What is the most stressful thing you have ever gone through?

[arivecchi]

Just want to gain some perspective here and know that people do make it through stressful times.

[AnnieW625]

For us it was DH being laid off from his job three months before we got married. Thankfully he was frugal when he was working so our honeymoon was paid for as were his expenses for the wedding. Thankfully he got a severence package (two mos. pay, plus 3 mos. benefits so we never had to do the Cobra thing) so that helped, and that our rent was coverable on my income. We saved his unemployment checks, and later all of his odd job paychecks went to pay his car off, which we paid off a year early. DH did do some odd jobs for the 2 yrs. he was out of work (he was laid off 11-01-02 and started new job 11-01-04). He worked construction for some friends for four or five months in 2003, and in 2004 worked for 6 mos. at a beer company doing displays before he was offered his current job. It took a toll on DH because he didn't understand why he wasn't getting hired at the companies he wanted. We also had to move 400 miles from our immediate family and close friends, which was hard but ended up working out well for us. The most sobering moment I have of the whole ordeal was the morning the movers were at our place and I was throwing things out. DH had already started his job and I found his rejection letters from his jobs. I must have found 75 of them. I shredded them all. I knew he'd been busy, but when you actually have a number to put with the rejection letters I had no idea DH had even applied for so many jobs.

[happymomma]

Mine was when my first child was born. Totally changed everything about us. We had to hold him 24/7 so that he could sleep. In addition, he would cry whenever he was in his car seat for the first 6 months. So I had to plan any outings based upon how long I can handle the crying. It was a long 6 months. It got better as he has gotten older but it was complete shocker for DH and I. Our second one was much easier. I was always envious of people that had easy kids.

[graciebellesmomma]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

[citymama]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

:hug: I'm so so so sorry. Big hugs to you and your family.

[arivecchi]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least. I'm so sorry. I cannot even imagine what you must have gone through and are still going through. :hug: My problems definitely pale in comparison to your experience, so thanks for sharing. DH thinks I need to get a heavy dose of perspective so I move on and I think he is right. Lots of hugs to you and your family this season.

[Elilly]

DS's food allergies so much that my elimination diet wasn't enough, so he had to eat Neocate medical formula, developmental delays which turned into autism all the while finding out about his immune deficiency which requires monthly IV infusions for the rest of his life, and the metabolic disorder that leads to liver failure if not controlled by diet. I make all of his food from scratch and do that while working almost full-time for the insurance, and going to therapy appointments. This means I don't sleep much and money is very tight. Every day is stressful but it is now my new normal and it is all going to be ok.

[Jen841]

I guess health and death issues. Close friends lost a child when J was 6 wks old, and my grandfather died the same week. It was rough, I get teary thinking about it.

J's ear issues are very trying. It has been a year of a rollercoaster. We are going into another surgery so it is a hard time now.

[niccig]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.


I'm so sorry for your loss.
We're in the middle of a similar situation with my cousin, and it's very difficult to deal with.

My answer to the OP would be the sudden death of family members. I've had other relatives who passed away, but they were sick for some time and we had time to prepare ourselves and that helped.

Going through my parents divorce and then their reconciliation was also very difficult. I was a teenager at the time, and we had no emotional support.

For the OP, I suggest counseling. Whatever it is that you are dealing with, talking with someone will help.

[infomama]

Being paralyzed after Dd1 was born.

As she was born, she pressed on my femoral nerve wearing away most of the myelin sheath leaving my left leg paralyzed. Rare..happens once in 10,000 births as I understand.

When the epidural wore off they stood me up to move me to my room and my leg was like jelly...useless. Everyone went into panic mode. I had to have an MRI that night for which they used contrast dye (of course). *After* the MRI..the tech asked if I was nursing and I said yes. She told me I couldn't nurse for 24 or 48 hours (can't remember) which completely crushed me. I will never forget the moments while I was waiting to get in for the MRI...basement of the hospital, alone, in a wheelchair, in a bright spartan room across the hall waiting...waiting. Watching others being wheeled in before me again and again. And all the while knowing that I could not get up. I was a wreck.

Neurologists were called in, they poked and prodded at me gave me an EMG and told me I had severe damage..at least 80% of the myelin sheath was gone and they couldn't tell me if I would ever recover...if I would ever walk again.

In the first few weeks I fell while carrying Dd1 across the room (thankfully she slept through it and I was unhurt...I fell on my butt) and I tumbled down 13 stairs ending up in a crumpled pile..crying. I walked with a cane.

I was so unsure. So afraid of my life ahead if I didn't get better...but I did. I did physical therapy and by the grace of God I healed.

[carolinamama]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

:grouphug: Hoping you find some peace this month. I'll be thinking about you

[sste]

The worst thing I ever went through was growing up with a parent who was physically and emotionally abusive.

However, the most stressful was not liking my first job out of school and having a great deal of student debt at a time when my husband was in medical school - - I felt very trapped.

It is odd because situation #1 was so much worse but I lived with it for so many years that it was my "normal" and I knew it would end the minute I turned 18 - - and in fact I did not let the door hit me on the way out of that house! For some reason I found hating my first job and the financial aspects of that time to be unprecedentedly stressful, perhaps because it was a new experience for me not liking work and because I felt so trapped.

[KpbS]

My parents divorced when I was in college. They took years to make it final and the whole drawn out process was awful. During that time I also ended a 7 yr. relationship and the combination of the two events was almost unbearable.

Also the first 6 mo. of DS1's life were some of my darkest days. Not b/c of ppd--he had some severe health problems and it took a long time to find helpful health professionals. During that time I was bf while on a strict elimin. diet that did not help my mental/emotional well being or ultimately improve DS1's severe food allergies.

[carolinamama]

I'm so sorry. I cannot even imagine what you must have gone through and are still going through. :hug: My problems definitely pale in comparison to your experience, so thanks for sharing. DH thinks I need to get a heavy dose of perspective so I move on and I think he is right. Lots of hugs to you and your family this season.

I have learned through my own experiences though that sometimes I can tell myself over and over that I have it good, things aren't that bad, etc. And I still have trouble pulling myself out. It is something to do with how I handle stress, I think. Everyone is different and you shouldn't feel silly about needing more help (therapy, meds, extra tlc) than some perspective to get through the rough times.

