Q about bday parties and opening presents/thank yous

[catpagmo]

So, DD has been to two bday parties recently. Presents were not opened during either party. Also, no thank yous were said, or notes received for the gifts we brought. I find this kind of rude. Since when do you not say "thanks" or even acknowledge that a gift was given?

Is this the norm for bday parties now? When I was a kid, we always opened presents at the party, and thanked everyone in person.

DD is almost 4 yo. The parties in question were for girls turning 4.

[fivi2]

No one I know opens gifts at parties, but I have always received a thank you.

ITA that it is rude not to send a thank you, but I am happy that gifts are not opened at parties in my circle!

[wendibird22]

I think if gifts were not opened at the party and in front of the gift giver (in case where gift giver had to leave before gifts were opened) then thank you notes are in order. We have sent thank you's for DDs bday gifts even when they were opened at the event just because I felt like the opening was hectic and DD was moving on to the next thing so quickly and I wanted to be sure the giver was appropriately thanked.

[infomama]

We open gifts at parties and we send thank you notes within the week.
I think that kids enjoy seeing their gift opened and I just can't believe that people don't send thank you cards. It doesn't take that much effort to write a short note of thanks.
ETA--I also don't care for those pre printed thank you cards with the blank line for the name of the gift received.

[twowhat?]

I think thank you notes are in order whether the gifts were opened at the party or not!!!

[nov04]

We always send ty notes, doesn't matter if the present was opened in front of them or not.

[catpagmo]

I think that kids enjoy seeing their gift opened and I just can't believe that people don't send thank you cards. It doesn't take that much effort to write a short note of thanks.
ETA--I also don't care for those pre printed thank you cards with the blank line for the name of the gift received.

Yes, I totally agree. I have no idea if they got the gift, or not, even though I personally gave it to them. It's so frustrating.

[alien_host]

I think thank you notes are in order whether the gifts were opened at the party or not!!!


:yeahthat: ITA, it's a pet peeve of mine when I don't get a note!

DD loves to see people open her gifts so depending on who the b'day kid is (close friend etc.) we often ask once most people have left if they can open it in front of DD when the guests have departed. For really close friends we tend to be the last one out the door. ;)

[ha98ed14]

ITA that it is rude not to send a thank you, but I am happy that gifts are not opened at parties in my circle!

:yeahthat: Personally, I find it tacky to open gifts at a birthday party. I feel that the time at a party should be focused on enjoying the company of your guests, not everyone oooo-ing and ahhh-ing over what the birthday DC got. But this is my opinion. There have been numerous discussions on this Board and many people have very valid reasons for wanting their gift opened at the party. Everyone just has to do what they think is right, like vaxing. But in either scenario, I agree that a thank you note must be sent even if a verbal thank you was said when the giver presented the gift.

[Pennylane]

I think it is about 50/50 here. I still expect a thank you note though whether the gift was opened in front of me or at home.

Talk about bad etiquette, my dd got an Evite to a birthday party. About a week after the party, everyone that gave him presents received this note:

"Thanks for attending my birthday. I had a wonderful time with all my friends. I have been very busy playing with all the wonderful presents that I got . Thank you all very much !! "

I cannot believe that someone would think that was an acceptable thank you!

Ann

[egoldber]

I wonder how recently the parties were? I got the ones for Amy's party out about 2 weeks after the party, which, honestly, I thought was pretty good. I've been known to take 4-6 weeks.

[MamaMolly]

I'm not overly fond of opening the presents at the party but it is what was done in our baby group. DD was the youngest, so I went with it since it was expected. I just think it is hard for little kids to sit through that, though I know it can be fun for the giver to see it being opened.

The not sending a thank you is super tacky, but I missed it this year :bag. I have a valid excuse, but it still eats at me. God bless one of my friends, I don't think the party is over 30 minutes before she has the thank-yous out. I admire her for it!

[hbridge]

ETA--I also don't care for those pre printed thank you cards with the blank line for the name of the gift received.

We used these this year for the first time. DC wrote them herself and the fill in the blank worked perfectly for a child that had just started to write something other than her own name...

I hope no one was offended by them, they certainly weren't as legible as I would like...

[elektra]

I am notoriously late with thank you notes. Maybe they just haven't sent them yet? You gotta send a thank you if the presents aren't opened at the party. No question.
And in DH's family, we have to send notes even if the presents are opened in front of the person. And with a big family, it means that I ALWAYS late with a stack of TY notes for one occasion or another!

[AnnieW625]

I think thank you notes are in order whether the gifts were opened at the party or not!!!

:yeahthat: I wouldn't dream of not sending a TYN because the child/us opened a gift in the gifters presence.

We haven't opened DD's presents at her party and I actually really like that esp. since she has mainly been inviting friends from preschool/daycare and we've had about 10 kids there. Kids don't have that type of attention span. We did go to one 2 yrs. old party where gifts were opened and it was fine, but I do really like the trend of not opening at parties for young ages. We send thank you notes within a week or so of the party.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

whether the gifts are opened at the party or not, i think it's rude to not send thank you notes for the gifts received.

[fivi2]

We used these this year for the first time. DC wrote them herself and the fill in the blank worked perfectly for a child that had just started to write something other than her own name...

