*Update* Got a note home saying dd is disruptive

[Clarity]

Sooo....I gave the director the note and asked her how I could approach the situation so that it did not become another confrontational thing, like the recent junk-food issue. I don't want there to be additional disagreements with this teacher as she's not going anywhere and neither are we. I think I botched it though.

The director read the note and said it was not an appropriate note to be sent home to a parent. She said that the nap situation was not for me to mitigate. That the teacher had tools and resources to use to deal with the situation. That me saying something to dd hours before or after an event would not have the impact that the teacher would in the moment. And, she said the shoe/sock problem was a non-issue. All things you all said. It was like deja-vu. :)

The director kept the note and said she would talk to the teacher about the situation. I did express concern that the teacher may feel that I'd gone over her head and this might make the situation worse. Which I did do. I have some doubts that I handled this correctly at this point. Perhaps I should have just talked to the teacher. I spoke to the director instead because I'm comfortable with her. We're on a pretty friendly basis with each other. I sit on the parent board that helps makes decisions about the fees of the center, she asks me for my opinion as a parent when something comes up in the center, I ask her for occasional parenting advice because I trust her, I clued her into a personal family issue, that kind of friendly.

This negotiating the personalities within each educational system only gets harder as dd gets older, doesn't it? I almost wish I was the type to sit back and roll with it, but I'm just not.


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during naptime at pre-school. Apparently, she lays on the cot, sings and talks to herself. That's because my 3yr old has stopped napping.

The note read something like, "can you please talk to dd about resting quietly during naptime. She is loud and bothers other children. She took her shoes and socks off and had a hard time getting the back on - but did. Thank you. Teacher"

My dh thought it sounded a bit harsh, and I can see I'm going to have more issues with this teacher than just giving my kid junk food. But for now, can anyone suggest some ways that my non-napper can get through an hour and a half long naptime without "bothering the children" around her? My dd was rather upset with the idea of getting a note home from her teacher and I'd like to find a positive way to help her deal with this.

ETA: And WTH is up with the sock issue? If she took them off and then got them back on, what's the problem?

[deenass]

um, that is the pre-school teacher's job - not yours. She is 3, do they really expect WHATEVER conversation you have with her HOURS before her nap at school to have an effect?

And isn't there an alternative space for children who don't nap (DS was through with naps by 2 1/2, no way would he have "quietly rested" for 90 mins. His school had a "quiet room" where kids who didn't nap or woke up could play while the others slept in the "sleeping" room).

[jacksmomtobe]

I always wondered about preschools that had naptime. My DS stopped napping at 18 months and in my dd's (she's 3) class most of the kids do not nap on a regular basis. I think it's sort of hard to expect a 3 yr old to be quiet with all the other kids in the room. Could she bring in a book to look through while the other kids nap? Or could they provide her with some paper to draw? Honestly unless your child is the type to amuse themselves I think it would be really difficult to find a solution in this situation unless the school had another room for kids who no longer nap to do some quiet activities. I would think that the Teacher should have some methods of how to deal with kids who no longer nap since many kids at this age no longer nap on a regular basis. So sorry my reply doesn't have many solutions. Hope you find something that works for your daughter! I think the socks comment is strange. Not something really worthy of being mentioned.

[lil_acorn]

when my son didn't nap one day, they gave him puzzles and he played with themquietly on his cot

[SnuggleBuggles]

This is preschool, not daycare? I'm not used to nap time at preschool because the hours are so short at our preschool (3.5 hours).

I think that the school should try and come up with an alternative arrangement for her during naptime. Many preschools have a place where non-nappers can go.

Beth

[Clarity]

I guess it's technically daycare, because yes, preschool ends at 1:00 and then the "all-day" kids nap. Or not, as in my all-day kids case.

[bubbaray]

I think its unreasonable to require naps at that age. I would discuss with the director how to deal with DD not being required to nap.

[AshleyAnn]

Wow - my husband is 24 and isn't able to be awake and lay quietly anywhere for an hour and half. He'd be playing with his hands (popping his knuckles, tapping, ect) and making 'mouth music' and taking his shoes off is something he would do to amuse himself I'm sure. I'd send a note back "DD is old enough she doesn't need a nap - please supply her with quiet activities when she shows boredom. - Thanks Parent"

I'm guessing the shoe issue is she wants you to send easier to put on shoes or thinks you should be working on your DD's ability to do her own shoes.

