Anyone BTDT with post partum depression and went through it again?

[Ivy_CA]

Hi, I don't post much on these boards but they helped me a lot when I was looking for baby things for my sons, and I have been lurking a lot lately. I was seeing a therapist for a while about a year ago and I called her to see if I could see her again, but I thought, where is a spot where there are a bunch of nice moms I could talk to in the meantime? :)

I have two kids, boys, aged 6 and 3.5. I should mention that it complicates things that my 3yo is a handful and a half. :) When I had my first child I'm almost positive I went through post partum depression, but it didn't start to get bad until he got mobile and I didn't realize at the time it could start that late. I've been told since that ppd can happen not only any time in the first post partum year, but also up to a year after you've weaned - if anybody has better information on this than I, I would appreciate it! :) When I had my second and I knew ppd could be a concern, I spoke to my doctor about it but they told me the only thing they could do for me is put me on anti-depressants - and that I would have to stop nursing. I refused to stop nursing so I just got through it as best I could. With him I also went through a rough period when he got mobile, but the difference was that while my older son settled down around 18 mos my younger son never did. But we got through it - it was a rough way to learn the lesson that all children are different! I should also mention I was in college through most of this period finishing my B.A.

So...I finished my B.A., started graduate school (which was a lot harder than I had expected) and got to around the anniversary of weaning my younger boy. This was the first time that my hormones had a chance to settle down because two months after I weaned my oldest I got pregnant again. Anyway, I went nuts. :) I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and put on medication...after medication, after medication. I saw a therapist for a while and I quit grad school.

Now it's been about a year and a half since I started having problems, I'm off the medication and honestly really am feeling much better - I don't want to hide from my boys, I don't get as irritable with them, and I don't carry this stress feeling in me all day after being alone with them (I'm a SAHM right now). I have my moments where I crave time alone, but who doesn't?

Anyway, after aaaaall that backstory, here's the issue: I want to have another baby. We've been sort of talking about it for a couple years but at first it wasn't a good time, and then I had my problems. But now I'm in a much better place, my children love the idea, I love the idea, and I must admit it is my last chance to have a daughter. :D But I'm scared. I'm terrified that I will go through ppd again or I'll bring myself back to how I was feeling last year just because of the hormones involved in pregnancy and breastfeeding (and I bf both my kids for almost two years each, not bf is not an option for me). I don't ever want to feel that way again and after my experiences with anti-depressants, I can't stress enough that I never, ever want to take another one ever again. I have to think about the children I have now, and what my going through another bout of depression would do to them - but I can't help but think about the child I might have, and how she might never get to be a part of our family because my body is failing me in this way, that maybe she'll never be born because I can't handle what it'll do to my mind.

So tell me - did anyone else struggle with post partum depression? How did you deal with it? And most importantly, did you have another baby afterwards?

Thank you.

[ha98ed14]

I knew I had major depression before DD was born. I had to go off my meds while I was pregnant. It was the worst time of my life. I was insane. Really. It was he!! for me and DH who had to deal with me. I never want to feel that way ever, ever again. I went back on meds as soon as DD was born. I never BF'd. For the first 3+ months of DD's life, DH did everything for her. I did nothing except try to keep my mood in check. (He's a teacher and was off for summer.) It took me a year+ to stablize and get back to where I was before DD was born. She is 2.5 now.

I still have depressive episodes. A lot of it is triggered by stress and, for me, having a child can be very stressful. I could not stand being at home with her, so I went back to school PT and when she turned 2, I put her in daycare (high quality) and enrolled FT. Going to school keeps me sane. It gave me a focus outside of my home life and an external structure to my schedule that had consequences. (I know some SAHMs can make themselves a schedule and stick to it. I can't. I need consequences.)

The answer to your question is no; I don't have another child. If I have my way, I will never be pregnant or birth another child. I could, hypothetically, see adopting when DD is older, but I doubt it will happen because it is so expensive and we don't have a lot of money. For me, this is an easy choice. I would have to be off meds again while pregnant which would mean I could not work or be sane to co-parent DD. It's not fair to the child I have to do that to her. It also feels unfair to DH, although if I wanted another child, he would support me. But ultimately it comes down to this: I don't want another child bad enough to sacrifice my sanity. It's my life too. I have a right to choose myself over another child. In his heart DH would like more, but he can be satisfied with DD. He supports my right to claim my life for myself.

That is my story. From reading yours, I think your choice comes down to how much you want that 3rd child. Is it worth your sanity? It will probably cost you that, at least for a while. There is no one right answer. There are certainly no easy answers either.

[Katigre]

There are multiple natural options for helping treat depression too - and I'm surprised you were told you couldn't take meds and nurse. I have nursing mama friends who have taken pretty much every depression med out there and it's been fine.

If I were you, I would probably try for a 3rd child but make sure there was a definite plan in place to holistically support and help you during pregnancy and post-partum to head off depression - that includes community/relational support, natural stuff, checking in with a dr./midwife regularly to watch for it, etc...

It may still be bad, but I think it can be made 'less bad' and less life-altering with a proactive plan in place.

[firsttimemama]

I'm really saddened that you were told you couldn't nurse and take an antidepressant. It's simply not true.

There are at least a few antidepressants that you can take and nurse.

