and I do think DD would do amazing with both the mom and MIL - she sleeps/naps, plays and takes the bottle from them both with no problems.

I just have think through my worries, guilt and thought about going. Both mom and MIL say to go - they didn't have the caregivers or money when DH and I were babies and both say that they would have loved to have time with dad and FIL.

:hug: I appreciate all the thoughts and ideas... maybe I'll sleep on it some.

[LarsMal]

Another yes, but only if you completely, 100% trust the caregiver. I would leave an 11 month old with my parents, but not my ILs.

What about going somewhere within driving distance instead of flying?

[SnuggleBuggles]

As soon as I weaned ds1 at 19m we took off for a vacation. :) If it weren't for nursing I probably would have gone sooner but that was a priority for me.

Have fun!

Beth

[khalloc]

Really, the part leading up to it is the worst. Once you get to wherever you are vacationing you forget about the kids. When my parents were flying home with the kids, I cried bringing them all to the airport in Aruba. And I cried saying goodbye. But once in the car on the way back to the hotel I said "This is great!" it was so nice to lay on the beach and relax without kids crying and needing attention.

[MamaMolly]

No I haven't but BOY do I sure wish I had. The closest I've done is one night away when I flew to my sister's 40th birthday. Now next month I'm doing 4 nights away from both DH and DD. I have to go out of town to get my 20ish week ultrasound, and we tacked an extra day just for shopping onto the front of the trip.

I tortured myself for about a week imagining how devistated DD will be without me, but honestly she is going to be FINE. More than fine, probably. We'll miss each other, but I really need some me time before DC2 shows up.

I vote heartily for going and enjoying yourself immensely. If I could have 2 votes I'd vote yes for both!

[alexsmommy]

I am breast feeding now, but will be weaning her or weaned by then (my choice - I want my body back for a short time). If we decide to go I can pump enough to make do for whatever stage she's at.

Maybe I should try one overnight (really nearby!) to see how I and DD do.

And we do have a will, we finished it right before DD was born...

Sigh... so torn.

Leaving DS1 the first time was SO HARD for me. I think he was maybe 16 months? Many of my friends (who weaned earlier than me) had left their DC right after they weaned at six months. You'll be surprised. You'll miss DD, no doubt, but seriously for me, it was the last day that was hard (we also do only four days when they are under 2) because I knew that I would see my baby soon. While I was actually on vacation I had a great time and it was sooooooo good for DH and I to have some uninterruped couple time. Wasn't even about romance per say, but just hanging out and not having to plan every outing around naps/diaper bags/child friendly was nice and helped us reconnect.

ETA I agree with many PP's - at that age it's all about being comfortable with the caregivers. My parents watch my DC when I work and their house is a second home to my kids. They keep my DC when we leave town and I am so grateful for them. Other friends who do not have family nearby have asked their nanny to stay the weekend since everyone would be comfortable then.

[alirebco]

I personally would not feel comfortable going when DS was 11 months.

[jk3]

I would have a hard time flying without my kids but I would love a night or weekend away with my DH at a place nearby.

[StantonHyde]

Let's see:
1. Left DS at 11 mos for a 4 day weekend (3 nights). I just pumped and dumped and he drank from the stash in the freezer (plus some formula probably).

2. Left him at 17 for a 3 day ski weekend

3. Left him at 23 mos for a 4 day weekend

4. Left him at 2.5 yrs for a long weekend
(all of the above were with grandparents) I left for a week at 19 mos--DH had him and grandparents came to help.

5. When DD was 15 mos and DS 4 yrs, we left for 5 days. Since then, we go every fall for 5 days to a week. We leave them with wonderful, trusted caregivers.

They do just fine and we have a great time.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I think I am changing my vote to a no. 11 months is too tricky of an age for a long trip where you'll be far away. I agree with others about finding somewhere in driving distance and aiming for a weekend get away. I know you are itching to go but honestly this infant stage is so short in the grand scheme of life. I'd wait till she's a little older.

Beth

[baymom]

Absolutely! We've only ever left dd and ds with grandparents one time and they were 3 and 4 at the time. Everyone had such a good time and DH and I came home so refreshed. That was this summer and we are planning to go again in December! I wish I had been willing to go when they were younger. There is always the option of going away, but not too far, so in case of emergency, you could come back home...

[kerridean]

In a heartbeat, no question about it!

[awoodm]

Do it. :) DS2 is 10.5 months now, and last month DH took him to his parents to visit for the weekend- it was glorious. And, I am b/fing- I just made sure he packed plenty of milk. DH is very hands on also- so I never doubt his capabilities with the kids(except when it comes to dressing them- but that's a whole 'nother thread...lol). We are sort of in the ready to wean stages also (for me) so it was really no big deal with nursing. I pumped a few times a day, and we picked right up where we left off. That said, I would totally trust my MIL or Mom with DS while I was gone for a few days/nights- especially if they were in the comfort of my home. I was also blessed with a really easy, laid back, happy baby- so he's pretty much in heaven as long as someone is paying attention to him to some degree. Go have a blast and spend time with your DH- your baby will be so happy to see you when you get back and are fresh and well-rested!

[newg]

DH took me to vegas for my birthday this summer.....DD was about 16 months...........I flew out on a Thursday and we came home on a Sunday...........it was perfect..........I was a mess leaving her, but once there with DH we had a lot of fun together, it was really nice to just be husband and wife for a few days.........oh, and my mom watched her and that was the key for me........I couldn't have done it otherwise............

.....I say if you're done BF and you have family to watch her then go for it!!