Buying a "girlie" present for a 4 yr old boy - bad idea?

[citymama]

The 4 yr old son of a friend of ours LOVES playing with DD's cooking toys. I mean, loves and can't be separated from them when he comes over. He'll spend hours with her play kitchen and play food, and his newest love is having tea parties with her tea set.

I've been pointing that out to his parents since he was 2. They haven't gotten him a single play food type toy - I don't even think they offer him regular cookware to play with. His toys are mostly typical "boy" stuff - legos, blocks, trucks, cars.

He is turning 4 later this month, and I thought it would be nice to get him a gender-neutral tea set or play food/cookware. Is there any chance the parents would be offended? The dad is very liberal and I've noticed he encourages the little guy to do art, music, etc. The mom is from a more traditional background and culture, and I think might be more resistant.

WWYD? Get him the tea set with a card explaining that our DD would love to have a tea party with him? Or get him something else for his bday so I don't offend the parents?

[KpbS]

If you feel there is a chance the parents might be displeased with the gift ideas, I would buy him the play food and cookware over the tea set. DS1 and DS2 have loved their kitchen, play food, and cookware, utensils, etc. We have multi-color cups, plates, and a tea pot but no formal tea set. I am sure he will love the gift.

[Melaine]

If you think the parents are strictly against anything super girley, maybe something like the grill set from M&D? http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-4024-Grill-Set/dp/B00146LV52/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1257542395&sr=8-1

We don't have that one, but it looks so cute!

[SM23Mama21]

If you think the parents are strictly against anything super girley, maybe something like the grill set from M&D? http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-4024-Grill-Set/dp/B00146LV52/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1257542395&sr=8-1




:yeahthat: I would get him something like this over the tea set.

[AnnieW625]

Cooking toys aren't girly and what's wrong with a tea set?
I like this one and I think my parents are getting it for her for Christmas:
http://www.amazon.com/Green-Toys-Tea-Set/dp/B001543YEY/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1257542652&sr=8-3

You might also check out a Montessori catalog like MichaelOlaf.com to see if they have a more gender neutral one: http://www.michaelolaf.com

[Melaine]

I was looking on Amazon to suggest this tea set:
http://www.amazon.com/Plan-Toys-0343300-PlanToys-Tea/dp/B001D1IXR2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1257542982&sr=1-1

then I saw this one, which I never heard of:
http://www.amazon.com/Wonderworld-Eco-Friendly-Tea-Time-Set/dp/B000O579B4/ref=sr_1_61?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1257542933&sr=1-61

I looooove the way that second one looks.

[citymama]

Cooking toys aren't girly and what's wrong with a tea set?
I like this one and I think my parents are getting it for her for Christmas:
http://www.amazon.com/Green-Toys-Tea-Set/dp/B001543YEY/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1257542652&sr=8-3

[/URL]

That's what I think! The boy's dad is an excellent cook. This is exactly the tea set I was thinking of getting him.


I was looking on Amazon to suggest this tea set:
http://www.amazon.com/Plan-Toys-0343300-PlanToys-Tea/dp/B001D1IXR2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1257542982&sr=1-1 (http://www.michaelolaf.com)

then I saw this one, which I never heard of:
[URL]http://www.amazon.com/Wonderworld-Eco-Friendly-Tea-Time-Set/dp/B000O579B4/ref=sr_1_61?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1257542933&sr=1-61

I looooove the way that second one looks.

But those are cute too!

The play food might be an easier "sell" for the mom than the tea set, I guess you are right. I can get an M&D or Plan Toys set. It's just that he was sooooo crazy about playing with DD's tea sets at his last visit, even more than she is. He set up all the place servings just perfectly, with the little cups, little tea plates, larger plates, then arranged stuffed animals around them and started serving them tea. So adorable to watch.

[Fairy]

Cooking stuff is not girlie, as far as I'm concerned. Not only does DS love the stuff -- his favorite stuff -- but his pre-k class has an entire corner dedicated to beign a kitchen.

Go get him the cooking stuff. I would stay away from the tea set simply cuz you don't need it. There are a million and one other cooking things you can get, so it's not your only option. The M&D stuff or Haba stuff is great, and the toy catalogues right now are full of the stuff. I think it's a great idea and would go for it.

