Please explain Thank You notes to me

[slworld]

I just read the post regarding TY notes (http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=340112) and have a genuine question. DS had his 1st b'day about 4 months ago and we didn't send out TY notes and we have never received one ever either. Well we don't do TY notes back in my country and since almost all of our friends are from there, guess it was never a big deal. We don't open gifts at the party either. We thank when we receive the gift at the party and usually give a favor to the kids when they are leaving. I usually send out a link with the pictures later and thank folks again for coming. So now that DS is going to daycare and we may start inviting daycare friends to b'day parties, I would like to know what the etiquette is on TY cards. So here are my questions:

1) When do you send a TY card? Anytime you receive gifts?
2) What shld a TY card include? (is it just a thanks for attending the party or shld it include appreciation for the specific gift received)
3) What if the gift included a gift recipt and you plan to exchange it? Do you just thank for the original gift or do you say you exchanged it and let them know what you got instead? What if you return the gift but don't get anything new immediately?
4) How about gift cards? Do you thank for the gift card or do you need to let them know what you purchased with it?
5) We usually do evites for parties. So can the TY note be via email too or do they have to be a card sent through post/hand delivered?

These qs may sound silly to some but they are genuine questions since this is a new concept to me.

[Reyadawnbringer]

I just read the post regarding TY notes (http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=340112) and have a genuine question. DS had his 1st b'day about 4 months ago and we didn't send out TY notes and we have never received one ever either. Well we don't do TY notes back in my country and since almost all of our friends are from there, guess it was never a big deal. We don't open gifts at the party either. We thank when we receive the gift at the party and usually give a favor to the kids when they are leaving. I usually send out a link with the pictures later and thank folks again for coming. So now that DS is going to daycare and we may start inviting daycare friends to b'day parties, I would like to know what the etiquette is on TY cards. So here are my questions:

1) When do you send a TY card? Anytime you receive gifts?
2) What shld a TY card include? (is it just a thanks for attending the party or shld it include appreciation for the specific gift received)
3) What if the gift included a gift recipt and you plan to exchange it? Do you just thank for the original gift or do you say you exchanged it and let them know what you got instead? What if you return the gift but don't get anything new immediately?
4) How about gift cards? Do you thank for the gift card or do you need to let them know what you purchased with it?
5) We usually do evites for parties. So can the TY note be via email too or do they have to be a card sent through post/hand delivered?

These qs may sound silly to some but they are genuine questions since this is a new concept to me.


1) I send a thank you note anytime I receive a gift or someone does something exceptionally nice for me.
2)My thank you notes always say thanks for attending and thanks for the gift.
3)I would NEVER mention returning or exchanging a gift in the TY card. I just express thanks for the original gift, but don't gush about it like I might with something that was truly enjoyed.
4)I do give thanks for gift cards and mention what I purchased or might plan to purchase for it (I don't know if this is proper, but I do it to make my note more personal)
5)TY notes in my opinion should be mailed/hand delivered. Actually, even for people that I see regularly I just mail ALL the thank you notes.

Thank you notes are a BIG deal to me. I think it is proper to give thanks for a gift or nice gesture. I appreciate when someone has taken the time to send me a thank you note for something I did for them. But in all the gifts I have given, I have only ever received ONE thank you card. Even so, I try to set and example by always sending out some and doing so in a timely manner.

[MamaMolly]

I think these are GREAT questions!

I send TYs within a week of the party, no more than 2 weeks. (except this year, but oh well.)
I say thank you for celebrating with us, and mention how much DD loves the XYZ. If I exchange the gift I thank them for the original gift. I don't worry about explaining the exchange, you are thanking them for their generosity.
If I've spent a gift card, I mention how much fun DD had picking out XYZ. If it is a Target card or something where I might buy useful things (instead of just toys) like diapers or something for me ;) I omit that too. But I *do* try and let DD pick out something. If I haven't spent it I say how DD is looking forward to choosing something special all by herself.
I think if you are going to make the effort to do TYs it is worth mailing them. JMHO, but I think email TYs aren"t as nice.

