SAHMs: Do you have help during the week? [Archive] - Baby Bargains & Baby 411 Community

WatchingThemGrow

11-09-2009, 04:55 PM

Same"ish" situation. Our 3yo goes to preschool 2x/week for less than 3 hours.
Here's what I had:
1.a PP doula for 3 days (4 hrs/day) when DH went back to work (at 3 weeks)
2. a stepmother for 3 days - right around that time- before the doula??
3. a very kind and generous older lady from our church who came 11-2:30ish to help me through lunch and getting everyone down to nap (for 2 mos???) - INVALUABLE
4. occasional help from MIL 2 hours here/there each week

now that we're in (supposedly) a stable pattern (LOL), here's what we have:
5. a housekeeper for kitchen and baths every other week (3-4 hours)
6. a mother's helper 2 hours on the night DH doesn't get home until late
7. a neighbor to stay with the little ones while I take DD to preschool 2x/week
8. a babysitter who comes to play with all 3 on Thurs afternoons for 3 hours. I can link that up with DH coming home so I can do a project if I need to
9. an occasional helper who comes when she can (this is MY time - where I go sit at a coffee shop and drink mother's milk tea -lol- and prioritize, regroup, etc)
10. housekeeper's husband who does handyman/yard/house tasks since DH's time is also more accounted for in the evening

Two things that have helped tremendously have been the once a month cooking and shopping online - even for groceries. Going to the store with three very young is a recipe for disaster. Going with a newborn and a not quite 2yo is not so fun either. Your situation is a little different since your oldest will be in preschool daily whereas my DD is here almost all the time causing drama with the middle one.

SnuggleBuggles

11-09-2009, 04:59 PM

I had a mother's helper last year 2-3 days a week for about 1.5 hours after ds1 got home from school. It was helpful, mostly because I could go to the bus stop and get ds1 while ds2 slept at home since the m.h. was there.

My friend has a 7yo, 5yo, 3yo and 1yo and last year, when 3 of them were still at home, she had a sitter several mornings/ week. She used that time to either have one on one time with one child or have time to get stuff done.

Beth

Corie

11-09-2009, 05:29 PM

I have never had any help.

When the kids were born, we lived in Texas. My siblings were all working
full-time. And my mom passed away over 15 years ago.
We have no contact with my husband's family. No family anywhere to help.

Some days are really long. It's gotten ALOT easier as they have
gotten older. But we're still super busy. I'm always tired.

I'm usually in my lounge pants as soon as dinner is over. :)

TwinFoxes

11-09-2009, 06:05 PM

No help. AT ALL. Except DH, and I have no complaints there. He pulls his weight, and then some. But as the girls have gotten older, more active, we both realize this has to change. I'm dealing with contractors, while chasing around twins. I'm trying to furniture shop in hour increments because the twins get antsy. It'd be nice to have a date night. And it would be nice to have someone else clean the house when DH and I are both dead tired.

So, no advice, except to say get help! I plan to soon.

bluestarfish18

11-09-2009, 06:12 PM

Ugh, with 2 kids with a miniscule age difference, if I didn't have help, I think I would of had myself committed a long time ago. We don't have in-house help, but both kids do go to a "daycare" here on base for 3-4 hours T & Th, allowing me time to sleep, clean, grocery shop and *breathe*!

Indianamom2

11-09-2009, 06:13 PM

No help here...ever. I can count on one hand the number of times someone other than a grandma has watched my kids. (I think the number is actually 3).

Even grandmas don't get to help very often because the closest one lives 2 hours away, while my mom lives 12 hours away. Dh and I are it. And I'm just about ready to find someone to give us a break once in a while. If Ds#2 would ever take a bottle....

It's hard. I'm a SAHM and Dh works really long hours. He and I need some date nights badly. But I guess I just have a very hard time trusting a virtual stranger with my kids/home. Still, I think I'm really ready to start looking for someone just for occasional use (like once a month...because that would be a huge improvement over once or twice a year!)

