Do you celebrate/reward a good report card for DC?

[janeybwild]

Our oldest is in 1st grade so we are new to this. She got to eat off the red plate tonight for her excellent effort :applause: but that's all we've done. What do you do or what did your parents do for you growing up on report card/teacher conference day?

[bubbaray]

I'll be stalking this thread. DD#1's teacher told me today what she had written in DD#1's report card, all glowing. I know its just Kindy, but still. I would love to do something special for her. I'm really proud of her!

[desertmama]

I think this is so hard. At this point, dd is only in K and I pretty much keep the whole report card thing a secret from her and generally try to emphasize effort over performance.

Growing up, my sis and I always got As easily. Our younger brother's giftings lie outside of those measured in report cards ;) so grades were harder for him. At some point, my mom started rewarding him for As or Bs with cash and sis and I were none to pleased about all of our As going unrewarded. (obviously not a good system)

But how exactly does one go about coming up with a reward/celebration system, especially with multiple children in the mix for whom one's A may come despite very little effort and the other's B may be reflective of great effort? I guess I'll cross that bridge later, although truthfully I am not big into rewards.

I'll be interested in others' replies.

[SnuggleBuggles]

No, not really. My reasoning is that I really don't want to make a big deal about grades. Of course, I probably do make more of a big deal about it than I want to/ mean to. :)

I am more concerned with what he learns long term and that he is happy. I don't want him to ace his tests, get straight A's on report cards but in 3 weeks not be able to spell the words (for example) that earned him that A in the first place. I want to focus on the education aspect.

I usually stick with a "way to go! you did an awesome job!" and leave it at that- no gift, no toy store expedition and no special treat. If it were just me and no dh I would probably take him out for ice cream. Dh really is opposed to making a big deal though.

eta- you know, I wouldn't really be upset with grades that weren't all A's because I really just want him to do his best. If I get the feeling he isn't doing his work to the best of his ability then I work with him.

Beth

[g-mama]

I'm with Beth. We praise our ds (3rd grader) and show him how proud we are but don't want to make too big a deal out of the grades. He is somewhat of an anxious kid and because of that, we don't want him to focus too much on the grades or tie those grades to our feelings towards him. We don't have A's and B's yet, but O's (outstanding), G's (good), S (satisfactory) and N (not). He gets almost all O's with an occasional G but that one G will upset him.

I also think that with having two other children, I don't want to pit them against one another or make it a competitive thing.

Last year, we went out for lunch and ice cream on their last day of school to celebrate a great school year.

[MelissaTC]

We go out for ice cream to celebrate report card day. It's been a tradition since Kindergarten. Having said that, I have been known to do ice cream or donuts or McD's, etc... after school for no reason at all. M is a great student and works really hard. We don't mind rewarding him with an outing to Dairy Queen w/ Mom & Dad.

[vonfirmath]

eta- you know, I wouldn't really be upset with grades that weren't all A's because I really just want him to do his best. If I get the feeling he isn't doing his work to the best of his ability then I work with him.

Beth

This is how my parents were growing up, and I think it worked pretty well. They wanted us to do our personal best. They didn't care about the grade on the report card. If we were getting As and not doing our best, they were more upset than when we got Bs and (1) C and were doing our best. This also kept us willing to try harder classes where we might not succeed quite the same, but would actually be challenged, etc. (in later years when you chose classes)

[Corie]

Most definitely!!! :)

I usually take her to get an ice cream. Then, I buy her something little.

Maybe a Webkinz. Or Webkinz trading cards. Or a new book.
A fun bookmark.

[egoldber]

No, I don't, and very deliberately. We are in the same district as g-mama, so right now it is a O,G, S and N system. But Sarah already obsesses over how many Os she got vs Gs vs Ss and Ns. Next year they start the ABC scale and I don't want to be in the habit of making a big deal out of it.

My parents praised me a LOT for getting all As. What it did was make my super paranoid about EVER getting a B. If I didn't get a perfect grade on a test it literally made me sick that I wouldn't get an A that quarter.

So we tell Sarah we are proud of her, but that the most important thing is that she is trying hard and doing her best. In fact, on her recent report card, the thing we celebrated the most was that she got an S in "exhibits self-control" whereas she got all Ns in that last year. So that was a HUGE accomplishment for her, much harder than the Os in the subject matter grades.

Plus it bothers me how arbitrary a lot of it is at this point. She get an O in "effort" for spelling, but a G in "achievement". She's missed about 3 words total on all her spelling tests in the first quarter. WTH??? Even she was confused by that. So I really don't get it.