[smilequeen]

Cooking toys aren't girly. I think the grill set is cool. So are the cutting foods (M&D). I bought a M&D stir fry thing for my 2 year old for Christmas.

[maydaymommy]

I don't know how any parent could object to a little mini kitchen for their son to play with. Then again, I'm still in shock that I don't have a gender neutral playroom, but instead it's overrun with trains and trucks and Legos and tools.

I just saw these and thought they were super cute:
http://www.landofnod.com/family.aspx?c=3146&f=2142

http://www.landofnod.com/family.aspx?c=3146&f=6425

I think that grill would be a great idea if you must get him something more "masculine."

http://www.amazon.com/Wonderworld-Ec...542933&sr=1-61
Just added this to Amazon WishList. DS is SO getting this! Thanks for posting it!!

[mariza]

I love the M&D food sets. I think that if there is a question the parents may not like it then the grill is a safe bet. There is also a pizza set that looks cool.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2267327
I would probably stay away from the tea set when buying for someone else's child. I would not have any problem with my DS having one, but would not get one for someone else's.

[hillview]

I'd get tea set / plsy food. I don't really consider it a girl toy. I'd mention DD picked it out :)
/hillary

[o_mom]

The play food might be an easier "sell" for the mom than the tea set, I guess you are right. I can get an M&D or Plan Toys set. It's just that he was sooooo crazy about playing with DD's tea sets at his last visit, even more than she is. He set up all the place servings just perfectly, with the little cups, little tea plates, larger plates, then arranged stuffed animals around them and started serving them tea. So adorable to watch.

If you have an IKEA nearby, they have a dishware set and a flatware set in the kids section (DUKTIG series). If you are worried about offending, that may be less "tea set" but still let him do the place settings, etc. Paired with some play food it would be perfect. I personally would love a tea set for my boys, but that would be a good substitute that may be less controversial. :)

[Seitvonzu]

we have both the green toys teaset and the plan toys tea set. if you're looking at those-- i'd say the plan toys set is WAY more gender neutral. it's wooden with orangey red handles. i love both sets, and so does my very tea party obsessed daughter, but the green toys set has a PINK teapot. that might be hard for more traditional parents to swallow.


land of nod has a really cute wood/blue/red kettle available:
http://www.landofnod.com/family.aspx?c=3146&f=6295

and there are matching wooden cups available too.

i agree that play food might be an easier sell. cutting food -- fruits or veggies maybe? melissa and doug has a few choices and so does plan (and some other companies too) M&D's sandwich set is supposed to be really popular with kids. i'd think the sushi set, the grill set, the four food groups, etc. would all be great for a boy. we have TONS of the ikea stuff too...the stainless pots/pans would be great for a little boy, but the dishware is in pastel colors. i wouldn't think that i'd get that for a boy... even though it's really nice and cute (we have just about everything IKEA sells in that series, except that 'tea/coffee set" (because we have so many other tea sets!))

i'd maybe skip the "teaset" and either do a kettle with a couple cups (something about a "teaset" just screams girly to me... like froufrou parties with hats and gloves and beads and dainty sandwiches...., but a couple cups and a kettle doesn't seems "neurtral") or pots/pans/dishes(plan has all wood/natural wood look ones)/food or some combination.

i was really surprised when my mother and husband both said that you wouldn't get a two year old boy a kitchen set for his big birthday/christmas gift (that's one of our daughter's big gifts this year). they both saw no problem with a boy playing with a kitchen, they just wouldn't purposefully give him such a thing and figured a boy wouldn't enjoy it or might even be disappointed with such a gift. it wasn't about age appropriateness either-- it was about BOY things vs. girl things. my husband isn't really like that, so i was floored! anyhow... if your friends are resisting, there's a reason. i wouldn't be controversial...but i think that unless you push a pink teaset it would probably be fine :)

[MamaKath]

land of nod has a really cute wood/blue/red kettle available:
http://www.landofnod.com/family.aspx?c=3146&f=6295
My mom has this for my kids to cook at her house and it is very nice and neutral. All the [shared] cooking toys we have (her house and mine) are gender neutral with the exception of my dd's tea sets. All the grandkids/cousins love playing with them.

FWIW, in my classroom play food items are ALWAYS a favorite for all the kids! They love that there are aprons and chefs hats in many different colors as well. I could see it being a great gift for any kid.

