Should I even bother applying to this snobby pre-school?

[arivecchi]

So I went to a school open house last night. I am used to open houses with a max of about 10 parents. There were about 40 parents there dressed to the nines. :confused: They make you go to the open house, go to an individual school appointment and then you can apply. The application asks for a family pic. Again, :confused:. Parents, of course, asked about their admissions process and the director said they will only have 5 spots available for 3 year olds as they have so many siblings taking other spots (18 spots total). No lottery like most schools. They will hand pick the families according to their background. :confused: Does that mean they are fishing for families that will constribute lots of $$$? The drift I got was that you had to kiss %$^% to show you are "committed to the school" and be able to get in. I was really put off by the whole thing but don't know whether I should still apply because there aren't that many schools we are applying to and they are all hard to get into. Sigh......

[niccig]

I wouldn't. I don't tolerate the snobby attitude of this school is amazing and you have to get in or your child will be forever doomed. And I'm not kissing anyone's a$$. In fact, I do the opposite when looking for a school - you have to convince me that you're the best school for DS rather than me convince you that DS should be accepted.

DS started at a private elementary this year, he's in pre-K. We did have an open house, then fill out an application. A visit was scheduled for the child, so they could meet the teachers, play with other kids etc. We had to give a photo of DS with the application. Friends told me that we would find snooty parents at a private school, and there would be no sense of community. We've had the exact opposite experience. I'm room parent so part of the PTO etc, and I have not run into any cliques, nor snooty people. So, not all private schools have to be that way.

Oh as to hand pick according to background. DS school is a non-traditional school and they go to some length to make sure parents understand this. There were a lot of questions on the application about the goals we wanted for DS, our values on education, discipline etc. I saw it as part of their process to make sure they choose families that want the kind of schooling they offer. If you want a very academic school for you Kindergartner, you wouldn't send them to DS's school. Could they be doing the same thing???

I did hear of one very elite preschool - grade 6 school that requires a donation from parents at time of application to show the parents commitment to the school - the suggested number was more than some people make in a year! Needless to say, we didn't even visit that school..

[JMS]

What's the application fee? If the amount is not a big deal to you, it can't hurt and then if you get in, you can decide depending on how your other options pan out. I've noticed that a few schools in our area are much like the school you described but then the parents aren't all that bad :)

[JTsMom]

I would pass. I can't stand that sort of thing.

[AnnieW625]

HELL NO! I am all for paying for quality education if you think this what you are going to get it, but honestly I would not send my child to the school if those were just the admissions criteria.

Jease I am soo happy I don't live in a huge urban city. Good luck to you.

[arivecchi]

I was so baffled by the whole thing. There are tons of smart people with interesting backgrounds in the city. Must they really go through all these hoops to get families that are the "right fit"? It just seemed like they were so proud of their clubby preschool. I really do hope we get into a Catholic one we applied to. The curriculum was more impressive, the school was beautiful and felt homey and welcoming. It is also within walking distance! For that other school, I'm willing to kiss some @$$, but it is not expected at all! It is also cheaper!!!

[codex57]

Nope.

I'm big on education. I've been to private and public. I have cousins who go to that kind of school. My cousin had to go through a full interview (sort of like interviewing for a job or grad school) at age 4 or so. With tests. Fricking useless. My parents agree.

It's purely for parents who need to maintain a certain social status and for networking purposes. Little to no benefit for the children. Uber-rich kids tend to have a little too much access to crap like drugs and ultra-materialism. Those parents have the resources to provide anything the school offers elsewhere anyways and the networking really isn't that important. If you're not in that upper crust social order, the networking benefits can be there but the dangers for your kids will be as well.

At preschool age, networking is too limited in use. Shoot, my BIL got a full scholarship to Exeter boarding school and that still didn't do him that much good. Not any better than what my wife got at her public high school (altho admittedly she went to a really good one). That's high school. For pre-school? Forget it.

[elektra]

That's tough because you feel like you don't want to miss out on something that could be great, especially if everyone is recommending that place. But if you are already feeling weird about it....
FWIW, I have DD on the wait list for a place I looked into last year after every.single. person. I spoke to about preschool recommended it. I did the tour and although they have a wait list, they were so nice, and you could tell they just had so much pride about their curriculum and philosophy. It felt totally welcoming, and there were no requests for family pictures or backgrounds. So point being, that even a super popular place doesn't have to have a snobby or exclusive air.
This isn't Chicago or NYC though, so maybe that's just how it is in a big city or something????