[AnnieW625]

1) When do you send a TY card? Anytime you receive gifts?
Yes I send out TYN anytime I get a gift
2) What shld a TY card include? (is it just a thanks for attending the party or shld it include appreciation for the specific gift received) I always say thank you for the gift, and if it was given at a party I include that I had a great time visiting, and I always end with "hope to see you soon"
3) What if the gift included a gift recipt and you plan to exchange it? Do you just thank for the original gift or do you say you exchanged it and let them know what you got instead? What if you return the gift but don't get anything new immediately? I honestly don't think I have ever had to exchange something for a completely different item myself so I usually don't bring it up. However I have had to exchange things for DD and have let my Grandma know I have exchanged them.
4) How about gift cards? Do you thank for the gift card or do you need to let them know what you purchased with it? Yes they are a gift, and if I have used the gift card or know what I plan to use it for yes I tell them what I got/getting.
5) We usually do evites for parties. So can the TY note be via email too or do they have to be a card sent through post/hand delivered? No I always send a hand written TYN.

[katydid1971]

Thank you notes are very important in my family. My mom will hold a grudge about a TY note for YEARS!!!! I have to agree with all the information but I would add I try and tell how the item is being enjoyed even if its a white lie "DD looks so cute in the darling dress, I'm sure we will get a lot of use out of it'" even if the dress is a dog IYKWIM. Also I don't mail thank you notes to classmates. I take them to school and put them in the child's cubby. Often I don't have their address and this is the best way to get them out. FWIW I have a personal rule of 48 hour turn around on thank you notes. I did streach that out to 1 week after DD was born.

[Cheburashka]

1) When do you send a TY card? Anytime you receive gifts?
My parents taught me to send thank you cards anytime someone gives a gift, like for a birthday party or for a holiday party.

2) What shld a TY card include? (is it just a thanks for attending the party or shld it include appreciation for the specific gift received)
If you've got a good memory and can remember what everyone gave (or you were smart and made a list), then you thank them for the specific gift and for coming. If you can't remember or didn't make a list, then just thank them for "the gift" and for coming.

3) What if the gift included a gift recipt and you plan to exchange it? Do you just thank for the original gift or do you say you exchanged it and let them know what you got instead? What if you return the gift but don't get anything new immediately?
My mom always told me to lie about this. She always said to thank them for what they got you and don't say anything about exchanging/returning the gift.

4) How about gift cards? Do you thank for the gift card or do you need to let them know what you purchased with it?
It depends on how fast I use the gift card. When I had pet rabbits, my grandparents got me a gift card for PetsMart, and I used it same day I got it in the mail. So then I took pictures and sent pictures along with the thank you card. For giftcards I get but don't plan to use right away (or don't know what I'd use it on), I just thank them for the card and say something about how eager I am to go shopping at X store.

5) We usually do evites for parties. So can the TY note be via email too or do they have to be a card sent through post/hand delivered?
I've done both. When I know I won't have time to get to a card store, I go to hallmark's website and send a free e-card thank you email to the gift giver. When I have time to go to the card store(or better yet, when I'm smart and go get a set of cards in advance), then I send them through the mail. For really nice/expensive gifts, I always send a card through the mail, and if it ends up being a late thank you, I just write a little note of apology for the delay.

[SnuggleBuggles]

1) When do you send a TY card? Anytime you receive gifts?
-Pretty much. I don't think you can ever go wrong sending one.

2) What shld a TY card include? (is it just a thanks for attending the party or shld it include appreciation for the specific gift received)
-If they came to the party I thank them for celebrating the b-day with the b-day kid. Then I specifically thank for the gift. My TYs always include a tiny bit of small talk too but some I get are simply thanks for coming, thanks for this specific gift. I don't like a generic "thanks for the gift!". I want it acknowledged that you got the game ds picked out for you. I especially like it if you say a bit like, "I can't wait to play it!" or, "ds should come over and play it with me sometime" (if that is something you feel sincere about).