ETA My most stressful time in life was probably when I had a late miscarriage between DS1 and DS2 that we found out was partial molar. It was hard because of the screening I went through and the loss. The hormones involved didn't help either.

[Clarity]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

:grouphug:

[SnuggleBuggles]

Graciebellesmomm- I am so sorry for your loss.


Mine? Dh being diagnosed with stage 3 cancer when ds1 was 4m old. There was nothing you could do except to face it and get through it. Having a baby around was a welcome distraction though.

Beth

[MMMommy]

2 days after Thanksgiving in 2006 when my mom suffered from a brain aneurysm. She complained of a headache and sensing it wasn't a normal headache, thankfully went to the hospital to have it checked out. She underwent brain surgery and was in ICU and a rehabilitation center for about 2 months. It was a horrible time not knowing whether she would be okay. I had never seen my dad so worried and miserable. Thankfully, she is now active and back to being herself.

[ThreeofUs]

The death of my mother and subsequent explosion of my family. It was horrible, and I know now that the anxiety I felt was overwhelming depression.

When DS1 was born (going on 2 years later) and we had to stop everything to hold him 24/7, it actually felt like a relief.

[ThreeofUs]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.


:grouphug: I'm so sorry! May you have peace.

[clc053103]

My father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 3 years ago, between thanksgiving and christmas. I watched him fight, and I watched him die. I made the decision to take him off life support.

Battled depression.

Had a "missed miscarriage".

Was audited by the IRS.

And I am in a happy place right now, I know you will be soon too!!

HUGS to GRaciebellesmomma at this difficult time!

[bubbaray]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.


I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

[TwinFoxes]

The most stressful for me was my water breaking at 26 weeks, hospital bedrest for 3 weeks, and having the girls born by emergency C-section. They weighed barely over 2 pounds. D had heart surgery that they said would take 1/2 an hour. 2 hours later after I was convinced she was dead they finally told me there were complications but she was OK. The cardiologist came by and said she had a lot of lung damage and "I hope she pulls through...your other twin doesn't have lung damage, right?" Implying that at least I had one left. :crying: They brought her back down to the NICU and tons of nurses surrounded her, alarms were going off, lights were flashing. It was truly the most terrified I had ever been. No one told me anything. She was so tiny, and there were so many tubes and wires, she was on a special ventilator that was so loud they had to put tiny little headphones on her. And she was wearing shields on her eyes from the bilirubin light. And of course I couldn't hold or touch her. Finally after 1 1/2 hours of this it was time for the shift change, which parents have to leave during. I didn't want to leave, and the nurse practitioner told me "don't worry, she's not in danger of dying." It was such a relief to hear.

Even now thinking back to that time I tear up. They signed me up for a NICU study on PTSD, and I really think I have a very mild case of it. I have flash backs to that time, and out of the blue I'll start thinking of it and freaking out a bit.

[BabyMine]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

:hug: I am so sorry.

OP, I have 2.

- M had major sugery and was in the PICU. The pain medicine wasn't working so they decided to try Morphine. The nurse came in and put it in his IV then preomptly left the room to talk to another nurse. All of a sudden his stats plummeted. I had to go out and tell our nurse. He rushed in a called a code blue. M's lips were blue and all these Dr's started storming in. My Mom, DH, and I went in the hall and just cried. They made me come back and he was fine. I still have nightmares about it.

- 4 days after TT was born I had 3 eclampsic seizures and almost died. I lost part of my memory and am getting it back slowly to this date.

[arivecchi]

4 days after TT was born I had 3 eclampsic seizures and almost died. I lost part of my memory and am getting it back slowly to this date. I am so glad you are ok!

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. There are so many strong mamas here. I admire you all. I really do.

[Twoboos]

Having both my parents die within 7 mos of each other. And trying to balance the needs of them and my kids was nearly impossible - I always felt guilty about "ignoring" someone.

My mom was really sick for the last 2 years she was alive - her pain, treatments, drs appts, scans, uncertainty, was so stressful on all of us. And then watching her in a coma and hang on and on and on and on at the very end - even the hospice nurses couldn't believe it!

My dad had 4 mos between when he was diagnosed and he passed away. I would spend weekends driving from one side of the state to the other to be with them a day each week.

ariveraz, you are stronger than you know. P&PT for you, and everyone else who has shared their difficult times. I can't imagine living through many of your posts.

[TwinFoxes]

There are so many strong mamas here. I admire you all. I really do.

This is so true! Graciebelle'smama, Infomama, Babymine, I am in awe of you all, and lots of others who posted (I'm bad at names!)

[deborah_r]

One of my nephews died in January 2007 - I was about 4 months pregnant and flew across the country by myself to attend his funeral. (DH can't handle flying and I did not feel 3.5 year old DS would handle the trip well either) 6 months later when DS2 was 6 weeks old, another nephew (brother of the one who died in January) died in a drunk driving accident (his friend was driving). I could not travel for that, which was stressful in a different way (felt very guilty). Pretty much all of 2007 was a sad, scary and stressful year. Not anything close to what my sister and BIL (and their surviving son) went through that year of course, but worrying about how they were dealing was another stressor. I was very close to my nephews when they were little, in fact I lived with my sister, BIL and their kids from age 16-18 and during college breaks. I grew apart from the kids a little after I moved out of state, but I have still always felt a very special connection with them.

[elektra]

graciebellesmomma- :grouphug:

For me the most stressful time was when I was engaged to be married (to someone else before DH) and having to go through having to call the whole thing off. My family deserted me during this time and it was when I went into therapy. There was alot of bad things going on in my life then, and I just felt completely overwhelmed, out of control and alone.
There have been other stressful things in my life (DH getting laid off and having to move etc., two ectopic pregnancies resulting in surgery and the worst physical pain of my life, being diagnosed with epilepsy an not knowing what the diagnosis was for awhile, and most recently- helping my dad care for my mom with Alzheimers), however the thing with calling off the wedding was the most stressful because I had to do it alone and all with all the other stuff I had either family, DH or friends to help me through it.

ETA: Those first few months after having DS were pretty dang stressful too! :)

[arivecchi]

Ok, I officially feel like an idiot for my worries after hearing the hard things people have gone through here. My family is going to have a rough year because of the horrible economy, but that truly pales in comparison with the issues all of you have dealt with. My family is still together and we all have our health. I am so glad I have this community. I feel like it is my online family. You are all amazing women and truly inspire me.

