Any SAHMs who went back to work (PT or FT) by choice, not necessity?

[ourbabygirl]

I've been home w/DD for a little over a year now, and I'm a bit disillusioned because I thought I would feel much more fulfilled as a SAHM once DD was born. I just feel like I need more purpose and passion in my life; I'm definitely not getting it by staying home w/DD full time, but I'm also worried that if I go back full time, I'll be in way over my head. I miss some of the people I worked with and for, but I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of going back since I'd spent the last 5 years planning to stay home once we had kids.
Were you once a SAHM who decided to go back to work, not out of financial need, but for other reasons? How did you ultimately make the choice on what to do? Do you have any regrets? How was the transition back for you?

Thanks so much for your help! This is one thing that's been bothering me for the last year, and I need to resolve it one way or the other. :)

ETA I'm a teacher, so if I go back to my former job (I have until this spring to decide), it would have to be M-F, 7-3 + hours at home of planning, grading, yada yada yada. I'd need to see if there's any other job I could get that would be either PT a few days a week, or PT 5 days a week, but not 8 hours a day. The other hitch is that DH travels a bit for work, so that could make daycare drop-off and pick-up tricky if he's out of town. Any BTDT advice on that? Thanks!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have reached that point too now that ds2 is almost 2 years old. I hit it a few months back. The logistics of it all is keeping me being at home with him though and honestly I am enjoying it again. Since ds1 was born 7.5 years ago I have gone through periods where I really feel like I need and want more professionally and such. But, honestly it almost always is just a phase and I am able to really get into being at home with the boys again. I also know that the grass is not always greener on the other side so I try to think of all the good things that come with being a SAHM (going to the zoo in the middle of the week when it isn't crowded, playdates, lunches out with friends, hitting the gym during the day rather than try and fit it in the rest of the day, just simply hanging out with the kiddos...).

Have you read "Misconceptions" by Naomi Wolf? It can be a bit of a downer but I really appreciated her honesty back when I was going through a SAH slump. It made me feel better to know that she (and many others) have found that motherhood wasn't quite as expected.

If you can give this decision some time, I would. You are entering a super fun age! Sign yourselves up for something like Music Together or a Gymnastics' class and meet some other families. Soon the kids will be interested in playdates and you'll develop a full, rich life together. I can admit that little babies just aren't quite as much fun as toddlers. So many new adventures are on the horizon and I bet you'll enjoy them more. :)

Boy, I'm doing a fairly good job talking myself out of work. :) I know I am not going to pursue anything till next year unless I have to for financial reasons though so I am in a "glass half full" mode! I'm also feeling a bit more secure with my SAH gig after talking with 2 burnt out moms last week. One just went to parrt time (which would be my ideal). The other is a teacher who is just pretty trapped b/c if she takes a leave she will have to start all over again per her union's contract.

I hope you can find a solution that works for you. Really and truly though, if you have some time to work through this it could very well be worth it. This next year is such a darned fun age.

Beth

[momtoonegirl]

Were you once a SAHM who decided to go back to work, not out of financial need, but for other reasons? How did you ultimately make the choice on what to do? Do you have any regrets? How was the transition back for you?

Were you once a SAHM who decided to go back to work, not out of financial need, but for other reasons? I stayed at home for 3 years before returning back to work. I went back to work after that because survival in my career basically depended on it (I would have been out too long to keep up my skills, licensing, etc. to return to work in a marketable/hirable state).

How did you ultimately make the choice on what to do? I only went back to work when I found a place that could provide flexible hours and/or a part-time schedule, since I pretty much have full childcare responsibilities (no family in area, DH with inflexible schedule).

Do you have any regrets? Not so far. I have been WOTH for about 8 months now. I began working "part-time/flexible schedule", now I am working "full-time/flexible schedule". I pretty much can take off days when school is not in session, and I also have work at home days as well.

How was the transition back for you? Not bad at all. I am fortunate to have pretty supportive colleagues. Believe it or not I am the only and youngest woman in my department at my level where I work----my colleagues are all older than me and men 5 to 10+ years my senior. They all have kids, although their kids may be grown-up, they do understand the need to be a parent and have family time.

My main issue that I had when looking for a place to work was the schedule, and since I did not have to return right away for financial reasons, I could wait until I found a job with the right fit. Good luck in your decision :)

[niccig]

I do want to go back to work for me. DS is 5 yo and in school 5 days a week, so I can seriously consider it now. When he was about the age of your DC, I started volunteering. I got a sitter for half a day, and I spent the time doing something I was interested in. I also started some night classes at UCLA extension. I NEEDED to have some mental challenges, and something that had nothing to do with DS or the house.