I did have PPD following the birth of my first son. I have not had a 2nd child yet, but I do hope to. I do fear PPD again, but I guess as I've battled depression on and off for over a decade, I feel like I'll get through it - with my counselor, maybe meds, maybe natural support, etc.

Do you think it's possible that you would be willing to take an antidepressant if they could find one that worked for you/you felt ok on and they told you it was OK to nurse on it? Also, there are good sources out there for checking safety of medications while nursing (Hale, Lactmed) Doctors are often *not good* sources for checking that.

[DebbieJ]

Zoloft is the drug of choice for bfing moms. I'm on it now for PPD.

[brgnmom]

I've heard that Zoloft is safe for nursing.

Does anyone know if Zoloft is safe to use when pregnant?

[tiapam]

Did you ever have your thyroid checked before you had kids or after when you were experiencing PPD? If not, and since you are feeling pretty good right now, I would get a thyroid test so you have a baseline and know what is normal for you. Just in case your PPD is thyroid related. It's at least one more bit of info you can use if you do decided to have a third child.

[firsttimemama]

The thyroid thing is a good point. I'm hypothyroid too, and it was having kids that took me from borderline to officially hypo.

[jerseygirl07067]

I can't say I've had PPD per se, but I do believe I have a tendency toward PMDD which started after the birth of DD #2. Things were going along just fine and then around 8 months or so (which is when my cycle returned) I noticed I would turn into a psychotic raging lunatic a week or so before my period. Not just PMS, but PMS times 100!!! I didn't make the connection until it happened for a few months in a row. I would explode at the the slightest things, and would get angry and yell and scream at my kids, it was horrible. There was one weekend it was so bad....my husband was out of town and I was just so irritable, yelling, screaming, etc. that I raided the liquor cabinet, and hence felt much better. As one who doesn't drink much to begin with, I found it really calmed me down and made things more bearable. That's when I realized this was a very serious issue. So I started researching about PMDD and found I fit the criteria. Interestingly, just as I was about to seek medical help for it, my symptoms started to diminish.

Once my cycle starts, it's like turning off the switch, and it stops. I feel normal, until about 10 days before the next period.

Fast forward to the present, I had baby #3 back in May, and things were going along really well until this month. I started to feel those feelings of the psychotic raging lunatic that I was after DD #2. Sure enough, my cycle came about 10 days later. So I am going to be monitoring this closely and will not hesitate to get on meds if I need to. I did speak with a women's health specialist who recommended I up my vitamin D intake, as well as all of the vitamin Bs, and omega 3 consumption, which I have been doing. I am also trying to make sure I get good sleep during this time too.

Back to your original question (sorry for getting a bit off topic), there are definitely meds you can take during pregnancy for depression. My friend was on either Zoloft, or Lexapro, I can't recall for sure, but she felt great. She had PPD after her first, and didn't realize how bad it was until she went on medication and realized how much better she felt.

I also remember reading about a book called, "Depression Free, Naturally" that explores some alternative ways to dealing with depression, if you're leary about taking the medications.

Good luck! :)

[Ivy_CA]

Thanks so much to everyone for their replies.

I've been told by a family doctor who called his obstetrician son to confirm it and by a psychiatrist that I could not nurse while on anti-depressants. I'll check out the websites posted and do some research on zoloft; it's not one of the...five? different anti-depressants I was prescribed over my somewhat disastrous experience with medications. I guess I am not...completely averse to taking medication if it is absolutely necessary, I would just rather it be an absolute last resort. As you can see from having taken five different anti-depressants over the course of seven months, some of which had very bad emotional side effects - worse than the depression itself - I don't have a good opinion of them for me. :)

Oh, and when I started having serious depression problems after the kids were born I had a complete physical including having my thyroid checked - it was fine.

ha98ed14, thank you for sharing your story with me. I can imagine how hard it must have been for you to go off your medication while you were pregnant. Your little girl is lucky to have such a great mom. :)

edit:
jerseygirl, I have often wondered if I have PMDD as well. My depression started with cycle crazies a few months before it actually started occurring full time, though mine happened the day before or the day of my period - it was a cycle crazy that caused me to yell at my son and hurt myself out of guilt over it which started the doctors and the anti-depressants. I've actually been on Yaz for about five or six months in the hopes that it would help - though of course now that I'm thinking about having another baby I just ended my last cycle with them. I always figured that I would try bcp first if my depression ever got bad again, though of course that can harm milk supply.

[Momof3Labs]

I am on Zoloft and nursing. It absolutely is considered safe while nursing.

[Katigre]

Here's a paage on specific meds: http://www.kellymom.com/health/meds/antidepressants-hale10-02.html

[tnrnchick74]

I had severe PPD after my son was born. Some of it was situational (leaving abusive ex-BF), but having had a history of depression off and on since puberty I know hormones have something to do with it.

There are medications you can take while BF. I'm fortunate that while pregnant, I was happy (though hormonal), and don't see the need to take antidepressants while pregnant.

And while I long to have another child, now is not the time. BUT if I ever get to the point where I am married, and ready...I will be open/honest with my OB and start antidepressants as soon as I deliver. I will have a support system in place with a counselor, supportive DH, etc to give me what I need to get through it.

So, I do think you can do it...you just need to find people who will support you and an ob who understands medication and BF.