[tylersmama]

My separation and divorce. I thought I was happily married, and out of nowhere learned that I wasn't. And that it was all XH's issues and I was really pretty powerless to do much about the whole situation. I spent two years in limbo, with a toddler (DS had just turned one when it all started), as a SAHM (aka completely financially dependent on XH).

[g-mama]

When my mom died seven years ago after taking care of her for a quick two-month downward spiral with pancreatic cancer.

[candaceb]

After three weeks of pregnancy complications, going to my 22 week fetal echocardiogram appointment and having the dr. tell us that there was no fluid and we should terminate the pregnancy. We ultimately decided not to terminate, and did everything we possibly could to give him a chance at life, but our son was born at 25 weeks 2 days last March and did not survive.
The last ten months have been the most difficult of my life.
I lurk here trying to have hope for the future, that I really will have a reason to know about baby stuff.

[strollerqueen]

After three weeks of pregnancy complications, going to my 22 week fetal echocardiogram appointment and having the dr. tell us that there was no fluid and we should terminate the pregnancy. We ultimately decided not to terminate, and did everything we possibly could to give him a chance at life, but our son was born at 25 weeks 2 days last March and did not survive.
The last ten months have been the most difficult of my life.
I lurk here trying to have hope for the future, that I really will have a reason to know about baby stuff.

You will. :grouphug:

[elektra]

Ok, I officially feel like an idiot for my worries after hearing the hard things people have gone through here. My family is going to have a rough year because of the horrible economy, but that truly pales in comparison with the issues all of you have dealt with.

Just wanted to add that while it's good to "put things in perspective" in order to move forward, everyone responds to different situations differently and you shouldn't feel guilty or bad about any stress that you might be feeling about your situation even if it doesn't seem quite as unbearable as someone else's most stressful times.
So again, hugs to you and to all the other strong mamas here!

[Cam&Clay]

My mother died two weeks ago. I'm suffering so much but I have to go to work, take care of the kids, and put on a happy face. She was my best friend. I talked to her every day. I'm not really sure when I will feel normal again.

Before that, the most stressful thing I had dealt with was the mental health issues of my XH. When DS1 was only 3 months old, he had a breakdown and was committed. They told me he might never recover. So there I sat with a baby and a man who had been diagnosed with a form of schizophrenia and was certainly not the man I had married. After years of him in and out of hospitals and going on and off of meds, I divorced him when DS1 was 3. It was horrible. Today, however, he is doing well and is actively involved in DS1's life. We all get along very well (I have remarried and have DS2). In fact, at my mother's funeral last week, many people commented on how well XH and DH get along and how much affection XH shows to DS2.

Anyway, I know I won't feel like this forever, but I am just so sad that DS2 won't remember my mom. I miss her so much.

[strollerqueen]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

I'm sorry. Prayers and peace. :heartbeat:

[strollerqueen]

Being paralyzed after Dd1 was born.

As she was born, she pressed on my femoral nerve wearing away most of the myelin sheath leaving my left leg paralyzed. Rare..happens once in 10,000 births as I understand.

When the epidural wore off they stood me up to move me to my room and my leg was like jelly...useless. Everyone went into panic mode. I had to have an MRI that night for which they used contrast dye (of course). *After* the MRI..the tech asked if I was nursing and I said yes. She told me I couldn't nurse for 24 or 48 hours (can't remember) which completely crushed me. I will never forget the moments while I was waiting to get in for the MRI...basement of the hospital, alone, in a wheelchair, in a bright spartan room across the hall waiting...waiting. Watching others being wheeled in before me again and again. And all the while knowing that I could not get up. I was a wreck.

Neurologists were called in, they poked and prodded at me gave me an EMG and told me I had severe damage..at least 80% of the myelin sheath was gone and they couldn't tell me if I would ever recover...if I would ever walk again.

In the first few weeks I fell while carrying Dd1 across the room (thankfully she slept through it and I was unhurt...I fell on my butt) and I tumbled down 13 stairs ending up in a crumpled pile..crying. I walked with a cane.

I was so unsure. So afraid of my life ahead if I didn't get better...but I did. I did physical therapy and by the grace of God I healed.

That is so sad. Your story made tears run down my face. I am so glad you are better. :grouphug:

[Kitten007]

After three weeks of pregnancy complications, going to my 22 week fetal echocardiogram appointment and having the dr. tell us that there was no fluid and we should terminate the pregnancy. We ultimately decided not to terminate, and did everything we possibly could to give him a chance at life, but our son was born at 25 weeks 2 days last March and did not survive.
The last ten months have been the most difficult of my life.
I lurk here trying to have hope for the future, that I really will have a reason to know about baby stuff.

Just wanted to send you a great big hug.:grouphug:

[Kitten007]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

Praying for you. I'm sorry for your loss.

[TwinFoxes]

My mother died two weeks ago. I'm suffering so much but I have to go to work, take care of the kids, and put on a happy face. She was my best friend. I talked to her every day. I'm not really sure when I will feel normal again.

Anyway, I know I won't feel like this forever, but I am just so sad that DS2 won't remember my mom. I miss her so much.

:hug: It is so hard to lose your mom. My mom died 7 years ago, on my one year wedding anniversary. I was devastated. Like you, I talked to my mom every day. Don't be afraid to get help. That was the only time I was in therapy, and it really, really helped. I could just go there and sob for an hour. I felt like I couldn't do that anywhere else. I still miss her, and even now catch myself thinking "I should tell mom..." But I can think about her and not be sad, just think of her lovingly. It also makes me sad that my DDs will not know her. One of them looks just like her. But I know they have a wonderful guardian angel protecting them! :angel:

[secchick]

I have been fortunate that most of my difficult times were relatively mild, but I was devestated my missed miscarriage and the early loss of DSs twin within a 3-4 month period, and a couple weeks after the loss of the twin, we got hit by Hurricane Ike and had not insignificant damage to our home (had to have roof replaced, water damage, etc). And while we were evacuated I was alone with DD while DH went back to the house to check it out (I stayed behind b/c of no electricity/drinkable water) and I stepped on a scorpion and had to find a Dr. over a half an hour away because we were truly in the middle of nowhere. Dealing with pregnancy and pregnancy loss, and the insurance company, and the repair people and the fact that we were also building a house and had intended to list our current house the next week. Everything just bundled into a hard hard hard few months. Then we got an immediate offer on our home for full asking price, but they wanted us out within 2 weeks, and our new home was delayed an additional 3 months and so we ended up putting all our belongings in storage and I slept on a hide-a-bed for over 4 months and FINALLY moved into our new house when I was 8.5 months pregnant, and that almost didn't happen but fortunately they let us move in because the house still wasn't technically done and we hadn't yet passed the final inspection and received our certificate of occupancy. Yeesh. I know that didn't make sense, but it was very stressful.