[Clarity]

um, that is the pre-school teacher's job - not yours. She is 3, do they really expect WHATEVER conversation you have with her HOURS before her nap at school to have an effect?

This is what I told my husband. That teacher was going to have to deal with this issue b/c it's an issue THEY have. I'll talk to her, but when dd is not tired, she sings and talks to herself. Nothing I've said has ever changed that at bedtime either! LOL And, It's not as if she is up running around. She is laying on the cot...just not quietly.

[bubbaray]

Honestly -- are they on crack? My nearly 3yo does NOTHING quietly. Nor do any of the children in her mostly 3 & 4yo daycare.

[Clarity]

Honestly, it's this teacher: http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=339693

And I did speak to the director about that situation. I'm wondering if this is her small minded way of expressing her displeasure.

[deborah_r]

Our daycare said they were required to have 2 hour naptime. DS1 had to go through it even when he was 5 years old. He loved going to "school" but hated naptime. Anyway, if they didn't sleep, they had to sit quietly on their cot and look through books. They always played soothing music at a rather loud level, which covered some of the noise the no-sleepers might make.

[spunkybaby]

Our daycare said they were required to have 2 hour naptime. DS1 had to go through it even when he was 5 years old. He loved going to "school" but hated naptime. Anyway, if they didn't sleep, they had to sit quietly on their cot and look through books. They always played soothing music at a rather loud level, which covered some of the noise the no-sleepers might make.

Naptime was a huge issue for us last year when DD1 was in a preschool/daycare 2 days a week. DD1 was 4.5, turning 5 at the time and had stopped napping at age 3 (for that matter, DD2 stopped napping at 2.5!) There was no other option for nonnappers--no quiet room, no outside time, and no puzzles/books because it would distract the other kids. It was hugely stressful, and the nap issue is actually the reason I gave up a coveted slot in the on-site afterschool program at our elementary school. DD1 would have had to start in the summer, and naptimes are enforced for students until they enter 1st grade. I couldn't believe that they would make kindergarteners keep napping!

I called a bunch of other daycare/preschools in my area, and they all had a nap requirement. Some of them said that kids who could not keep quiet during the 2-hour naptime would be kicked out of the program. Needless to say, we did not enroll DDs there!

Good luck, OP. I feel your pain, and I would have much preferred that the daycare kept DD1 busy and happy until I picked her up. On the *rare* occasion that she actually fell asleep during naptime, she was then up until midnight. Great.

[squimp]

Our preschool had nap time. DD stopped napping at 3, but she still had to have quiet time. Many 5-year-olds still *need* a nap after lunch. I know many. It took DD a long time to learn that she should be quiet during rest time. Her teacher talked with us about maybe bringing some things from home, a stuffed animal, special pillow, etc., in order for her to feel more comfortable and be quiet. So I'd tell the teacher that you did talk with her, but wonder if there's anything else that would be helpful - sort of ask her for some advice. This should not be a novel problem for them! You do seem really annoyed with the caregiver - perhaps her note was just terse.

[Nooknookmom]

When I was teaching, we had lots of children that did not nap. They would talk or sing quietly to themselves during that period. No problem.

What is UP with the teacher and the shoe/sock thing?? Seriously, the kids are 3, they take their shoes off every 5 seconds! If she is that irritated with an issue like that, then she should NOT be teaching!

New school?? New teacher? I'd hate to send my kid to a classroom where I knew the teacher may have it in for her(him).

GL

[infomama]

When I was teaching, we had lots of children that did not nap. They would talk or sing quietly to themselves during that period. No problem.

What is UP with the teacher and the shoe/sock thing?? Seriously, the kids are 3, they take their shoes off every 5 seconds! If she is that irritated with an issue like that, then she should NOT be teaching!

New school?? New teacher? I'd hate to send my kid to a classroom where I knew the teacher may have it in for her(him).

GL
:yeahthat:. I am just shaking my head at this situation. Hope you can make some headway with them.

[nov04]

they sound a little nutty, sorry you have to deal with this.