[niccig]

I was so baffled by the whole thing. There are tons of smart people with interesting backgrounds in the city. Must they really go through all these hoops to get families that are the "right fit"? It just seemed like they were so proud of their clubby preschool. I really do hope we get into a Catholic one we applied to. The curriculum was more impressive, the school was beautiful and felt homey and welcoming. It is also within walking distance! For that other school, I'm willing to kiss some @$$, but it is not expected at all! It is also cheaper!!!


The hoops sound like elitism to me, unless it is a school with a different curriculum and they're making sure the parents understand that.

The Catholic school sounds great. With DS's preschool and now elementary we went with out gut - homey and welcoming were up there on the priority list. Fingers crossed.

[tny915]

I was really put off by the whole thing

This is why you shouldn't apply.

I'm in an urban area as well, where some people apply to preschools at birth, it's competitive, moms stress about their children not getting into a school, all of that. I totally sympathize with your worries. If I could offer some advice, make sure the Catholic school knows that they are #1 on your list and that you feel so strongly about them. The schools are trying to weed through the parents who apply to multiple schools, and they'd rather extend the invitation to the family who really wants and is committed to the school instead of the one who's sending applications left and right.

For our #1 school, we decided to include a picture of DD, as well as a letter about how we feel about the school and how it was the perfect school for DD and for our family. We saw the director of the school at open houses and said hello and reiterated our interest. They generally go by first-come, first-served for this school, but we got in because the director liked us and knew we were committed.

Good luck!

[arivecchi]

This school is not even one of the more "exclusive" ones in the city. My BF had her daughter in what is widely considered one of the "best" in the city and she had a to get 3 recommendation letters from "alumni", her DD had to go through an interview with a psychologist, they had a super long application, parents had to visit the school in order to apply, the list goes on and on. We are definitely not applying to that one. I mean we are educated people and reasonably successful, so we do value education a lot, but I agree with codex that a super snobby/wealthy environment can be detrimental. I think I am going to pass on this one and look for more options. :)

[arivecchi]

For our #1 school, we decided to include a picture of DD, as well as a letter about how we feel about the school and how it was the perfect school for DD and for our family. We saw the director of the school at open houses and said hello and reiterated our interest. They generally go by first-come, first-served for this school, but we got in because the director liked us and knew we were committed.

Good luck! That is such great advice! I am going to write a ltter and send in DS's pic. I wrote in our application that they are our first choice, as well as in a follow up e-mail to confirm they had received the app. I might do another visit to get more face-time. :D

[AnnieW625]

Nope.

My cousin had to go through a full interview (sort of like interviewing for a job or grad school) at age 4 or so. With tests. Fricking useless. My parents agree.

It's purely for parents who need to maintain a certain social status and for networking purposes. Little to no benefit for the children.



That sounds just like the elementary school my three cousins went to in Pasadena. Two of the three kids finished through 8th grade, but the third transferred to a smaller Christian school in 4th or 5th grade and was much happier. My aunt and uncle are people like Codex said their kids have to meet the certain social status for them. It makes me ill just to think about. One of my cousins would've been happy at a local community college out of high school so he could then transfer to one of the schools he really wanted to go to. The parents said no to that and sent him to another 4 yr. university for two years and now he is finally at the school of his choice. They could've saved $40K at least by sending him to the JC, but it was all about status. I will say though that my cousins are very well rounded kids despite their parents (really their mom's) quest for perfect social status.

[kerridean]

That is absolutely ridiculous. This is PRESCHOOL! My girls both went to a quality public school preschool and had a wonderful experience.

[niccig]

This school is not even one of the more "exclusive" ones in the city. My BF had her daughter in what is widely considered one of the "best" in the city and she had a to get 3 recommendation letters from "alumni", her DD had to go through an interview with a psychologist, they had a super long application, parents had to visit the school in order to apply, the list goes on and on. We are definitely not applying to that one. I mean we are educated people and reasonably successful, so we do value education a lot, but I agree with codex that a super snobby/wealthy environment can be detrimental. I think I am going to pass on this one and look for more options. :)

We have schools like your BF's DD's school here. We didn't even visit those. The attitude of some people is to get their child in the elite preschool, so they can get into the elite elementary and then middle and high school, and finally college. And the school's can play on that. It is all about status.