[Melbel]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

I am so sorry for your loss and send prayers and positive thoughts during this stressful time of year.

:grouphug: to the OP and all you other amazing mamas who have battled through tough times.

To the OP, unfortunately, I have a few:

My abusive upbringing (mostly emotional, some physical abuse) and my continued loyalty to my mom, even though it is a truly toxic situation.

The death of my younger brother who was murdered shortly after his 18th birthday.

The loss of my dad after watching him deteriorate over a couple months in the hospital.

3 years ago, both FIL and my grandmother were in the ICU. I was my grandmother's health care surrogate but 4 hours away, while my in laws are here in town. I ultimately had to make the decision to take my grandmother off of life support. Since then, I have managed her estate in a terrible housing market with greedy beneficiaries who would not help and did little for my grandmother while she was alive.

My health issues including severe, chronic back pain that has rendered me "disabled" and chronic mucocutaneous candiasis since the birth of DD2.

I do much better when handling one crisis at a time. When they pile up, I have a much harder time. I could use a nice glass of wine about now, but I am heading to the hospital to visit FIL who is in the hospital again.

[Kitten007]

My rough times where when my dad's little brother Joe (adopted through Big Brothers program-I think that is what it was called way back when) was driving with his own brother and was hit by a drunk driver. Joe died and his brother lived (was critical but eventually pulled through). Joe was like a brother to me and he spent every Christmas with us in Arizona.

The loss of my Grandma who was the only extended member of my family we knew. I miss her soooo much to this day. (She lived in Arizona and every Christmas drove out there to celebrate with her.) It's funny, but when I go through rough times I can smell her...she always wore baby powder and when I feel down I swear I can catch that scent.

When DH and I were just newly married and decided since we are "older" to have kids right away. My first pregnancy ended in a rush to the ER to find out I had an ectopic pregnancy and to save my life I was rushed into surgery. I was so crushed and cried over and over for my baby I wanted so badly. We waited a few months and tried again. Well we got pregnant and everything was looking well....till one of our checkups, the ultrasound showed no heartbeat. They took measurements and sent me for an extensive ultrasound and confirmed the baby died 2 days before my checkup. I cried for a week straight and they gave me sometime off work to mentally heal. For the next few months I thought things were never gonna get better. DH was very helpful and he cried when he thought I wouldn't see. I knew he was crushed. So we waited and finally had our prayers answered.

[Corie]

When I was 23 yrs. old, my mom died from malignant melanoma. She was
diagnosed on Good Friday and she died 100 days later.

I am very lucky that she got to know my boyfriend (now my husband) and
she liked/loved him very much.

It was hard getting married without her. It was even harder having my children
without her.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

My most stressful time was when my dad attempted suicide while in later stages of cancer, driving cross country, alone, thinking I was going to remove him from life support, then arriving and finding out he would recover. I spent the rest of his life convinced he would try again.
Also DH's spinal cord injury in Germany last year, being completely paralyzed from the neck down and having no idea how much he would ever recover. More stressful even was realizing who would be there for me and who would not, it was a big, big wake-up call to me in who you can count on!

[cvanbrunt]

Watching my mother die of breast cancer while I pregnant with my first child. Then having to be the only emotional support for my devasted father while I struggled to figure out how to raise a baby without my mom's wisdom or help.

[cvanbrunt]

My mother died two weeks ago. I'm suffering so much but I have to go to work, take care of the kids, and put on a happy face. She was my best friend. I talked to her every day. I'm not really sure when I will feel normal again.

It will take some time. Then you will have a new normal.

[Twoboos]

It will take some time. Then you will have a new normal.

Yes, this. It's the new normal. And for a while it sucks, then you get more used to it.

It's been over a year and still sometimes want to call her.

:grouphug: PM me if you want to talk - btdt, especially the happy face for the kids. SO hard.

[JustMe]

When my dad died 5 years after my mom. Dd was 3 years old, and probably suffering from what I can best call adoption/attachment trauma....she was an both an extremely defiant and clingy child...she would not stay with anyone but me (other than the babysitter who watched her only while I worked), so I had no breaks and had to deal with my grief while taking care of a defiant child who gave me no space at all...also, she was/is a very sensitive child and knew mommy was not emotionally where I usually was which also made it harder for both of us....

Although this seems a lot less extreme than what others have posted, I would have to say that one of the most difficult things that happened to me was when dd's preschool teacher made the decision that dd would not be in her classroom the next day; due to dd's behavior, dd would have to be in another class as her class was having a party and dd could not participate. I tried to talk with her nicely about this (I am in a related field and actually consult with preschool teqchers around mental health and behavioral issues), but the best I could do was compromise with her that dd would get to come back in before the day was over. When I picked dd up that day, I learned that dd had come back in, but they then sent her out again for 30 min before allowing her back in. As I mentioned above, dd has attachment issues and this was not the way to address her behavior. The worst thing was I really felt like I was in between a rock and a hard place because I worried they would kick dd (well really me) out if I complained too much and it was already done. Dd was extremely attached to this teacher. I felt so powerless as a parent knowing this was harmful to my dd and feeling like I could only make it worse...after it was over, after seeing that I was not getting over this, the teacher and I finally did have a long extended talk so I could make sure it would not happen again...but I have to say I am still haunted by this experience.

[Ivy_CA]

I can't decide. It may not have been the most stressful, because I was a child and didn't have to deal with all the preparations, but my father died when I was 12. I have so much sympathy and respect for those mamas here who have lost their parents as adults...I'm really close to my mom and after losing my dad at such a young age I'm terrified if I were to lose her it would destroy me.