Christina

bekkalu

11-09-2009, 06:21 PM

twobabes

11-09-2009, 06:25 PM

twobabes

11-09-2009, 06:29 PM

I have a very similar situation. I have a 4 y/o son, a 2.5 y/o DD, and my new baby is just about to turn 6 months. fortunately I have a lot of help - my mom comes over once a week from 11 am-3pm and my MIL comes on Fridays from 10-4. Honestly I don't know what I'd do w/out their help!

Lucky you - that sounds like a great situation for you and for your kids! :)

I was thinking something like that 2 days (or maybe even 3 days) of help for a few hours (10-2 or similar) - - do you think you have the right amount of help?

catcombs

11-09-2009, 07:49 PM

I have a 4 year old , almost 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. I have a nanny (I orginally had her because I worked but I got laid off when I was 6 months pregnant with #3) 3 mornings a week. She is here from 8:30 to 1:30. My DD goes to preschool from 9 -1 and it is nice on the days my nanny is here because then I don't have to take the whole gang for drop off/ pick up. And really it just gives me enough time to run a few errands and take a shower. It sounds super indulgent to have a nanny but it is simply a sanity saver. I found it very hard going from 2 kids to 3 kids.

willow33

11-09-2009, 08:58 PM

I'm really fortunate that my mom only lives about an hour away. She comes down for about 3 days each week and stays over. I don't know what I would do without her. I wait for her to visit to go grocery shopping, doctor appts, etc... The best part is that I don't have to wake my 6 month old from her morning/afternoon nap to pick up my preschooler and first grader from school.

I would love to have help with cleaning the house, but financially it's just not possible right now.

kerridean

11-09-2009, 09:03 PM

Nope...I had absolutely NO help. I had two DDs, 22 months apart.

JMS

11-09-2009, 09:05 PM

I have to say that I found it very hard going from 2 to 3 kids as well. I have an almost 6 year old who is in K three full days and 2 half days, an almost 4 years old who is in preschool 3 mornings a week, and a 7 1/2 month old who wants to always be held and still wakes 1-2 times a night to nurse. "Family" help is little to none and DH works long-ish hours during the week.

I have a babysitter who I trust wholeheartedly. My kids love her and she feels like a member of our family. She's been with us for 3 years and she is my sanity. Our schedule varies (she also has a full time job) but she is here every week somewhere between 5 and 8 hours. This is usually broken up into two afternoons through feeding the kids and date night almost every week. I mainly spend the time grocery shopping/running errands and often she and I spend a couple hours tag-teaming the housework. When I had two, I always went to the gym during the time she was here and occasionally did other things just for myself. I hope to get back to that point eventually but my leisure time is much more infrequent with a baby.

GL - I think it's very wise to plan for help in advance :)

WatchingThemGrow

11-09-2009, 09:14 PM

I guess I should add: (1) My dh works long hours and dinner time (always) bed time (often) fall to just me; (2) I don't have any girls I can use as mothers-helpers; and (3) I was a WOHM, so I am used to having someone else care for my kids in my home and have women I trust with my kids.

For those of you with no help: would you like help or is that how you prefer it? I ask only because I know myself well enough to know I will want/need a break (yes, I am weak!)

When my ILs gave us $$ to get help, I knew they (as outsiders) could tell we needed it. They weren't able to be here as much as we needed. Having three kids as close as ours (36 mos and under) meant that there would need to be another set of hands to hold someone, feed someone, wipe someone, read to someone, etc while the other adult was diapering, nursing, pumping supplementing, etc. My sanity would be absolutely GONE if I'd tried to do it by myself.