Keep looking, they're are plenty of good schools.

[egoldber]

Is the preschool a feeder/associated with a private elementary? I know around here that people will practically sign their names in blood to get into certain PreKs that feed into prestigious private elementary schools.

[arivecchi]

Is the preschool a feeder/associated with a private elementary? I know around here that people will practically sign their names in blood to get into certain PreKs that feed into prestigious private elementary schools. It is not, which makes this all so odd. I decided to check it out because it was not one of those fancy feeder schools!

[maestramommy]

NO WAY. EVER. What you described makes my eyes roll to the back of my head:loveeyes:

[KpbS]

NO WAY. EVER. What you described makes my eyes roll to the back of my head:loveeyes:

:yeahthat: Not in a million years. :ROTFLMAO:

[ha98ed14]

We have schools with similar elitist admissions policies. They are so common in large urban areas with lots of working professionals. We have them here, in the wealthier parts of suburban L.A. I think whether you bother with them is a question of 1) how you feel about possessing the status symbol (need/ want/ reject/ indifferent etc.) and 2) if you have time to research other good preschools that may be/ are less fashionable.

IMO, having your kid in the Jimmy Choo of preschools is another trapping of wealth and privilege. The school probably does have an excellent curriculum/ program, but I bet there others that do too at do so too if you want something different and have time/ inclination to do the research. Personally, I would go looking for a solid, comfy Eileen Fisher. :)

[sste]

oops double post sorry!

[SnuggleBuggles]

It'd probably depend on if you really liked the program and what your other options were. I'd also want to go during a regular day and see what the average parent is like- some people make a big effort for open houses but are far more relaxed day to day. Finally, the application fee would be a deciding factor- it it was cheap (like $25) then sure, might be worth a shot. More than that then heck no.

I personally don't like the sounds of it though and would probably move on.

Beth

[sste]

Would you feel comfortable asking them directly what they mean by choosing on the basis of the parents' "background?" It may be that they are trying to ensure diversity (racial, ethnic, life experience, etc.). I hope that is the case!

Also, I agree with you that preschool pressure and feeder schools are ridiculous and I would not pay one red cent for that "benefit." If your goal is educational quality and you find that in a school that is one thing. But, if the parents' primary goal is to ultimately get your kid into the "best" college, etc. (starting in preschool???) the reality is you are often better off sending your child to a less competitive place where they will be the top student and paying through the nose for standardized testing prep courses. Also, MANY students in my elite private college had the goal of getting into medical school and did not get in . . . my DH did not go to a particularly fancy college or even get particularly fancy grades, but he was the resident of a state with an excellent medical school and as many state medical schools do, they take their own over ivy leaguers, etc.

[arivecchi]

I REALLY don't care for a feeder pre-school, so we are staying away from those. I just e-mailed the director of the snobby school to see if she could expand into the "family background" quote. Just for kicks. Our son is half Latin/half Caucasian and speaks Spanish, so I want to make sure he goes to a school that is inclusive and fosters diversity among other things. Most of the parents there seemed to be Caucasian, so that together with the background talk set off alarm bells for me.

Also, I agree with you sste. DH went to an ok public high school and he was able to attend awesome colleges/grad schools. Meanwhile I went to a private school where everyone applied to the same schools and it made it way harder to get into the top schools. Yay for your DH! He sounds super smart!!!

[niccig]

I REALLY don't care for a feeder pre-school, so we are staying away from those. I just e-mailed the director of the snobby school to see if she could expand into the "family background" quote. Just for kicks. Our son is half Latin/half Caucasian and speaks Spanish, so I want to make sure he goes to a school that is inclusive and fosters diversity among other things. Most of the parents there seemed to be Caucasian, so that together with the background talk set off alarm bells for me.


The diversity thing is another issue with applying to schools. DS is half-Australian, and people told me to stress that we have a diverse household as it could be our "in". I was like WTH? My family's background is English/Dutch/German and culturally not much different to DH's family. I felt like it would be lying to indicate that we are a diverse household. People seem to want to do ANYTHING to get into some schools.