[rlu]

DS loves the kitchen set I got a garage sale a few years ago. It is pink but DS didn't care. He was with me when I saw it and told me he really really wanted it. DH does the cooking in our house and DS often mimics what he is seeing his dad do. Also, when we visit a friend's house DS heads right to their play kitchen as they have more of the cut food than we do.

This has never been a daily toy for DS, but he plays with it frequently enough to more than justify the purchase and room it takes up.

[Globetrotter]

Personally, I can't stand these stereotypes so I love your idea :) DS loves the kitchen as much as dd did!!

Get him a stainless steel cookset and/or play food! I found a small second-hand stove for my friend's ds, since he enjoyed playing with our toy kitchen. His dad protested against a full size kitchen (until DD came along and they bought a huge one!) but was okay with this :rolleye0014:

[JBaxter]

I dont have any girls only 4 boys. Ive never had a tea set in my house because "I" dont drink tea LOL. To me tea is .. come sit and talk vs food dishes/pans are.. lets cook and eat. I have had a ton of melissa and doug food sets, different types of dishes & pans and a play kitchen.

Ive never seen the grill set but its super cute and WILL have one in the next year or so LOL. I also have the sliceable foods , sushi set , pizza set and birthday cake.

I wish I had the pics on this computer ( down stairs on our back up drive) but I have a picture of my ds3 standing at his play kitchen at 2 1/2 naked w/ a football helmet and apron ( came with a food set) stiring play food in a play pan with a golf club

Food and cooking are not girly. ( I wouldnt get the tea set though it MAY cross a line for some) Thanks to who ever posted the M&D grill set I SO want that one for Jack next year LOL

[Seitvonzu]

mamakath-- i'm glad you give that tea kettle a good review. i watching it and the tiered tea party treats at LON-- oh, and the mixer!!! they have some CUTE things this year. i hope they go on sale post christmas :) (or even free shipping might sweeten me up, but not this week, my debit cards been on fire!)

i read over my post and think i sounded a little harsh on the tea party= girls line.i don't sincerely see anything wrong with boys at a tea party, but being pretty deeply entrenched in tea party culture (love to visit tea rooms, have books about the ritual of tea/tearooms, have hosted tea parties, through my child a madhatter's tea birthday, etc), i have observed it is mostly a feminine domain. whenever i see a man at a teahouse someone comments. it's just the way things are. you know?

this is here in the US. it might be different somewhere where tea is cultural thing like the UK or the far east (where tea is more of a ceremony than a "meal")

all this said, i'm glad i have a little girl and that i'm at liberty to buy whatever kitchen/tea/dining toys i want without judgment or scrutiny! lucy is getting a beautiful elves and angels set on nov. 21st (yes, we are counting down to the DAY!), and i'm VERY eagerly anticipating it. we need to see what "accessories" the grands bring before i do anymore filling in, but , ohboyohboyohboy! i'm excited!

[Seitvonzu]

all this talk of M&D food makes the bargain person in me want to remind everyone-- CHECK OUT YOUR LOCAL AC MOORE. you can use their coupons (always 40% available, 50%usually once a week) on the play food making it very reasonable (about 12 dollars with tax or so?). the only problem is they don't have the best selection all the time and often run out of more popular food sets (you might want to call ahead). i've seen the grill, sushi, fridge/panty foods, ice cream set, pizza set, cupcake set and slice and bake cookies there. i have NOT seen the sandwich set, the four food groups, or the food puzzles (do they still even make those?). oh they also have never had the spices or bottles/jars set.

good luck!

[randomkid]

I agree that you should get the play food. If you are concerned about the parents, then skip the tea set. Sounds like he would be happy with the food as well. My friend had a play kitchen for her boys when they were little. Her DH had a problem with it, but she said "I don't care" and had it for them anyway.

Here's what I can never understand. Why is cooking considered to be "girlie" when there are so many famous and successful MALE chefs? Think about it - Wolfgang Puck, Emeril, Chef Ramsey (those are just the media famous chefs off the top of my head), on and on. I know the most elite, expensive restaurants often have men as their head chef. How are little boys expected to grow up to be a manly chef if they don't play with kitchens and play food as kids? Seems to me that it's a man's world in the head chef business.

[bubbaray]

I don't see this issue as different from other parental choice issues. If the boy d/n have cooking toys, personally, I would ask his parents first if they are OK with him having such toys (and explain that he plays with them a lot at your house).

