Do you let your kids win?

[Veronica's Mommy]

Like when you play board games? Just curious.
DD is 3 and we like to play stuff like Go Fish. If she me asks for a card & I don't have it but DH does, he will immediately on his next turn ask her for it so he can collect the pair. If she asks him for a card that I have have, I usually "forget" that she asked and I ask DH for the card. The hope being that she notices that I have it and then asks me for it in the next round. It doesn't always happen that way, and if she keeps not paying attention I don't mind taking the pair from her but I at least want to give her the chance, KWIM?
What's everyone else's thoughts on this?
BTW, she's not really all that into winning anyway.

[codex57]

My kids are too little, but with my nephews, it depends on the kid. THe more sensitive ones I let win. The older they get, the less I let them win.

[neeleymartin]

i don't. ds doesn't seem to care about winning yet anyway. oftentimes he beats me.

i see far too many kids enter school not able to lose gracefully and be a good sport. this is something i hope ds is good at. not really about winning, playing the game is the best part.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Nope. But, I admit I don't play as hard as I would against dh! There would be some strategies I could employ in some of ds1's games that would make it certain that i'd win but I don't use them. I try to play at a level he has a chance of matching.

Beth

[egoldber]

I guess it depends. If we're playing a game that is mostly chance (aka Candyland, Chutes&Ladders, Sorry), then no. But if it's a game that requires skill and patience to learn (checkers, chess, many card games), then I don't think it's very fun to lose every single time for the first 1000 times you play KWIM? So generally we will play it cooperatively until she gets the hang of it.

And even then, for very complicated games where the adults have a huge advantage due to experience (I'm thinking of word games like Banagrams, Boggle, Scrabble), then we will change the game a bit or have one of us play with her to keep it fun.

[sarahsthreads]

I do similar to you. I don't cheat, but I don't always play to the best of my abilities. DD1 is 5. Sometimes she wins, sometimes she doesn't, and so far that's been OK. We do typically play (if it's a board game) until everyone gets to the end because that's her motivation - not necessarily getting there first, just getting there - and I think that's something to encourage. Kind of like if you don't come in first place in a race, you don't just stop running, right? And even if she gets to the end first she likes to cheer us on until we get there too, which is also a good attitude to have.

Go Fish is actually pretty hard for us to play fairly anyway, because half the time her cards are showing. So I have to sort of ignore what I know she has and ask about some other card instead.

We do have a game where she wins almost every time because of skill: Gulo Gulo (http://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/6351). It involves picking up tiny eggs out of a bowl without making a stick tip over, and her nimble little fingers let her get that egg almost every single time. Seriously, if you want to play your hardest and still get beaten by your child every time you play, get this game. :)

Sarah :)

[infocrazy]

DH and I are very competitive...so no... :bag

If we are playing something like trouble though, DH and I target each other, and let DS1 skate around.

My nephew used to throw fits, at 10, because he didn't win and I just don't think that is healthy. He and I played Wii and he wouldn't stop playing until he beat me. It was annoying more because of his negative attitude than anything else. He would cheer when DS1 (3 at the time) would fall doing Wii Fit Balance games and it made DS not want to play...I was irritated.

DS is excited for whoever wins at this point and loves playing. That is what I am hoping he keeps. Especially since I LOVE board games and hope in a few years we can family game night. DS2 is not very conducive to this yet...

[neeleymartin]

I guess it depends. If we're playing a game that is mostly chance (aka Candyland, Chutes&Ladders, Sorry), then no. But if it's a game that requires skill and patience to learn (checkers, chess, many card games), then I don't think it's very fun to lose every single time for the first 1000 times you play KWIM? So generally we will play it cooperatively until she gets the hang of it.

And even then, for very complicated games where the adults have a huge advantage due to experience (I'm thinking of word games like Banagrams, Boggle, Scrabble), then we will change the game a bit or have one of us play with her to keep it fun.

perfectly said.

[brittone2]

I guess it depends. If we're playing a game that is mostly chance (aka Candyland, Chutes&Ladders, Sorry), then no. But if it's a game that requires skill and patience to learn (checkers, chess, many card games), then I don't think it's very fun to lose every single time for the first 1000 times you play KWIM? So generally we will play it cooperatively until she gets the hang of it.


That's us. DS is learning chess and obviously he can't compete with my DH on anything even close to an even keel. Losing 1000x in a row would be so discouraging, so DH plays it with DS in more of a cooperative fashion.

When I play tic tac toe I usually try to avoid using the tricks where I can win 2 different ways (no matter which row he blocks, I'd win the other row, kwim?) over and over. I've introduced the concept to him that sometimes a player can find a way to make that happen, but I don't use it 10x in a row even if I have the opportunity. I don't necessarily try to intentionally lose or throw the game otherwise.

[mommylamb]

I guess it depends. If we're playing a game that is mostly chance (aka Candyland, Chutes&Ladders, Sorry), then no. But if it's a game that requires skill and patience to learn (checkers, chess, many card games), then I don't think it's very fun to lose every single time for the first 1000 times you play KWIM? So generally we will play it cooperatively until she gets the hang of it.


I agree. I used to play chess with my father when I was very young (starting at about age 3 or 4 he taught me the basics). He's an excellent chess player and he never let me win. I just lost interest in the game. I still remember how to play, but I don't want to do it... ever... ever.

[citymama]

My DD is uber-competitive. She goes ballistic if she doesn't win - and by ballistic I mean destroys the entire game, throw a mega tantrum. Which is funny b/c she is not a tantrum thrower otherwise, and also funny because the family legend is that my DH was like that till he was a teenager! Nobody wanted to play board or card games with him b/c he was such a sore loser! So yes, I let DD win only to keep the peace.

[doberbrat]

Nope. But, I admit I don't play as hard as I would against dh! There would be some strategies I could employ in some of ds1's games that would make it certain that i'd win but I don't use them. I try to play at a level he has a chance of matching.

Beth

This. I WANT her to loose sometimes. Its a teaching moment about being a graceful looser/ good sport.

but I also dont set out to beat the pants off her either.

[JTsMom]

It depends. I think it's important that they lose sometimes so that they can learn how to be a gracious about it, and I think it's important that they win sometimes, and learn to be gracious about that too. I try to model both for him as well.

We play a LOT of games. If I've won several in a row, I'll throw one. If it's a game where things are unbalanced (like Memory), I'll try to even it out a bit, while still giving him the motivation to try harder. When we play Candyland, and I win, if he wants to finish, or pretend to finish and say he won, I'm fine with that too.

[ncat]

We never throw the game, but sometimes we help DD so she can learn the strategy. Games like Candyland we often play until everyone is done.

[TwinFoxes]

Nope. But, I admit I don't play as hard as I would against dh! There would be some strategies I could employ in some of ds1's games that would make it certain that i'd win but I don't use them. I try to play at a level he has a chance of matching.

Beth

My kids don't play board games yet, but I imagine this will be my strategy. I also had a nephew who hated losing. Luckily he grew out of it (for the most part) by 8 or 9. It was so annoying to have him say "I don't want to play anymore" if things started even going slightly my way. I wasn't playing to win, but I wasn't going to throw the game either. His mom always let him win, my brother put a stop to it when it became clear DN was turning into a sore loser.

Also, since I have two, both of them won't win, so I couldn't in good conscience throw a game in one's direction, and not the other's.