Then when my first son was born I was induced and it didn't ...take, I guess you could say. I had to have an emergency c-section after 14? 16? hours of induced labor. I've never been so scared in my life than when they were pulling my son out of me. Then he had a fever and had to stay in the NICU. So I couldn't even hold him for almost 24 hours (because I couldn't get up) and for the rest of the four days we were in the hospital I had to shuffle back and forth with my guts feeling like they were hanging out, because even though his fever went away and it turned out he had no infection or anything they wouldn't release him to the regular nursery. And the nurses there were...well, they were horrible to me. I wanted to breastfeed and they acted like it was a huge imposition every time i came in to nurse, all the time shoving formula down his throat because he "needed" it. He had nipple confusion and a nurse (the only nice nurse, Stephanie, I remember her name to this day and my son is 6) suggested because I wanted to nurse full time that they take him off formula the night before we were to be released and I would come in asap at need all night long to nurse. Well after a shift change when I was on my way over to the NICU after dinner I get a call. "Your baby is crying because YOU won't give him any formula" in an accusatory voice. I rushed over, alone (my husband had gone to eat dinner) and I could hear him crying. I said "why didn't anyone call if he was crying?" And I was told coldly "he's been crying since you left." They put me behind a screen to nurse him and...he wouldn't latch. He just kept crying and crying. I could hear them talking about me from the other side of the curtain, saying things like "you can't just take a baby off of formula like that." One of the nurses came around and suggested I get some sleep and start nursing him the next day. I gave in.

I used to have flashbacks too and wondered if I had PTSD from the experience, but I never felt the symptoms were bad enough to get help. And I'm now fiercely proud to say two things: after I took my son out of that hospital he never had a drop of formula again. I DID take him off just like that and he was healthy and thrived. Secondly, my younger son was born at a different hospital and he was born via VBAC.


Perspective is good, but remember just because other people have it worse than you sometimes doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel the way you feel.

[wellyes]

What a remarkable thread. I don't really want to share mine. But I didn't want to read and not post. We all go through trials but some of us have it so much harder. I wish I had better words of comfort, but I'll just say thanks to those who chose to share their stories here.

[Happy 2B mommy]

My mother had numerous health issues along with some mental health issues. Growing up she would radically switch between being a loving nuturing mother to someone who was physically and emotionally abusive. She was exceptionally controlling and I couldn't leave her

Toward the end of her life I had started to date DH and decided I wanted to try to go to college. I was about to start my 3rd semester when she tearfully told me she had cancer and "very limited time" After I quit school and my job to care for her, I found out from her doctor that, um no, she didn't not have cancer at all.

She lived for nearly 3 more years before she died from her real health problems. Things were extremely tense between us. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night. I never did finish college.

[citymama]

After three weeks of pregnancy complications, going to my 22 week fetal echocardiogram appointment and having the dr. tell us that there was no fluid and we should terminate the pregnancy. We ultimately decided not to terminate, and did everything we possibly could to give him a chance at life, but our son was born at 25 weeks 2 days last March and did not survive.
The last ten months have been the most difficult of my life.
I lurk here trying to have hope for the future, that I really will have a reason to know about baby stuff.

Yes, you absolutely will. Big big hugs to you. :grouphug:


My mother died two weeks ago. I'm suffering so much but I have to go to work, take care of the kids, and put on a happy face. She was my best friend. I talked to her every day. I'm not really sure when I will feel normal again.



I am so sorry for your huge loss. Moms are irreplaceable and a part of us always. :hug:

To everyone else, I'm tearing up reading your stories. My own stressful times (fortunately) pale in comparison. Thank you for sharing.

[cindys]

I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2002...I was newly married and had a 9yr old..I was scared but all turned out ok...Sometimes, I think all my infertility issues were more stressful than that!

But, I cant imagine a loss any greater than the loss of a child or a parent...:grouphug:

[mom2binsd]

When I was 22, in my senior year of college and living at home I found my mother dead in her bed, she had been sick with hives but nothing serious, her lungs had collapsed in her sleep.....my father has cognitive deficits from a brain anyeusism so I was left to deal with everything...two months later my 18 yr old brother got really drunk and took a bunch of meds from our medicine cabinet (dad's seizure meds etc) and nearly died...I coped with love and support from friends, and visiting a great psychiatrist to help with the PTSD...I still miss her everyday and so wish she had just had one minute to meet my DH and her two beautiful grandchildren.

[mom2binsd]

After three weeks of pregnancy complications, going to my 22 week fetal echocardiogram appointment and having the dr. tell us that there was no fluid and we should terminate the pregnancy. We ultimately decided not to terminate, and did everything we possibly could to give him a chance at life, but our son was born at 25 weeks 2 days last March and did not survive.
The last ten months have been the most difficult of my life.
I lurk here trying to have hope for the future, that I really will have a reason to know about baby stuff.

I truly feel like this is one of the best places to be hanging out- often friends IRL don't always know what to say. HUGS to you for sticking around...not everyone could.

[Globetrotter]

This thread does give perspective. To the OP, don't discount your own problems. A very wise friend once told me that there will always be someone worse off than you, but that doesn't make your own problems unimportant. Get help to deal with it, but know that you will get through, as so many others have.

I had a rough childhood. As an adult, other than major health scares, i would say last year when DD was suffering from anxiety and started pulling her hair but refused to talk about it and denied it. I honestly thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown with worry, but things improved once she admitted it and worked to do something about the pulling (which is still there, but a lot less), and we also started dealing with the cause of her anxiety.

[DrSally]

OMG, infomama, I've never heard you tell this story. How horrible. I'm so glad you recovered fully.

[DrSally]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

:hug: I can't imagine how hard this month is for you.

[infomama]

OMG, infomama, I've never heard you tell this story. How horrible. I'm so glad you recovered fully.
Goodness...so am I. It is a hard story to tell but you know it's important to share it in times like these. I was SO blessed to recover. So blessed.

[egoldber]

Ok, I officially feel like an idiot for my worries after hearing the hard things people have gone through here. My family is going to have a rough year because of the horrible economy, but that truly pales in comparison with the issues all of you have dealt with.

I think it is very important not to compare levels of grief and pain. Your pain is real and is no less because someone else has it "worse". That doesn't make your pain any less valid.

