How often do you yell at your kids?

[jerseygirl07067]

I am posting a poll with this, as this is a sensitive topic some may not want to publicly admit to.

I have had some hard days recently, and have yelled waaay more than I want to, or ever thought I would. I always feel guilty about it afterward. I always said I would keep my cool and not lose my temper, etc. but good heavens.....some days I feel like I yell at them all the time!

I realize that kids can become addicted to negative attention like crack, so I try to avoid falling into that trap by using lots of positive reinforcement when they are behaving well. But there are just days when instead of staying one step ahead of them with the positive reinforcement, I get sucked into the misbehave, scold, more misbehaving, yell, cycle. I hate it. I use timeouts when needed, and they do work for us most of the time, but sometimes I forget and just start scolding, yelling, etc.

So....how often do you yell at your kids? For the record, my two oldest DDs are almost 6, and 4 1/2. Am I the worst mom, or what?

[Naranjadia]

I'm pretty frustrated with myself for yelling at DD tonight. She totally thrived on that moment and I am sure will do a repeat performance of hitting her brother in the stomach when he's trying to sleep just to get me to yell again. We're really having a hard time with bedtime without cribs. Time-outs don't seem to be as effective in the bed-time scenario. (She thinks she can get her brother to get a time-out by convincing him to hit her, so she gets to leave their room.)

I don't yell all that often, but I yell in spurts - when I feel powerless and tired.

[jerseygirl07067]

That's a good way of putting it..."in spurts, when I feel powerless and tired".

That seems to be what amps up the yelling for me too.

[niccig]

I don't yell all that often, but I yell in spurts - when I feel powerless and tired.

:yeahthat: I try to not yell. I grew up in a household with lots of yelling, and I don't want to repeat that with DS. For me, it's when I'm tired, so I'm working on that and having more patience.

[smilequeen]

I would love to vote the first one b/c it really isn't my parenting style, but I am completely imperfect and working on it. I would guess in a bad week I raise my voice several times a week (at least) in a good week I might not do it at all though.

[TwinFoxes]

I put never, but I wish there were an "other." My kids are young. In theory it's not my style, and it's easy not to yell at them now, they don't really do anything that comes close to warranting yelling except for D pulling her sister's hair, and so far the only one who yells is S! But I'm sure eventually, and probably not that far off, I'll find myself yelling.

I'm with a pp, I grew up surrounded by yelling, and I don't ever want to be in that environment again, and I certainly don't want DDs in that environment.

[egoldber]

Well, I voted several times a week. It's probably once a day on average. Not my goal, but it is what it is. And yes, it's definitely worse when I am feeling tired and frustrated.

[maestramommy]

I voted never, but no pats on the back for me. Yelling just doesn't happen to be my bugaboo. Yelling takes a tremendous amount of energy for me, and I would have to make an effort to yell, so it just doesn't happen. I think I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've yelled in my entire life (not counting screaming during roller coasters):p

Spanking, that's another issue. I have not spanked often. But I have to consciously stop myself from doing it.

[kedss]

guilty of yelling way more than I want to, most mornings, after I've asked DS(told him) to get get dressed 10+ times, I hit my yelling phase. Sometimes I feel if I'm louder maybe something will happen, but it doesn't usually work. I've threatened not talking for a day, but my 'stink eye' isn't that effective. ;) Its definitely something I want to change, but its a challenge.

[hillview]

Wow I raise my voice OFTEN. So I might raise my voice and say sternly "it is time for dinner, sit down now!" or "I am going to count to 3 if you aren't sitting down when I get to three there will be no TV!" On the other hand it isn't me losing it yelling. So if the examples are what we mean by yelling it is several times a day (more on weekends). If you mean losing it yelling maybe once a week or less. Although sometimes I will tell DS I am just about to lose my temper and be very mad.
/hillary

[sste]

I put down once or twice because I once yelled "ow" rather more aggressively than necessary when DS slammed the dishwasher on my hand. And there have been a few angry hisses. But I don't think I have ever yelled directly at him. This is only possible because I have alot of household support so I can generally take my own little time out when I feel my temper going. Also, I WOTH and that is a helpful break - - I would be much more likely to yell if I was with DS all day.

[mamicka]

Wow I raise my voice OFTEN. So I might raise my voice and say sternly "it is time for dinner, sit down now!" or "I am going to count to 3 if you aren't sitting down when I get to three there will be no TV!" On the other hand it isn't me losing it yelling. So if the examples are what we mean by yelling it is several times a day (more on weekends). If you mean losing it yelling maybe once a week or less. Although sometimes I will tell DS I am just about to lose my temper and be very mad.
/hillary

Yup, my voice gets raised often out of sheer practical necessity. My kids are so loud they'd never hear me otherwise. I don't consider that 'yelling' for this poll. I answered occasionally when I lose it. It happens & I'm making it a deliberate effort to reduce it & I feel really good about how I've been doing.

[egoldber]

I guess maybe we need to define yelling. I definitely raise my voice every day. As in, "Sarah, we are NOT talking about this anymore!" Or, "Amy, NO, do NOT climb on your sister!")

But I've never had a screaming rampage at my kids. So I guess now I'm not sure how to answer.

[sarahsthreads]

Yeah, I though it was like Beth's examples - raising your voice as in "Carolyn, put your coat on NOW so you don't miss the bus!" (after asking pleasantly several times) or "Anna! Do NOT pull the dog's tail!" so I voted several times a week. Heck, I feel like a drill sergeant most mornings trying to get DD1 on the bus.

