Holidays: How do you say, let's not exchange gifts

[firsttimemama]

DH and I prefer to keep our holiday buying small and stick to immediate family, parents, godchildren, and maybe best friends. We just don't buy for that many people. It's in an effort to be frugal (that is the motivation)

Last year I was hit with unexpected gifts from not-really-close friends .. mostly for my son. It was awkward.

I know times are tough for a lot of people this year - is there a way to say to a friend - hey, let's not exchange gifts this year (like for us OR for the kids?) Has anyone ever had this conversation? It just seems so awkward.

[the2bobs]

I'm wondering the same thing. We're buying a house this month and $$ will be really tight. I'm sick of exchanging gifts w/ people who can buy themselves anything they want. And I'm sick of getting gifts that I can't/won't use. Unfortunately, I don't see a way out of it as we've been doing this routine for so many yrs.

[vonfirmath]

You don't. Don't get them anything and eventually they will figure it out. But asking to "not exchange gifts" presupposes a gift will happen. And assuming a gift is an etiquette no

[rlu]

It may be an etiquette don't, but when the person has given a gift before, the assumption can be valid. I did have this conversation with a good friend and basically suggested we stick to cards this season (we have DH b-days plus Xmas) due to limited budget. She readily agreed as her budget is tight as well. It depends on the person - I knew she'd agree and I doubt she was offended that a gift was presumed.

[infomama]

I do this for a couple of people in my life and have for the past few years. I send an email (last week this year) saying, "You know I've been thinking about Christmas gifts and all and I was wondering what you thought about the idea of not exchanging gifts this year. Let me know you thoughts."
Bear in mind both of these people are family to me and I have no qualms about making such a suggestion. No one is offended and the offer is always well received.

[lizzywednesday]

I guess I'm lucky ... I only buy gifts for the kids I'll see at Christmas; adults get my time instead. Being one of 15 grandchildren on my mom's side alone would make me go broke if I had to buy for my (3) sibs plus my (11) cousins ... and that's not counting my 3 cousins and my cousins' (5) sons on my dad's side! (And this year, I will have a brand-new baby nephew to spoil!)

We do birthday presents for the cousins' kids instead if we're invited to come celebrate.

Everybody else gets cards ... and if I bake, most adult family gets cookies. (I make a good variety ... 3 traditional - pfeffernusse, springerle and lebkuchen - and I've been experimenting with others the past couple of years.)

That reminds me ... I have to check over all my baking supplies because they're starting to put baking basics on super-special already at my grocery store!

[hollybloom24]

I am all over this thread!

My thing is I hate mailing gifts to people's kids that I never see, and who have no idea who I am! My cousin's grandchild, who she is basically raising, is an example. I haven't even seen the baby's mother since she was a toddler! But, my cousin always sends my kids gifts (always junk) and I feel the need to reciprocate. She started sending the gifts probably out of respect for my mother (who passed away 13 years ago.)

I was thinking of creating a "policy" for myself that if I physically SEE you I will bring your child a small gift. (And vice versa with my kids too if someone wishes.) The problem is, I don't know how to advertise it. I know it will hurt people's feelings at first.

Every December I schlep down to the post office to mail gifts to children I have never even met, I get annoyed.