I've had lots of things that were not so ideal in my life, but clearly the worst was losing Leah. I had uterine rupture while I was in labor with her and she was oxygen compromised and was essentially born brain dead. She was in the NICU for 9 days on a ventilator while they assessed the extent of her brain injury and then we made the the decision to taker her off life support. She died in our arms and it was truly the most gut wrenching thing, I won't even try to describe.

I was also wracked with guilt for a long time, because it was a VBAC attempt. Even though we were in a high level hospital and she was born by emergency c-section, it took me a long time to work through that. And then DH and I went through a very low patch while we tried to decide whether or not to have another child. When we finally did choose to become pregnant again, Amy's pregnancy was high risk and filled with various complications. When she was born alive and screaming it was like I lost this this huge mountain of stress and agony that I didn't even realize I had been carrying. Frankly her NICU stay, feeling like she was being held hostage because she woulsn't take a bottle and the struggle to exclusively nurse her was almost anti-climactic.

I will never be the same person again. Those 18 months from Leah's death to Amy's birth were truly transformative for me. Like someone else said, you ultimately achieve a new normal, but you are never the same person again afterwards.

[ThreeofUs]

Oh, my gosh! The stories here have me wishing I could be in a room with each of you and give you a huge hug. You are such strong people, and have gone through so much.

Thank you for sharing.

:grouphug:

[purpleeyes]

My separation and divorce. I thought I was happily married, and out of nowhere learned that I wasn't. And that it was all XH's issues and I was really pretty powerless to do much about the whole situation. I spent two years in limbo, with a toddler (DS had just turned one when it all started), as a SAHM (aka completely financially dependent on XH).

:yeahthat:, add a 4 year old DS, an eight month old DD and a brand. new. house. Like, he told me he was leaving the day we signed the documents.

But, as PPs have mentioned, we are all healthy, and I am with my kids, and my support system is amazing. That, in the long run, is all that matters.

ETA: I just wanted to add that I have been praying for *everyone* in this thread! Your strength amazes me.

[KathyN115]

Being paralyzed after Dd1 was born.

When the epidural wore off they stood me up to move me to my room and my leg was like jelly...useless.

Similar story here. Unfortunately I am still waiting for the happy ending. After my epidural wore off, I couldn't walk. My right leg would collapse, and was unable to bear weight. It was very scary, and not what you want to deal with while trying to figure out how to be a mom. They told me 'it sometimes happens' and I was sent home with a cane.

Eventually my strength returned, but I had permanent damage to my back and hip. In the past three years, I have had at least 10 joint injections, 2 surgeries, 4 rounds of PT, seen 30+ different doctors, lost my job, had to move 100 miles away from DH's job to live closer to my parents so they could help me care for DD, been unable to play with my DD like a normal person, ended up on anti-depressants and in therapy, all with no improvement. I am in constant pain, walk with a limp, have to take daily narcotics, cannot function like a normal human being. I haven't been able to return to work, after 3 years of grad school and $100,000 in student loans, and being financially dependent on DH is very frustrating. I sometimes feel that I have totally lost my identity. And, on top of it all, I want to have another child, but don't see how it will be possible.

It was heartbreaking and enlightening to read all of your stories. You are really a strong, wonderful group of people. I am sorry that terrible things have happened to so many of you, and wish all of you joy this holiday. :grouphug:

[arivecchi]

It was heartbreaking and enlightening to read all of your stories. You are really a strong, wonderful group of people. I am sorry that terrible things have happened to so many of you, and wish all of you joy this holiday. :grouphug: I could not have said it better myself. I am just in awe of all of you. Thank you for sharing your stories. You have given me the strength to move forward with my life.

Kathy, I wish you a complete and speedy recovery. :grouphug:

[srhs]

Gosh, I really want to reply to each of you who shared! wow! Especially to those who usually lurk or who don't usually talk about what you've been through...I know that can be super-vulnerable. Thank you and :grouphug:.

I wish I could share mine, but the first is too icky and the second outs me in a way I'm not comfortable. Not because YOU all are not awesome because you are.

[elephantmeg]

hugs, hugs and more hugs to all the amazing women here and all those who didn't share. Praying for you all.

[sarahsthreads]

It was heartbreaking and enlightening to read all of your stories. You are really a strong, wonderful group of people. I am sorry that terrible things have happened to so many of you, and wish all of you joy this holiday. :grouphug:

:yeahthat:

Reading all of these stories has reminded me to be so thankful for everyone and everything in my life right now, and to not take one moment of it for granted.

Thank you to all who took the time to share your stories.

Sarah

[wencit]

Big, big :hug: to all of you women who have shared your stories. I literally have tears in my eyes.

I was JUST complaining to my mom about how stressed and depressed I am about DH still not having a job after being unemployed/underemployed for the past 15 months. I'm a SAHM, and we have been watching our life savings slowly dwindle, month after month. We just found out that our COBRA premiums will be over $1800/month, starting in the new year. I never thought we'd be one of those families who forgo health insurance, but I'm actually considering it. I'm in the same field as DH -- and he has a much stronger resume than I do -- so even if I wanted, I probably couldn't find a job at this point. It feels like he's going to be unemployed forever. Meanwhile, the money continues to drain out....

However, reading this thread makes me realize that I should be happy that my family is all healthy, and that all my loved ones are still here for me to cry my tears upon. :grouphug: to all of you who have had such trying times.

[MMEand1]

I just got home from work and saw this thread. It seems like we have so many strong mama's here! No wonder mother's are the glue that holds the world together!!

One of my stressful moments was taking my DS into the ER because it appeared that he had blood blisters under the skin all over his body. We watched as these started appearing and getting worse. Once at the ER, the docs were completely baffled and even told me that they could not find anything online after "googling" it...how comforting to know that the two ER docs are googling your DS's medical problem. Once they called in a specialist from Johns Hopkins, she was able to tell me that my 5 yo son was having kidney failure. Between the ER visit and the diagnosis, I was very stressed because we had so many people come by and try to figure out what was wrong with my DS. Once he was diagnosed, we had the same docs come by to check him out because of the rarity of his condition!