If the toy in question were a gun and the boy didn't have guns to play with at his house, would you want to give him a toy gun b/c he liked playing with that at your house?

JMHO

[carolinamama]

I think play food, containers, and utensils is a great gift. We bought a play kitchen for DS1 and he has played with it for 2+ years. DS2 loves to play in it now. I just don't consider play food and cooking a girlie activity. DH cooks too. Our boys like to pretend cook and think nothing of it.

[WitMom]

I think Melissa makes a good point. While we all seem to think it's fine, and don't have a problem with it, ultimately maybe his parents do. There are things that other kids have that don't want for my children. Different strokes and all.

[erv917]

all this talk of M&D food makes the bargain person in me want to remind everyone-- CHECK OUT YOUR LOCAL AC MOORE. you can use their coupons (always 40% available, 50%usually once a week) on the play food making it very reasonable (about 12 dollars with tax or so?). the only problem is they don't have the best selection all the time and often run out of more popular food sets (you might want to call ahead). i've seen the grill, sushi, fridge/panty foods, ice cream set, pizza set, cupcake set and slice and bake cookies there. i have NOT seen the sandwich set, the four food groups, or the food puzzles (do they still even make those?). oh they also have never had the spices or bottles/jars set.

good luck!

Great suggestion, thanks! Where do you find the coupons? Online or elsewhere?

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I think I would avoid the tea set however play food/cookware is fine. DD got a picnic basket set with more mug like cups in it so something like that might work out well. You can even make it more boy like by finding items in boy colors.

[MMMommy]

I don't see this issue as different from other parental choice issues. If the boy d/n have cooking toys, personally, I would ask his parents first if they are OK with him having such toys (and explain that he plays with them a lot at your house).

If the toy in question were a gun and the boy didn't have guns to play with at his house, would you want to give him a toy gun b/c he liked playing with that at your house?

JMHO

:yeahthat:

While I think it is perfectly fine for both girls and boys to play with cooking sets and tea sets, perhaps the boy's parents are against it. It sounds like his parents have deliberately made a point to not buy cooking toys even though he shows an obvious interest. Normally I wouldn't think twice about giving a boy M&D cutting food or play food, but OP made it sound like the boy's parents have purposefully not bought such things for their son. I would either ask permission from them to buy that for their son or pick something different.

[kedss]

I'd get him a cooking set, no reason not to, cooking is just as much a guy thing as a girl thing. :)

[inmypjs]

I also don't think cooking related toys are girl-y at all! Last Christmas, DD received the M&D wooden pizza and DS got the M&D wooden birthday cake. They both play with both of them a lot. This year, I've put the cutting food on their list! I say go for it. You could always include a gift receipt too, if you bought it somewhere local.

[citymama]

Well, I'm the first to agree that cooking stuff is not girlie - given that my DH is the primary cook in our family! I would absolutely not think of it as gender-specific. But it's clear to me that some people do, including (I think) this family. The mom is Middle Eastern, and although she has a Phd, I definitely know she is quite traditional where it comes to gender roles (I know the ethnicity and degrees aren't entirely relevant, but you get my drift). I see this is a question of respecting parental preferences - but I am also trying to push the envelope a little to indulge/encourage the kid's obvious preference.

I will include a gift receipt, and let them know I have no problem with them exchanging the gift. I'm going to try and get a wooden play food set (or maybe the M&D pizza party), and also add this Haba gyro set (http://www.oompa.com/baby-toys/item/HA3812) which I saw our local toy store - hard to resist for a part Turkish kid! I think this should be fairly uncontroversial, but I'll include a gift receipt just in case.

[Jen841]

Their Paula Dean cookbooks, kids cooking stuff from W-S and their play coffee pot (Grandma got it at Tuesday Morning). My kids (100% boy!!!) love to do cooking stuff, but would not do a tea party. What about coffee stuff? They would be all over that.

Do you have to do "play" stuff? My kids have a collection of "real" Dollar Store kitchen gear they love from when we were in temp housing. When we cook together, they like to use "their" stuff which I wash up and we use.

The kids have some personal prized cooking items:
PD Cookbook
Aprons
Spatulas
Cookie Cutters

Have fun, great ideas out there. As my kids get older (4 and 6) I am leaning to some real things vs. 100% toys.