S/O When one DC hits/hurts the other DC WDYD?

[hillview]

The post on yelling got me thinking. I get VERY angry when DS #1 hurts/hits DS #2. Often DS #2 doesn't even get really hurt or upset but it BOTHERS me. Any helpful thoughts/tips on this?
TIA
/hillary

[egoldber]

It used to really bother me, but honestly the little one usually deserves it. :o While it is not acceptable, I do think that a judicious blind eye now and then is not necessarily a bad thing in letting them work things out.

[fivi2]

We have this problem. OP - your kids are closer in age than egoldber's, which might make a difference... Because with my twins, it is rarely deserved. (I am not disagreeing with the idea of letting kids work things out on their own, just saying that mine will attack each other completely out of the blue). My usually non-violent one bit her sister so hard the other day it left a nasty bruise. And we haven't had any biting in about 2 years. Completely unprovoked.

it does bother me. I usually do a firm no, and depending on the level of attack, a time out. The bite the other day landed a favorite stuffed animal in the closet for a few days.

But if they are arguing over a toy, or if it is a not too hard push or even light hitting, I might ignore it like pp. It really depends on the circumstances.

[carolinamama]

I usually separate the kids for a few minutes - as in "when we don't play nicely with eachother, we don't get to play together". DS1 usually has to go to a different area to play for a few minutes while DS2 and I play together. It isn't really a time out since he can play freely away from us. But it gets the point across to him since he usually wants to play WITH us. I also try to give DS1 appropriate options for handling a situation rather than resorting to hitting or pushing.

[hillview]

Ok I am glad I asked. I basically have a 0 tolerance policy. Maybe I need to rethink that. Hummm. Thanks
/hillary

[elephantmeg]

what gets me is when DD hits DS in the car. DS is crying "DD hit me", I can't see 'cause she's rear facing. I usually appologise, tell DD to stop and turn up the music.... Once DD was 14 months or so I stoped interfering in the little tiffs but am working on her hitting problem-she goes to time out for hitting-if I catch it.

Kids...

[ThreeofUs]

I keep a firm line on "no harm to self or others", and talk with my two about gentle touching. I also have to talk to DS1, who teaches DS2 to hit just by example (not by hitting HIM, but by hitting other things), about teaching the gentle behavior to DS2. DS2 is a little fireplug and he hits HARD, so DS1 is learning quickly to use words and gentler touches.

That said, I also turn a blind eye to a certain level of roughhousing and bumping/nudging. They both have to work it out on that level. DS2 has to know he can't push his older brother too far, and DS1 has to know how to manage DS2 playing with all the toys.

It's a balance I haven't hit well, but I feel like we're getting there.

[brittone2]

I separate them immediately if there's any chance things are going to continue to escalate (and around here they often do). So my first thing is to separate the two parties and tend to the injured victim. My little one will still occasionally hit, scratch or bite her big brother, but often because he gets in her face/space to tell her something.

We talk about what we could have done instead of getting in one another's space/hitting/biting, etc. (I often need to talk with both of them as I know DD's actions, while not acceptable, are usually triggered by DS getting in her face and yelling at her about something). For example, I explain to DS that he could offer a trade for a toy (vs. yell at his sister to give it to him), ask nicely, get an adult. The little one could ask for space, get an adult, etc. That works best once everyone calms down if there is a lot of emotion involved.

[hillview]

I separate them immediately if there's any chance things are going to continue to escalate (and around here they often do). So my first thing is to separate the two parties and tend to the injured victim. My little one will still occasionally hit, scratch or bite her big brother, but often because he gets in her face/space to tell her something.

We talk about what we could have done instead of getting in one another's space/hitting/biting, etc. (I often need to talk with both of them as I know DD's actions, while not acceptable, are usually triggered by DS getting in her face and yelling at her about something). For example, I explain to DS that he could offer a trade for a toy (vs. yell at his sister to give it to him), ask nicely, get an adult. The little one could ask for space, get an adult, etc. That works best once everyone calms down if there is a lot of emotion involved.

This is me most of the time. We do not hit; what can you do next time; etc
/hillary

[brittone2]

We don't require an apology but usually talk about how it can make your heart feel better to apologize or to do something to help the injured party. (check on them, offer a hug, help get a band-aid for a parent to put on, give them back the toy you were fighting over, etc.)