Would you vax your child if your spouse opposed it?

[bubbaray]

Would you get your child(ren) the H1N1 booster if your spouse was opposed to getting the booster?

The gov't has changed the H1N1 booster recommendations in Canada. Healthy children between the ages of 3-9 no longer need a booster. Children under age 3 and children ages 3-9 with underlying health conditions still need the booster.

DH d/n want DD#2 to get the booster. She got the H1N1 shot on November 9. She will be 3 at the end of January. He says she's "close enough" that he d/n want her to get the booster. He's quite adamant about this. FTR, he was the one who found DD#2 the first H1N1 shot and he made the appt, took her to his dr, etc (he NEVER takes charge of medical stuff).

DD#1 has asthma, so she will need the booster and DH d/n seem to have an issue with this.

[Clarity]

I wouldn't, unless I came across very compelling research to the contrary and then I'd share it with him in hopes it would sway him to my side.

[hillview]

I generally would defer to DH the scientist for vax stuff although I do my own research.
/hillary

[TwinFoxes]

This is a hard one...I can't imagine us disagreeing on this. I guess it would depend on his reasons. If I didn't think they were valid I wouldn't sneak out and get DDs vaxed, but I would tell him I was going to get them vaxed.

Any idea why your DH is so against the booster, but was pro-vaxing?

[Moneypenny]

It kind of depends, but generally we let the parent with the strongest feelings on any particular issue get to have things his/her way with that issue. I personally wouldn't have strong feelings about a booster vax in the situation you describe, so I would defer to DH on that one. If I did feel strongly about it, I would research it and talk with DH so we could come to consensus based on the info we both present.

[bubbaray]

Any idea why your DH is so against the booster, but was pro-vaxing?


He says DD#2 is "close enough" to age three (and otherwise healthy) that she d/n need it.

[alexsmommy]

No, however, I would ask him to commit to taking off equal amounts of time to assist in taking care of any sick kids.
I would be furious if I did not want something done medically to my child and he ignored me, so I would not ignore his feelings about this. I would ask that he discuss his reasoning and what research he had done ie not just saying no due to reading some email forward.

[ha98ed14]

He says DD#2 is "close enough" to age three (and otherwise healthy) that she d/n need it.

If that is his reason, then yes, I would take her to get it because it seems like a lame reason to me. He was comfortable with her getting the first. If he was voiceing concerns about a reaction she had after the first dose, I would listen to him. But this seems like a matter of convenience. So, in this case, I would take her.

[bubbaray]

what research he had done


He has done none of which I'm aware -- on this or any other medical issue. He just thinks she's close enough to age three....

The kicker is that I too would be pi$$ed if he did some medical treatment to the girls that I was opposed to. But, DD#1 and I are high risk for H1N1 complications.

The time off issue generally isn't too much of a problem b/c he gets 9w vacation a year and unlimited sick leave. Me, not so much.

[bubbaray]

If he was voiceing concerns about a reaction she had after the first dose, I would listen to him.


Nope, no reaction -- for which we are very thankful. This was her first flu shot since being diagnosed with egg allergy (which she's outgrown) and having anaphylaxis to fish (the adjuvant used here is derived from shark liver). She had no reaction to the first dose of H1N1 vax.

[mommylamb]

I struggled with my answer, but ended up saying no. But, he would have to have a really REALLY good reason why he thought it was a bad idea, and "she's close enough to 3" wouldn't cut it for me. I mean really, if he supports the vax in general, what's the down side. I don't get it.

[MontrealMum]

I would want to know his specific objections first. "Close enough" isn't a reason.

The vax is free. So that's not an issue. Is he objecting to potentially waiting in line or driving across town? Or maybe having to take off work to get it done? Would he be OK with the vax if you agreed to take care of it? Is he scared about the ajuvant, even though your DD2 was fine with the first? Or does he feel it's pointless to discuss since they're not sure that there'll be enough for boosters for anyone (which is why QC has gotten rid of booster recs for ALL ages, incl. under 3).

That's what I can come up with as to why he might object, though I'm sure there could be more reasons. Having an objection and deferring to the more "passionate" parent on a particular issue is fine. But not if they can't articulate why they feel so strongly. Of course, DH and I have lots of communication issues, but if it were *me* in *my* marriage and DH refused to do something w/o explaining or articulating why, then no, I would not just acquiesce.

That doesn't answer your poll question, though. I wouldn't just go ahead and vax my DC behind his back if DH opposed it. But that's mostly because, I'd want to first know the reason for the opposition as well as the complete 180 on the whole issue.

