Kinda sad/creepy/strange problem....

[pinkmomagain]

It's really my mom's problem, but I'm hoping you guys will help come up with something. *Maybe* someone actually has BTDT?

My mom's aunt died a year or two ago. She had no children and was widowed at the time. She was a strange bird...likeable, but a hoarder among other things and not very involved in the lives of others (a little self-absorbed). My mom and her cousins did try to help her as much as they could and they are all recipients of her estate. However, my mom is the lone recipient of her aunt's ashes. None of the cousins have an opinion (or a care) on what to do with them and my mom is stuck on what to do. Her aunt did not make her wishes known. She wants be respectful with them but doesn't know what to do.

Any ideas?

[kedss]

maybe find a special place that your mom knows her aunt really liked and scatter them?

[vludmilla]

maybe find a special place that your mom knows her aunt really liked and scatter them?

I think this seems like a good idea. No need to keep them if she doesn't really want to and there were no wishes expressed.

[MamaKath]

Is her deceased spouse buried in a place where she could be also? Often if you are cremated, multiple remains containers can go in one plot.

[pinkmomagain]

I know my mom isn't crazy about scattering....the only place would be her apartment building. Do you think she could just pull up to the building and scatter them in the landscaping? Is it legal (from a health dept aspect)?

The idea of including her ashes in her spouse's plot is interesting....I'm sure there is some cost associated, but it could probably come out of the estate.

Thanks for the ideas so far!

[o_mom]

I vote for burying them with her spouse. I was told last year that it was quite common to bury the urn (either in a vault or not) on top of the spouse. It isn't a big deal to have the headstone modified either. BTDT with the ILs.

[MamaMolly]

I know you are looking for serious replies, but I have to mention a company I read about once called Life Gems. They take cremains (they are carbon, after all) and make them into cubic zirconia. Maybe mom needs a new pair of earrings? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sick humor.

Ok, on a MUCH less ghoulish note, I was also going to suggest interring her with her husband.

[niccig]

Plant a tree/rose bush in the garden and scatter the ashes there. We did this with my grandfather on his farm.

[rlu]

Do you think she could just pull up to the building and scatter them in the landscaping? Is it legal (from a health dept aspect)?

Probably not legal. You'll need permits or permission to scatter.

I agree burial with the spouse may be the answer if no wishes expressed. Otherwise you can have ashes spread out at sea (some offer environmentally safe "urns"). If your aunt had a favorite beach you might find out how to get permission to scatter the ashes there. You can send them to space see Celestis, Inc. Many churches have a location to inter ashes as well.

eta: example http://www.seaburial.com/ http://www.ashesonthesea.com/ http://www.memorialspaceflights.com/

[wellyes]

If the aunt was religious, perhaps her pastor / rabbi / priest / temple leader would have a suggestion?

If not - I would not scatter at an apartment building. That just doesn't sound as dignified as it could be. I like the rose bush idea, or any body of water that is a lovely spot.

I remember reading David Egger's A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius & he talks about scattering his mom's ashes and how it was windy and not a magical moment at all and how the ashes reminded of him kitty litter. I don't think spreading ashes in & of itself is the important part, but it would be nice to give her remains a ceremonial sendoff of some sort.

[misshollygolightly]

I'd probably lean towards burying the ashes on her husband's plot. I think the other best option is probably to bury them on your property or your mother's and plant a tree or bush on the spot. I think that could be a lovely (and not too obtrusive) way to remember her and honor her life. (And I could be wrong about this, but I don't think you need a special permit to bury a loved one's ashes on your own property...hopefully someone else can weigh in on this.)