At What Age....

[Indianamom2]

At what age do babies begin to manipulate? I know the first 3 months, they're just in survival mode (as are mom and dad!), but after that, when do they start crying and fussing just to get what they want?

DS #2 is four months old and the past 3-4 weeks have been fairly miserable. He is fussier than ever, and by that I mean whenever I lay him down on his activity mat, put him in his swing, lay him on the boppy lounger...he almost immediately starts crying and then proceeds to ear piercing shrieking. If I pick him up, he'll almost immediately stop. If I put him down...right back to shrieking.

I cannot hold him all day and night. I have to be able to put him somewhere safe for a few minutes. I USED to be able to lay him down and he would play quite happily for 15-20 minutes at a time. Now, hardly 5 minutes on a good day. I thought this should be getting better by now. I know it did with DD.

The only other thing I can think of is that it could be reflux related. He's been on some type of meds since around 4 weeks and after seeing a pedi GI, we tried him off the Prevacid. Today, I've started giving it to him again because I don't know what else to think.

Is he just trying to get me to hold him all the time or is he too young to start that?

Christina

[stillplayswithbarbies]

when do they start crying and fussing just to get what they want?

how else would a baby be able to let you know what he wants? It's how they communicate.

[vonfirmath]

At what age do babies begin to manipulate? I know the first 3 months, they're just in survival mode (as are mom and dad!), but after that, when do they start crying and fussing just to get what they want?

How else do babies communicate that they want anything at all except by crying and fussing?

Manipulate makes it sound -- terrible. This is just the way the baby interacts with the world. Yes, if they see they do X and you do Y, they are going to learn to get Y they need to do X. But that is true of everything -- behaviors you want them to learn and behaviors you don't want them to learn.

Awareness that they are actually manipulating you? Doesn't start for at least a bit of time more. I know my 26 month old KNOWS what he is not supposed to do (in certain instances) and does it anyway. I'm not sure when that started. There's a long period of not being sure what your child understands and doesn't understand, when you need to temper your own temper as well as the child's training with that understanding.

Just understand, that the baby is part of the family. You need to do what you need to do to take care of the entire family and meet the child's needs. And yes, sometimes that is going to be very distressing because something is going to have to suffer.

[Gena]

when do they start crying and fussing just to get what they want?

The real question is: At what age is there a difference between what they want and what they need? At this point your son's wants and needs are the same. He doesn't just want to be held; for whatever reason, he needs it. Some babies need more holding than others. I don't know why - they just do.

My son also needed to be held most of the time, so I know how demanding that can be. A good sling can really save your sanity.

[deannanb]

I think I remember 4-6 months much more holding -
get a good baby carrier -
a bjorn, ergo, I LOVED my baby nest http://www.mybabynest.com/

or a wrap like the moby -
or just a piece of fabric and wear your baby on your back http://tinyurl.com/ykp3g29

Good Luck

[brittone2]

The real question is: At what age is there a difference between what they want and what they need? At this point your son's wants and needs are the same. He doesn't just want to be held; for whatever reason, he needs it. Some babies need more holding than others. I don't know why - they just do.

My son also needed to be held most of the time, so I know how demanding that can be. A good sling can really save your sanity.

:yeahthat: 100%. Both of my kids have needed to be held a lot, but DS in particular. We could not have survived without a sling.

[wellyes]

I agree, babywearing is the key to staying sane with a baby who hates to be put down. Moby wrap for under 15 lbs, otherwise I love mei tais for around the house.

I'm afraid I also agree with the PPs that 4 months is waaaay too young to understand the difference between what he wants and what you need to do. His wants are still his needs until he's able to understand you verbally IMO (which happens months before speech, but nowhere near 4 months).

[DrSally]

I think he's just telling you he needs something--whether it's holding or something doesn't feel right with reflux. I wouldn't call it manipulation. His wants are his needs at this point. I strongly agree wtih the babywearing suggestion.

[bluestar2]

...................

[EXPECTINGMAY]

I realize now, in hindsight, that it was something he needed, and I was not "spoiling" him and "playing favorites" as my IL's told me.

Wow, In-laws really think they have all of the answers!!!!!!!

[happymom]

The only other thing I can think of is that it could be reflux related. He's been on some type of meds since around 4 weeks and after seeing a pedi GI, we tried him off the Prevacid. Today, I've started giving it to him again because I don't know what else to think.


Christina

It sounds like it could def be reflux. I know there's someone on these boards who's a reflux expert...cant remember who. Maybe she'll post though. Just a couple thoughts that come to mind-

Could it be that he's screaming because he doesnt like being flat on his back- if he has reflux, that might be uncomfortable for him.

If youre breastfeeding, have you tried eliminating dairy from your diet? If he's taking formula, have you tried switching formulas?

I don't know if sleeping is an issue, because you didnt mention it specifically, but if he's not comfortable on his back in the crib, you may want to try raising the mattress under his head, so he's on more of angle as opposed to flat on his back.

I'll echo PP's idea of wearing him. If its not reflux related, and he just wants to be held all the time, then a wrap is the way to go!

:hug: and more :hug:.