What to do, when your toddler hits YOU???

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

DD is 2 1/2. She is VERY active, and VERY independent. So independent in stores, she says "I hold my OWN hands", and does. She hitskicks and kinda growls sometimes, like today while leaving the park. She slapped me so hard it stung and turned red.She hit me several more times, and tried to kick me after that. It was in front of a group of people and it embarrasses me, that my DD doesn't hesitate to smack me.

We don't hit, try not to yell,and fully express our feelings and have taught DD to do the same. So, what to do. What to do...

[SnuggleBuggles]

We stop what we are doing and he has a time out while on my lap. Repeat that hitting is not ok, gentle touches only.

Sadly, this just started here yesterday! That's what I did and that is what we did with ds1.

Beth

[AnnieW625]

I really don't know how to help you out here, but when my daughter has hit me (hasn't happened much) I firmly take her hand and tell her she does not hit anyone, esp. Mommy or Daddy. It's not nice. She gets a time out, which is sitting in the middle of the kitchen for 2 minutes on a chair (2 min. gets reset if she gets off the chair). At 3/1/2 DD is still in her stroller at the mall, and is always strapped into the shopping cart at the store. It's the rules and I am forceful with repeating them a million times when we are out. I ask her what the rules are: IE: if she can stand in the shopping cart or not. Most times it works, but sometimes it hasn't. When she fights me about holding her hand I still make her hold my hand. I don't care what she says, she has bolted in the past and needs to listen to me and stay close to me so I don't care what her excuse for not wanting to hold my hands is she is going to do it.

[KpbS]

First I say, No hitting! No hitting Mommy! Hitting hurts! Then DC goes into time-out for a period of time (your DC's age 2-3 min. IMO unless you need more to calm down--I can't stand to be hit :mad: I reiterate that hitting is not ok, not nice, when I get DC out of timeout.

I've found that at the park (or out and about in general) the carseat or stroller is an excellent place for timeout.

:hug: hth

[twindad]

When our dds wouldn't hold my wife's hand in a parking lot, busy store, etc., she would calmly say, "You can hold my hand or I will hold your hair". She didn't pull their hair, but used a firm grasp to make a point.... it's a safety issue. It worked.

[LarsMal]

When our dds wouldn't hold my wife's hand in a parking lot, busy store, etc., she would calmly say, "You can hold my hand or I will hold your hair". She didn't pull their hair, but used a firm grasp to make a point.... it's a safety issue. It worked.

I hold my DDs hair, too! She is one of those super independent, throw a fit if you try to take her hand kind of kids. If I try to take her hand she will walk farther into the street (will NOT sit in a stroller) to get away from me, so I just hold onto her hair. I usually hold it gently, although I have been known to tug a time or two to get her going the right direction! ;)

About the hitting...if my kids hit me I take them firmly by the hands, get on their level, make eye contact, and tell them very firmly, "We.do.NOT.hit!" I do this when they hit each other, too. Then they have a time-out.

[brittone2]

I think it is important to figure out if the kid is overtired, hungry (low blood sugar), etc. too because for us sometimes there is an underlying cause. If I've pushed DD too hard (she's overtired) I basically ignore and don't engage, kwim?

With a 2.5 year old, I'd tell them hitting hurts. I'd also be sure to direct them to some other more physical outlet to release that energy...some kids need to get that out. So you could show her that stomping her foot is acceptable, or jumping up and down, etc. No, those things aren't the most fun to watch them do, but it is better IMO to give them a nonviolent physical outlet during that toddler/preschool aged phase of life.

If she's angry about leaving, I'd remind her that leaving successfully is part of being able to come back the next time. If she regularly has issues w/ transitioning (leaving an activity/place she likes), I'd work on little things to help that (warnings at 5 mins, 1 minute. Focusing on what you can do at home when you get home that is fun, etc. Give choices that might help the transition like should we walk like elephants or hop like rabbits to the car. Yeah, I don't want to do those things sometimes but it is better than dealing with a huge raging toddler/preschooler meltdown).

eta: and if leaving successfully is or becomes a regular problem, I'd remind her before you even get out of the car when you arrive that the expectation is to leave successfully after she's been warned that it will be time to go soon. Set the expectation beforehand, kwim?

[Nooknookmom]

I think maybe our kids share DNA, lol. Koi is VERY independent, refuses to hold hands in parking lots and when I finally get her to she says "When I get older I do it MYSELF!". This holds true for everything she is asked to do, that she does not want to do.