My other stressor would have been some of the time spent in Iraq. While I did meet some amazing people and listen to some amazing, yet heart-wrentching stories, some of the things I saw in the hospital were very hard to see. I worked in a MASH unit, so we saw it right off the front line. I don't talk about it much to people I'm close to because it's not really good "dinner-time conversation", but to those that have been there, we are able to talk to each other about it and have our own little "therapy sessions" if you will. Being medical in the military means that you have to find ways to cope with the things you have to see and do while in a deployed situation. Once you can figure that out, you will be okay...

Keeping all the ladies here in my thoughts and prayers. To those that are going through rough times, keep your chin up - there is a silver lining to every dark cloud. To those that have already walked through the darkness, keep pressing forward and be an ear to those that need you. We need to stick together and be a shoulder for someone to lean on or an inviting hug to pull someone through the day.

[dcmom2b3]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

:hug::hug: Words fail me. I'm so sorry.

[dcmom2b3]

My husband's suicide and the associated fallout -- having no $$, going back to work, and dealing with crazy in-laws and family while trying to insulate DD from all of the madness.

Happy to say that a year later we're thriving -- I just got a promotion and a raise, we have dear friends who step in to alleviate some of the burdens of single parenting, and DD is a happy, funny little girl who sings Christmas carols off-key while running around the house naked except for her rain boots.

What looks like crazy on an ordinary day . . .

[maestramommy]

I think it was planning my sister's wedding with my mom. We got into the biggest fight over I can't remember what anymore, days after the wedding. My mom stresses over every last detail, like it has to be perfect or the guests will be offended or it's just not appropriate. I had never planned a wedding before, and working with her on it was just crazy.

This was, I kid you not, more stressful than moving across country with 2 toddlers.

[tnrnchick74]

I have 2 most stressful times..

1 - was the 5 years of infertility treatments I went through, resulting in no pregnancy. It was financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually draining and stressful

2 - Going through a high risk pregnancy while trying to "make it work" long distance from an abusive ex-bf. Then recovering from a c-section while being constantly told I'm a horrible mother and worthless woman...then he grabbed my arm and hit my c-section site and it got better from there because I called the police and left him for good.

[MoJo]

:grouphug: to all, and especially those of you who have lost children, whether in utero or afterwards.

For me, several stand out:
1) the time my brother was suicidal (1992)
2) DH lost his job 4 days before we married, his car died 2 days before we were married, & our church left us two weeks before we were married, so I was left in a terrible job with an unemployed husband and no support. (1998)
3) the time my DH was suicidal (counseling and a new job helped) (1999)
4) the six weeks from my dad's stroke to his death, especially when I was at the hospital with him the first two weeks without any other family there to help me, even though other family members live much closer to the hospital than I do. I felt so alone. I was SO thankful for an understanding boss who let me have the time off I needed and who was also willing to let me talk about what I was going through. (2007)

[JTsMom]

The absolute worst, for me, was being told about DS's heart condition less than 24 hours after he was born. I felt like someone had ripped my soul from my body. I was terrified that he wouldn't survive at all, and that if he did, he'd lead a sheltered, sad life. A close second was the actual surgery and recovery, especially when he had complications, that they thought would require a second surgery.

My others were work/layoff related. DH had a massive (close to 50%) paycut a few years back. It took a few months to find a new job, and the pay was still much lower than we were used to, and required us moving out of state. While that was going on, MIL passed away, and we ended up in a huge legal battle over her estate with my seriously insane, criminal, drug addict BIL who was threatening our lives. Before it was resolved, DH was laid off. It all ended well though- DH ended up with a promotion- not much more $, but he loves his job, and it was an important step for him. The court battle was finally resolved too- we lost piles of money, but it's behind us now.

:grouphug: to all of the very strong moms here. I agree with everyone who said that even though someone always has it worse, that doesn't make what you are going through any less real or stressful.

[mom2binsd]

This thread has really made me realize why the women here (and occasional men) are so smart, strong and compassionate....it really is true that tragedy and tough times do make you stronger and maybe able to see things from a wider perspective. I also think it says a lot that people feel comfortable to share their stories, I know for me it does help to unburden sometimes.

[DebbieJ]

Financial issues (that almost ended my marriage)
Miscarriage

[kochh2]

wow, it makes me so greatful that we are all still here.... we are all so strong. for me, it was being diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer at 31, having a major major surgery, and dealing with chemo and radiation, while striving to care for my 2 and 5 year old kiddies. thank God for my family and friends who helped us through it. I have 3 more chemos left and then this horrible year will be behind us. I also lost both of my beautiful grandmothers within the year.

[mecawa]

For me it was DD2 being really sick, and nobody, not even some of the top doctors/hospitals could help her. That was the most stressful and scariest thing I've ever been through. She went undiagnosed for almost 3 months and spent 3-4 months in the ICU and we didn't know what was going to happen to her. That was the hardest thing so far. She is doing great now, we have a lot to thankful for!!!!!!!

[MissyAg94]

My dad dying of ALS. I was living overseas and flying home every three months to help my mom and sister care for him.

My sister dying suddenly this summer. The heartbreak has proven to be overwhelming at times. Watching my mom mourn her child is the most difficult thing I've ever done.

[MMMommy]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

I'm so sorry. Big, big hugs for you during this difficult month.

[klwa]

No where near as stressful as some on here have mentioned, but mine would be when my mom died. I was with her on Saturday because my dad had taken DS off to give me some down time. We all just thought Momma had a cold. That night she had to be taken to the emergency room & she passed away Monday morning. I still feel guilty that I didn't take her to the hospital Saturday, knowing that she was concerned that the medicine from the doctor visit earlier that week wasn't helping. I just have to remind myself that even she didn't think we needed to go, and that they doctors have said there was very little they could have done, even earlier. (She had an especially virulent strain of MRSA taht attacked her lungs.) On top of all of that, I was pregnant with DD. DS & I went to the hospital & waited part of Sunday, but then went home. Not long after getting home, we got the call that I needed to be back at the hospital ASAP (2+ hours away). DS got thrown into my IL's arms & DH & I left. (DH had not gone to visit my parents with us.) So, then we had months of seperation anxiety issues with DS, as well, because he didn't believe that I wasn't going to leave him again. (Just what you want when pregnant, and you know you're going to have to spend time in the hospital, right?) I couldn't let him see a suitcase or he'd start crying.

