Is this spiteful?

[Toba]

My son just got off the bus at 3:37 pm today. I open his backpack immediately when we get home every day. Today there was a birthday party invitation from one of his friends (not a close friend, but a friend nonetheless). The party is scheduled for TOMORROW at 12:30 pm and the RSVP is today by 6 pm (you know, less than 2-1/2 hours after I received it). Now, I'm trying not to be snippy ... maybe it was a last minute (REALLY last minute) thing, maybe they had a snafu with the holiday week next week or something, I don't know. I'm just REALLY peeved that I have to decide whether to go all the way out to the store at the very last minute to purchase a gift and wrapping paper. We have a lot going on, in numerous directions (emotionally and physically). WWYD? My son (5) already asked if he can go because he knows it's for a birthday party.

[TwinFoxes]

I think the other kid must have forgotten to give it to your son, or your son forgot to bring it home, or something. No one in their right mind invites someone to a party the day before...especially if they're expecting a present! Can you call and say you were "just checking to make sure the date is correct" or something?

[Toba]

She may have forgotten to give it to him, but he was adamant that she just handed it to him today shortly before snack (which is almost at the end of class). The invitation itself was rushed (spelling errors, crossed out things, some food particles (ew) on it (which, granted, could be the little girl, so not as ew)) and about three ways to reach them and basically pleading to let them know by 6 pm today whether we were coming (please, please, PLEASE!). I guess my dander is up because it feels like a last minute invitation to get enough kids, so just ask anybody.

[wendmatt]

I think it was prob forgotten or stuck in the bottom of his bag for a while. Or maybe it was last minute that the friend decided to invite your DS. I wouldn't get upset about it, these things happen, if DS wants to go, call and let the mum know. I agree that it sucks though.
I just read your 2nd post, more likely that the girl wanted your DS to come as she's now decided he's her BFF! That seems to happen in that age group!

[Tondi G]

I have received last minute invites similar to that... in our situation the mom wasn't planning on having a party and her son was really sad about it. So she told him to pick out a handful of friends and invited us to a pizza parlor that had a small arcade area. She bought the food and brought in cupcakes and called it a celebration. I was happy we were invited and able to come since it made DS's friend really happy! It wasn't a big deal to me to run out and grab something from Target for the birthday boy last minute ... I wouldn't be peeved about it. If you can't do it cause of your stuff going on then so be it. If you can make it work then go and hopefully you and your DS will have a good time!

[bubbaray]

I would call mom and slide it into the convo that you just got the invite today and you just wanted to confirm that it is tomorrow, blah blah blah.

I'd let him go. I was kinda on the fence about my DD going to a party in September that wasn't at a great time for us (Sunday night), but the moms here convinced me to let her go. It was definitely teh right move. I dropped her off yesterday and she and that little girl were obviously friends. The parents remembered me too. It was kinda nice.

Have your DH stop off at a store on the way home, pick up Monopoly Jr, which is my go-to gift for 5 & 6yos, WITH A GIFT RECEIPT. It is super-easy to find (Target, Walmart, TRU, etc). I've even seen it at supermarkets here. Make sure he also gets a boys b-day card too.

HTH

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd let him go. It sounds like either the invite got misplaced or they decided at the last minute to have a party (or to invite your ds). That all happens and if you can fit it in I would go and be a good sport about it. These things happen to all of us, I'm sure.

Beth

[Toba]

I've just RSVPed. Thanks for the smack upside the head. :) I'll have to run out later to get something and it's only a 1-1/2 hour party. It's his first "friend" birthday party ... every other birthday party he has attended were for all the enormous amount of cousins he has (pretty much all his out of school playmates are relatives, our family is that big).

[alexsmommy]

I'd let him go, but during the rsvp I might mention that the gift may be a few days late - but it's coming. Who knows what happened - we all have bad weeks/months. Unless this is a pattern from this person, I'd just assume something caused this and I wouldn't want to punish the b-day child.
The one time something similar happened to us, the kid got a gift from the drug store toy aisle because it was on the way to the party and had gift bags.

[kransden]

Ugh! I have learned, unless your child is a good friend, those parties usually don't turn out too well. The other kids often won't be there. Since it is at a pizza place, hopefully it will be fine.

[ha98ed14]

Nevermind, Decision made. Hope DS has a good time!

[Toba]

Well, I wasn't feeling well, so DH brought DS over to the party (it was only about three blocks from our house). It turns out that this little girl is one of DS's "girlfriends." And he was the only child invited to the party. :( DH did not have a good time at all ... the party was supposed to end at 2 pm, but he didn't end up getting out of there until 4 pm. The girl's father was washing his truck outside when they got there and then never came into the party the whole time (3-1/2 hours). The girl's aunt and uncle were there, but were both deaf so very little conversation. The girl's grandfather talked NONSTOP and DH knows his entire life story. When the girl's mother cut the ice cream cake, instead of using the knife to pick the piece up and put it on the plate, she used her FINGERS to scoop them up and then proceeded to lick her fingers off after each piece served. Ugh. DH politely declined the cake and DS doesn't really like ice cream, so he didn't eat any. Oh, and the grandfather had to run out to the store to buy matches because no one had a way to light the candles. I don't know if she got any presents beforehand from her relatives, but DS's present was the only one she had to open. I feel heartbroken for her and I'm so glad you guys talked me into RSVPing. I'm glad I went a little overboard and bought her something bigger than I normally would because I don't normally get to shop for little girls. :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'm really glad your ds was able to go. It probably made her day. Yikes on the party, especially the cake serving part!!

Beth

[ett]

Sorry to hear your DH did not have a good time at all, but I'm sure it made the girl's day and that she had at least 1 present to open. That's so sad that the father never came into the party. :(

[TwinFoxes]

Sorry to hear your DH did not have a good time at all, but I'm sure it made the girl's day and that she had at least 1 present to open. That's so sad that the father never came into the party. :(

:yeahthat:

Ugh. Ugh to the cake, ugh to the dad not coming in (wtf???) ugh to the whole thing...except for your DS being there! Yay for you for sending him. I was looking forward to an update, because I totally expected that it would be a fun party for all involved. Boy was I wrong. :(

[C99]

What is the spiteful part?

My son got a party invitation sent home on a Thursday (no school on Friday) for a party on Sunday. My son actually went to his grandparents' house immediately after school on Thursday so I didn't see him, or the contents of his backpack, until Sunday afternoon so we obviously did not go or RSVP.

[Toba]

^^ The spiteful part was me thinking about RSVPing no just because it was SO last minute (like giving me 2-1/2 hours to RSVP). When I first got it, I felt like my son was just invited to fulfill a guest list, so just invite anybody. I knew I was being biased and probably looking at it the wrong way, so I came here because cooler heads always prevail here on these kinds of issues. :) Sometimes we tend to get a little protective/defensive when we feel like our kids are being slighted (not sure if that's the word I'm looking for), and I knew that there would be different explanations or viewpoints. So, my first instinct was just to RSVP no, but I'm glad (SO glad after the party) that my mind was changed.

Yeah, my DH was pretty confused about the whole thing. The mother kept saying to the little girl that she was finally getting her first big birthday party (she just turned six), but the attendees were the mom, the aunt and uncle, the grandfather, my DH and DS. That's it. I'm not big on huge, lavish birthday parties, but I just felt kind of bad for her. After my DH described the girl to me, I remembered her and she is a delightful child and is very friendly with everyone whenever I have been in the classroom. So there could have been other kids that she could have invited (the mom told DH that DS was the only one they invited) ... they had no lunch or anything, just the ice cream cake, and it was a home party, so no real big expense. The father thing was beyond bizarre ... why would you not at least come in for the cake cutting/birthday singing?? DH said that when they were searching for something to light the candles with, the mom called the father on his cell phone and he started screaming at her and hung up the phone, so the grandfather went out to the store and got matches. It was just all so weird and there must be some kind of family strife going on there (although I don't care how mad DH ever got at me, there's no way he would skip his kid's entire birthday party to hang around outside). I still can't get over the one lone present ... I am fighting the huge urge to go out and get her a few more gifts just because I feel so badly for her, but I know that would make the mom feel bad/awkward/angry. It's just sad. I think after this experience, I won't ever RSVP no to a kid's birthday party.

[Toba]

And FWIW, DH said that DS and the little girl had a BLAST the entire party. He has a few "girlfriends" at school (he's quite the ladies' man) and she is one of them (she has the most adorable dimple :) ). They got along great and I am definitely going to call the mom and invite the little girl over for a playdate after the holidays (we have family coming to stay with us this week) ... as long as it's over here. This is horrible ... but maybe I'll serve a small crumb cake or something and demonstrate without saying a word how a cake server is used. LOL

[stefani]

I came to the thread late, but I am glad that your DS and his friend had a blast. I am sorry that your DH wasn't, but hopefully seeing how DS had that much fun with a friend was a fun for him.

Yikes about the cake serving.

[kransden]

If the little girl is that nice, she probably gets inivited to a lot of birthday parties and wanted one for herself. Sounds like there are some real family problems, and having just your DS was a good idea. I'm glad it worked out.

[egoldber]

I'm glad your DS had a good time. Sadly, this could have been a party that almost any of my relatives would have thrown for their children. There is seriously a LOT of dysfunction out there.

Sarah was invited to a party recently that ended up being somewhat similar to what you describe. She was invited on a Tuesday before the Saturday. At first I thought, like you, that Sarah had been an afterthought invite, but I think it was just a last minute thrown together thing. Sarah had a great time though and the little girl is very sweet.