[codex57]

That sounds just like the elementary school my three cousins went to in Pasadena. Two of the three kids finished through 8th grade, but the third transferred to a smaller Christian school in 4th or 5th grade and was much happier. My aunt and uncle are people like Codex said their kids have to meet the certain social status for them. It makes me ill just to think about. One of my cousins would've been happy at a local community college out of high school so he could then transfer to one of the schools he really wanted to go to. The parents said no to that and sent him to another 4 yr. university for two years and now he is finally at the school of his choice. They could've saved $40K at least by sending him to the JC, but it was all about status. I will say though that my cousins are very well rounded kids despite their parents (really their mom's) quest for perfect social status.

Might be the same school. :) My rich uncle lives in Pasadena. Essentially across the street from the Ritz Carlton. I'm still confused as to why he didn't buy in San Marino since before he got really rich, he was doing all he could to move in there. Even bought on the border so it'd be hard to tell he wasn't in San Marino. But yeah, I have friends who went to San Marino high and Rancho PV. Being in those super wealthy schools can subject your kids to lots of negative influences you'd rather them not have. The craziness in Gossip Girl isn't that far fetched.

[codex57]

Also, I agree with you that preschool pressure and feeder schools are ridiculous and I would not pay one red cent for that "benefit." If your goal is educational quality and you find that in a school that is one thing. But, if the parents' primary goal is to ultimately get your kid into the "best" college, etc. (starting in preschool???) the reality is you are often better off sending your child to a less competitive place where they will be the top student and paying through the nose for standardized testing prep courses. Also, MANY students in my elite private college had the goal of getting into medical school and did not get in . . . my DH did not go to a particularly fancy college or even get particularly fancy grades, but he was the resident of a state with an excellent medical school and as many state medical schools do, they take their own over ivy leaguers, etc.

I totally agree with this. But yes, starting in preschool is fine. Things have gotten REALLY competitive recently. It's just that I don't think which preschool you send them to matters, but you do want to start thinking about college and grad school at the preschool age. Even if it's just sending them to tutoring (or doing it yourself).

BIL went to a fancy private East Coast boarding school. DW and I went to "elite" public schools. They have their advantages, but I told my sister to go to the regular high school (which was also pretty highly ranked) so she could have a more well rounded experience yet still be top of the class cuz all the uber-nerds were at my high school. I still think she was better off for it. She picked the wrong college, but for that I blame my mom. :p

[Kungjo]

Nope! I wouldn't. Can't stand snobby people who are puffed up with self-importance. Have a feeling that after whoever gets in, they will be feeling the pressure to keep up with the Jones.

[crl]

My concern with preschools that do all of these pre-entrance qualifying things is what will they do with a child who doesn't fit their mold perfectly? If they are so rigid in admittance proceedures, it seems to me like they are trying to avoid "problem" children. What happens if a "problem" child slips in anyway? Do they remain rigid? Do they figure out how to deal with Johny, who it turns out has sensory processsing issues and needs some accommodations to be able to participate properly? And so on. And even if their admittance proceedure is perfect and every child fits their model to a "t" is that really the best environment for the children? Or would they be better off in an environment where they can learn to deal with differences, learn to accept that not everyone has the same needs, and so on?

Okay, off my high horse. . . . you could always apply and if they accept you then you could decide whether or not you want to have your child go there. Since you don't have a guaranteed spot at your first place preschool. . . . That's what we would likely do--because DH is a big believer in keeping all options open until the last possible minute.

Catherine

[codex57]

My concern with preschools that do all of these pre-entrance qualifying things is what will they do with a child who doesn't fit their mold perfectly? If they are so rigid in admittance proceedures, it seems to me like they are trying to avoid "problem" children. What happens if a "problem" child slips in anyway? Do they remain rigid? Do they figure out how to deal with Johny, who it turns out has sensory processsing issues and needs some accommodations to be able to participate properly? And so on. And even if their admittance proceedure is perfect and every child fits their model to a "t" is that really the best environment for the children? Or would they be better off in an environment where they can learn to deal with differences, learn to accept that not everyone has the same needs, and so on?

There's almost no chance, considering how comprehensive these interviews and tests are, for a "problem" child to get in. If they have learning disabilities, that's too easy to spot and weed out. If it's just a rotten kid, they threaten to kick em out unless the parents provide adequate "incentive" to give em another chance. The really bad behaved ones quickly run out of chances and the parent just moves them on to the next school. It's really not a big deal and happens all the time. Remember, it's private. They don't have to take you if they don't want to.