Very very very active little person, who does not like to be given direction or to be told when it's time to do something.

For example when it's time to leave the park, she screams so loud my ears ring and she kicks and sometimes hits. I have to physically restrain her (from hurting herself and me) and get her to a place where when she calms down we talk about what happened. This goes in the home too, if she has a similar meltdown. Sometimes it warrants a time-out and other times, I sit her on my lap and tell her that hitting anyone is a huge NO NO. That it hurts and would she like it if someone hit her?

Usually, a few seconds after she melts and if she has taken a swing at me, she hugs me and says "I sorry Mommy, I wuv u verrrry much!". Yeah, that sure makes discipline easier ;).

At this age, they cannot control their little feelings, and although most know that hitting, kicking, etc is wrong, they can't process all the info fast enough to say "hey I better think this out!" before they act!

It will take time, and I believe that consistency is the most important thing that we can do to ensure that our message to them is heard.

We were just saying the other day, that with Koi's personality, she will be a great leader. She definately has management qualites already, "No, Mommy, you go do XYZ, I too tired". Oh boy, I wouldn't want to work for her though!

[Katigre]

I am very firm and stern about hitting - if my child hits me out in public I quickly stop them and remove them from the situation to get them calmed down and deal with it. I will do a full body hug if necessary b/c I want my kids to know that under no circumstances will I allow them to hit me.

Do you think you are helping prepare her enough to leave places? I would also reflect feelings as I was carrying her away: "You odn't want to leave the park, you feel sad. It is not ok to hit. I will not let you hit me."

I would also talk at a calm time about ways to help leave somewhere, and I start teaching "Leaving successfully is part of getting to come back another time" at that age (though they don't really 'get' that until they're a bit older).

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

In a parking lot/street she knows she MUST hold our hands. In the stores she doesn't run off. Today with the hitting, when I scolded her she tried to run away, if I wasn't holding her. A TO would have been while I was holding her, which isn't feasible. At home we have a TO Spot, she makes a game of trying to run off it, and says time out over while she is on it, or tucks herself under it like a blanket.

I tell her do not hit me. That hurts, in unacceptable and rude. I don't hit you, and I expect you to not hit me. She just has a temper that clouds all of her judgment. FWIW, she has never hit anyone besides me or DH. TO's do not work on her outside of a home, because if she can leave she will.

I am so frustrated with her, she loves to push a and test the waters.

[brittone2]

Do you think you are helping prepare her enough to leave places? I would also reflect feelings as I was carrying her away: "You odn't want to leave the park, you feel sad. It is not ok to hit. I will not let you hit me."

I would also talk at a calm time about ways to help leave somewhere, and I start teaching "Leaving successfully is part of getting to come back another time" at that age (though they don't really 'get' that until they're a bit older).

ITA with both of these points as well. Definitely reflect feelings (it helps in the long run, maybe not in the heat of the moment, but as they get older it does help IME). I also agree that at 2.5 she probably won't totally get the idea of "leaving successfully" but that it is a good thing to start working on and explaining. The poster above was right to point that out :)

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I am very firm and stern about hitting - if my child hits me out in public I quickly stop them and remove them from the situation to get them calmed down and deal with it. I will do a full body hug if necessary b/c I want my kids to know that under no circumstances will I allow them to hit me.

Do you think you are helping prepare her enough to leave places? I would also reflect feelings as I was carrying her away: "You odn't want to leave the park, you feel sad. It is not ok to hit. I will not let you hit me."

I would also talk at a calm time about ways to help leave somewhere, and I start teaching "Leaving successfully is part of getting to come back another time" at that age (though they don't really 'get' that until they're a bit older).

I told her we are leaving soon, and then again at 10 and 5 mins. this is a child that at 2 other moms told me I should get her on Ritalin when she is older, no joke. Her energy level is SO high. Sher hits things instead of me sometimes, which is a fine outlet for now. But in the middle of a grass field today at the park, she was hitting me.
She dresses herself, outs herself in her crib, put the shampoo and "ditioner" in her own care, "rubs" the peanut butter on her owns bread, pours herself, etc.Ahhhh!

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

We stop what we are doing and he has a time out while on my lap. Repeat that hitting is not ok, gentle touches only.

Sadly, this just started here yesterday! That's what I did and that is what we did with ds1.