[KrisM]

DS is just in kindergarten, and we don't get report cards, it appears. We got a certificate for a free kids meal at a local restaurant that said it was the end of the marking period, so celebrate. No mention of report cards though.

But, we won't reward good cards, other than saying good job, etc. I don't want to be in the position of the kids in competition with each other or one feeling inadequate for not getting as high of grades, etc.

[alexsmommy]

Nope, not the grade per se but effort. So if DSD is really struggling with Algebra and does everything she can (homework every night, uses the free tutoring at school, schedules appointment with teacher without us pushing that) and gets a C-, she'll get rewarded the way others reward and "A". I just expect best effort - true best effort not a lot of talk and complaining, but really hard work. Just like I'm not doing backflips and handing out rewards for "A's" in English because it comes naturally to her and she doesn't have to put in much effort. I praise the A, but no more that something she had to work hard at.
Trying to give DS1 the same message now. He's worked really hard at improving his handwriting - including slowing down to work neatly even though that takes away from his "free" time at school. I've been praising that although his handwriting still has a way to go.
If there is a really great report card that might get a special food related treat, but no money or toy.

[wolverine2]

At the elementary school I work at, we recommend to parents that they don't even share report cards with kids, (so lots of the kids don't even know what a report card is or that it came home in the mail) and I think this is what we will do with our kids (until they are old enough to get it a bit more- like middle school).

I don't want DS to feel "judged" in either a negative or positive way. I'd be happy to take him out for ice cream or whatever for his wonderful effort in school, but don't want it tied to any kind of report card. There is plenty of time in the future for kids to worry about grades- I don't want it to start earlier than it will naturally or add anything to it myself.

[egoldber]

we recommend to parents that they don't even share report cards with kids

Our school is a mystery to me. Sometimes they come in the mail. Sometimes they are passed out in class and come home in backpacks. So it can be unavoidable.

And unfortunately, kids talk. They know when the report cards come. Sarah came home asking me about it when other kids were talking about it.

[hez]

Growing up, we got to go to Baskin Robbins at the end of the school year for a good report card. Nothing at the quarters. Whether or not it was true, I always felt there was an expectation that I needed to have good grades.

We told DS we knew he was going a really great job at school when his report card came home recently. I don't remember doing anything extra special (I think he picked out the menu for dinner?). However, I tell him quite often that I know he's doing his best, and that it makes me happy to see him enjoying school.

[MoJo]

Growing up, A's were expected (not rewarded), and anything less would result in a lecture.

I'll have to think about the "don't even tell your kids they got a report card" mindset. That's new to me. We got every paper back the next day with a grade; it's how we knew what we were doing well on and what we needed to work on, and that seems valuable. We knew our scores and percentiles on standardized tests and what that meant, even in elementary school.

[deborah_r]

I hadn't even thought about it. We just expect him to have a good report card, so I am not sure about rewarding it. Food for thought.

ETA: Not letting him know is not an option - they sent his report card home with him yesterday. He knew it was there.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Growing up, A's were expected (not rewarded), and anything less would result in a lecture.

I'll have to think about the "don't even tell your kids they got a report card" mindset. That's new to me. We got every paper back the next day with a grade; it's how we knew what we were doing well on and what we needed to work on, and that seems valuable. We knew our scores and percentiles on standardized tests and what that meant, even in elementary school.

Ds just got some back in and I have decided not to share them with him.


Beth

[Naranjadia]

My parents praised me a LOT for getting all As. What it did was make my super paranoid about EVER getting a B. If I didn't get a perfect grade on a test it literally made me sick that I wouldn't get an A that quarter.


My kids aren't school-age yet, but this is what I would worry about.

I also see a lot of kids at the college level who are kind of dependent on getting strokes for every effort they make. They have a hard time adapting to the periodic nature of college grading. You mean you're not going to give me a grade for every step in the process? The objective of learning gets lost in the desire to be approved.

On the other hand, I know the mamas on this board are also good at promoting effort and learning for its own sake. ;)

[spanannie]

While I offer lots of praise and am ecstatic over a good report card, I have a policy to not pay or gift for grades. I don't know if that will change or not.

One reason: My husband said he worked twice as hard as his brother and his brother made the As and he did not. Of course his brother got paid more on report card day, and felt embarrassed that his brother had better grades despite his hard work. My other reason is that I think school is my kids' "job." I work hard at my job, as does my husband. We expect the same of our children. I'm looking for them to give their best effort and I want them to always remember that.

I don't see anything wrong with ice cream or something along those lines, though.

