two middle names?

[crl]

So, how evil is it to give your kid 2 middle names? We did this to DS. We adopted him from China (at 13.5 months of age) and felt it was very important to keep part of his name. But we also felt it was very important to give him a more typical American first name (so people can pronounce it, spell it, to fit in, etc, etc--we gave this a lot of thought and talked with a lot of people with experience before deciding this). And DH and I have different last names and we had always planned to give our children my last name as a middle name. So, the poor kid has 4 names. Most of them long. Some of them hard to spell.

And I never thought I'd do this to a child except under those kind of really specific circumstances where every name was so important. But now we are hoping to adopt a newborn domestically (long sob story of international adoptions not panning out this time around). And I'm thinking about doing again. But this time it would be for more frivilous reasons. We have different naming philosophies and having two names might make it easier to find a name we both love. And I'm not sure that's a good enough reason. . . .

What do you all think?

Catherine

[ourbabygirl]

I have a cousin with 3 daughters, and all 3 have 2 middle names. I kind of rolled my eyes when she did it and thought it was kind of cheesy, but then when I had my own daughter last year, I ended up giving her two middle names for a couple of reasons:

I had wanted to give her my mom's middle name as her middle name, but DH's mom thought it would be nice to have a certain middle name used. :shake:. Not wanting to piss off MIL, I used my mom's middle name as DD's first middle name, then MIL"s choice (which is her middle name and her daughter's middle name) as the name after it. [I feel kind of smug, though, because there's just one middle name (the one from my side) on her social security card, savings account, and 529!] I also didn't know if we'd have any more daughters and I wanted to get both of those names used in case we didn't. If we have another daughter, we'll probably just give her one middle name, which was my dad's mom's name, because I really loved my grandma and think she might have been the reason we were lucky enough to get a girl (she might have put in a good word for us 'upstairs') ;).

You have perfectly great reasons for using 2 (or however many) middle names, so go for it! I'd love to use my maiden name as a son's middle name (if we ever have one), because I feel kind of like I made a mistake in taking my husband's last name. I really don't feel any connection to the side of his family that has this last name, and I feel much more like a _______ (maiden name) than my SILs will ever be ;-)! IMO, it's a nice gesture to use your maiden name in your children's names.
Good luck with the adoption- hope it goes smoothly and quickly for you!

[AnnieW625]

I don't think I would ever do it for biological child, but yes if I was adopting and wanted them to keep their orignal name. If I had decided to hyphenate my maide and married names I would've thought about it too, but most likely given them my maiden name as a middle name instead.

[Happy 2B mommy]

DD and DS both have 2 middle names. The first is in honor of a family member and their 2nd middle name is my last name. I didn't want to hyphenate their last name, but as I kept my last name I wanted it as part of their name.

[MissyAg94]

We did it. My daughter has a traditional middle name and my maiden name as a middle name. I don't see it as a big deal at all.

[rlu]

DH has two middle names - his grandfather's names. He was the only grandson. The way he gets around dropping the second middle name is to list the two as one name on the forms.

[dogmom]

I'm used to two middle names, but that's because I'm raised Catholic and you get to choose your confirmation name. You can put all the names in you want, gives the kids more options later if they don't like their first name. Certainly I run into plenty of people that go by their middle name.

[carolinamama]

I think it is fine. We don't have a reason to do it but it sounds like you do. Not a big deal to me especially since one would be your last name.

[Tanya]

Absolutely, both of my daughters have two middle names and if we have anymore kids, they will too.

My daughters have "normal" middle names as their first middle name and they have my last name as their second middle name. I did not change my name when I got married and I think it's important that they have a part of my name in their names. Why can't I carry on my family name too? I did not want to hyphenate since dh's last name is 12 letters long already.

My first daughter's first name is 9 letters long and her last name is 12 letters long. So, she has a long name anyway. However, when we add up all the letters in each girl's name, they have the same number of letters total. Weird how it worked out that way.