The doula we hired had the idea of ASKING FOR HELP within our church community. Interestingly, no one I asked could help or even knew of anyone who could help. The woman who ended up being our lifesaver was a retired nurse who just happened to see me wearing DS2 in the Ergo, trying to drop of DS1 in his nursery room (she was working there that day.) She was asking about how the transition from 2 to 3 was going and could just tell how much we needed help. We'd been praying that someone (paid or unpaid, young or old) could help to get me through the mealtime to naptime hours. THAT was the hardest - trying to feed two toddlers plus nurse/pump/supplement the baby AND take care of myself. She was sent by God. No question about it. I only really needed 11-1, and that's exactly what she called to tell me she could do. Man, I miss her. She had other things scheduled starting in Sept, so we lost her then.

It can't hurt to get help, right? You can change your mind after a while if you want to, right? I didn't have extended help lined up, so we had to really juggle for a while. We're still juggling now, but it's more manageable since DS2 is 5 mos old.

ETA: could you ask around to see if there is anyone that anyone knows of who could be a MH? I bet there are some girls out there somewhere. Oh, and I rarely actually take a break when help is here. It just enables me to do stuff with TWO kids instead of three or ONE kid if another happens to be napping.

DietCokeLover

11-09-2009, 09:17 PM

I've never had any help. DCs are 11 months apart and my inlaws live 1/2 mile from us, but they have never offered me an ounce of help - EVER! Now I'm feeling like I need to move over to the B*tching Post.

jk3

11-09-2009, 09:29 PM

I had very little help until I had my 3rd. Since my children range in age from 10 months to 6, their schedules and needs are very different. The late afternoons are tough so I have help from 2:30 to 5:30 Monday-Thursday. We have no family help and I needed reliable help so that I could run errands + give my 6 year old some one on one time after his long day at school.

Ceepa

11-09-2009, 09:42 PM

DH and I are definitely the sink or swim on our own types. We never asked for help and have managed by ourselves pretty well. I'm considering a regular babysitter so we can do the periodic date night, but otherwise we just dig in and do it ... somehow. :bouncy:

For OP, I think a nanny could work during the newborn/transition time to get your 4yo to school, maybe entertain and feed your 2 yo while you and baby rest, nurse, shower, whatever.

LarsMal

11-09-2009, 10:23 PM

With each baby I had help for the first 3 weeks (DH, mom, MIL, friends). After that...nothin'. I do it all and I reserve the right to b*tch and moan to DH about it as much as I want until he caves and hires me all the helpers I want/need!! I'm not bitter about it or anything! ;)

I had a babysitter for about a year before we moved. She came one day/week for 3 hours. It was my time to grocery shop, run errands, get a haircut, or whatever *I* wanted to do. It was the best money I spent that year!

Right now I have DS in school 4 afternoons/week, but that's it.

Melaine

11-09-2009, 10:26 PM

No help here. It would be nice though if I was comfortable doing so and we could afford it.

jgenie

11-09-2009, 10:48 PM

I only have one DC right now, but will soon have two. DH travels A LOT and works really long hours. We have no family near by and the friends we have are knee deep in toddlers so don't have the time to switch off babysitting. DS didn't sleep through the night until 15 months and I was exhausted from the lack of sleep. I hired a babysitter just after he turned 15 months. She comes every other week for about 4 hours and generally just keeps DS occupied while I work on projects around the house. It has really been a sanity saver for me! We only have about 3 months before the baby arrives and I'm hoping she can start coming on a weekly basis through the holidays so I can get all the organizing projects done before the baby arrives. We'll have help for the first month after the baby arrives and then I will probably try to have the babysitter come once a week to watch DS or the baby while I get some one on one time with the other. GL

Happy 2B mommy

11-09-2009, 11:01 PM

no help, my MIL, who lives and works close by, is perfectly content to not see her grandkids for months! Plus I'm taking care of my 87 year old father who insists on staying in his huge house with 2 acre yard, has never done any housework, no longer drives and cannot manage his bills and accounts. About 1.5 years ago my DH looked at me and told me it was time to put DD in daycare 2 mornings a week. It's pricey for us, but DH told me that I was taking on too much and deserved a break. Isn't he great?

