How do you decide which friends to buy gifts for?

[firsttimemama]

I'm trying to figure out my Christmas shopping list and for some of my friends I'm not sure whether to buy them gifts + their kids, or just gifts for their kids.

How do you do it/figure it out?

I hate being the recipient of a gift I wasn't expecting, when I have nothing to give that person. So I don't want to do that to another person. But you can't really ask "hey, are we exchanging gifts?" right? Cause that's tacky? So what do you do? Just guess?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't buy for any friends. Occasionally people will catch me off guard with a gift and I accept it graciously but of course always feel horrible. But, they learn that you aren't exchanging based on that, at least in my circle. I don't think I have ever bought for the kids. I only buy them gifts on b-days. I have been known to keep an emergency gift on hand to give, something really generic like a box of chocolates.

You could always play the, "I left your gift at home" card too if you get an unexpected gift.

Beth

[Melaine]

I guess what I do is, when in doubt, go with something small, handmade or homemade or a family gift. Also, I have tried to let go of the guilt if at times I don't always reciprocate a gift. It really doesn't typically bother me if I give a gift but don't receive one, so I try to remember that.
Another idea if you have a group of friends is to throw a White Elephant party or something so that "covers" the gifting and you get to have a party as well.

[kijip]

With our close friends and my brother we have a no-bought gift rule. Some people make things (small, like candles or vinegar or jam) but no one buys. Instead we pool our money and shop for 1 or more families in need of some help. The only adults we buy for are our parents- now my dad and his mom. And we send something food-y to our grandparents (my paternal grandmother and his maternal grandparents are all still alive). This year at our holiday party, everyone is making a donation to an organization. If people are not close enough to be part of our no-gift thing then they are not close enough to buy gifts for at all so it has worked out well over the years. We do get some small gifts for the children of our very closest friends. I find it takes a lot of the stress out of the holidays and people feel good putting the money towards someone who needs it more than any of us do. People give at a personally meaningful level- some friends chip in $25, some chip in hundreds of dollars towards the family(ies) sponsorships.

[hellokitty]

I don't usually buy gifts for friends. With that said, there are two family friends who we buy gifts for (just the kids). One family, my DH is best friends with the husband and is their son's godfather. They also have a dd. We buy bday and Christmas gifts for their kids and they do the same for us. I have another friend, she kind of started it and we've just kind of gone along. She always sends us a gift, whether it be a magazine subscription or a toy for the kids. We've kind of gone along with it. Both families, we are close to, so it doesn't seem inappropriate. I don't really consider us close enough to anyone else to want to start something like this and quite honestly would prefer not to buy gifts for anyone else and prefer not to recieve gifts from anyone else either.

[alexsmommy]

Once almost all of us had at least one child, we switched to gifts for the kids. We all keep it small - under $15 at most - usually closer to $10 (especially as the number of kids has grown). We're all pretty aware of financial constraints and are pretty open. So last year my girlfriend texted me at 5am on Black Friday saying, "Don't freak out at DS1's gift - got it for $11!" It was something worth upwards of $35.
I used to keep a case of some $5-7 dollar wine from TJ's on hand for the unexpected gift exchange this time of year. I just tie some cute ribbon on it ahead of time so I can grab it and it looks like it was planned. I know that whatever we don't use will not be wasted - and now I just get 6 bottles because we've really cut down on unexpected gift exchanges.
I finally talked to my one childless good friend and now we don't "exchange" per se, but plan a girls night for the two of us somewhere we wouldn't typically go for summer (cooking class, wine bar in city etc).
This year I have a good friend going through a very rough time and I am going to get her something with a note about wanting to support her making it clear I do not want anything in return.
I think you just have to talk honestly with people ahead of time and most will comply or are even relieved themselves. I do work to not feel guilty since a true gift should not be given with the expectation of something in return.

[gatorsmom]

I hate being the recipient of a gift I wasn't expecting, when I have nothing to give that person. So I don't want to do that to another person. But you can't really ask "hey, are we exchanging gifts?" right? Cause that's tacky? So what do you do? Just guess?

I got tired of feeling this way and just decided to give gifts to a few friends (discretely) who I just really wanted to give a gift to. I don't give a gift now unless i want to and I assume that's why other people give gifts so I don't sweat it if i don't have one ready in return. I don't expect one in return and I'm not hurt if I don't get one back. I guess I'm assuming others feel that way too.