Whether it's the best environment for the kid is up to the parents. Some think it is. Some don't. Until you are in that social circle with those kinds of pressures, it's hard to really understand. I guess the simplest and bluntest way to explain it is environmental influences and networking. You tend to grow up like your environment. If you're in a blue collar area, you tend to adopt the blue collar attitudes and end up with a blue collar lifestyle. Upper crust kids growing up upper crust tend to end up upper crust. Part of that is networking. If your kids friends are all upper crust, they'll have upper crust friends, aim for upper crust things, have friends in position to do them favors, etc. Also, parents will network with each other. Might amount to nothing, but you never know if a multimillion dollar deal might come from it and that's worth the investment.

[Fairy]

A, please just move out by me, and we can solve this whole problem.

:tongue5:

Ok, in the alternative ... I think applying is probably worth it if you at least kind of liked what you heard. What I can't handle is being baited by snobbery. If that's what this place is about, then I'd pass. But if their elitism is, in you estimation, a way of weeding out those who either can't afford it or don't fit the curricula (whatever that means) but you think the actuall attendance at the school would work out, then it might be worth it to apply and see what happens. I do hate the snobbery, so i get that.

[arivecchi]

A, please just move out by me, and we can solve this whole problem.

:tongue5:

Ok, in the alternative ... I think applying is probably worth it if you at least kind of liked what you heard. What I can't handle is being baited by snobbery. If that's what this place is about, then I'd pass. But if their elitism is, in you estimation, a way of weeding out those who either can't afford it or don't fit the curricula (whatever that means) but you think the actuall attendance at the school would work out, then it might be worth it to apply and see what happens. I do hate the snobbery, so i get that. I was actually over by you the other weekend (went to the historic village) and gosh, it does sound tempting to live out there! It is so gorgeous! We'd have to sell our house in the city first though and that is not happening. :( Anyhoo, I think I will pass on this particular one. The snobbery is ridiculous and it is really not that convenient for us anyway!

[crl]

There's almost no chance, considering how comprehensive these interviews and tests are, for a "problem" child to get in. If they have learning disabilities, that's too easy to spot and weed out. If it's just a rotten kid, they threaten to kick em out unless the parents provide adequate "incentive" to give em another chance. The really bad behaved ones quickly run out of chances and the parent just moves them on to the next school. It's really not a big deal and happens all the time. Remember, it's private. They don't have to take you if they don't want to.

Whether it's the best environment for the kid is up to the parents. Some think it is. Some don't. Until you are in that social circle with those kinds of pressures, it's hard to really understand. I guess the simplest and bluntest way to explain it is environmental influences and networking. You tend to grow up like your environment. If you're in a blue collar area, you tend to adopt the blue collar attitudes and end up with a blue collar lifestyle. Upper crust kids growing up upper crust tend to end up upper crust. Part of that is networking. If your kids friends are all upper crust, they'll have upper crust friends, aim for upper crust things, have friends in position to do them favors, etc. Also, parents will network with each other. Might amount to nothing, but you never know if a multimillion dollar deal might come from it and that's worth the investment.


I more or less get this. But it's antithetical to my views on what school should be about. And the op was asking should she apply, so I was giving part of my perspective on why I probably would not be happy with that kind of school, even if my child and family did fit the mold.

Catherine

[codex57]

I more or less get this. But it's antithetical to my views on what school should be about. And the op was asking should she apply, so I was giving part of my perspective on why I probably would not be happy with that kind of school, even if my child and family did fit the mold.

Catherine

Ahh, gotcha. While we have parents that make pretty good money on here, I dunno if we have any really wealthy folks. The kind that really feel the pressure to put their kids in that kind of school. OP is in Chicago, so I imagine the income levels/cost of living should be on par with what I'm used to. So, "wealthy" to me means an annual income of, oh, over $500K a year.

[arivecchi]

I more or less get this. But it's antithetical to my views on what school should be about. And the op was asking should she apply, so I was giving part of my perspective on why I probably would not be happy with that kind of school, even if my child and family did fit the mold.

Catherine I agree with you Catherine. I would not want my child to go to a school where children are forced to fit one mold. I also don't want my child to be in a school where all the kids are from the same socio-economic background, even if we "fit" into that mold.