jjjo1112

11-09-2009, 11:21 PM

I have a similar situation. My son just turned 4, my daughter is 2 and then I have a 9 month old as well. My 4 year old goes to preschool 3 mornings a week and my 2 year old goes 2 mornings a week. The days coordinate so that on 2 mornings I only have the baby. This is when I try and get any errands done. My preschool also has drive through drop-off and pick-up which is invaluable. I never have to drag 3 kids in and out of school-especially nice in the rain and snow. I work 1-2 evenings a week. I go to work at 2, so my mom watched the kids from 2-5:30 when my husband gets home. While my mom is at my house she usually cleans (deep cleaning), does most of the kids laundry and changes their sheets. This is a huge help and if she didn't do it, I would pay someone to do it. This allows me to spend most of my days doing fun stuff with the kids. My kids all nap at the same time as well-so most days I have at least 1.5 hours to myself. So I really only have help for when I am working but with the cleaning/laundry out of the way-it seems very manageable. My husband did stay home for a few days when the baby was born.
Jackie

HIU8

11-09-2009, 11:24 PM

The only help I have ever had is my father who comes over every evening for dinner (except Sat and Sun). I also work PT from home while both kids are in preschool. They both go 5 days a week in the mornings so I can work and bring in some extra $$. When my father gets there he will play with the kids until dinner and keep them occupied so I can clean up (this is a total of about 2 hours each day--including dinnertime). He will also babysit if he isn't already busy (once or twice a month). We have never paid a babysitter or a mothers helper. We also do not have anyone coming to clean.

I do all the grocery shopping etc... either with DD and DS after preschool or on the weekends during a football game (when DH will watch them).

SnuggleBuggles

11-09-2009, 11:37 PM

I should have said before that I do have family around to help if we really need them. I try not to use them though and just muscle through. I'd rather save the help for the weekends (date nights!).

Beth

jayali

11-10-2009, 09:40 AM

I have only 1 child and when I was a SAHM (went back to work 2 years ago) I had a babysitter 3 mornings a week. She was a pediatric nurse who left her job to help care for her grandchildren and has been watching children for 20 years. I dropped DS off at her house between 8 and 9 and picked him up after lunch. Some days he was there longer then others if I had things to get done. It was the best thing we ever did. At first I felt like a huge failure - 1 child and I needed help, but once I got over it I realized it was the best thing for both DS and me. The time we spent together was quality time and not with me frazzled trying to get errands done.

We had zero family or close friends in the area at the time and this woman was my lifesaver. She turned into one of my closest friends and DS considers her his Grandma (he has no living grandmothers). We were lucky.

I think you should definitely try to find someone - I would think any amount of help would be beneficial.

egoldber

11-10-2009, 09:56 AM

When I was a SAHM and DH was working full time, we had housecleaners every other week. And my kids started 2 day a week preschool at age 2. That was my sanity break. But other than that, I did not really have any help. We have no family in the area, so it was all me.

ETA: After all my kids were born, my MIL came and stayed for several weeks each time. That was very helpful to us.

brittone2

11-10-2009, 10:02 AM

No hired help, but my parents live 15-20 mins away and often help by watching my kids when I have appts for haircuts or doctor appts, and they beg us to go on date nights. They also often take my DS for a few hours in the afternoon about 1x a week so I can nap with DD. My mom just had a total knee replacement about 6 weeks ago and they were *still* offering to help even w/ all of her appts and therapy. DH has a flexible schedule for the most part as well, so he's been helping out more since my mom's surgery since I just feel like they have enough on their plate.