Beth

When I try this she kicks, screams, and thrashes like a wild animal in a trap.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

We joke she is a sour patch kid, like in this commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jV_u9EDE2Z8

[MontrealMum]

DS hits, kicks, bites, pinches (especially places like the upper chest and back of hands where there's not much loose skin - ow!), and sometimes just has an all-out tantrum kicking and pounding the floor. Sometimes it's due to being tired/hungry - which I can tell from the clock; and sometimes it's because I've foiled him ;) Luckily, he does not do any of these things at daycare, just with me and DH and sometimes granny or my mom. Sometimes he throws his toys in anger, or just to see what I'll do. Anything dangerous or painful to another person gets disciplined with a talking to and/or a time-out.

He's very independant too, and really won't hold hands consistently, so most of the time in public or a parking lot he still rides in a stroller for his own safety.

Sometimes I try to get him to eat/sleep depending on what he's done, but we're also doing more and more timeouts here too. He knows exactly what they're about, and he's not happy, but he does it. We started timeouts at around 18 mos, and the first few were quite rocky, but he's better about it now, and if he does the screaming and thrashing I just ignore him for a short period of time. If you ignore them, they quit awfully quickly.

As I understand it, this is on the scale of normal 2-yr old behavior. They're just asserting their independence and defining themselves. I sure wouldn't jump to dosing with Ritalin!

[SnuggleBuggles]

When I try this she kicks, screams, and thrashes like a wild animal in a trap.

Mine too but I just do, as a pp called it, a full body hug. I can endure it for 1-2 minutes.

Beth

[cindys]

Just wait...The 3's are even worse! :eek:

[AnnieW625]

If she's angry about leaving, I'd remind her that leaving successfully is part of being able to come back the next time. If she regularly has issues w/ transitioning (leaving an activity/place she likes), I'd work on little things to help that (warnings at 5 mins, 1 minute. Focusing on what you can do at home when you get home that is fun, etc. Give choices that might help the transition like should we walk like elephants or hop like rabbits to the car. Yeah, I don't want to do those things sometimes but it is better than dealing with a huge raging toddler/preschooler meltdown).



Just want to add that one thing I do now and it started when DD was 2/1/2 when she would get hysterical about leaving somewhere like the carousel at the mall or the park I would tell her that it is the other little childrens' turn for the carousel or the swings at the park. I did often defuse the problem with lunch at the mall (since it was getting close to lunch) or with a cheese stick or fruit strip at the park, but in the end now at 3/1/2 DD fully understands (for the most part) that once the carousel is done it's someone's elses turn.

CindyS: I have found the 3s to be a little easier, but I don't like it when DD pouts when she doesn't get her way. It freaks me out. Eating dinner has become a bit of a hassle, but for the most part being in public with her is easier.

[hillview]

Both DSs will occasionally do this. DS 2 is more likely. He does it when he doesn't like a answer. Like if I pull him out of the bathroom where he is putting his hands in the toilet. He will THEN hit/bite me. I try to stay VERY calm (this is SO hard for me) and I say NO BITE loudly but not shouting and very sternly and turn DS around so he is facing outwards (eg cannot hit me easily). Time outs work for DS 1. For DS 2 they don't work, yet.

/hillary

[ThreeofUs]

I'm sorry you're going through this; it's one of those tough parenting problems. Here's our process, fed to us by a national expert in early childhood development:

Everything stops. Immediately. Breath is sucked in, eyes widened in disbelief and horror, and we say "We do NOT hit." Then we impress upon DS1 that his actions are *his*, and that he must make the choice to manage his body. The corollary is that there are consequences to his actions.

So here's the follow-through. We sit DS1 down where ever we are. And we say, "As your parents, our job is to keep everybody safe. That means we have to keep you safe, and we have to keep (whoever DS1 abused) safe. You need to manage your body and until you can, we can't be with you. Stay there." And then we deliberately walk about 3 steps away and turn our backs on him for the 10 seconds it takes him to explode into tears and say how sorry he is. (If we're in the house, we pick ourselves up and go into a room - even the bathroom - and shut the door. But only for about 10-15 seconds.) We ask him if he is ready to manage his body, and he says yes.

And then we hug, and we talk about what we do when we make a mistake and hurt someone. DS1 must say he's sorry and ask if the person he hit is all right.