I hope no one was offended by them, they certainly weren't as legible as I would like...

imo, they are fine for kiddos just learning to write (like your dc).

[jenmcadams]

I've been known to take 4-6 weeks.

I'm glad I'm not the only one :)

[Momof3Labs]

We always send ty notes, doesn't matter if the present was opened in front of them or not.

:yeahthat:

Although I admit that we aren't always prompt - sometimes it takes 3-4 weeks to get the TY notes out, but better late than never, right?

[infomama]

We used these this year for the first time. DC wrote them herself and the fill in the blank worked perfectly for a child that had just started to write something other than her own name...

I hope no one was offended by them, they certainly weren't as legible as I would like...
Offended...goodness no! I just prefer to write the card out and have Dd1 sign it. I ask her about the gift (why do you like it, what did you name the bear, is there anything you can think to say that makes the gift special to you) and I write that down.

[SnuggleBuggles]

That's why I dislike when they don't open gifts at parties. Sometimes the present just disappears into the nether world and you never hear about it again. Makes me kind of bitter.

We open at the party, we thank at the party, we send thank you notes after the party.

Beth

[KrisM]

We open gifts at parties and we send thank you notes within the week.
I think that kids enjoy seeing their gift opened and I just can't believe that people don't send thank you cards. It doesn't take that much effort to write a short note of thanks.
ETA--I also don't care for those pre printed thank you cards with the blank line for the name of the gift received.

I agree, except for the pre-printed cards. I may get them for this year for DS. Last year, at age 5, he wrote "Thank you Michael. From (DS name)" He wrote them for all 6 kids and it took about an hour. I may get the pre-printed and he can fill in the item and the name, etc. If I were writing them, I'd put the item in, but he's still pretty slow :).

[hollybloom24]

It is customary around here not to open gifts at the party, which is fine with me.

I have not getten a thank you note for probably the last five parties we have attended and I think it is terrible. Have not been thanked at the party, in person either. However, we ALWAYS send thank you notes.

Not a fan of those fill-in-the blank cards either, but I'll take that over nothing!

[catpagmo]

I guess I'm just annoyed that I have no idea if they got the gift, you know? I mean, I gave it to them personally, but never received any acknowledgement, at all. One of the kids in question is a fairly good friend's DD. I am surprised that she wouldn't send a note. This party was back in May/June.

The other party was two weeks ago. So there is a chance that I may still get one. I hope so. Otherwise, I will be so annoyed.

[alien_host]

I personally would like to get the notes out within 7-10 days but I often like to send pictures too so it might take me longer.

I do think that if your child is playing with all the new toys and such that people should really do the notes. I can't believe people see the items around the house and that it doesn't bug them that they didn't send a note. I guess some people don't believe in notes.

Do people here think that if you said a verbal thank you that it would be sufficient? I strongly feel a note is still needed but I don't think I've EVER gotten a TY note from SIL's kids and we've been buying gifts for a long time as they are teens. I'm thinking of getting them thank you notes for christmas and leaving it at that. :( Sometimes they say thank you in person (i.e. Christmas) but sometimes I send a gift or give it to SIL to give them and I never hear a peep and it bugs the crap out of me!

[hillview]

I am hanging my head in shame. I didn't do my DS #1's ty cards from a couple of months ago. I have the to do LIST on my fridge and have made feeble excuses to the moms who are all neighbors. Ok so that said, I don't think it is ok (can you say DOUBLE STANDARD). Although since the party we've been to 2 parties when I didn't get a ty card (maybe I am a trend setter or more likely I am being punished). Either way it makes me feel less sucky. SIGH.

FWIW, around here no one opens gifts at the kids parties (of the ones I have seen) and really it is better that way for many reasons IMO.
/hillary

[Corie]

I think thank you notes are in order whether the gifts were opened at the party or not!!!


I completely agree!!!

[let73]

I strongly feel a note is still needed but I don't think I've EVER gotten a TY note from SIL's kids and we've been buying gifts for a long time as they are teens. I'm thinking of getting them thank you notes for christmas and leaving it at that. :( Sometimes they say thank you in person (i.e. Christmas) but sometimes I send a gift or give it to SIL to give them and I never hear a peep and it bugs the crap out of me!

OMG. I was cracking up about the TY cards as gifts because we have the same issue with my SIL/BIL kids. At least a phone call to acknowledge that they received the gift would be nice.

[slworld]

deleted - posting as new thread.

[edurnemk]

To the OP, were the parties for children originally from the US? I'm asking because TYN's are not customary in many countries, so it may be due to a cultural difference. In my country we don't do TYN's, only sometimes for wedding presents, but that's it. So I, personally, would not be offended because I'm not used to expecting a TYN, I do like getting them though. Now if the families are from the US, well then I don't know what the excuse is, there could be a ton of reasons.

I did send TYN after DS's 1st birthday, because I know that's the custom here in the US. I found it quite stressful keeping track of who gave what gift, though, since DS opened them all at the party (in my country people expect their gift ot be opened and thanked in person).

Also for his baptism I had bought beautiful thank you notes, but a TON of people did not put a card on their gift! It was impossible to know who gave him what, because we don't open gifts at baptisms. When coming into the party countless guests said "mine is the one with no card". So I didn't send any, but this was in our home country, so they weren't expected I just though it would be a nice touch.