[bluestar2]

..............

[Piglet]

My parents gave me an "educational" gift for my report cards - Scrabble, a book, etc. I give report card gifts but don't ever discuss the grades (but thankfully have only ever seen a good report card come home). Last night was report card night and DS1 got a book he has been wanting for a while (Diary of a Wimpy Kid 4) and DS2 got a Star Wars colouring book. I just told them each that we were really proud of them for having such good report cards (neither one has seen his own report card). I would also praise the effort, not the exact grades. It is just an excuse for me to give them things that I had already bought along the way and had saved for a special treat.

[wolverine2]

Our school is a mystery to me. Sometimes they come in the mail. Sometimes they are passed out in class and come home in backpacks. So it can be unavoidable.

And unfortunately, kids talk. They know when the report cards come. Sarah came home asking me about it when other kids were talking about it.

Yes, I guess the "don't tell them" philosophy only works if it's mailed home and everyone participates, which probably isn't likely. But I still think it's wise not to show young children their report card- you can still paraphrase what it said (or tell them whatever you want to tell them about their effort in school). I'm not going to mention anything about report cards until DS brings it up someday. Right now in K he has no concept that there is any kind of judging going on, and I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible so that his motivation for doing well is learning for it's own sake.

[calv]

DD is only in K and DH surprised me when he threw $5 at her for her hard work when her report came in from her school. She LOVES LOVES LOVES school so we hope the trend continues for her. Learning has always come so easy and fun that we pray/hope it stays that way. The saying in our house is that hard work always pays off and quitters never win. Not to be confused w/winning isn't everything. She knows the difference even at age 5 :D to give you more of an idea of her personality she's a huge saver so her $5 went right into her piggy bank vs spending it on junk @ the dollar spot :P

[wolverine2]

This is only kind-of related, but I remember this article about praise from a couple years ago that I found really interesting. It's about praising effort vs. intelligence...

http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

[egoldber]

I highly recommend Dweck's book Mindset.

[bubbaray]

I *want* to praise the effort, but DD#1 already comes home DAILY saying she's got "all checkmarks". She totally gets the whole checkmark = good thing. Not sure how the children are rated. IIRC, the interim report showed more effort-based criteria, but I'm not sure.

Sigh. She really IS a mini-me. The kid LOVES doing workbooks and doing math workbooks ON HER OWN at least one grade level above, possibly 2.

I just want her to enjoy school. I was VERY pressured and I don't want that for her. I'm concerned about the (inevitable) day when she doesn't get a checkmark or other "praise" in terms of grades. I know she will be crushed.

[egoldber]

Sarah is very much like this as well. This is why I was VERY distressed at her coasting through K-2. It led her to believe that school would always be easy. She is finally getting appropriate level work that is challenging her, but it shook her confidence to the CORE at the beginning of this year when she started getting things wrong. This is why I think it is sooooo important that all kids get appropriate levels of challenging work in school. So many schools let the kids with good grades coast and it is real mistake.

[bubbaray]

Thanks Beth. So far, DD#1 is challenged. Language immersion is really great in that regard....

She d/n get homework (yet), but nightly she pulls out workbooks and does about 30 minutes of what would otherwise be homework! Keener, LOL. I really don't want her to get too far ahead and be bored -- BTDT myself and it caused issues.

I'm hoping to discuss this with her teacher at some point. See what her take is.

[citymama]

My kid is too little for report-cards, but speaking from personal experience, I LOVED it when my parents made a big deal about report cards. I think it's part of why I was so internally motivated to do well at school without a lot of parental pressure. I think as a little kid, all that happened was I'd get taken out to icecream (yes, that was considered a big treat). When I was older I think I'd get to choose a favorite restaurant where we'd all celebrate with dinner.

The sweetest thing I remember was the one time I had an awful report-card - it was when I was in middle school, and it was just one subject but I flunked and was devastated. My dad picked me up from school and I was crying. He took me out shopping and I got to get the expensive glittery shoes I had been begging my mom for. To me, that sums up my dad's reward/punishment approach to parenting - unconditional love, whether you succeed or not. I wish I could be half as patient a parent as he was/is. :love5:

[KBecks]

In high school I worked out a rewards plan that I had proposed to my dad. $7 for every A and some kind of bonus for high honor roll. Some quarters I really made out. I bought a Swatch once. But nothing in grade school that I remember other than praise.

[noodle]

No, we don't.
I'm of the mindset that effort matters far more than grades.
For DS we try to emphasize the satisfaction of knowing that he's done his best rather than how he "measures up" or compares to his peers.