[hillview]

I think it depends on if you like the program and how you feel about the classes etc. DS goes to a private preschool school -- montessori. We love it. It is diverse in terms of kids ages and genders and ethnic background/country of origins; however it is not cheap so economically it is not so diverse. There is some set of parents dressed to the nines. I wear sweats and DS loves it and we do too.

/hillary

[mom_hanna]

I wouldn't. It sounds like way too much to deal with, IMO. A family picture in order to apply?? WTF? Sorry, I hate the way the school sounds. I hope you find a much better option.

[Melanie]

Well, I would imagine they may also being trying to get a mix of ethnicities, and not just see who will be likely to contribute.

[dcmom2b3]

I REALLY don't care for a feeder pre-school, so we are staying away from those. I just e-mailed the director of the snobby school to see if she could expand into the "family background" quote. Just for kicks.

Girl after my own heart!:cheerleader1: I'd love to see what their response is! And I sort of doubt that it will be "we want as many mixed-race, same-sex parent families as we can find." They'll probably say that they have so many applicants that they need the pics to put names with faces. OK. So admissions depts at large public universities manage to make do without pics, but maybe they're just better.

Honestly, I balk at applications that call for pictures because of their historical use to discriminate against people of color. My dad was encouraged to describe himself as Native American rather than AA by the well-meaning folks at U.Mich. med school because he "could pass as an Indian based on his pic" and they could admit him If he were Native, but not black. Needless to say, I'm not a doctor's daughter . . . .

Gah.

A request for family pictures would have me running for the hills.

[arivecchi]

I agree. The picture request is really obnoxious. I am still waiting for a response from the director. Once I receive the response, I may tell her my thoughts about the school. I also asked her to put me in touch with a current parent of a diverse background. She must be searching high and low! :hysterical:

[hellokitty]

That sounds like a really annoying school that wants to make itself seem exclusive and have ppl jump through hoops. Our local montesorri school was like that. I called for information and the woman who answered was soooo snooty. She flat out told me that if I even wanted to get on the wait list, that I would have to show up HOURS before their open house to wait in line to make sure I got onto their list.

Well, I have a friend whose kids are older than mine. She did not know about this supposedly long line, in fact she put her kid on the wait list AFTER the open house and was quite low on the list. Her kid got in. I guess your child has to be potty trained before they start school and most of those parents who put themselves on the wait list, their kids still aren't potty trained by the time enrollment comes around, so they get crossed off of the list and they keep doing down the list until they fill their spots. So, my friend told me it's a bunch of BS that they try to make it sound so exclusive. She also told me that out of all of the different preschools her kids have gone too, that the snooty montesorri one was her least favorite.

The whole family picture thing would REALLY bug me, b/c it makes you wonder WTH it's so important for them to see what you and your family look like.

[jenfromnj]

I don't think that I could do it, unless the school provided some kind of seriously great, unique educational advantage. We have these types of schools in this area as well (though not nearly as intensely as our friends who still live in Manhattan), I have had a couple of people ask me recently about our plan for preschool for DS, which I found terrifying since he's not even 8 months old. I guess some waiting lists for the "top" pre-schools are really that long, though. Terrifying thought--I'd always assumed that I'd at least have a child who STTN before having to make any major educational decisions or commitments.

I also agree with those who said that advantages don't just come to those who attend elite private schools, and that sometimes the trappings and pressures inherent can end in serious trouble for the wealthy, bored students. We chose to live in our town in large part for its excellent public schools, and pay an exorbitant amount in property taxes as a result. We're therefore hoping to be able to take full advantage of the public school system, which here begins in pre-K.

FWIW, DH and I both attended public universities for undergrad as well as public high schools, and then went on to attend a Top 10 law school--I certainly did not feel any less prepared than those with Ivy undergrad degrees and boarding school backgrounds, nor did it put me at a disadvantage in terms of securing a job. Likewise, my firm hired tons of students from the top schools, but also some who were at the top of their class at 2nd tier schools. I firmly believe that there are so many ways to end up in the same place, wherever that is.

[goldenpig]

Have you seen the documentary Nursery University? It's about the preschool admissions process in Manhattan. I thought it was bad where we live (essays, interviews, admission coffee schmoozefests...kinda like applying to college) but it's nothing compared to the hoops striving parents jump through there. There was some review saying the film is a horror film for parents and a comedy for everyone else--ha ha, so true.