3) What if the gift included a gift recipt and you plan to exchange it? Do you just thank for the original gift or do you say you exchanged it and let them know what you got instead? What if you return the gift but don't get anything new immediately?
-Unless you are a very close friend I do not mention plans to exchange or return a gift. I thank for what was received and gush suitably.

4) How about gift cards? Do you thank for the gift card or do you need to let them know what you purchased with it?
-I send my TY for the gift card and I try to include a plan for what I am going to spend it on. "Thank you so much for the Target gift card! We plan to get ds a Lego set."

5) We usually do evites for parties. So can the TY note be via email too or do they have to be a card sent through post/hand delivered?
-I think that if your crowd is comfortable with email then it is fine. Just don't do the tacky mass thank you email. YOu still need to send a personal one to everyone. Like I said in the 1st question, you are never going to be wrong sending a hand written thank you card though.

Beth

[Tanya]

I'll add some exceptions for us.

I do not send thanks you notes for Christmas gifts. There are a ton of gifts and I just don't do thank you notes for all of that. My aunts seem to expect something and made a nasty comment about not getting a thank you for my daughters' gifts one year, so I make sure that I do take a picture of the kids with their gifts and e-mail it to them afterwards. I DO have my kids tell people thank you for gifts all the time though.

For birthdays, I don't make my kids (and I don't do them for them either) send thank you's to my parents, but they tell them in person. My aunts usually send $5 in a card and I don't do thank you's for that either.

We ALWAYS send thank you's for kids birthday parties to the kids that gave presents. I also make sure that the actual gift is mentioned, not just a generic thank you. Sometimes I even include pictures from the party of the kid that was there.

I expect thank you's for wedding gifts and shower gifts and my mom would have killed me on the spot if I didn't write them after my wedding and showers. I do not expect my nieces and nephews to send thank you's for small b-day or Christmas gifts/money ($5-$10), but I think they should do it for the larger high school and college graduation checks I send (and they do).

[alien_host]

Thank you notes are VERY important to me (to send and receive) and it really bothers me when people don't send them. I've been getting fewer and fewer so I think they are sadly going by the wayside.

1) When do you send a TY card? Anytime you receive gifts?

I send a note everytime some gives a gift - birthday, Christmas, Easter. I'm not great about the "just because gifts" because it's not on my mind. Which reminds me, MIL gave DD some spending money for halloween, I should send her a note.

I try and get them out ASAP so I don't forget. I have to admit that in the past I've been delinquent on cards (usually for gifts I've received).

I also enjoy sending notes if someone invites us to dinner and to tell them we had a great time etc.

I absolutely expect a thank you note from a wedding gift, wedding or baby shower! ETA: Christening or Baptism if a gift is given too.

2) What shld a TY card include? (is it just a thanks for attending the party or shld it include appreciation for the specific gift received)
If it's DD's b'day party I thank them for coming/celebrating with us and then thank them for the specific gift.

For example: Thank you for coming to my fourth birthday party! I love the arts and crafts items and have made a few projects already!

3) What if the gift included a gift recipt and you plan to exchange it? Do you just thank for the original gift or do you say you exchanged it and let them know what you got instead? What if you return the gift but don't get anything new immediately?
I don't mention that I plan on exchanging. I rarely do anyway, but I just thank them for the item and don't mention that we have it etc.

4) How about gift cards? Do you thank for the gift card or do you need to let them know what you purchased with it?

I thank them for the gift card and tell them we are excited to go to XYZ store. If we've spent it I mention what we did with it.

5) We usually do evites for parties. So can the TY note be via email too or do they have to be a card sent through post/hand delivered?

I personally prefer a handwritten note that I receive in the mail (or hand delivered). I know people rely on e-mail but I find it more personal to receive a note (and everyone loves to get mail). In the past I have sent an e-mail to thank some one immediately but I still follow up with a written note.