My mom would always say she felt so bad about DD1 learning to spell her name, but she did it and she prefers going by her full first name instead of a nickname, so that's her choice.

I find it probably the most annoying with forms. They don't give you room for two middle names, just one. Or just one initial.

The girls have been fine so far with their names though. They know they have my last name in there. They've never even questioned why my last name is different like hubby thought they would. It's just normal in our house.

[ThreeofUs]

Both my sons have two middle names, as do many people in my family.

Their 1st and 2nd name are "given" names - or names picked from anywhere. The 3rd and 4th are usually mom's last (or maiden) name and dad's last name.

[almostamom]

My son has two middle names. They both had special meaning to me and are after important people in my life. The also both start with J, so we just use that as his middle initial.

Linda

[parelle]

Truthfully, our son may end up with three (I group the Chinese name as one part), for very much the same reason as your first child.

1) "actual" middle name (a Saint's name)
2) my husband's mom's maiden name/grandparents' last name (he's very close to his grandparents)
3) a Chinese Name (two parts), since that's my background (and my middle name was just my Chinese name) - this won't be official, but I think my parents would appreciate it. However, I need them to help me find a name first...

While I'm not sure I'm going to go with 2 "regular" middle names for our next child, I think it's likely that they'll have Chinese names anyway. So lots of initials, here we come!

[larig]

We're terrible. not only does the kid have 2 middle names, but he goes by his first middle name and not his legal first name. It's very confusing for people.

DH goes by his middle name, so I wanted DS to too.

DS name is [my family male name--great great GF's name] [my maiden name] [FIL's middle name] [DH's last name]. And goes by [my maiden name] [DH's last name].

We planned to have one kid, and we wanted to give him the names that were important to us. We really like his name.

ETA: part of the confusing thing is that I didn't change my name when I married. So, my last name is the name he (DS) goes by, and it takes a second for people to understand.

[ellies mom]

One of my best friends growing up had three middle names. I always thought it was so cool. She had a regular middle name, then her mom's maiden name and then her dad's mom's maiden name. I loved the way it flowed. Her sister had two or three middle names too but I don't remember hers.

I can imagine it would be a pain on forms and such but I guess you wouldn't have to use all of them on most forms.

[wellyes]

Why on earth would this be a problem? Middle names are completely optional, and you can be whatever you want. I actually dislike middle names in general but I'm the only person I know who feels that way so I won't go on about it.

DD does have a middle name but it's just my last name (neither DH or I changed our names when we married).

[klwa]

I had a friend in school with 2 middle names & he hated it. (I was the only person to ever use one of the 2.) However, for your first DC, reasons make total sense. I'd lean towards not doing it with child #2, unless you adopt a child who is already named & you want to keep a part of their "heritage" again.

[crl]

Thank you all for your thoughts! I'm a little surprised so many have/have given two middle names and I'm really enjoying reading other people's approaches to naming.

I think part of the reason I hesitate to do two middle names again is that my father does not have a middle name. And his first name is a name that is usually a nickname (so like, being named Jim instead of being named James.) He spent 20 years in the Army with all the forms and such being really annoyed (his id card always had NMI for no middle initial) with it all. So I'm a little reluctant to step outside the "norms" for names.

I did ask a good friend of mine who has two middle names before I did it the first time and she was just fine with having two middle names. And I have to say that it hasn't been nearly as much of a pain for us with DS as I thought it would be.

Thanks again!
Catherine

[MontrealMum]

DS has two middle names. It hasn't been a problem yet. All his names are family names with special meaning. Up here, it's not uncommon for people to have at least 4 names total, so forms are never a problem. In fact, I have to provide my mom's maiden name on many of my medical/government forms, and it always takes me a few seconds to call it up in my brain.

[icunurse]

Both of our children were adopted domestically and both have 2 middle names. Basically, for each of them it works like this - first name is something we like, first middle name is from their birthfamily (chosen by their birthmoms and a connection to their roots), second middle name is a name from our family (after a grandparent, etc and a connection to our family). We hope to adopt again one day and, if we do, we'll follow the same pattern. If we somehow don't have birthparent involvement, we'll still choose a middle name connected to their beginnings somehow (from records, hospital where born....something). It's tradition now :)

[MizMojoLaveau]

Though I hadn't planned on doing it, We ended up doing it. The first middle name will be the only one that ends up showing up on most forms.

[lkarp]

I voted "maybe". For the record, I grew up with THREE middle names all of which I love (Kristina Rani Antonio). My parents wanted me to have a traditional middle name, my mother's maiden name, and a name to remind them of Nepal (where they were living when I was born). DH and I have since given one of my middle names (Kristina) to DD1 as her middle name. I'd like to give my other middle names to any subsequent children if they fit with the first names we've chosen. If I wanted to give any of our kids multiple middle names I wouldn't hesitate to do it.

[codex57]

I'd never do it for my kids, but I don't think it's a huge deal.

The reason I will never do it is cuz it makes their lives difficult when entering their names on computer generated forms. With TSA being total idiots, I can see this really being a problem for travel. In the US, we're generally not set up for two middle names. So, I don't want my kid inconvenienced.

As for multiple names, I'd just call em whatever you want. Unless it's for a official document, there's no penalty if you wanna throw in that extra name or whatever. I have friends and family from other parts of the world so I see them do it all the time. No biggie. I have seen the hassle it is when they have a foreign language middle name that's more than one "word". I see no reason to subject my children to that. DS has 3 names. On American forms, he uses his American names. He's also got names in 2 other languages to keep up with the cultures in his lineage. If I wanted to put it on their officially to "keep" his "origin" names, it'd be a crazy long name. America is a melting pot so as people marry people from other cultures, it can get messy.

So, I disagree that if you adopt (or come from another country), it's "good" to keep the foreign language name as the middle name. It's neither good nor bad. It's just a choice. Doesn't "honor" it necessarily either. You can still use that name whether it's on his passport or not.

Hmm, this thread has just reminded me that we need to pick out some names for DD.

[american_mama]

I have two middle names, so maybe I can speak to this. I did not want to give my children two middle names because I always found it frustrating when filling out forms. It feels wrong for a form, account, passport, paychecks, junk mail, standardized tests, college mail, driver's license, institutional email address to say I have only one middle name or one middle initial. That's not my name, doesn't sound or look like it in my eyes. I have also been minor-ly bothered my whole life that the question "What's your middle name?" requires an explanation from me rather than a simple one-word answer. So, to avoid that, I never considered two middle names for my children.

HOWEVER, I have always loved both of my middle names and loved the reason for them (my parents couldn't agree and came to the ready solution of doing both; I always interpreted it as a lesson in happy compromise, a great backdrop about marriage to carry with me for my whole life). In person, it's not really hard to answer the middle name question with a sentence and some forms do allow me to list both names. My Social Security card, which is original from about 1978, has only one middle initial and it bugs me every time. I may be wrong, but think my older passport and driver's license did not accomodate two names/initials, but my newer ones do.

With all that background, you have great reasons to give two middle names and I would in your case. Peace between husband and wife, or honoring different family members, or respecting a country of origin are all weightier reasons than the blip of annoyance in filling out forms, even when that blip is compounded for a lifetime. In fact, your question makes me wish we'd considered giving our son two middle names, since there were two people we really wanted to honor and one name/person/side of the family lost out.

[sadie427]

Our domestically adopted ds2 has 2 middle names. We had picked out a first name honoring a relative, but then he had already been named by his birthmom. We chose to keep the first name, use the one we had chosen as one middle name, and then use my last name as the other middle name for cultural reasons and because we did that for ds1. A little confusing for forms, but shouldn't cause a problem as long as you are consistent.

[HIU8]

We were going to do it for DD. My grandmother passed away when she was 9 days old. DH will not have any more children. I was very very very close with my grandmother and wanted to give DD her first name as a second middle name (FWIW, it did flow with her name already). However, we waited until after her 1st bday to start. Found out it's free to do before age 1. After age 1 there are a many fees and we could not justify the expense.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

we gave the baby two middle names. My original idea was to keep her Chinese birth name as her middle name, but then our older daughter insisted on naming her. We decided the name she picked out flowed really well with the name we chose, so we used it as a middle name, along with the birth name. She is thrilled that she got to name her baby sister, and eventually came around and agreed to call her by the name we picked out. :)

Both of her middle names are nine characters long. So far we have not had a problem putting it on forms, but I am sure we will come across a problem some time.

I wanted to keep her birth name as part of her legal name in case she ever decides she wants to go by that name. She won't need to do a legal name change to do so. We took her out of her culture and she lost everything except her name. I didn't think it was my right to take that from her too.

Her first name is derived from the meaning of her birthname. It was very difficult for me to name her. I felt like she already had a name and an identity, and then this idea of using the translation of her name came to me and it seems like a good compromise. Her birth name is not easily pronounced by English speakers.

[Twoboos]

It never crossed my mind to do it, but my brother and SIL will do it if they have a girl.

Also, a friend gave one middle name and one initial. Ex: Mary A. Jane Doe. They wanted to honor someone w/the initial, but not a whole name.

[wellyes]

Also, a friend gave one middle name and one initial. Ex: Mary A. Jane Doe. They wanted to honor someone w/the initial, but not a whole name.

That reminds me of Harry S Truman...... middle name is just the letter "S" since he had several older relatives with that initial.

I don't think multiple middle names would necessarily be a problem on forms because you're almost never required to enter all info. I went from using my middle name, to just using the initial, to dropping the initial (without ever formally/legally changing my name). I never see my middle name anymore and I only see the initial when I get mail from the IRS. My credit cards, bank accounts, drivers license etc just have first name-last name.

[larig]

BTW, on DS's passport they only have his first and first middle name listed. no second middle. I think, however it is listed on his soc. sec. card, but I'm not positive.

[ZeeBaby]

I have three middle names and go by one of them as my first. My "real" first name is only on my passport and license. It really isn't that big a deal. I didn't even know about the other names until I got my first passport.

[BillK]

I have two middle names (and I'm a Jr.). Having lived 42 years with two middle names I think I can say with some assurance that it SUCKS. NEVER in a million years would I do it to a child. It's nothing but a huge pita.

[kedss]

We gave our dd (2nd child) 2 middle names, her full given name is Hannah Grace Ayrun, as I wanted Hannah Grace, and her dad who is 1/2 Icelandic wanted her to have an Icelandic middle name like her brother, who has one middle name.

[AshleyAnn]

I have two - I'm Ashley Carol-Ann and my only dislike about it is the stupid 80's hyphen. I dropped the hyphen when I got married. I'm named after my grandfather Carol Don - he had two first names and no middle name per my great grandmother who had children in a time and place where child had a first and a last name only. She liked the sound of a combo name so 3 of her 4 children had 2 names and used them like that thier whole lives. It really has never proven to be a problem for me. I generally just put C as my middle inital and use only three initials for initailing and monograming. My mother called me a combo of the names as a kid depending on her mood/anger level - note the screen name AshleyAnn :) I consider each name a different personality of sorts but I'm wierd.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

My sons each have one official middle name. However, they both have Chinese names that aren't on any official documents, but we all know what they are.

My DH has NMN (no middle name). :p When he moved to the US, they didn't really get the middle name thing and so he just doesn't have one. He also has his Chinese name, but that is not his official name in the US. He does put it down if we get Chinese visas or something like that.

I wish we had gone with NMN for our boys, actually, because it is more interesting. :p My son is 5 now, though, and he loves his middle name! He's very interested in names right now.

I say do whatever you like. Although, I'm not sure I understand multiple "official" middle names. Where do you even use them? Do they all go on you SS card/passport?

[infomama]

I voted yes! I have two middle names and besides the fact that monograms are a bit of a challenge...I wouldn't have it any other way.