One of our negotiations when DH decided to back to grad school is that when he's done I get a weekly house cleaning person. Looking forward to help in the future LOL. I SAH, but I do homeschool and I'd rather have more time to engage my kids' interests, etc. than clean bathrooms :p

There's a good chance we'll be putting our house on the market with a newborn in the spring/early summer, and I think the house cleaning agreement is going into effect a bit early as a result.

eta: I don't think I'd want a nanny per se (although ask me after baby #3 arrives ;) ), but I'd love to have the occasional mother's helper or some extra hands.

lchang25000

11-10-2009, 10:29 AM

I'm a SAHM, but I had a nanny for DS from when he was 2 months-8 months old. She would come every Monday, Wed, and Fri from 12noon-6pm so I could get stuff done around the house, run errands, sleep, cook, etc. Unfortunately, she moved which is why we don't have a nanny anymore, but things are a lot less tiring and more fun now that DS is older. DH keeps telling me to find another nanny, but I think I'm fine now without one. We have wonderful friends who are always offering to babysit him for a whole day or even weekend whenever we need a break. My mom was here the first month after DS was born which was a tremendous help also.

mecawa

11-10-2009, 10:46 AM

I have two children (5 and 10 months) In the beginning (when DD2 was born) we had a ton of help from family (all within 5 minutes of us) and we got a housekeeper to come in once a week. Now that DD1 is in school full time we don't really need the family help(only for babysitting, when someone has an appt.) but I still have a housekeeper come in once a week which has been a HUGE help. With three children closer in age I would definitely get a housekeeper if not some childcare/nanny help as well.

frgsnlzrds

11-10-2009, 10:50 AM

MoJo

11-10-2009, 11:23 AM

Well, I work very part time, but I'm mostly SAHM, so I'll answer.

I don't have any help, except DH. With only one, I don't feel like I need day-to-day help with my DD, although help with the housecleaning would be nice just because doing it makes me literally sick now that I'm pregnant.

DH & I have gotten out together alone twice since DD was born (only when visiting his parents 10 hours away, b/c he doesn't like to visit my family, who are 3 & 8 hours away).

I had to take DD to my midwife/OB-GYN exam last week, which was not fun at all (but they couldn't schedule that long of an appointment to start late enough that DH could get home to watch her or even meet us at the office to help watch DD there.)

I really wish I had help for that type of thing.

All of my friends only use family to watch their DC, so no one has a sitter or nanny they can recommend. (I don't even have any aquaintances who use a nanny, and I work in investment services, so I know some people who are fairly well off financially)

With #3 on the way, I'm really glad you're going to be able to get the help you need!

g-mama

11-10-2009, 11:35 AM

I have an every-other-week housecleaner and have put my kids in Mothers Day Out two mornings a week beginning at age 2.

No family help. I do trade favors with friends and we watch each other's kids from time to time.

Corie

11-10-2009, 12:36 PM

I had to take DD to my midwife/OB-GYN exam last week, which was not fun at all (but they couldn't schedule that long of an appointment to start late enough that DH could get home to watch her or even meet us at the office to help watch DD there.)

I really wish I had help for that type of thing.

My kids have gone to every single OB/GYN appt. with me. Even my
annual exams. They love the breast exam. :)

They sit in chairs up by my head and they each bring their own little backpack
full of stuff to do.

MoJo

11-10-2009, 01:12 PM

At 17 months, she wouldn't be contained by the stroller without screaming as I had hoped (that's how I used to get my hair cut; not sure how I'm going to do that now). She certainly wouldn't sit in the chair.

So DD saw the WHOLE thing. The midwife was telling her, "This is a pap smear!" But at least she wasn't screaming.

DD has to go next month too, for the same reason. But that appointment will be much shorter and won't involve much more than weight, blood pressure, and doppler.

twobabes

11-10-2009, 01:13 PM

athompson

11-10-2009, 01:51 PM

My children are 5, 2 1/2 and 11 months. My five year old is in Kindergarten 8:20-11:00 five days per week. I have a housekeeper once every two weeks and she also comes every Friday night so that my husband and I can have a date night. She's here from 5:30-8:30. That night has been the best thing we've EVER done for our marriage. I also help at my oldest daughter's school on Monday mornings for 1 1/2 hours. The same person comes to watch the little girls while I go to school to help out. I have no family locally, so finding this wonderful person has been very helpful. My husband has encouraged me to schedule additional time for her to watch the girls during the week while I take some "me" time, but I think I'd feel guilty.

