How do you stay 'jolly' when spending so much time w/relatives during the holidays?

[ourbabygirl]

We're officially into the holiday season and will be spending more time with my family and DH's. Part of me is looking forward to making new memories with DD and her relatives, and another part of me is dreading it (the part of me that remembers every other time, when I spent the drive home annoyed, venting, and needing to decompress :wink2:)!

So how do you stay grounded and keep realistic expectations, and not get too disappointed when things don't go as you hope for? Also, how do you get through it when you have to spend time around some people that you don't really care for ;)?

TIA!

[BabyMine]

:54:

If that doesn't work then keep reminding yourself that it is only a holiday. Sometimes, I find that I have more fun when I just relax and go with the flow. Removing myself from the problem and giving myself time to calm down sometimes helps.:hug: I also remind myself that things are going to go wrong and I even try and expect it.

[michellerw]

Alcohol. Also, my family doesn't expect us to spend every waking moment with them, so DH and I spend down time on our own, either in our bedroom reading, or out exploring the area. I expect we'll do the same with our little family once the baby comes.

We also have determined how long a visit will really "work" for us when there is a houseful, since we both need a lot of private time. We stick to that so we don't hate each other/everyone.

[blisstwins]

I may have to try the alcohol thing, though usually that just makes me more upset. I have to spend today at my mother's with her and my brother. My brother has almost destroyed our family business and is demanding large sums of money for a project he is doing that is going badly. He did not care for my father and never even visited him in the hospital. He lives in an apartment my father bought for him, drives a car my father paid for and is now ruining my father's business (my father is dead) to start his own. I do not want to give him the money he wants, but my mother shrieks like a shrew because my brother is "trying so hard" and we have to support him. She got money from my father too and she balked at the idea that she finance my brother. Sweet right? Happy Thanksgiving!

[lizzywednesday]

First things first? RELAX.

Just because things don't go as your mental script wanted them to doesn't mean that your DD is getting the "wrong" memory.

Some of my fondest memories from Thanksgiving as a kid involve my Nana's stuffing ... which I never ate because she always put the turkey liver in it. But I sure loved the smell of it!

There's enough around the holidays that's stressful. For me, seeing my mother stresses me out because she's just so weird. (No, really. She's weird. Always has been; always will be. I'm used to it, but it's still a pain to deal with.)

HOWEVER, I can choose to obsess over her behavior (which will NEVER-EVER change) or I can accept that this is just the way she is and get over it.

I get over it.

It makes me uncomfortable to have spent the last 4 or 5 Thanksgiving and Christmas days with my DH's family, which will often include one or the other of my SIL's divorced parents and their spouse. My SIL's mom makes my mom look normal, so I feel a little better about the whole visit. And, again, I don't pay her any mind and usually spend my time fussing over something or other in the kitchen or playing with the kids.

I'm unhappy about having to miss spending my nephew's first Thanksgiving away from him, but, seriously, the stinkbug is 2 weeks old. I don't think he's going to notice. Also, thanks to cell phones with cameras, my sister sent me a couple of new photos from this morning. Besides, I can always drive up to see my sister and him tomorrow.

Some holidays are absolute disasters ... some are not. All that changes is your point of view.

Why stress about what might have been? Enjoy the time and the memories now.

[kedss]

I'm not a fan of holidays, and if I didn't have kids, I wouldn't bother, but since I do, I try to leave all the baggage in the car, and have a few glasses of wine. ;)

[JBaxter]

Just know that your family isnt the only one who puts the FUN in disfunctional LOL

[SnuggleBuggles]

I stay busy...I clean and cook and bake. When I am in the kitchen, people tend to leave me alone. :) No one says no to baked goods in my family so I can go whip up some brownies if I want peace.

Beth

[StantonHyde]

I am about to slog off to several hours of joust and parry with my father. ugh, ugh, ugh. Here's what I have done:
1. Spend as much time as possible in my own home. Unfortunately, this year my kids want to be with their cousins, so I will be forced to go over there earlier than 5:00.
2. Alcohol
3. Walk away. I walk away from him all. the. time. He is so self absorbed he doesn't notice!
4. Spend time outside with the kids--just physically getting out of the house helps;
5. As soon as DH comes home from work, I am going for a run so I can destress before going over there.
6. I always make sure I talk myself into looooooowwwwww expectations.

Make an appointment to see a therapist next week! ;)

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

:38:&:54:

My MIL and BIL only visit every few years...

[gatorsmom]

I go into the holidays with low expectations. i prepare myself for someone to comment on my weight, ask if we don't think we have enough kids already, tell me 50 times I have my hands full and then critique my childrearing techniques. It's not so much my family that I have problems with- I enjoy my family and most of my ILs. But some of the other social gatherings we attend usually have one or 2 jerks show up that can deflate my entire evening. I've found if I go in expecting a miserable time then I'm delighted when I connect with a couple of people and leave having had a few good conversations.

[smilequeen]

With my IL's, they are sweet people really, but too much of them is well...too much. My family is like that too, but I'm used to them and they don't bug me.

What we both do is take a little time to ourselves and let the other and the kids do more bonding. We stay with my ILs during the holidays, so it's an all day thing. I need about 2 hours without my MIL to regroup. My family is in town, and DH might step into his office for a little bit, or run an errand. Because they are so close, he's a little more in tune with them than I am with his family.

[hellokitty]

If you know that family members will drive you crazy, you just can't have the expectation that they will be any different from their normal, "craziness." I have both dysfunctional parents AND in laws. I dread spending time with my parents, especially my dad. He is weird, probably has NPD and is very domineering about everything having to be done HIS way, even though nobody wants to do it his way. My mil is also like my dad. So either side we spend the holidays with, we are screwed. We always have to deal with a dysfunctional parent. The only good thing is that I enjoy seeing my brothers and bil/sil. I don't go into the holidays expecting things to be all peachy, b/c I know it isn't going to be like that. I guess you can say I go in with low expectations and then if things turn out well, I am pleasantly surprised. If things go as expected, well, I just tell my DH, "See, I told you this would happen." I'm lucky he is the type who lets me vent.