The whole process takes a while, but has been remarkably successful for us. DS1 only rarely hits since we started, and those are mostly true accidents. The key is to give the problem back to the child, with the unequivocal principle that people who hit cannot be with other people.

[hillview]

Going off of what Ivy says, we DO make DS 1 apologize, come see if the person is ok, ask "are you ok?" and then ask "do you need a hug" this seems to work VERY well. It took a while to get there and I hope DS 2 might get there too :)
/hillary

[m448]

1. I don't take it personally. Believe me I know every single first time parents does the whole shock thing when their baby dares to whack them. It's not about you, it's their frustration at x, y, z and that should be the focus of your problem solving.

2. After that little mental hump is hopped then I take the approach written by Katigre and Beth (brittone). Grab the hand gently, smooth calm voice, "we don't hit, hands are for gentle touch. You may do X, Y or Z when you are frustred/angry/upset" Prepare to repeat ad nauseum.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

1. I don't take it personally. Believe me I know every single first time parents does the whole shock thing when their baby dares to whack them. It's not about you, it's their frustration at x, y, z and that should be the focus of your problem solving.

2. After that little mental hump is hopped then I take the approach written by Katigre and Beth (brittone). Grab the hand gently, smooth calm voice, "we don't hit, hands are for gentle touch. You may do X, Y or Z when you are frustred/angry/upset" Prepare to repeat ad nauseum.

I don't take it personally, unless i have PMS! I was a pre-school teacher and nanny, so I have BTDT with kids. DD is really quite a challenging child. Non of my usual tricks work with her. She is the rare child that when you say "bye, see you later" and walk away (expecting her to follow), will say bye, and go the other way. She is fine with the concept of being left alone! Mind you that shows I have raised a confident fearless child. I try to look on the bright side. After TO's we always do a sorry hug, discuss the issue, and let it go.

[m448]

I don't take it personally, unless i have PMS! I was a pre-school teacher and nanny, so I have BTDT with kids. DD is really quite a challenging child. Non of my usual tricks work with her. She is the rare child that when you say "bye, see you later" and walk away (expecting her to follow), will say bye, and go the other way. She is fine with the concept of being left alone! Mind you that shows I have raised a confident fearless child. I try to look on the bright side. After TO's we always do a sorry hug, discuss the issue, and let it go.

Even the person most experienced with children finds dealing with their own much more challenging because you are emotionally invested. We're all perfect parents before we have kids dontcha know? LOL I wasn't trying to be condescending but I do understand what you're talking about. I would not walk away from the child in an effort to get them to follow you. I'm more direct than that which means that yes we work under the goal of "leaving successfully means we come back" and I've carried one or two flailing toddlers under my arm on dozens of occasions.

Now it doesn't happen so often, they mature and I remained consistent. I'm pointing this out because you seem surprised she's not phased by what you've tried so far. You seem to want to make a point or make her understand so that she stop the crying and hitting right away. She likely won't. I do believe that if parenting were a one time or one day affair God wouldn't have assigned parents for life. Realize that your daughter is emotionally immature and she will need correction many times over. Don't get frustrated when it seems you're back at square one because one day she's overtired or hungry.

[sste]

Belle, what is your child care situation? Are you staying at home or if I recall you are in school part-time? I bring this up because I am wondering if your DD is one of those high-energy, high-activity kids that would thrive in a daycare setting, at least a couple of days of week, where they go from activity to activity and run around all day. My son is about the same age and he just started daycare and I must say he comes home with all of his ya-yas out! Also, if you think she tends toward being high-spirited it might be helpful to start early with the "get in a circle," "sit criss-cross," "get in line" so that isn't a stumbling block for her in preschool/kindy. Anyway, not really a solution to your specific problem but just some thoughts. She sounds like a very bright and funny little girl!

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Belle, what is your child care situation? Are you staying at home or if I recall you are in school part-time? I bring this up because I am wondering if your DD is one of those high-energy, high-activity kids that would thrive in a daycare setting, at least a couple of days of week, where they go from activity to activity and run around all day. My son is about the same age and he just started daycare and I must say he comes home with all of his ya-yas out! Also, if you think she tends toward being high-spirited it might be helpful to start early with the "get in a circle," "sit criss-cross," "get in line" so that isn't a stumbling block for her in preschool/kindy. Anyway, not really a solution to your specific problem but just some thoughts. She sounds like a very bright and funny little girl!