But all out screaming out of lost control? Maybe once or twice a month (usually coinciding with the last couple of days of my cycle...) and I'm not proud of it. That kind of screaming is almost always directed at the older one, and almost always due to a morning getting-out-the-door conflict. And I always feel terrible about it afterwards.

Sarah :)

[fivi2]

I guess maybe we need to define yelling. I definitely raise my voice every day. As in, "Sarah, we are NOT talking about this anymore!" Or, "Amy, NO, do NOT climb on your sister!")

But I've never had a screaming rampage at my kids. So I guess now I'm not sure how to answer.

:yeahthat:

This is us. Except I have screamed (not nasty/mean things) a couple times when they were attacking each other - pretty rare (maybe 1 or 2 ever).

But raising my voice? A LOT.

[egoldber]

a couple times when they were attacking each other - pretty rare (maybe 1 or 2 ever).

LOL! I'm sure there must have been a few times that I am blocking out right now. ;)

[fivi2]

LOL! I'm sure there must have been a few times that I am blocking out right now. ;)

And I may be underestimating ;)

But my mom was a screamer, so when I feel like I am about to lose it, I will usually send them to their room, or go to my room, or take a break. So I usually manage to avoid the total screaming meltdown.

But, I do raise my voice quite a bit :)

[hillview]

Ok with the above definitions, I can't think of a time when I all out LOST it but I am not a lose it sort of person. With DH I don't think we've ever (maybe once?) had a screaming fight. Not my style.
/hillary

[maestramommy]

Okay, I'm glad someone asked about defining yelling. I DO raise my voice, but I don't out and out yell, shout, scream, whatever you call it. One of my parents was a yeller, and I know I don't do that. For me it's not so much the volume as it is the tone. Usually when I raise my voice, it's just a little louder, but hard as nails:p

[graciebellesmomma]

Never. Not a yeller.
I do raise my voice at dh very occasionally, but
that's rare. I hate yelling.

I also got really lucky with a child who is
an angel in just about every single way. She is
soooo easy. I count my lucky stars!

[Corie]

I love Erma Bombeck. You need to read her short essay
titled, "Confirmed Shouter".

For me, I raise my voice alot. But I am a very loud person
whatever my mood. :)

[mommylamb]

My son is only 2, so I don't really yell at him. I have raised my voice in specific situations, but usually I try to be firm. A while ago, he was insisting on my carrying him, and I was carrying other things and wearing way too high heals, and i fell and badly sprained my ankle. I needed him to walk on his own because I was in pain and I couldn't carry him, and he wouldn't do it, so I raised my voice with him... then that little lip started to quiver and he burst into tears. I felt so badly.

[arivecchi]

I usually yell if DS1 is about to do something dangerous or is hurting DS2. I am pretty good about keeping my cool otherwise.

[m448]

Corie I had to laugh at your comment. I come from a large latin family that just happens to be very loud. I remember my american hubby whispering to me at a family party why the older gentlemen seemed to be arguing so loudly. I had to tell him they were actually telling jokes and that's the natural volume level of a gathering.

I do raise my voice way more than I'd like to - it's definitely an indicator of needing some time to calm down. I've found that my voice level has risen exponentially in direct correlation to the amount of children I have. BTW OP, my older two boys are also 6 and soon to be 4.

[Laurel]

I use the firm "mommy means business" voice with less than polite language (i.e. "do it now") several times a day.

Yelling in anger (not for safety issues), probably less than weekly but more than monthly. I just read the article about yelling being as harmful as spanking so I am looking at my behavior with a more critical eye. When I lose it and yell, that is a sign to me that I need to slow down and take better care of myself.

ETA: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html?_r=2&ref=todayspaper

[pinkmomagain]

I have 3 kids who most of the time don't listen to me the first time when I tell them something in my nice voice...yes I do yell at least once a day. Not in a berating way, mostly in a "now will you listen to me?" kind of way. I don't enjoy it, I wish it could be different, but I'm not ashamed of it in anyway. I think it's well within the "normal" range.

[jerseygirl07067]

I guess when I meant yelling, I meant YEEEELLLLLLING, in my original post lol. Not just the firm mommy voice. Sometimes I think I've forgot what my normal voice is, hehe.

I must admit, I never yelled when I had only one child, and never when I had two...initially. Once they both hit the ages of 3 and 4, that's when it started.

Now that I have 3 kids under the age of 6, dinnertimes and bedtimes seem to be when I let it rip, since everyone is complaining, crying, or whining at once, I am tired, and I just lose it. Oh well....(insert long sigh here). It seems to be the worst when free time is just within my reach - the kids are in bed but keep clowning around, feeding off each other, getting wild and won't go to sleep. The two older DD share a room - perhaps I need to put an end to that!

[jse107]

I'm not a huge yeller. Firm voice, occassionally a little louder than normal? Yes. Really yelling, maybe a few times a month.

[egoldber]

Now that I have 3 kids under the age of 6, dinnertimes and bedtimes seem to be when I let it rip, since everyone is complaining, crying, or whining at once, I am tired, and I just lose it. Oh well....(insert long sigh here). It seems to be the worst when free time is just within my reach - the kids are in bed but keep clowning around, feeding off each other, getting wild and won't go to sleep.

Absolutely. I am tired, I am emotionally drained and my internal resources are at their lowest. The end is in sight, when I can have a blessed hour or two of peace and quiet to myself before bed and they will NOT go to bed....oh yeah, that's when I lose it too. :hug:

[infomama]

Yelling...never. I think my Dds would crumble into a thousand pieces if I yelled at them. Bear in mind my idea of yelling is pretty extreme like when you get in someone's face and let 'em have it.

Raising my voice ('stern mommy voice')...a few times a week (and I think that is *way* too much for me).