Anyways, we ended up at a "Montessori-like" preschool-8th grade private school. The official Montessori we visited seemed too snooty to us, and we turned down a spot at a regular play-based preschool because I really like the Montessori approach of the one we picked. But now we're wondering if we made a mistake...the school is always hitting people up for donations (annual fund, auctions, fundraisers etc) and we feel a little out of place with all the other rich venture capital parents (even though I suppose as two doctors we would normally be considered well off ourselves...but it's all relative around here). DD likes the school, and it's a great education, but WE just don't feel like we fit in. Probably not a good enough reason to switch schools though.

[smilequeen]

I wouldn't, mainly because I am big on the vibe I get from a school. When I walked into the school my boys go to and started talking to people I just knew it was the one. If the school was giving off that vibe I think I would have had the "wrong place" feeling from it and scratched it of my list. The preschool thing here is nothing like the bigger urban areas though. Definitely NOT cut-throat. There were a few that wanted IQ testing and things like that but they weren't the schools I was drawn to (I was drawn to Montessori).

[arivecchi]

The more I think about it the more I am convinced that this school is complete BS. I am very tempted to spread the word..... Still waiting to hear from the school's director......

A good friend of mine from law school who is pretty wealthy, moved out of Manhattan over preschool anxieties. Now I totally understand her.....

[codex57]

FWIW, DH and I both attended public universities for undergrad as well as public high schools, and then went on to attend a Top 10 law school--I certainly did not feel any less prepared than those with Ivy undergrad degrees and boarding school backgrounds, nor did it put me at a disadvantage in terms of securing a job. Likewise, my firm hired tons of students from the top schools, but also some who were at the top of their class at 2nd tier schools. I firmly believe that there are so many ways to end up in the same place, wherever that is.

The privates must do a pretty good job at indoctrination though. At my law school, during orientation, a Harvard girl was complaining and asking why the class wasn't separated into those who went to private schools and those who went to public. :shake:

[Melbel]

Well, I guess I am in the minority here, because I suggest to keep a more open mind and not be so quick to judge. I certainly would not "spread the news" about the school because you never know who might be offended and what bridges you may burn, particularly when you are judging a school without knowing for sure whether it is true.

We put DS on the list for his school when he was 2 and when DD1 was just a baby. When it came time for his admission to preschool (PK-6 private school), at the open house, we were in a huge auditorium filled with well dressed parents, all of whom were willing to pay the private school tuition. At the time, there were a ton of siblings, similar to your situation, which meant that between 1 and 3 and 1 and 4 new families would be admitted. We submitted a picture with the application (individual not family), and he had a play in the classroom "interview."

DS was admitted and we have been very happy at the school. It is extremely diverse (about 25-30% are not Caucasian) and the school prides itself on character education. The families have truly been great. Some of my best friends now are parents from the school. If I had been too quick to judge the school, I would have missed out on an amazing school. The school you visited may in fact be snobby and a poor fit, but I would not be so quick to judge. They may be so selective because there is a very high demand for a great school.

FWIW, I grew up entirely in public schools, including a state university for law school. I ended up working side by side with ivy league grads and did not have the huge debt of some of my peers. Nonetheless, we are choosing private school for our children. Only about 35% of my high school peers even went to college, compared to 99% at the private schools here. Hopefully, through our parenting and selection of good private schools, we will avoid some of the pitfalls of private schools while giving them a greater probably of obtaining a higher education level (regardless of where that might be).

ETA: It sounds like you are going through some really rough times right now so this may not be your highest priority. I have been thinking about this thread for days now and wish you the best.

[arivecchi]

Yeah, this is not even on the radar right now as we will likely move.

[ha98ed14]

Yeah, this is not even on the radar right now as we will likely move.

Moving is ALWAYS stressful; they say it is one of those life stressors like changing jobs or getting married/divorced or death of a family member. That alone will give someone a tough time :hug:

[AnnieW625]

Sending you hugs for your moving situation. Again PM me if you want to talk.

[Melbel]

Yeah, this is not even on the radar right now as we will likely move.

Sending positive thoughts for a good situation. Sorry that my well intentioned advice came at a bad time. :hug: