s/o would you register/have a shower for a child far apart in age?

[Ivy_CA]

The register for #2 thread reminded me that I've been wondering about this. We're not pregnant yet, we're still ttc, but when we do eventually get pregnant the baby will be born more than four and a half years after my second was born. We didn't have a baby shower or register with #2 because they were only 2.5 years apart and we still had all our baby stuff. But this time I've given away and/or thrown out most of our baby stuff, and other than some boxes of baby clothes (which won't help much if we have a girl; we have two boys) we won't really have anything for the new baby. Would it seem greedy to throw a shower for a third baby?

[infomama]

We have 2 girls, 4 years apart and we did not register. Never even considered it.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My boys are 5.5 years apart and I did not register. My friends threw me a "sprinkle" where they brought small gifts like board books and then went in on a nice diaper bag for me. I am very in favor of every baby being celebrated but I wouldn't be a fan of a full on baby shower for a 2nd+ baby with all the gifts that that could imply. I held on to all of our baby stuff so I really didn't need anything. Even if I needed stuff I wouldn't feel right asking for those things.

By the time ds2 was born I had a good mommy network and if I needed to borrow something I just needed to ask. I got a breast pump (never used), a playmat, toys, safety stuff...I really was well set because of hand me downs. I expect if you put out feelers you can get a lot of gear that way. I figure you have earned some karma by having given out your baby things. :)

Beth

[AnnieW625]

I think since #1 and #2 will be 4 years apart it's not too much to register for things that have been improved upon or didn't know about when I registered for DD. As an example I really want a Miracle Swaddling blanket, and love Bumkins bibs. I also know I want to cloth diaper #2 so I will most likely register for Fuzzi Bunz one size diapers (DD is wearing them at night too so if they don't work for #2 they still may work for DD).

Now if the kids less than 3 yrs. apart I most likely would skip the registry. I know people who are on their third kid in less than 4 yrs. and have registered each time; with one family each time it was a girl too. That seemed really pointless to me. However in my area, Long Beach it does seem to be common to have a shower for each kid born no matter how close in age they are.

Also FWIW my sister and brother are 7 yrs. apart and it was a no brainer not to throw my mom a shower for my sister. For me almost 10 it was also fun because I got to go and give a gift.

[Melaine]

Would it seem greedy to throw a shower for a third baby?

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, are you talking about throwing your own shower?

[Ivy_CA]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, are you talking about throwing your own shower?

if a shower was thrown for me I would have to be okay with it. Unless it was a surprise shower, and I just don't see anyone in my family doing anything like that. :D And registering of course I would do myself.

But I think I agree with some of the above posters. It doesn't seem right to register/have a shower for another baby. I do know someone who had a shower for their fifth baby though and I didn't think much of it; she didn't have a shower for any of the other three (I don't know if she did for her first) and she was having a boy after having three girls so she got a lot of boy clothes, mostly.

[pinkmomagain]

I didn't have any baby showers as that is not something we are comfortable with in my family. FWIW, when we had our 2nd we thought we were done and got rid of all the baby stuff. And when #3 decided to come along, we went out and bought all new baby stuff!

[lorinick]

I did have an shower for both kids. They are seven years apart. My mom threw one for each child. The second wasn't a surpise. My work also threw me a shower for baby two. It was a large shower. I did know about it. I wasn't there for baby one. I had been with the same company for six years and they did know what a struggle it was to have another baby. It was very nice. I loved it. My work was really into the planning of the shower.

[Melaine]

if a shower was thrown for me I would have to be okay with it. Unless it was a surprise shower, and I just don't see anyone in my family doing anything like that. :D And registering of course I would do myself.

But I think I agree with some of the above posters. It doesn't seem right to register/have a shower for another baby. I do know someone who had a shower for their fifth baby though and I didn't think much of it; she didn't have a shower for any of the other three (I don't know if she did for her first) and she was having a boy after having three girls so she got a lot of boy clothes, mostly.

I was just curious because we have had some conversations lately about people doing that! I really think having second or third showers depends on where you are and how it is handled. I also think that no matter what, some people will probably feel it is a little inappropriate. I don't personally think it is greedy but I also don't feel as obligated to go to second showers I get invited to.

[Momof3Labs]

I had a more extreme situation - my twins are 7 years younger than my oldest (I got few new things for DS2 so most of my gear is 7 years old). There are two babies now vs. one (need duplicates of some things), and the twins are girls, whereas my first two are boys. I still didn't register or have a shower this time, and we did just fine. I did a lot of smart shopping, buying many things used (including a lot of girl clothes) for pennies on the dollar. My car seats are new but they were half price (SafeSeats) because they were already a year old, but we are DONE so that didn't bother me. MIL bought us a double stroller of our choosing, and we bought the rest.

However, I know that it is customary to have showers for second and third babies in some circles, in which case I think it is fine. But if it is not customary, I don't think that anything posted in the OP changes that.

[Melbel]

We had baby showers for DS (our first) and DD2 (our third, born when DS was 8.5 and DD1 was almost 7). We had friends offer to throw us a shower for DD2, but we already had most everything we needed so we respectfully declined. Since we have such a large gap between our first 2 and DD2, we no longer had any baby supplies other than our crib in storage. Four couples hosted the shower, a nice catered affair at a close friends home with specialty cocktails for the guests. It was so nice getting pampered in preparation for our surprise #3, many years after we had babies. Showers for subsequent children are not unusual where we live, particularly if there are different genders and/or a gap in ages.

If someone is throwing you a shower, I think it is helpful to have a registry.

[traciann]

I am in the minority but I would register just for the things you really need and would buy on your own. For my second child (almost 4 years apart) I did this and really it was a checklist for me. If someone asked what we needed (family always does) I could tell them I was registered. It worked out great.

[deannanb]

create a register!
put things on there that you think you will need (and want) =)
even if you don't have a shower - some people might like to see a register after the baby is born.

[bubbaray]

I think it really depends on what is the norm in your area. *I* would think it was greedy, but I didn't register with either PGy and didn't have a traditional shower with either one.

[spencersmommy]

I had a few showers for DS #1 and only a work shower for DS #2 (a surprise shower!). But when DD came along 3 years later, I had another...it was a girl! We "needed" pink things...LOL! Here in our neck of CA, people seem to have showers for all the children they have. It doesn't bother me, but if it did, I just wouldn't go. We pass our baby stuff to our friends pretty regularly, so I needed new baby things, but mostly I borrowed things from friends (swing, bouncer).
Go for it! People like to shower their friends!
Amy

[Roleysmom]

I don't think it would seem greedy to have a shower for the third baby. If I was invited, I wouldn't have any negative thoughts at all.

My girls are 7.5 years apart and we didn't have a shower for either one. Not my thing. A couple of people really encouraged me to let them throw a shower for DD2 because I didn't have one for my older DD and because the age gap was so wide. We had gotten rid of everything except our slings, so we didn't have anything, but I still didn't want a shower. I have no problem with getting presents, but don't like the idea of a party just to open presents. (That's how it seems to me.) We got lots of great hand-me-downs though so the only thing I've bought so far are two long-sleeved onesies. That makes me happy!

[Nooknookmom]

I was "given" a shower for DD2, who was due 11 years after her sister. I didn't want one necessarily, but all the family was so excited to have a new little one around that they wanted to.

It was a blessing, because I had to buy EVERYTHING new again. We struggled for so many years and had given up on any more kids, when Koi decided to show up :)

[lilycat88]

DD and this baby will be 6 years apart. If it's a girl, we're golden since their birthdays will only be about 2 weeks apart and I still have every clothing item. If it's a boy...yikes.

That being said, 2nd showers aren't the norm around here. We have an extremely closeknit neighborhood and one of my neighbors is already planning on having a "shower" but I have no intention of registering. I can't imagine anyone else doing a shower and probably would discourage it. I've been there, done that.

[MoJo]

If the kids are far apart, then I think it's completely appropriate to register, and I would hope someone would throw a shower for that family. (I don't think it's ever right to throw your own shower.) My SIL just had her second, and her first is 11 years old. I wish she would have registered, but she was happier buying her own stuff.

For me, with 2 children in 2 years, I might put a few things on a registry, just in case anyone goes looking, but I certainly am not expecting a shower for #2.

That being said, the last shower I went to was for a mom who was having her second boy even closer in age than my two will be. FWIW, that mom didn't register either, but I wished she would have. I prefer at least seeing what types of things someone likes when buying a gift, even though I don't always buy from the registry.

So, I guess I think it's always nice to register, and especially if there's going to be a shower. If I'm inclined to buy you a gift (which I might want do even if there's not a shower), it's nice to know what you'd like!

[egoldber]

We didn't register because we still had many things, even though Sarah and Amy are 5 years apart. But if I had gotten rid of everything (as some people might) or had a boy vs a girl, then I think a shower would be appropriate.

Some dear friends gave me a shower for Amy (after she was born) and it's an incredibly special memory for me.