How to handle (spoiled!) child who always wants more presents?q

[khalloc]

And yes, this child is my own! I'm trying my hardest to teach her that you can get everything. but its not getting thru. And yes, I realize that this is my own fault a bit.

Anyways, We've had to make trips to Toys R Us recently for diapers, and birthday presnts for others. I always give her the talk when we go in. We're there for X item. She can look at the princess toys, but we are not getting them. If she starts to cry and whine, we are leaving.

Well she always whines and complains and we always leave (without getting her something). But yesterday my mom was visiting and wanted to get her something (my mom totally overdoes the presents). DD (she JUST turned 4) promised to be a good girl at bedtime (she usually is by DH has been away for the past week and is still away) and she has acted up a little saying she wants to sleep with me. So she says she will be good since she is getting a present from nana.

So first she sees a "Fur Real" pet duckie. But says she is only going to carry it around in the store. So after that she picks out a Cinderella doll and we buy that. She is fine leaving and at dinner and at home playing with doll. Then its bedtime. The whining starts. I tell her we had a deal. Then I take the doll away until she gets ready for bed and say she can have it once she gets ready for bed like a good girl. Well that doesnt happen. Once in bed she gets up a bunch talking about the Duckie, she is so worried about it. She HAS to have it, etc... etc... In order to get her to bed I lie and say we will go back and get him. I really have no intention of doing that today. Maybe I would purchase him for Xmas, but I'm not just going to buy him for her.

So that was last night. She I'm sure thinks that we are going after school to get the duck. LOL. Yikes! Also I took the toy that she DID pick (Cinderella doll) away last night and told her she was not getting it back until she was good (this afternoon at earliest)..

Ugh! I dont think I'll ever bring her to TRU again.

[hillview]

So couple of things. Might consider a wish list idea. So when DS wants something my rote answer is "we will put it on your wish list" I sort of (not really) keep his wish list on my blackberry this handles about 99% of things that come up. I would not tell her you will get it tomorrow (I think you know this ;)). I would talk about how frustrating it is to not get something you really want and how you can relate to that (eg what you really want etc). I also started an allowance ($4 a week) and so DS can save for things. Finally, I think it is reasonable to avoid target or toy stores for a little while if this becomes very difficult. I have carried a kicking/screaming child out of a store on 2 occasions when behavior was not ok. Oops another finally, I don't think this nec means your DD is spoiled -- I think it is a developmental thing that kids need to work out (I want vs what I can get etc) -- some adults have this same issue ;)
/hillary

[egoldber]

I agree with the PP completely. I don't think it's a matter of being spoiled, I think it's a developmental stage that some kids handle better than others. My older DD I could take her in any store and she never asked for anything. My younger, not so much.

I think running into TRU to buy diapers would be really hard for a lot of kids.

We also do the Wish List and it's very helpful.

[maestramommy]

I had my first experience of carrying a howling kid out of a store last week. Arwyn saw the goldfish display right when we entered the Target, and wanted the "purple goldfish." Telling her no, we already have it at home was not getting through, and she was getting more and more agitated, so we left. This morning I had to go and get other things, so in the parking lot I warned both girls that we had stuff to get, but we were NOT getting purple goldfish, because we already have it at home, did they understand? Well, it worked this time, because even though she started pointing out the display again, she didn't ask for it.

I hear you though! We had been getting purple goldfish the last couple of trips because we really did need them, and I think she thought it had become part of the trip. And she really loves the purple goldfish:p

[[email protected]]

Must be a developmental stage b/c DS who turns 4 on Thursday is doing the same thing. The wish list does help, but there are times when he just wants it right then and I just hold him and remind him that we can't always get what we want. I've learned not to take him shopping when he is tired and to avoid the toy section at all costs--I'll go to Target at 9 PM once the kids are down just to avoid the wailing.

[khalloc]

I will def try the Wish List idea. We have talked about making a list for Santa, etc....but she kept saying she didnt want to wait for Santa, she wanted to get it herself. LOL which = me buying it!

I know I should not have said i would get the toy, but i was so desperate for her to go to bed last night. She also thinks that other people will buy all the toys she wants and so when its time for her to get something, they wont be available any more :(

[Mikey0709]

Definately age 4.....boy am i going through this now! I guess i'm glad to see that i'm not alone.... carrying a screaming 4 year old out of a store.

[ett]

PPs have given you some good suggestions. When DS1 asks for something in the store, I tell him we don't usually buy things at full price in the store. We'll put in on our wish list for b-day/christmas and see if we can find a better price for it online. Usually, by the time we get home, he has totally forgotten about it.

I have definitely had to carry a screaming child out of the store on several occasions.

[pinkmomagain]

I agree with the list. When dd wants something a say that I don't have the money for it, but she can put it on her birthday/xmas/chanukah list. She's not always happy about it, but it helps.

I will also sometimes say "oh grandma was asking what she should get you for your bday, let's call and tell her that you would like xyz."

[doberbrat]

First, we do not buy toys etc when we’re together. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to a target, tru etc and come out w/a gift for her. If she doesn’t behave in a store, there are consequences, but good behavior doesn’t get her a treat since it’s a basic expectation I have. We do A LOT of shopping together and I expect proper behavior in stores and frankly don’t have the $$ or patience to bribe her for good behavior at each one.

2nd I’ve told her from the time she was itty bitty “Mommy doesn’t make threats, she makes promises”. If I say I’m going to pack up all her toys and take them away, as a consequence for not cleaning them up, I do. If I tell her that if she does X one more time I’m sending her to bed immediately, I do. No 2nd chances. I don’t go back on my word.

I would never have promised the toy in exchange for bedtime cooperation but if those words somehow fell out of my mouth, I’d have to honor them b/c I think it goes both ways.

I feel like she must always know that I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

But, I’m the “mean” mommy of our group.

[KrisM]

Some is personality, too. DS1 rarely asks. Last week, he and I went to Toys R Us. He asked to buy a pink lemonade for the ride home :).

DD wants it all, but the wish list idea works for her.

I do buy things at times, but not often. And, they are not rewards for being good in the store. The kids are expected to be good, regardless of whether we are buying something for them or not. If we go in to get them something and they act up, they still get what we came for. I just don't tie it to behaviour either way.

[jamesmom]

We do wishlists too. When one of my DCs ask for something in a store, I tell them to add it to their Christmas or birthday wishlist. They seem satisfied with doing that. More often than not, they have forgotten all about the toy by the time Christmas or their birthday comes around, which tells me they didn't want it that much to begin with. :)

[alien_host]

When DS1 asks for something in the store, I tell him we don't usually buy things at full price in the store. We'll put in on our wish list for b-day/christmas and see if we can find a better price for it online. Usually, by the time we get home, he has totally forgotten about it.

This is funny because DD has become accustomed to ask, "is it on sale or do you have a coupon?".

This has been happening to us a lot. DD is 4.5, I try to avoid taking her to TRU or Target but sometimes it is unavoidable. She has begged for items to the point of tears and I usually tell her she can put it on her Christmas or birthday list. That works most of the time.

Usually she comes around and says, "Maybe I can get it for my birthday then". The other day she spied some Dora toy that was $55!

I do sometimes buy her small things when we are together - it could be a small toy, food item or clothing, I don't really think that contributes to her asking for other toys. I do think it is human nature to "want things" and it's hard for them to understand.

But I've had to drag her out of the store as well. Even from the supermarket when she wants something like cookies or candy (damn candy aisle at the register).