As DS's school has increased, I've gotten more and more antsy about returning to work. The House part of SAHM drags me down. Last week I washed the windows - yay for me in a sarcastic tone. I know that all that I do here at home does make life better for DH and DS, but you know, it's just not enough. Like Beth, when I feel like this I am trying to remind myself of all the good times of being a SAHM, and those good times are the times with DS. But with him in school so much, there's more hours to do the house work.

I am searching for work. Financially we don't need me to work, but any extra would be a bonus. Ideally, I would do something part-time, as I want to be able to pick him up from school on some days, take him to gymnastics class etc. I don't know if I'll be able to find a great part-time job. There may be a full-time job opportunity in an area I would like to pursue, but it's full-time. I know I want to work, but I'm not sure I'm ready for full-time.

You said you're a teacher - is there a chance you could look for part-time work as a private tutor or something education related. If you want volunteer work, I'm sure many places would love to have a teacher volunteer - volunteering was good for me as I had the flexible to change things if DS was sick etc. I hope you can work out something.

[StantonHyde]

I stayed home for maternity leave for 3 mos, then went back FT for one week!!! DS was still not sleeping and I had a management position etc so it was very hard. I cut back to 4 days a week but the new boss I got (while I was out on leave) was heinous (she eventually got fired for, among other things, creating a hostile work environment). So I quit and told DH I would find something PT.

It took me about 6 weeks to find a great PT job. I worked 3 days a week, then had DD, worked 2 days a week for her first year of life, then back to 3 days, and then I have worked 2 days a week for the last year or so. I will probably have to go back up to 3 days this year. (Hospitals have a big survey every 3 years, so I have one year for the prep, another 6 months or so for the "clean up", and then a year when I am not very busy)

My job is great because it uses my professional skills. I loathe the content--regulatory compliance. (My true love is management training/team facilitation but once you are scheduled to teach/facilitate you cannot back out--not possible with kids) BUT I love the people I work with and nobody cares when I come or go or call in sick. The only way DH can get out of work is if it is his own funeral (seriously, the man has worked while wheeling an IV pole attached to his arm!!) and he works nights, weekends, etc on alternating days etc so I cannot depend on him for childcare. I have a great daycare that is across the parking lot.

I get intense satisfaction from working, my identity is as a working person, and I get true "self actualization" from doing paid work out of the house. SAHMs who are successful/happy get that same sense by doing what they do. Even with kids who are more "fun" than babies, I still had to work for my sanity.

I was fortunate--I was 38 when I had DS and had a good 14 year track record plus 6 years working within the same hospital system so I was a known quantity. The job that was posted was for someone with an RN who would work 40 hours a week. I didn't/couldn't meet those requirements but I got an informational interview (I knew people in admin here, I just didn't know the director). I acknowledged that I didn't have what was posted, but I listed what I did have and told the director how I could benefit his hospital. I did learn a good lesson--I sort of wanted to explore options. He wanted me to say what I wanted and then he would decide if he could do that or not. So I would say go into an interview to explore but have a definitive plan if somebody asks you for one.

I have now been at this job for 6 years--longest I have ever been in one job. But I am definitely on the mommy track and that's ok with me.

Good luck in your search. Even if you come out even paying for childcare etc, I think it is worth it for your sense of you!!

[ha98ed14]

Can you "job share"? My H teaches 4th and there are at least three classrooms at his K-6 where the teachers job share. One takes M-W and the other Th-F. In all the cases the teachers have kids 3rd grade or younger and want to be home a few days a week. They did it by finding another teacher that they wanted to work with and then pitched it to the principal. The district does allow it, so I guess it would depend on your district.

FWIW, I am in school FT for a career change and I plan to go back. I have one DD 2.5 and don't plan any more. We live debt-free in DH's income. It's tight and we don't own a house, but we manage to stay in the black. I don't know if you consider that needing to go back or not. But *I* need to go back for the reasons you described. This is overstepping the bounds, but IIWY, I would go back. Teaching is one of the most flexible and family friendly jobs there is. If you have more children, you can always quit later, or take a leave of absence after your tenured, if you aren't already. The job security is good. Does your DH have good job security? There are so many reasons to keep your finger in the pie. Anyway, FWIW. Good Luck. It's never an easy decision.