[bubbaray]

...if it were *me* in *my* marriage and DH refused to do something w/o explaining or articulating why, then no, I would not just acquiesce.



Yeah, generally, this is me. For example, I recently had our car ins. replace our vehicle seats after I was rearended. I had to push a bit (though not very hard) to get them to do it. DH thought I shouldn't bother b/c the damage to my van wasn't huge and the airbags deployed. I ignored him (b/c he was wrong -- the collision met Britax's replacement criteria b/c I was injured). So, yeah, generally, I have no problems just ignoring him where *I* think its appropriate.

But, the medical stuff. I dunno. Sigh.

[MoJo]

I voted no. However, it sounds to me like he's saying he thinks it's not really necessary, not that he would be completely opposed to her getting it.

With your family risk, I think it's worth bringing up again to see if he is actually opposed or if he just doesn't think it's needed.

FWIW, my DH wasn't at all sure (neither was I) that we should do any flu vaxing, and he hated it when I pressured him for his opinion. After he decided to go ahead with the seasonal flu vax, I ended up making the final call to get the H1N1 vax for me and DD. I don't think he was in favor of it, but I did tell him what I was doing, and he chose not to discuss it.

DH is a school teacher; H1N1 has been at his school and will likely return. He can't get the H1N1 vax because he's not in a high risk group, and he opted out of the free seasonal flu shots offered at school. I figured the chances of his getting it and bringing it home are high enough to warrant the two of us being protected.

[alexsmommy]

He has done none of which I'm aware -- on this or any other medical issue. He just thinks she's close enough to age three....



Ok, in that case, I would probably feel a need to tell him I disagreed, and why. In a ahem, "very firm" way.

[MontrealMum]

Yeah, generally, this is me. For example, I recently had our car ins. replace our vehicle seats after I was rearended. I had to push a bit (though not very hard) to get them to do it. DH thought I shouldn't bother b/c the damage to my van wasn't huge and the airbags deployed. I ignored him (b/c he was wrong -- the collision met Britax's replacement criteria b/c I was injured). So, yeah, generally, I have no problems just ignoring him where *I* think its appropriate.

But, the medical stuff. I dunno. Sigh.

ITA about your carseat issue. My DH is completely uninformed about most things pertaining to children and their gear. And if he doesn't want to listen as to why a carseat NEEDS to be replaced, yeah, I'd go ahead and just do it too. I mean, in that case, it's the proper use of the carseat according to the manufacturer that's at stake.

I do think the medical stuff is more important to have parental consensus on. I don't think it'd be a good idea to just go behind his back immediately. That's why I think I'd really push him to know why first and hopefully get some sort of discussion going. Based on that, I'd then decide what to do. Granted, at our house, that would not be a fun discussion, but I do think it's necessary.

We actually had a medical blowup at our house this past weekend when I felt very strongly about something and DH was totally ignoring how I felt, as well as the fact that I'd done TONS of research and reading and he'd done NONE. I guess it's the academic in me, but if you haven't done a lick of reading on a subject and are completely uninformed about the issues, I don't think you really get a vote. YKWIM? But I also understand that just doing what I want because DH is so completely unaware of things is NOT the key to marital bliss. So, long story short, we're working on talking about things more effectively.

[Asianmommy]

If DH did not have a valid reason for his objection, then I would tell him that I'm going to do whatever is in the best interest of our child.

[hillview]

Ok, in that case, I would probably feel a need to tell him I disagreed, and why. In a ahem, "very firm" way.

:yeahthat:
/hillary

[mecawa]

I struggled with my answer, but ended up saying no. But, he would have to have a really REALLY good reason why he thought it was a bad idea, and "she's close enough to 3" wouldn't cut it for me. I mean really, if he supports the vax in general, what's the down side. I don't get it.

:yeahthat:

[codex57]

No cuz my DW is the one with the degree in health care. That said, I'd ask why she felt a certain way. She's a bit wedded to Western Medicine but she's not totally opposed to alternative stuff. At least, not compared to others in her profession.

[MamaMolly]

Wow, what a great question. I really don't know what I'd do. I guess I would hope that we could come to an agreement. We might go round and round, but eventually I think we'd have to agree. But then in our case DH usually defers to me on stuff like this. If he were passionate about it one way or the other I'd really take notice.

[mamicka]

Wow, Melissa - that's a tough one. I can't honestly answer right now. In your shoes, I guess I would just continue to discuss (if could be done positively) until we agreed on something.

:grouphug: