If your school-age child told you...

[deborah_r]

that there was a child in his/her class who was behaving so badly that *everything* had been taken away from the child except her chair (so, no desk, no books, no pencils, I assume - definitely no desk, he was very clear on that)...would you try to verify the story? Does this sound a little extreme for 1st grade? ( I think this may be her second attempt at 1st grade)

I can't believe these issues exist in the early grades. Maybe this child is supposed to be in Special Ed (I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean it like, it sounds like she needs more help than she can get in a regular class with 23 kids in it)?

[Elilly]

I don't know that I would try to verify the story so much as suggest ways that my child could help the child in question. My DS had autism and is a bit delayed in some ways and DD and I talk about how some people's brains work differently. That means that they may not be trying to be disruptive but that their brain isn't letting them have quiet listening time etc.

[MamaMolly]

Does your school have inclusion for special needs kids? I've worked in some that did and some that didn't. So it may well be that this is part of the child's IEP for what ever reason. I know your DC said it was due to bad behavior, but kids don't always understand what is going on, so you are wise to consider the source. To answer your question though, part of me says MYOB, but I've seen some teachers do some crazy things. Maybe someone with more tact than I have can suggest a way to bring it up to the teacher...

[elliput]

The child very well could be a special education student if the school has full inclusion. However, the situation your DS is describing seems quite extreme, and obviously is not beneficial to the child in question as well as the other students in the class. It does sound to me also as if the child needs more. I hope she gets it.

[bubbaray]

I haven't had that situation, but I could see the conversation starting off like:

"Hello [teacher]. This is [your child's name] mom, [your name]. [Your child] told me about something that happened in class the other day and I just wanted to understand the situation as it appears to have made an impression on [your child]. [detail your understanding].

I understand that you can't talk to me about the other child specifically due to privacy issues. HOwever, [your child] seems to really have been affected by this and I would like to be able to explain it to [him/her]."


That isn't a script, but just how I would approach it. Its a touchy issue b/c of privacy issues, but I do think its a valid parental concern to understand the "why" of what goes on in class as it affects your child, KWIM?

I have found my DD#1's K teacher to be very helpful when I ask for her help to address classroom issues impacting my DD. See for example my recent thread on bathroom issues (which I discussed with the teacher yesterday).

[TwinFoxes]

I don't know that I would try to verify the story so much as suggest ways that my child could help the child in question. My DS had autism and is a bit delayed in some ways and DD and I talk about how some people's brains work differently. That means that they may not be trying to be disruptive but that their brain isn't letting them have quiet listening time etc.

But I wouldn't think the best way to help a child with autism (or any child) would be to punish him or her by taking away everything but a chair! That just seems cruel to me. I would verify the story, I think Melissa's suggested way of doing it is a good one. If it's true, it doesn't sound like it would be healthy for the child in question, or the other kids. It can't be comfortable for them...and I'm sure they're probably not allowed to talk to the DC in question. :( It makes me sad.

[Elilly]

I'm not saying that taking things away is the right solution. But there may be sensory or behavior issues in which he is injuring himself with pencils etc. Instead of being seen as nosey or anything else, I was trying to offer a constructive way for the child to feel as if he was helping the other child.
FWIW, I would be really upset if other parents started offering opinions or solutions for my child, who they don't even know.
Just a different perspective I guess.

[TwinFoxes]

I'm not saying that taking things away is the right solution. But there may be sensory or behavior issues in which he is injuring himself with pencils etc. Instead of being seen as nosey or anything else, I was trying to offer a constructive way for the child to feel as if he was helping the other child.
FWIW, I would be really upset if other parents started offering opinions or solutions for my child, who they don't even know.
Just a different perspective I guess.

In all seriousness, what are the ways another child could help in that situation?Since more and more kids are being diagnosed with Autism, I'd like to know what to tell my girls in a situation like this, or a similar one.

Fwiw, if there aren't extenuating circumstances and this is just the teacher's way of dealing with rowdy kids, I'd want to know as a parent. That's why I think op should verify the story.

[Elilly]

My DD has a special needs kiddo in her class. A few of the kids take turns being this child's "buddy", per the classroom teacher and parents request. Rather than ostrisizing this child and finding ways to point out the differences, we find ways that he is the same. DD and he both like to swing, so DD asks him if he wants to swing with her at recess etc. Just trying to make the child be a part of a normal activity and not focusing on the differences is HUGE for the child in DD's classroom. It's also a great time to talk DD about accepting everyone even when they are different.

[Gena]

But I wouldn't think the best way to help a child with autism (or any child) would be to punish him or her by taking away everything but a chair! That just seems cruel to me.

Well, the OP didn't indicate how long a time period everything was taken away. Was it for 5 minutes to help the child center and calm down, or was it for all day? And where was the chair located in the classroom? Was it off to the side, in the front of the class, in the corner? These things make a big difference.

Also, it's important to remember that what seems like a punishment to one child (or a parent) may not seem like one to another child. When I was in elementary school one of my teachers punished the worst classroom behavior by taking away that child's desk. Instead, the child in question would have to sit at an isolated table in the back corner of the room for the rest of the day and could not participate in any of the fun or social class activities. For most of us in the class, this punsihment was devestating and embarrassing. But I remember that one of my classmates (let's call him "Tim", athough that wasn't his real name), loved this. He wished he could sit at the back corner table every day. Tim had some serious behavior issues: he was very disruptive (yelling and crying) during class, he often ran away from school during recess, he would rip up his assignments and tell the teacher to eat it, etc. Back then, Tim was simply the "class behavior problem." Knowing what I know now, I wonder if Tim had Asperger's Syndrome.