I am home with her all day, and I go to school at night. I am looking for a part-time job so I can put her in preschool. She would thrive in a preschool setting IMO. She still poops her pants sometimes, never pees in her pants though. Most places want a completely PT's kiddo. She is very bright, and has TONS of personality. She is one of those people that walks into a room and captivates people. She is not at all shy, she walks up to people and says "Hi! My name is ______ nice meet you". She told DH last week "we need to have a conbersation."

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Even the person most experienced with children finds dealing with their own much more challenging because you are emotionally invested. We're all perfect parents before we have kids dontcha know? LOL I wasn't trying to be condescending but I do understand what you're talking about. I would not walk away from the child in an effort to get them to follow you. I'm more direct than that which means that yes we work under the goal of "leaving successfully means we come back" and I've carried one or two flailing toddlers under my arm on dozens of occasions.

Now it doesn't happen so often, they mature and I remained consistent. I'm pointing this out because you seem surprised she's not phased by what you've tried so far. You seem to want to make a point or make her understand so that she stop the crying and hitting right away. She likely won't. I do believe that if parenting were a one time or one day affair God wouldn't have assigned parents for life. Realize that your daughter is emotionally immature and she will need correction many times over. Don't get frustrated when it seems you're back at square one because one day she's overtired or hungry.

I am not surprised, her personality is very obstinate. I am just frustrated that she is ALWAYS "that kid." The kid that breaks things in a childproofed friends home, etc. I don't have an issue with parents trying to get their child to come to them by walking away. It just doesn't work with her. So I took that out of the equation. I know she is emotionally immature, but this phase has been going on for 6 months or so, and I would like to know what has worked for other parents. I have learned so much from the boards, and all of my IRL friends are at a loss with her, that I was hoping for some sage advice! I have posted about other issues with her before in the BP. Sometimes it is nice to know you aren't the only one. I constantly get comments IRL about her being hyperactive, spirited, etc. I am not welcomed at the library for story time, as she cannot sit still, and other parents get frustrated with her. She is also big for her age and one of my IRL friends thinks people get frustrated, as she looks 6 months-1 year older than she is. So they expect her to be more mature.

[egoldber]

She sounds very much like Amy. Amy is extremely high energy, high drive, high intensity, needs constant interaction and is go go go. She exhausts me physically and emotionally. She tries my patience and tests my ingenuity daily.

Honestly, 5 day a week preschool was the best thing I ever did for her. If you can swing it, try to find a school that does not require potty training.

[m448]

Believe me I understand. I have that kid but he's six years old now. Maturity has helped but it was a long hard road getting here. Have you read "Raising Your Spirited Child"? I found it helpful because you're right, raising a spirited child is exhausting for a parent and even more frustrating when you realize friends have laid back children that don't have them getting up every five minutes or so.

Yes she is more, and requires more. I'm not sure how old she is but I found we hit the peak of low maturity, high intensity at 3 1/2. That was the toughest period hands down. I've found that setting my oldest up for success is just wise parenting to avoid my own frustrations. Choosing the best time of day for errands, realizing that despite his outgoing personality (he's also a conversation starter with strangers all over the place) he gets overwhelmed and wound like a spring with lots of kids and noise. That means parties at bounce type place in the evenings are a recipe for disaster.

Another book that might help as she gets older is Dealing With Disappointment. Short read but really addresses becoming aware of positive and negative emotions and teaching them to express them appropriately as well as processing them to resolution.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

She sounds very much like Amy. Amy is extremely high energy, high drive, high intensity, needs constant interaction and is go go go. She exhausts me physically and emotionally. She tries my patience and tests my ingenuity daily.

Honestly, 5 day a week preschool was the best thing I ever did for her. If you can swing it, try to find a school that does not require potty training.

I remember from prior posts you have a kiddo like Belle! I am looking for a PT job, and have a lead, but for a new company. So it won't be for a few months. :grouphug:egoldber!

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Believe me I understand. I have that kid but he's six years old now. Maturity has helped but it was a long hard road getting here. Have you read "Raising Your Spirited Child"? I found it helpful because you're right, raising a spirited child is exhausting for a parent and even more frustrating when you realize friends have laid back children that don't have them getting up every five minutes or so.

