Help, I've created a monster! (night waking, nursing, 2 yr old)

[wolverine2]

DS2 will be 2 in a month, and is waking up about every other night yelling for me and crying. He wants to nurse. I say I've created a monster because usually it's just been faster for me to go in, nurse him, and then he goes back to sleep and I get back to sleep. But lately he's been more demanding and doesn't want to stop and cries even after nursing when I leave (saying "more milk"). DH can't go in instead because he just yells louder for "mama." I've tried just letting him yell, but I usually give in after 45 minutes or so... I feel like he could go for hours.

He's still nursing 3x a day, plus the night time thing, and I really would rather be dropping sessions and moving toward weaning. I WOH, which might lead a bit to the giving in thing, because I worry that he just wants to connect with me (DH is a SAHD).

Any advice? Should I just let him yell and hope it extinguishes the waking after a few nights? I'm getting verry tired...

Luckily, DS1 sleeps through the whole thing (they share a room).

[hellokitty]

No advice but lots of :hug:. DS2 was JUST like that. DH was not able to soothe him, so that alternative did not work. He finally started STTN on his own when he was about 2.5 yrs old. So, hang on, hopefully it's right around the corner for you.

[m448]

has he gotten his two year molars already? I typcially did nightweaning after mine got in their two year molars in, because even with nursing that's an intense disruption of their sleep. Hope you get through it.

[Katigre]

I would not leave him to scream alone - he's 2 years old, he's verbal and can communicate.

I would nightwean him and prep him beforehand. Have a discussion where you say nursing is only for when it's light out, or only for morning and falling asleep, or whatever your new boundary is. Give him a calendar countdown for 7 days and each night you check off when there will be no more night nursing (you can skip this step if you think it will just confuse him or make him anxious - some kids do well with it and some don't).

Explain that when he wakes up at night he can have a drink of water and cuddles but no milk.

Then stick to your guns - you will have to NOT give in for a few nights before he gets the idea. He will cry and be upset, but you will be with him to comfort him (don't leave him alone to cry hoping that will be easier, that may make him more anxious). Your DH might have to be with him instead of you, but I think it's important to both respond and hold firm to the boundary of no nursing at night.

FWIW, here are some more ideas (geared toward a cosleeping family but focused on nightweaning so lots of ideas on how to do that with an older toddler): http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

:yeahthat: to Katigre

THat's pretty much exactly what I did with my older son when he was 27 months old. It took maybe 1-2 nights and then he slept through. I just held him and swayed while he cried because he wanted "nay-nay."

My younger son is 18 months and night nurses a ton and I am waiting til he is more verbal and has 2 year molars before giving him the axe on the night nursing. I also WOH and I do think that makes a difference on how I treat this.

Basically, to get him to stop night nursing, you have to really want to and be committed to it because it will take crying, in most cases. So if you're kind of ambivilent, it's hard to follow through on the crying.

Anyways, I never let either of my kids to cry/yell alone, and I couldn't be happier about that decision. My older son is 5 and sleeps through 95% of the time in his own room from 8:30-7, so it didn't ruin him or anything. ;)

(The other 5%, he may have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night or just have a hard time going back to sleep or whatever, which I think is perfectly fine!)

[mominmarch]

My 2.5 year old daughter was not nursing, but was still waking up for regular milk, and only me, not my husband, could give it to her. Various times we had givenup nighttime milk relatively easily but then last March (at 2) she got something like the flu and didn't eat for days... so when she wanted milk at nighttime, I gave it to her b/c it was often all she would eat or drink. Fast forward 6+ months and I was still getting up at least once a night to give it to her. I mentioned it to the ped earlier this fall and she said that this was a habit only and that at 2.5, she was stubborn, and that I shouldn't let my "working mother guilt" overrule common sense and that my daughter needed 9+ hours of "relatively uninterrupted sleep" at night (instead she was up 1 or 2 times, each for 30-45 minutes). And, I was absolutely exhausted.

So we formally gave it up in September. We had a long talk, and blamed it on the doctor actually. I actually told her one day I was going to call the dr and ask him about it, and then we had a friend call back and leave a voicemail on our phone where he said very simply and plainly that he was the dr calling back about the question of milk in the middle of the night, and the answer was that milk was just for bedtime and in the morning. We also made a "sleep rules" poster as suggested in Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child (for preschool age kids, but I figured we were close enough) and we added the extra rule about Milk being only before bedtime and when we woke up.

The first night was tough, she woke up and asked for it, I said no but I said that I would give her water in a dixie cup, she screamed for 30 minutes probably. But that was the last time. She has slept through the night pretty much ever since, and not asked for milk during the night again. We do continue to talk about the sleep rules, read them before bed, etc. the last rule is that "Mommy and Daddy love you very much" and she likes that one a lot. All in all, it was really easy and I wish I had done it sooner. I am a completely different person now that I sleep through the night too.

[wolverine2]

We also made a "sleep rules" poster as suggested in Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child (for preschool age kids, but I figured we were close enough) and we added the extra rule about Milk being only before bedtime and when we woke up.



What are the sleep rules? I gave my book away because I thought I was done with this!

I will make sure he's not teething- the last time we had miserable nights this was the reason, so important to rule it out.

I do not see myself going in and holding him while he's crying for milk being any comfort to him- maybe I'll try, but he's pretty stubborn and demanding and will be pretty mad. If I have to stay with him the whole time he's crying, it will be hours... If I give him water instead, I'm sure he would just wake up yelling "mama, wa-wa." Also, he's not that verbal yet- he says "more milk" and cries, but it's not like we're having two-way conversations.

I was actually ok with it when it was occasional nights and when he would seem content and just go to sleep after he nursed. But now he wants to nurse longer and longer, and never seems satisfied.

[Katigre]

I was actually ok with it when it was occasional nights and when he would seem content and just go to sleep after he nursed. But now he wants to nurse longer and longer, and never seems satisfied.
When my kids started doing that (with DS it was falling asleep nursing) that was a sign that he was looking for a way to transition away from it and needed my help to do so. It may only be one or two nights of him being upset and he'll be ready to move on.

[wolverine2]

When my kids started doing that (with DS it was falling asleep nursing) that was a sign that he was looking for a way to transition away from it and needed my help to do so. It may only be one or two nights of him being upset and he'll be ready to move on.


I'd be very happy if that is the case! Seems counter-intuitive though- his wanting to nurse more means he's ready to transition away from it?

[Katigre]

For my kids, they got more restless and intense about it b/c they felt insecure and were craving a boundary - and b/c he's little he doesn't know how to transition away from it by himself and needs you to teach him something new instead.