What do you think about 2nd shower?

[Angelphyre]

My best friend (X) is preg w/ baby #1! yeah! she just found out that her SIL (Y) is preg w/ #2. Now, X has had some problems getting along w/ SIL and DH side of the family. Does Y expect X to throw her a baby shower? X and Y's other SIL hosted the first shower. x and y due dates are 1mo. apart too! X already feels like her thunder has been taken away when Y announced that she was preg 2 weeks after X shared the news w/ DH's family. X is trying to rebuild her relationship w/ the in-laws and feels like now that Y is preg, her MIL naturally will give more attention to Y. I am throwing a shower for X and don't think that she needs to throw a shower for Y, but wanted other opinions.

[swrc00]

I personally would not want a shower for second baby. Several of my friends have had them and I have attended them, but I would not want one. I would not expect her to do a shower. If she is trying to mend the relationship with DH's family, maybe they could do a family dinner where everyone helps out to celebrate the second baby.

[wendibird22]

IMO, no. This seems to be somewhat regional though. I know of people IRL who've had showers for their 2nd, but none of them live in my state/area. I'm expecting #2 next month and have not had a shower, nor expect one. Almost all my friends around here have already had their 2nd, 3rd, etc and none of them had a shower for those.

[Fairy]

We've debated this one alot. Go do a search, you'll get alot of free advice here ;-).

personally, I am really against second full-on, traditional baby showers unless it's a wide gulf in ages (like 7 years), or suddenly you have multiples on your hands. I do, however, like GNO's where a small group takes you out for dinner and you, inevitably, get gifts. But real live 2nd showers? Not a fan.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Every baby should be celebrated, imo. But, I like the idea of a "sprinkle" for 2nd+ babies. A smaller gathering, smaller presents. Like Fairy said, something like a girls' night out with a few presents thrown into the mix (maybe- it is not a requirement to bring a gift!) or out to tea...something simple and easy but still enough that mom and the new baby to be feel special.

Beth

[Angelphyre]

It's more about X thinks that Y is expecting her to throw another shower. Y thinks that baby #2 is going to be a boy. Baby #1 was a girl. Also, the prob is that Y doesn't have a lot of close GFs or a lot of family. And since X is also preg, and will be 8 mo. if Y did have another shower/sprinkle, shouldn't that be an excuse for X not to throw the shower anyways?

When I threw X's bridal shower, I had issues w/ Y too, and so did the other bridesmaids.

[hwin708]

Personally, I think second showers are totally fine. All babies should be celebrated equally, and if that's what someone wants to do, that's their prerogative.

As for your friend, I don't think anyone can answer that question but her. She's certainly under no obligation to throw the shower, especially given that it is a second child and she will be so far along in her own pregnancy. There is no etiquette that says she should do so.

But the issue is more along the lines of relationships and feelings between her and her ILs. Just because you don't HAVE to do something doesn't mean that someone will be any less offended or angry if you don't. None of us can speak for her SIL and say whether or not she is expecting your friend to throw her a shower. Your friend can certainly try to hint around the issue with the SIL or other family members, and try to give herself an out by mentioning that she feels like she should throw the shower, but worries she may be so far along in her pregnancy that she'd do a terrible job, etc etc. But, ultimately, she may get the very answer that she dreads - that her SIL does indeed expect her to throw a shower. In which case, it is up to her to decide whether or not she wants to deal with the hassle of throwing the shower, or the hassle of straining her relationship with her SIL. That being said, I don't think she should simply avoid throwing the shower because she is upset about her "thunder being stolen." To be fair, if she wants people to be happy and excited for her, she owes them the same courtesy back.

[bubbaray]

I'm not a fan of showers for any baby and definitely not for a 2nd.

Plus, if X is PG, that automatically gets her "pass" from party planning. Y has unrealistic expectations if she thinks X should throw her a party.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Is there some cousin or other family member than can plan the shower for mom expecting #2? It shouldn't be an issue of nothing or X planning it.

Beth

[Fairy]

Every baby should be celebrated, imo. But, I like the idea of a "sprinkle" for 2nd+ babies. A smaller gathering, smaller presents. Like Fairy said, something like a girls' night out with a few presents thrown into the mix (maybe- it is not a requirement to bring a gift!) or out to tea...something simple and easy but still enough that mom and the new baby to be feel special.

