Dreams of past boyfriends?

[blisstwins]

I love and adore my husband. Our lives are stressed, but I consider myself happily married. I am just so troubled that a few times a year I wake in the middle of the night after dreaming of someone I dated for a number of years when I was much younger. Honestly, if I had dated him when I was a little older we would have married. It was a wonderful relationship and friendship. He was older than I was--I was just in college when we met. He was 10 years older. We dated for almost 5 years, but I was not ready. Thinking of him makes me feel sad and like I am cheating on my husband. What does it mean and how can I make it stop?

[elektra]

This has happened to me before too. Good ol' pregnancy dreams! I personally don't worry too much about it. I don't spend much time thinking about the ex in my waking life so I don't think it's any big deal.
If you think it's some bigger issue, I would just focus on how you can make things better between you and your husband.

[randomkid]

I don't think this is uncommon. I dated someone for 9+years in my late teens/20s. I'm glad I didn't marry him and never would have. It was a rocky, on/off relationship. I still have dreams about him on occasion. I'll probably have one tonight since I've now thought about him. I once ran into a friend of his and he asked if I had any regrets. I responded immediately with "Yes, I wish I had gotten out of that relationship sooner!". My dreams usually involve something like he has come back for me and I'm dating him, but don't want to be or he's trying to get me back. I've also dreamed that I'm with him and during the dream I realize that I'm married to someone else and now I think I'm cheating. Then, I either realize in my dream that I don't have to be with this ex or I wake up and I'm completely relieved that it was just a dream.

So, I guess it depends what you are dreaming and how you feel about it. I don't think it's unusual to dream about previous relationships. I've asked my best friend about this and she still has dreams about her high school boyfriend at times and she's been married almost 20 years.

[blisstwins]

I am comforted to know it is not uncommon. I guess that what bothers me is that after I dream of him I miss him so much. I did have regrets long ago about not marrying him, it was a great relationship and I have nothing negative to say about him. He was great. I was just so young and needed time to come into my own. My own parents divorced when I was young and I was so afraid of marriage and dependency when I was younger. I did not get married until I was in my 30s, and I needed that. If I had met him later who knows what would have happened. Yet who the heck am I? My husband is such a solid, good and loving man. I just feel awful for ever imaging "what ifs" when I have so much to be grateful for. And I should add that what gets me is that I feel very unsettled after I dream of him--like something is wrong. Yet there is nothing wrong with my life.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

I used to have dreams about my high school bf all the time. The only person who ever completely squashed my heart. He was absolutely darling as in "best looking" type. Recently he friended me on facebook. Never in a million years would I have gueseds who it was from the picture. My mom had no clue who it was-- and I dated him 5 years. My friends say he looks just like the love child of Bill Clinton and Boris Yeltsin. ( and yes I know this is quite shallow. but the hot monkey love dreams have completely ceased).

[SammyeGail]

You know, every so often I have a dream of a guy I dated in High School. We dated several times, on and off. We had a great friendship, but we got 'tired' of each other after about 4-5 months and would break up. This was from age 14-18. I did date one guy almost a year straight but I never think of him, ROFL! Very bad break-up, teenage love, so fun.

I saw him last when I was around 22-23. Ran into each other in our hometown, (both in college) he was going to call me, he did about 6 weeks later. I was stuck in a relationship with a psycho-controling jerk and had broken it off, but had gotten suckered back in by the time he called :(.

I think its alot of our subconscience, just pulling up old memories/feelings. You just have to wait on it to pass.

I actually went thru a period when I had dreams about him about 2-3 times a month, but things between DH and I were very stressed. Now they are just stressed ;). I was never with a guy *physically* in HS. I just couldn't do it, maybe with the almost year guy, but not in one of our parents car. I didn't care what everyone else did, I guess I had my standards, (& I was scared) LOL! Thats the reason dream guy and I last broke up, I knew he had been with alot of girls, he wasn't getting my big 'V', lol! There was alot of physical attraction, he was *HOT*, by far the best looking guy around! Phew! He probably has a big beer gut now, ROFL!

Thats why I think I dream of him :tongue5:. Also that we had a good fun friendship, we could always talk about anything. When we saw each other again in our early 20's he told me he had always considered me his HS sweetheart (he only dated someone about 2-3 months, that player, lol) because we always ended up together again. It was either sweet or BS.

Its nice and sometimes hurts to look back, but the past is the past. I know it stirs up alot of emotions when we have dreams like that. BTDT on other issues, I have nightmares about the psycho controling jerk (dated 4.5 yrs). Just give it time to pass. We leave a little piece of our heart in special relationships, those dreams are just our hearts remembering them while we sleep. Don't feel guilty, just don't try to make contact with him, its just your subconscience.....& horrormones!!

I'm curious to see if any other posters have dreams of past boyfriends :D.

[SammyeGail]

My friends say he looks just like the love child of Bill Clinton and Boris Yeltsin. ( and yes I know this is quite shallow. but the hot monkey love dreams have completely ceased).

:hysterical:

I started my reply, had to stop and come back to it so others had replies. Now I wonder what the blond haired piercing green eyed ex looks like now, LOL! I used to think 'We would never last in a marriage, but I would LOVE to have a child with him!'

[blisstwins]

just don't try to make contact with him

OMG, no. He called me once after I was married and we had such a good talk. I basically got to apologize for a lot of stuff and tell him that I would always love him and he said the same. We just acknowledged that that was how it worked out. We agreed at that call that it was best we not be in contact after that call (previously we both cheated with each other on many boyfriends and girlfriends in the years after we were broken up). He was 12 years older than me and I was only 20. It just makes me sad. Sadder still is that my husband is amazing, just a great guy. I have no business thinking of what ifs.