[shawnandangel]

DD is 12 months and will often times talk/sing to herself for 1/2 hour or so before falling asleep at night. I think it is normal, healthy behavior! She isn't running around screaming. She isn't crying. She is, in my opinion, behaving as well as anyone can expect a three year old to behave.

If she is upset about bringing the note home, it makes me wonder if the teacher used a threatening tone with her "I'm sending a note home to your parent's about this!". That would bother me just as much personally.

I don't get the shoe thing either. If this teacher/school continues to disappoint I would be looking for a new one asap.

[mommy111]

Completely nuts...our preschool also 'required' nap, but that meant that anyone who did not want to nap got books/puzzles/pens and/or were taken to a separate room. It was never an issue.

[Fairy]

Interesting. Well, at our facility, which is preschool-style daycare, plus an actual pre-school program, the kids in the early childhood development wing (15mo - 5years) are required to nap per DCFS guidelines, which the facility takes very seriously. So, that wing is quiet 1pm - 3pm, period. However, the kids who do not nap may sit quietly on their cots with a book or puzzle. Those kids who don't comply are not in any way unheard of cuz, well, they're 2, 3, 4, and 5! So, the teachers work with them to help them either sleep or find quiet time things to do during this sleep time. And if it's a challenge for the teachers to get certain kids thru it, that happens, too, and they've worked with the parents to get the child thru naptime. One of the mom's in DS's class has a very very spirited child, and he's a handful, but I know for a fact they're working together.

I can tell you, tho, taking off shoes and socks? Standard operating procedure. And since yours is getting hers back on, it's a BONUS! If she's truly disruptive, ok, then she is, and you'll work thru it. But if the disruption is shoe & sock removal?! Please.

[deborah_r]

About the shoes and socks...don't they take off at least their shoes for naptime? I don't like to sleep in my shoes, you know? Or was the shoe and sock removal at a different time.

[egoldber]

Absolutely their responsibility to deal with this. I would not even talk to her about it.

And yes, the rest time is required by law. But how they deal with kids who won't sleep varies quite a bit by center.

[klwa]

Okay, a slightly different perspective. I've been getting these notes home this week for my 4 yo. Disruptive during naptime, etc. I talk to him about it. I ask him to say sorry to the teacher for not being nice. And we talk about being quiet during nap time. Yes, it is the teachers job at that point, BUT reinforcing that it's not okay at home generally helps. The last time we went through this (when he started to give up naps at 3), I sent special books in that he could only have during naptime & ONLY if he was quiet. But then he started sleeping again, so we haven't had to worry with it in close to a year.

[carolinamama]

The rest time is a requirement - I know in our state kids must nap (or rest) until age 4 per state guidelines/laws. DS was in an all day program last year and had days where he didn't nap. I asked what he did instead - he said he read books, did puzzles etc.

You are not there. There is NO WAY for you to help your DD rest while she is there and you are at work. The teachers need to deal with the issue. Maybe you can suggest that they move her cot away from other sleeping kids, give her books or other quiet activities. Sounds like she is being harsh and expecting alot from a 3 yo in my opinion.

[Clarity]

Update, first post.

[Fairy]

This negotiating the personalities within each educational system only gets harder as dd gets older, doesn't it? I almost wish I was the type to sit back and roll with it, but I'm just not.


I could have written this last paragraph verbatim. I think I understand your situation with this teacher, tho I've not seen the previous threads. I have had good personality meshes with all DS's teachers save one kind of and even then it was no big deal. But I've known people who had serious issues with the teachers, and if I were in their position, I would have gone to the director eventually, too, as I'm also in that comfort zone with them. I would have gone to the teacher first, but I'm not in that bad personality place. So, I wouldn't worry too much about it, jsut see where the chips fall.

[ThreeofUs]

Oh, gosh, just caught this post. What a situation! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

You know, I'd probably sit down with the teacher (and director, if need be) and just tell them I'm worried and I need their help to ensure DD has a good experience in the class. I know is sounds smarmy, but I'd tell them I'd love to develop a good working relationship all around, for the best experience for DD.

JMHO, but I think you have to try to salvage the relationship with this teacher if your child is going to stay there....