Beth

A SPRINKLE!!! Ohmigod, I'm totally using that! I think you coined a term! Me likey!

[SnuggleBuggles]

A SPRINKLE!!! Ohmigod, I'm totally using that! I think you coined a term! Me likey!

Wish I could take credit for it but I am not that creative. :)

Beth

[cvanbrunt]

I'm not a fan of second showers. And definately not a fan of showers thrown by family members. The etiquette rules with which I am familiar have both of those as inappropriate.

[frgsnlzrds]

It's more about X thinks that Y is expecting her to throw another shower.

I'd say that's just too darn bad! She's having her own baby and she's not going to be up to the stress of planning/hosting a baby shower!

Well, that would be my excuse anyway.

I had a 2nd baby shower because #2 was 7 years after #1. I didn't want a full out baby shower for #3 because they were only 19 m apart, but when asked what I needed I did ask for a party. I wanted my daughter to know that we celebrated her birth, too. We called it a sprinkle, and though I asked for no gifts, I got tons of diapers and some handmade gifts. It was very nice.

[MamaMolly]

We do sprinkles in our baby group for DC2. I think if X wants to make nicey-nice with Y and the ILs she could offer to host a sprinkle. It celebrates mom a little more, and fills in the blanks on the registry for DC2. I'd plan it for a very different time from the shower for X because I imagine many of the same people would be invited to both.

I don't know what difference gender makes in regards to the gifts or size of the shower, aside from getting new clothes. If Y insists on a full-on shower she's just doing a gift grab IMO.

Having only had one shower that was shared by 4 other women I'm super touchy on the shower issue.

[kerridean]

Tacky. A girls night out is much more appropriate IMO.

[MamaKath]

Unless there is a large amount of years between 1 and 2, I wouldn't think there would be a shower. It depends on the family- some families throw their own showers, others wait for a friend to, some wait until after the baby is born, some do it before, some have for every baby, others for first only. One thing she could do is to host a "sprinkle" after the baby is born rather than a full blown shower before. Just a thought!

[sste]

I would be very uncomfortable if I was Y receiving gifts at a second shower. However, I am one of those people who gets very teary, hormonal, and feels incredibly vulnerable during pregnancy . . . so it would mean a huge amount to me to have my friends throw a sprinkle or my fantasy, a frozen food second baby shower! It would for me be about needing a little extra support and tlc during that third trimester, not about the gifts . . .

[Angelphyre]

Y's kids will be 3 yrs apart. She's been trying to have another baby. Very picky about everything. Even for shower #1, she insisted on choosing the food, who to invite (which is reasonable), the decorations. She couldn't leave it to her other SIL to handle everything. Which is why X is afraid of holding a shower for her. Plus, the SIL is not on speaking terms with Y at this time. So doubt X will have any help w/ the planning. Y doesn't have any GFs which is why shower #1 was co-ed.

Thank you all for your opinions.

[cestkaren]

I don't believe in a shower for kid #2. I also believe that a shower is to help the parents get ready for the baby, so Y shouldn't need too much. What would happen if X didn't even approach the subject of a shower for Y? I also think X needs to get over the 'all about me because I'm pregnant' thing, it's not a good quality.

[fortato]

How far apart are they? (the siblings). Is it going to be the same sex?

I was against a second shower when I started TTC, but that was 2 years ago, and I thought it was stupid to want new stuff for a baby when I already had stuff for the first one....
NOW- It's my second time around. My babies are going to be 4 years apart. I didn't know what I really needed the first time, so I got tons of CRAP that just sat in cabinets and closets for months before I got rid of it. This time, I would love to get things I will use.

Plus. Like PP said- All babies should be celebrated. It doesn't have to be a shower. It can just be a small gathering of friends doing something nice for a friend. And if there's cake- even better.

[JBaxter]

She should not be planning a baby show when her baby is due. NO ONE will expect a ready to deliver momma to plan a shower. Tell her to relax :) Not that she doesnt deserve a 2nd shower but your friend is under NO obligation to host it so close to her due date