How Am I Supposed to Do This??

[MissM'sMom]

My dad passed away in June. My mom died in 2000, and I am an only child, so it is up to me to execute the estate. I recently sold his house, and it closes in about a month. This is the house I grew up in, so, obviously, it has a lot of memories.

So, before closing, I need to clean out the house and do an estate sale. It is a pretty large house, and just full of stuff. I do a professional estate sale/contractor I will work with, but I have a limited amount of time, as the house is a couple of states away and I can only be there for so long.

I don't even know where to start. Aside from the fact that there is just a lot of stuff, and it will be physically demanding, how am I going to handle it emotionally? This is my life, my childhood, my family, I will be selling. Also, I really don't have anyone else to help me. My DH and DD will stay home, and I don't have too many friends in the area who can help.

Anyone BTDT? Any tips or suggestions for making this as process as painless and smooth as possible? Thanks.

[MoJo]

:hug5:

I lost my dad in 2007, though my mom is still living, so I haven't had to handle the estate yet. However, I have worked with several people who have.

First, you're NOT selling your family. You can't think that way. And you're selling things that made memories - not the memories themselves - and probably getting those items to another family that will make more good memories with them.

I'd pick a few extra-cherished things to keep, but only if you have room for them and they will bring a smile to your face every time you see them. Maybe something to pass down to your DC. I'd take pictures of things that are meaningful but just not practical to keep.

I'd ask the estate sale people how much help they can provide. At the few estate sales I've been to, lots of stuff is just in boxes and auctioned off by the boxful. It wasn't cleaned or anything. The auctioneer set up tables or trailers in the yard for all that stuff. It's not packed like you're moving or anything - just thrown in boxes, even glassware etc. So you really have to look at something just long enough to be sure it's not something you want to save, then put it in a box.

If you think there's a lot of true trash, you may want to get a dumpster or something. But just old junk, around here, people will buy it, even if it's 50 cents or $1 a box.

Be sure to retrieve and lock away any of their personal records if you haven't already done so. You may need them later, and you certainly don't want those to fall into the wrong hands.

If your parents had family or friends in the area, they might be willing to help you &/or might appreciate being contacted for the opportunity for a momento of some type. (But if they were some of the people I'm distantly related to, they might take half of the stuff for themselves before the sale and without discussing it with you. That really happened. So evaluate them before contacting them)


Congrats on getting the house sold so quickly in this market without needing to clear it out first!

ETA: Do you have a good girlfriend who'd be willing and able to make the trip with you? I'd find that invaluable. . . someone to share memories with as well as just be able to help with pulling things out of drawers, closets, cupboards, etc.

[infomama]

My mom went through this when my grandparents passed away. They both passed the same year and she held the sale the next summer. My g-parents lived on a 3000 acre ranch and it was a massive auction. My mom hired a trusted local company to do it and they really handled it well. We live 3000 miles away from their ranch and it was extremely emotional. She had some support from our cousins which she says was very important and the nature of the area is one where people look after one another so she almost felt like she was surrounded with much more family than was actually there.

Honestly, she says it was *extremely* difficult.... but it is what she had to do. She was the executor and the last living sibling. You have to have faith and persevere through the muck. It will be very hard but you can do this. I understand that letting go of the material items feels like you are selling your childhood memories but you are not. Those memories will be with you forever with or without those things. Make sure you keep what you want to keep.

[Twoboos]

I am going through this right now. My dad passed away Spring 2008 and my mom passed away 7mos later. We just got the house on the market a few weeks ago. It is the house I grew up in, my mom lived there for 35 years, until she died.

My brother actually took some time off from work and worked on the house full time, and I was helping as I could. We left stuff on the curb with a "free" sign. We gave stuff away to friends and family. We are trying to sell stuff on Craigslist now.

Make piles of stuff - give away/throw away/keep. If you are on the fence about something, keep it to go through at another time (a good and bad idea, this is why my basement is loaded w/stuff from my mom and dad that we still have to go through).

I was there yesterday and it is SO hard now, knowing we're going to be closing in (hopefully) 2 weeks, and that these new people are going to come in a renovate the house. But as someone else said, you are not selling your family or your memories. And as I've been telling my brother, a house isn't a good keepsake!!

Sorry I have more to say but DDs are yanking at me to get outside. Please PM me if you want to talk more or I will write more later.

Good luck. YOu can do it. It's just stuff and you cannot take away what your parents have given you - the ability to deal with this and more.

[elephantmeg]

DH's family just did this. They hired an auction company to come in and auction everything they didn't want. They did all the packing etc. You can specify that they haul the rest away to goodwill/dump etc (I'm pretty sure it cost more but was worth it). So I would take a girlfriend/cousin/someone and collect what you want and then turn it over to a company. I wish you peace as you go through this hard process!