Yes she is more, and requires more. I'm not sure how old she is but I found we hit the peak of low maturity, high intensity at 3 1/2. That was the toughest period hands down. I've found that setting my oldest up for success is just wise parenting to avoid my own frustrations. Choosing the best time of day for errands, realizing that despite his outgoing personality (he's also a conversation starter with strangers all over the place) he gets overwhelmed and wound like a spring with lots of kids and noise. That means parties at bounce type place in the evenings are a recipe for disaster.

Another book that might help as she gets older is Dealing With Disappointment. Short read but really addresses becoming aware of positive and negative emotions and teaching them to express them appropriately as well as processing them to resolution.

I did read the Spirited Child book. I plan my entire day around her nap, lunch, etc. She is 2 1/2. I am counting the days to 4!!!!!!:ROTFLMAO:

[sste]

Well, when you get to that point you may want to look for either a "preschoolish daycare" or a "daycarish preschool." What I noticed in my rather exhaustive and insane research on this is that a very good daycare will be structured exactly like a full-day preschool and vice versa - - the difference is that sometimes if it is not called preschool but rather daycare, the daycares tend to be less strict about potty training and have longer/more flexible hours and are often cheaper. So, we enrolled our son in a "daycare" but it has a full play-based curriculum, lead teacher, masters level teachers, developmental assessment and of course lots of outdoor time and activities. I have found the "preschoolish daycare" to be common in university settings, federal government daycares, and daycares that partner with the city or state. You may want to check where you go to school and get her on a waitlist now.

Good luck! You should be patting yourself on the back. I can barely deal with my super-adaptable, super easygoing two year old . . . your DD is lucky to have you!

[ThreeofUs]

I did read the Spirited Child book. I plan my entire day around her nap, lunch, etc. She is 2 1/2. I am counting the days to 4!!!!!!:ROTFLMAO:


Erm. 4 really didn't cure our DS1, no matter what the RTSC had to say.

ITA about preschool, but can you make your home more like a preschool? That is, put together a schedule like:
8-8:25 Free play (in a set of items)
8:30 Get the day together - rug time
8:40 Large muscle activity
etc.?

I'm having to ensure I have activities and a little structure around time to help DS1 - with a lot of communication.

Baby crying, must run. GL! :hug:

[m448]

LOL - four definitely doesn't cure a spirited kid out of their spiritdness I just found 3 1/2 to be an intense peak of hyperfocusing on what was dangerous/inappropriate on while they are not as verbally proficient or able to engage in an activity long term like an older preschooler.

I do agree that routine is immensely helpful to a preschooler not just the daycare/preschool setting. And not filling their days full of activity but just the flow of expected things to do during the day. If you're on GCM there's a stickied thread from a very helpful mod on there about the threes and how routine plays into that even with SAHMs.

[713abc]

I also have that child...and he's six now. Very strong personality. Needed time outs starting when he was not yet two. Aggresive by nature (he hit/pushed other kids when he was little, but not anymore). Without fail he swings into hyperactive mode when we are in groups. Very high energy, go go go, and also very smart, fun, charming and captivating.

At times we have handled it better than others. About 3 months ago we started down a bad streak (which included hitting/kicking me), and in early Oct we started him in behavioral therapy. Our therapist uses the behavioral reward chart technique along with time outs as needed. It has worked like a charm so far (been one week on "the plan") and life is different at home now - so much better! I'm also reading 1-2-3 Magic (which somehow I skipped reading all these years) and I'm finding it very helpful too.

We are concerned he might have ADHD but are still early in the process of assessment.

I think with a strong-willed child it is a long road, and you will need help along the way in the forms of books, other mom's (like this board) and possibly even professional intervention (i.e. therapy) when she gets older if you have the resources and things stay "very difficult". I did not even consider therapy until recently when I felt like I was on our last leg, but am so glad we did. We just plain need the help and I felt I could not do it on my own anymore.

GOOD LUCK!
Robin

[egoldber]

the daycares tend to be less strict about potty training and have longer/more flexible hours and are often cheaper. So, we enrolled our son in a "daycare" but it has a full play-based curriculum, lead teacher, masters level teachers, developmental assessment and of course lots of outdoor time and activities

This is exactly what Amy's school is like. There is a preschool part of the day, and about half the kids are only there for that, and some stay all day or just after school. Sarah went there too, but she only went to the preschool, whereas Amy is staying all day. But we started her there just in preschool. FWIW, ours is through our local JCC, but there are many non Jewish children at our school.

Someone more disciplined than me may be successful in re-creating the structure at home. :p