Ceepa

11-10-2009, 01:58 PM

Not only is that not in our budget, but I also don't think (??) I'll need that much help, especially with one child in school at least part of the day (and we do have a cleaning lady every other week). However, I've gotten a couple comments like that and that's what started to scare me and make me start thinking I should line up some help...

Don't let others scare you. You will always find a way to do what you have to do and if you're already inclined to push through without hired help, it'll be an adjustment but definitely doable. Definitely. :cheerleader1:

hellokitty

11-10-2009, 02:14 PM

I've never had help, paid or family. MIL lives an hr away, but is too, "scared" to drive to our house (you literally hop on the freeway and we live right off of the exit, so I don't understand this, esp since she used to drive 2 hrs to bil's house, which was a more complicated drive). She retired from her job a couple of months after I had DS3 and decided to go on a 4 month vacation to visit family overseas.

My mom lives an hr away in the opposite direction (we're in the middle btwn my parents and in laws, which to other ppl would have been perfect, but it doesn't really help our situation, DH and I have talked about just moving to the opposite part of the country before, since there isn't really any benefit of living close to our parents), and isn't really able to help much, b/c my dad is a 68 yr old baby who needs my mother to take care of him 24/7 (no, he is not ill, just self centered and selfish). So, after 3 kids, with the first two only 18 mo apart. The only person I get any help from is my DH when he's not at work. We've learned to manage. Only been on ONE date since we've been parents. Yeah, I AM bitter. We moved closer to our parents to start a family, hoping that they would be more involved with their grandkids and we are lucky if they even seen our kids once a month for one hr. Neither side is keen on seeing their grandkids for more than an hr or so.

JTsMom

11-10-2009, 02:17 PM

We have no family near us, but on a couple of occassions, I've begged my mom to come up to babysit, and she has. Once, I was really sick, and twice, we had appts. that we just could not bring Jason to. When she's here visiting, she always tells us to feel free to have a date night, and I think we've done that twice as well. She is the only one who has ever really babysat for us.

Just recently, DS started a PMO program 2X/week, 4 hours a day. It is heavenly! I can run a few errands, work on a project, etc. My midwife is faaaar away, so I schedule my appts for 10, which gives me just enough time to get there, then DH can pick up DS instead of taking a lunch, and I can make it back right around the right time.

Other than that, we've always been 100% on our own. Of course, with just one so far, things are a bit easier, but since the one has special needs, it does complicate things. I would love to have one more day morning a week of PMO, or a housekeeper who would come every other week, along with a sitter we could rely on for an occasional date night or appointment.

When the baby comes, my mom will likely stay for a few days, and then it'll be all me.

g-mama

11-10-2009, 03:27 PM

My kids have gone to every single OB/GYN appt. with me. Even my
annual exams. They love the breast exam. :)

They sit in chairs up by my head and they each bring their own little backpack
full of stuff to do.

Corie - how old is your ds? How much longer do you think you'll want to keep taking him to your GYN exams?

alirebco

11-10-2009, 03:35 PM

I don't have any help but I only have one child. I take DS with me to all of my doctor's appointments (I've had a lot the past 6 months including ultrasounds) and it's been fine. DH normally leaves the house at 6:30 am every morning and doesn't get home most nights until at least 6:30 or later so I normally do everything including bedtime 2-3 times a week by myself.

My MIL lives 5 minutes away and will come sometimes come over once a week on a weekday from 4-7 but I always stay at the house and visit with her so it's not like I can really do anything during that time except cook dinner in a bit more peace than normal. She has come over for an hour in an emergency situation to entertain DS when I've had a migraine and DH is working. We've used her maybe 4 times to stay at the house while DS is sleeping on a Saturday night to go out for a couple of hours. Needless to say, we don't do many date nights since we don't have access to good help.