[MontrealMum]

Yes to pretty much all that was said above by pp. I don't send TYs to my parents or ILs, or BFF (for me personally), but generally to everyone else. For DS, since many gifts have been given for his birth, baptism, and showers I sent TYs to everyone - even people that would normally not be expecting one.

Also, in my family, thank yous are used to teach children how to write thank yous - sorry if that's convoluted. So, right now I write the TY for DS (he's just over 2), we'll progress to maybe him dictating (me writing) and him signing his name, and eventually he will write his own. My DNs are 7 and 8 and have been writing their own for a couple of years now.

[twowhat?]

I always send a handwritten note anytime a gift is received. I try to get it out within 1-2 weeks but have done so even later than that since things are so hectic around here. Better late than never. I always try to include something true and personal in the note (such as "DD squealed in delight as soon as I pressed the button for her!" or "they fought long and hard over xyz"). I can always come up with something like this that is pretty true though I might exaggerate a little:). If it's a very close friend I'll joke around a little more and will say that my LOs loved the box the gift came in:) I always thank for the original gift...I've never taken back a gift (yet). I always thank for gift cards as they are a gift! I will mention what we used it for or what we will use it for. I do send TY notes to family. They love to receive them. I personally don't think e-mail TY notes are appropriate in most cases. Though I would consider it for family, since they really just want to see more pics of the girls.

[ourbabygirl]

:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat:
My mom taught us to always send thank you cards, but not to say or write thank you more than 3 times (for one gift/ in one situation), or it will seem insincere :tongue5:! So I try to abide by that...
I always send a TY to anyone who gives us a gift, no matter how small ($5 from grandma to DD for Halloween, small mum plant for Halloween party, housewarming gift, etc., etc.). So even if I thanked them in person, at, say, Christmas or a birthday party, I still send them a handwritten thank you note, preferably within at least a week, if not more like 48 hours.
DH must not have learned to do this in his family, as I'm always the one thinking of and writing the TYs for both of us and DD (it gets exhausting!), and I've noticed that his family doesn't send us TYs after a birthday/ Christmas/ Mother's Day/ whatever. But I still send them to his family because I just think it's the right thing to do. Also, if we receive a check, for instance, I don't deposit it or cash it until I've sent out the TY and think they would have received it- I just think it's tacky to cash it, use it, and send a TY after the fact (they would see it clear from their account and be like, "Gee, thanks for not sending a TY!").
It's true about holding grudges for people not sending a TY for a gift- we've had that happen for wedding gifts (still waiting on one from friends who got married in February; not sure if that'll happen at this point!) and such. I sent my cousin something like $20 a couple years ago for his high school graduation, and the punk never sent a TY! He cashed it right away, and everything, but never sent a TY to me, nor to my parents, who spent more like $200... the nerve!
Anyhow, I think it's a very important tradition to maintain and to teach our kids. It does get tiring, though, since I'm pretty wordy in my thank-yous; I don't like the generic, short thank-yous and don't think they cut it ;). So instead I spend a lot of time coming up with just the right thing to write, and get a hand cramp by the time I'm done with all of them (I'm thinking of wedding, shower, and baby gifts in particular)!
I think I've only done an e-mail thank you once or twice; once was to a couple of friends that lives in Europe (they were home visiting and attended our shower); I didn't know their address, nor did I think I'd be able to get it or get a card out to them in a timely way because of the delay in postage.

Sorry for the novel!

[MamaMolly]

FWIW I have a personal rule of 48 hour turn around on thank you notes. I did streach that out to 1 week after DD was born.

:bowdown: I want to be you when I grow up!!

[mjmamma]

I don't have much to add but think you guys are awesome because sending 'thank yous' is not very common and should be commonplace, imo.
I do not send thank yous for Christmas unless it was a gift given randomly by a random person and do send them for random gifts all year long.
And the new 'Thank you' evite trend has bummed me out but I"m trying not to be judgmental but happy that some effort was put into it.
I think if someone goes out of their way to bring/make/buy a present for you/family member, you should put the effort in to say 'Thank You, I appreciate it & you.' It's nice to be thanked!