[ThreeofUs]

Funny. I have dreams about old boyfriends, but those dreams have NOTHING to do with who or what they were IRL. It's like they are archetypes - for example, one hs bf stands in for my own self-approval (that is, he's disapproving/jerky bf when I'm mad at myself, approving/supportive when I feel I've done well). So it's very odd to have dreams of them. I wake up knowing something about myself, in a very weird way.

[SammyeGail]

OMG, no. He called me once after I was married and we had such a good talk. I basically got to apologize for a lot of stuff and tell him that I would always love him and he said the same. We just acknowledged that that was how it worked out. We agreed at that call that it was best we not be in contact after that call (previously we both cheated with each other on many boyfriends and girlfriends in the years after we were broken up). He was 12 years older than me and I was only 20. It just makes me sad. Sadder still is that my husband is amazing, just a great guy. I have no business thinking of what ifs.

I meant don't make contact now :):).

Its good you both got to talk and get some things off your chest. I talked to psycho ex several times after I got married, he was obsessed and I was trying to give him closure--I never gave myself closure. When my mom passed away last Nov, he sent me an email (how did me get my address!?!) that said 'my wife and I send our regrets, HIS NAME'. So sterile and rude, I was raw with emotion, wrote him back and Riiiiipped him a new one, LOL!

Sometimes I do get very upset (DH and I married 12 yrs on the 25th) about psycho ex, the way he treated me and I do want to contact him and get things off my chest/beat him with a wiffle bat. So at times I am in the opposite position as you are, but I have to just wait on it to pass. I fester in it without realizing it, it sucks.

[SammyeGail]

I have no business thinking of what ifs.

Don't be hard on yourself. I am a sensitive and emotional person, I know how it is, I see this is really bothering you, its ok. Lots of hugs!
:hug::hug::hug:

[maestramommy]

Once a while I do dream about my exes. It's a little disconcerting, but I'm very happily married to Dh, and I KNOW my exes weren't right for me. In fact, in one of the dreams, my ex was trying to get me to marry him. I was on the verge, then I said, "No! I'm married to Dh! HE'S my husband! Where IS he??" LOL!

[LarsMal]

I have dreams of my ex boyfriend way more than I would like to admit. When I was pregnant with DD2 I had them all the time. Some of them were so sad that I would wake up feeling heartbroken. I consider myself happily married- the past 9 months have been very stressful, but I still love my DH. Sometimes I am married in my dreams, sometimes I'm not. I hate them!!

I think FB has been part of the cause. I am friends with some of his friends so old names/faces pop up from time to time which bring back fun memories.

The ex and I also still keep tabs on each other. We probably email or IM once a year (DH knows!) just to sort of check in. I was in the room with him and his family when his mom passed away, and he was really lost after that, so I feel this weird need to check in on him and make sure he's okay. The mommy in me, nothing romantic about it AT.ALL!

I've only talked to one friend about my dreams and she said she has had them about one of her exes, too, so I think it's more common than you think.

[blisstwins]

Thank you guys. It is seriously comforting to know this is not uncommon. I have been feeling really guilty--not about the dreams, but about the heartbroken feeling Larsmal mentioned. Of course, my husband came home and has been acting his worst self tonight so I am feeling a lot less guilty from that alone...sigh.

[elektra]

I think FB has been part of the cause. I am friends with some of his friends so old names/faces pop up from time to time which bring back fun memories.


Freakin' Facebook! I agree with this too. My ex-BF must have gotten really into exercising or something because he had a couple pictures of himself up from the summer without his shirt on. Hello! And to make matters worse he and my brother are still friends and both live in NYC and so I often see the ex in my brother's pictures and it just makes my stomach drop a bit when I am flipping through and see him. But he and I can laugh now (virtual facebook "LOL" laughs) about what a humongous mistake it would have been for us to get married (we were engaged) and I have no regrets about breaking up with him. But he was so exciting and fun (and apparently hot now) but he wasn't husband material.
So yah, he appears in dreams but it must be me just wanting to relive fun times in the past or something. I really do not think I have some repressed longing for him.

[niccig]

I have had those dreams. It's more of a "what would have happened", but when I actually thought it through, it would not have been a life I wanted.

I think the difference with you, might be that you had a good relationship with the ex, so there's no bad feelings or relief that you don't have that life. You could look at it this way, you're lucky to have 2 such good loves in your life. 1. this ex-boyfriend where the timing wasn't right and 2. your DH where the timing was right.

[blisstwins]

I think the difference with you, might be that you had a good relationship with the ex, so there's no bad feelings or relief that you don't have that life. You could look at it this way, you're lucky to have 2 such good loves in your life. 1. this ex-boyfriend where the timing wasn't right and 2. your DH where the timing was right.


That's exactly it. Sometimes I feel guilty for having gotten lucky twice, but other times I get hung up wondering what it means. This is cheesy, but I believe in soulmates. If I had not made the decisions I did I would not have my children and THESE children are such a delight I cannot manage life without them. But did you ever see the movie sliding doors? I just get this unsettled feeling when I think about that past life.
Anyway, on a lighter note, I googled my ex's BIL. He was a jerk and I was bored. OMG, he was sued and lost for skiing aggresively and injuring someone. That is so him.