DD is mean to my mom

[elektra]

how can I get her to be nicer?
Yes, I know she is only 2. However, DD picks up on the fact that my mom cannot discipline her or something, and she is already pushing the limits and seeing how mean she can be.
My mom has Alzheimers and she cannot physically get the words out to tell DD that her talking is "not nice".
I was the same way to my grandmother who had a ton of mental health issues, and I feel guilty to this day about it.
I don't want DD to have that guilty feeling about herself or those frustrated feelings towards my mom. I also don't want DD speaking to my mom in such a mean tone because it makes my mom feel bad and I don't want DD speaking to adults that way when they are not doing anything to her.
I do want DD to stick up for herself if an adult is doing something she feels uncomfortable with. However, I don't want her to be rude when it's completely uncalled for either.
Ex. My mom will be across the room picking up DD's toy, and DD will yell in a mean voice, "hey Grandma, that's my toy, don't touch it!" But she would not use this tone with anyone else.
We are currently telling DD is a stern voice, "that is not nice! Don't talk to Grandma in that 'not nice' voice."
But it is not really helping.
Thoughts?

[elephantmeg]

time out? put the toy away? make her appologise? DS is starting to tell me "no, don't talk to Robert like that" which is what I say to him. lol. But I have had to get stern and tell him that he is NOT the parent. I'm sorry about your struggles!

[pinkmomagain]

I'm not proud of this at all, but lately my ornery/grumpy/somtimes outta line 4 yo has been shaping up when I say "Santa's watching....and he's gong to make an X by your name." This is after I very slowly sang the words to "Santa Claus is coming to town" to her the other day. Yup, I was desperate.

On a more serious note, I also feel badly that I didn't treat my deceased grandmother a little better (wasn't horrible, just a kid) so I think it's great that you are trying to spare that for your dd and make things pleasant and loving for your mom.

GL!

[elektra]

I'm not proud of this at all, but lately my ornery/grumpy/somtimes outta line 4 yo has been shaping up when I say "Santa's watching....and he's gong to make an X by your name." This is after I very slowly sang the words to "Santa Claus is coming to town" to her the other day.

GL!

LOL! :hysterical: I just literally laughed out loud at this. I think I'll have to wait a year or two before this tactic becomes effective!

[bluestar2]

I am sorry it makes your mom feel bad. In the example you stated, it is reasonable to expect her to speak more respectfully to your mom.