My SIL on the other hand has had a full time au pair for her children who are both in elementary school full time. She's a SAHM and the au pair cooks, helps with homework, drives them to activities, etc. She also has someone in to clean every other week. I've always been a little baffled as to why someone would need 45 hours of help each week if their kids are in school, but so be it. Her mother and father also take the kids during the weekend and for sleepovers.

For our next baby, yet to be conceived, I promised DH that I would get a pp doula for the first month or so, probably during the late afternoon hours so I don't go crazy. He's worried about all of the extra work with a 2nd child, but I'll probably be wearing the baby 24/7!

mjmamma

11-10-2009, 03:58 PM

I have DD 5yrs, DS 3yrs and 16 month old twins and I have no help. I kept a good attitude and knew my DH would be home by 4-5pm. If I could have help, I would have liked it so that I could have time alone since that resets me better than anything.
It may be nice to have some afternoon help so you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and maybe they can spend some time doing activities with the older ones since they'll have fresh hands/mind and you can rest with the baby. Good luck.

WatchingThemGrow

11-10-2009, 04:09 PM

What I'm learning is there are some fantastically lucky ladies here! I have never had a nanny, mother's helper, cleaning lady, or relative come stay with us. Before June 08 I had a MIL who would watch the kids when I asked, but since then there have only been 2 nights of babysitting, one of which I had to practically blackmail my mom into. I guess that's why I always feel busy, frustrated, and tired! lol Congratulations to all of you who have such wonderful people in your lives!
I do feel blessed to have gotten all the help we so desperately needed. Not sure if you remember the crazy thread about my mom crashing through a gate and winding up in the ER while I was in the PP recovery room. We barely got to be in the hospital for 24 hours, then came home to DH taking care of my mom (who couldn't walk), me, the 3yo, the 1yo and the 1 day old. DH and I almost lost our minds, seeing as how my mom was here to help for the week, but ended up needing care, meds, food, and a flight back home in a wheelchair, etc. It was a hard time.

If EBF had gone well for us, things would have been a lot easier. But it hasn't, which has meant that I've been tied up (literally, to the pump) WAAAY more than I would have liked to have been. One friend said, "You know if you gave up BFing, you'd be so much more able to tend to everyone. I guess asking for help was the price I paid for trying to keep nursing.

ONE nanny PT is something that would work really well IMO b/c it is the same person. The ONE thing I didn't want to have to do was to "train" several different people where diapers for each kid are (remember, we have three who sleep in diapers), how to use the magnetic kitchen locks, how to change the temp. and just all the other stuff. The doula and the retired nurse were great about just doing and not asking 100 q's.

You're right in that each family's situation is different in what they want/need/and can afford. We couldn't have afforded any help and I would have been committed by now and not BFing, for sure. I'm eternally grateful for what people have done for us :) I'm grateful for the BBB mamas who helped me narrow down what kind of help we needed to make it through the adjustment of having 3 childrenthisclose.

Nooknookmom

11-10-2009, 04:17 PM

Help are you kidding?

I did have my Mom come out for a month when DD2 was born. All of my family is back East, so no help from them.

I couldn't justify spending extra money to hire someone to do the things that I already do anyway. My Mom never had any help, so maybe that's where I get the "I can do it all myself" attitude.

I also am not the type to really want a strange person in my home and working w/ my kiddos. I would have to know them very well.

mamicka

11-10-2009, 04:59 PM

For those of you with no help: would you like help or is that how you prefer it? I ask only because I know myself well enough to know I will want/need a break (yes, I am weak!)

No regular help here. My mom & MIL are 2 hours away & come at least once/month for the times I need to be with one child somewhere without the others.