[icunurse]

Infertility treatments, medication side-effects, surgeries, multiple losses (including twins at 12 weeks after bedrest and daily shots), and still having pain from all of it.

Adoption. Not nearly as easy in any respect as most people think.

Being constantly physically sick every day, having a very difficult newborn (colic, severe reflux, and milk intolerance) and being told by several docs that my pain "was all in my head". After a few months, finally had a diagnosis and had emergency surgery (so it WAS real). Dealing with anxiety for several months after that while trying to get back into life and adjusting to being a Mom to 2 young ones.

We've had other stressors in our lives (cancer scares, sick relatives, etc), but those 3 were just non-stop ongoing stress for me/us. DH is laid off now and while I have a moment here or there that is stressful (COBRA payments going up, will he ever find a good job again?, hoping nothing happens to the unemployment payments), it fortuantely doesn't compare to the above 3 times.

[StantonHyde]

Wow, this is a HUMBLING post to read. I have had some big time stress in my life and my mom dying was horrific. And I am amazed at the strength of the posters here!!!

[jgenie]

Seven years ago, when my son was killed by a drunk driver. He was declared brain dead on Thanksgiving. He would be 25 today. November is a difficult month for me, to say the least.

:hug: I'm so sorry. :hug:

[NancyJ_redo]

Huge hugs to everyone who has posted and those who are unwilling/unable to post but still have burdens to bear :grouphug: And to Ariveraz (OP), know that you're not alone in your struggles and we're all rooting for you.

[jgenie]

After three weeks of pregnancy complications, going to my 22 week fetal echocardiogram appointment and having the dr. tell us that there was no fluid and we should terminate the pregnancy. We ultimately decided not to terminate, and did everything we possibly could to give him a chance at life, but our son was born at 25 weeks 2 days last March and did not survive.
The last ten months have been the most difficult of my life.
I lurk here trying to have hope for the future, that I really will have a reason to know about baby stuff.

:hug: Praying for healing for you. :hug:

[jgenie]

:grouphug: Huge hugs and prayers to all who have posted. The strength of the women on this board is amazing. :grouphug:

[maylips]

Humbling is a good word to describe reading this thread. You ladies are amazing. I wish I could personally hug each of you, especially those who have lost children at any stage. It's difficult to read this thread without crying.

I am thankful I found this board and *know* such incredible people!

[maestramommy]

Wow, I feel so lame-o now. Nothing of the magnitude that I'm reading here has ever happened to me. You women are incredible!

[lizzywednesday]

:grouphug: to everyone who's shared or read so far, especially those with losses of family. I never know how to write sympathy cards (the last ones I wrote, I think I botched ... my poor step-sibs!) but you are in my thoughts & prayers. Thus far, I've only lost great-grandparents, a great-aunt and my paternal grandfather, but those were not exceptionally stressful losses because I was so young at the times they occurred. (I was 13 when Pop passed from cancer, and I miss him every day, but I didn't live the loss like my dad did.)

The most stressful times in my life have to have been:

(1) Christmas 1985 - my mother was 8 months pregnant with my sister, suffering from continuous sickness and back pain, along with a lot of stress. She packed all of our things (and me) up in my uncle's car and we went off to her mother's, where my brothers had already been staying. My father TO THIS DAY calls 1985 "the year without a Christmas" ... after my break from school ended, I went back home but my brothers stayed at Grandma's. I used to hear my parents shouting in our basement at night until my brothers came home. After my sister was born on 1/17/86. (I was almost 8 at the time.)

(2) My parents' divorce - during the early 1990s recession, both of my parents lost their jobs ... and, on top of that, began divorce proceedings. Lots of horrible things were said, culminating in the Christmas Day fight (that I locked myself in my bedroom to avoid) of 1993 ... and the subsequent filing of a restraining order against my father in January 1994, my meeting with the county probate officers and my appearance in court regarding the reasoning behind the restraining order and the final decision of which of my parents would get custody of my siblings and I. (Dad did. Mom didn't come back to the house that night.)

Things were very tight because Dad was unemployed for almost a year and I got very worried and stressed about that, especially after having dealt with one of the collection agency bullies (no offense meant if anyone here works in collections, but this man was a bully) and having to turn off the phone ringer because collections calls came so frequently. We also had our heat shut off during the winter (Dad went to the gas station and filled the oil tank with as much diesel fuel as he could afford) and our phones shut off during the summer. Dad got a stockroom job at Toys R Us to pay for gas and school supplies that summer and I dropped a friend who, after the phones were switched back on, kept inviting me to the movies and wouldn't take "I don't have any money" as an answer because, apparently, my dad could afford to spare $20. (My family was subsisting on food stamps and food pantry handouts and this b!tch had the nerve to suggest Dad had $20 so I could go to a stupid movie?)

I was also stressed because I was a member of my high school's elite choruses and had spring performance tour expenses to meet ... and almost dropped out of the groups because I feared I would not be able to make the payments. My brothers and I all worked every fundraising event they held to help offset the costs of tour for the next 3 years so I could go. I can't tell you how many lunches of peanut butter & jelly or dinners of chicken or pasta we had to eat so that my dad could make tour deposit payments.

And, because of this experience, don't even get me started on how I freaked about paying for college!

(3) When DH lost his job ... the month after we got engaged. He was unemployed the entire summer and I canceled visits with family, nights out and even haircuts to keep it together because we were living on my income and his unemployment. And I'd been earning nearly double what he'd been earning, so I was especially paranoid about re-living that experience I'd had in high school. Fortunately, he began a temp job that September and has been full-time with that company since January 2007 - 4 months before we got married.

The only advantage to this is that he now out-earns me. Not by a lot, but he does.

(4) My current worries about my own Baby - we learned at our 20-week ultrasound that "he" has a problem with "his" heart so they sent us for a fetal echo at 21 weeks. They now know what's wrong, but since there was a slight chance that the issue could be related to chromosomal defects, we opted to have an amnio just before hitting 22 weeks (as in at 21 weeks and 5 days.) The weeks from finding the issue through the fear of miscarriage and preterm labor AFTER the amnio (my doc has some of the best statistics in the state; he averages 1 miscarriage in every 400 amnios) until we got our preliminary results were horrible. I shut down my emotional reactions just to muddle through those weeks. And, frankly, I still get anxious if I don't feel Baby moving when I expect it!