Would I like help? Depends. I'd love to have someone else clean my house, cook our meals, do grocery shopping, handle the paperwork, etc. But if we had money to hire something out, the last thing I'd choose would be childcare.

I think you know yourself better than anyone. If you will need the help to stay sane or whatever, do it.

maestramommy

11-10-2009, 05:22 PM

Dh works normal hours, but we have no family nearby (enough to help), and I now have 2 toddlers, 1 needy baby, in a house that is 3 times bigger than our apt from last year. I am looking for a cleaning lady! If it frees me up from having to worry about 1 less thing I'm happy. And I need my house to be clean and (somewhat) tidy to keep a zen state of mind. A messy dirty house (mine, that is) makes me depressed and stressed out.

twobabes

11-10-2009, 05:35 PM

Ok, I know myself and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a break.

One choice is to skip hiring a nanny and put my dd (age 33 mos. in the fall) into morning preschool. Although the preschool is wonderful, we were thinking of skipping it next year due to the cost (she has a late birthday, so won't start K until 2013). However, if I didn't get a nanny, the costs would be about the same.

Option 1: ds in kindergarten (until 2:30), dd in preschool (until 11:30) and only the baby (6 mos in the fall) at home during the morning. Although it wouldn't free me up to run to Target ALONE, I would have a little bit of down time (to clean or nap?) in the mornings while the baby sleeps.

Option 2: hire a nanny to come in three days/week for 3 or 4 hours to watch the two little kids while ds is in kindergarten.

Any thoughts between these options??

WatchingThemGrow

11-10-2009, 09:25 PM

Do you have to drive DS1 to K? A friend in option 1 setup says that juggling everyone's dropoff/pickup times (after preschool, after K) while also trying to establish all the baby's naps has been really hard.

Personally, I'd do option 3) hire a housekeeper for one morning and have at least one morning where someone comes to give you a break so you can run errands/do projects/have appointments.

niccig

11-10-2009, 09:34 PM

Personally, I'd do option 3) hire a housekeeper for one morning and have at least one morning where someone comes to give you a break so you can run errands/do projects/have appointments.

I would do this, in fact it's what I had when DS was younger. I had someone come every other week to clean the house, and a college aged sitter for a morning a week, so I could go volunteer and have some sanity.

DS is in school 5 days now, so no sitter. I still have the house cleaner, which I feel guilty about as my mother never had that. We've had her for 5 years though, and I know she's lost clients because of economy, so DH said to keep her coming unless something happens to his job. I still clean in between visits, and do house projects that DH doesn't have time to do. Today I sealed the grout in the bathroom, tomorrow I start washing the windows inside and out, then I have to re-caulk the bath tub....

SpaceGal

11-10-2009, 11:27 PM

I have a similar situation, DS #1 is almost 5yo, DS #2 is almost 3yo and DD is now almost 10 mo.

We don't live near family and our friend have their own hands full. So it's just me 24/7. DH does outside stuff, mow the lawn and snow stuff but he does very little at home. It's stressful and I have a short fuse a lot of the times...but this is what we do.

Thankfully DS #1 is in Pre-k and my kids are pretty good so they aren't too hard to handle...but the days can be long and painful sometimes. We get by. It would be lovely to have regular help. We do have friends and extended family that help out when we absolutely have to ask for help...but otherwise we try to take of things ourselves.

twobabes

11-11-2009, 12:11 AM

Do you have to drive DS1 to K? A friend in option 1 setup says that juggling everyone's dropoff/pickup times (after preschool, after K) while also trying to establish all the baby's naps has been really hard.

That's an issue. I'd likely have to do three pickup/dropoffs (8:40, 11:30 and 2:30), although I might be able to arrange a carpool a couple days a week. On the plus side, it would mean my 2.5 year old dd wouldn't be stuck at home every morning with a napping baby. The other option would be using at least some of the babysitter time to take her to a class.

I'm probably worrying about this too much - but I've been used to working part time, so I'm a little concerned about being at home full time with three kids!