Cash bar (only) at wedding?

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Trying to help SDIL organize large wedding on medium budget. Something has to give. Is cash only bar tacky or not uncommon??

[elizabethkott]

I'd do a limited bar with cash bar options - like wine and beer, but hard liquor and mixed drinks are cash. I'd be put off by a cash only bar, but that may be due to what I'm accustomed to.
JMO.

[nrp]

I would be put off as well, but then I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. If she could swing it, I would forego the liquor entirely and just have a choice of a festive champagne drink or beer.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd probably a bit taken aback at 1st if I saw it was a cash bar but I'd roll with it after that.

I agree with pp though- we did beer and wine only for our wedding. Much cheaper.

Beth

[michellerw]

Based on what I saw online when I was planning my wedding, cash bars at weddings are common in Canada and therefore Canadians aren't usually taken aback by the idea. In the US, however, they are largely considered a no-go, although it can be regional.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

I think you guys are on the same page as I am, the venue she is leaning towards is pretty expensive and I think I would be bummed to be invited somewhere so nice and then expected to pay for all my own drinks. I have been trying so hard to find options where you can bring your own alcohol and outside of a good 'ole VFW the pickings are slim. She was supposed to be saving over the past year to cover some of the expenses and that has not materialized unfortunately.

[gatorsmom]

I've been to plenty of weddings where the wine and beer was free but the cash bar was for hard liquor and cocktails. (ETA: i think that is the most common situation the area I grew up in- Wisconsin) I've always thought an open bar and giving guests the opportunity to drink nonstop for free was a recipe for disaster. But maybe it's just the company I keep! :ROTFLMAO:

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

I've been to plenty of weddings where the wine and beer was free but the cash bar was for hard liquor and cocktails. I've always thought an open bar and giving guests the opportunity to drink nonstop for free was a recipe for disaster. But maybe it's just the company I keep! :ROTFLMAO:

you trollop! lol!

[katydid1971]

I would be put off as well, but then I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. If she could swing it, I would forego the liquor entirely and just have a choice of a festive champagne drink or beer.

:yeahthat:

[bubbaray]

Based on what I saw online when I was planning my wedding, cash bars at weddings are common in Canada and therefore Canadians aren't usually taken aback by the idea. In the US, however, they are largely considered a no-go, although it can be regional.


Never seen a cash bar at a wedding in Canada. Maybe its regional in Canada?

Here, I have definitely seen the bar limited to beer and wine, though. I don't recall any completely "open" bar weddings. Also, there is new caselaw here about host liability, so its possible that more people are doing cash bars for that reason. Its been a few years since I"ve been to a wedding.

[gatorsmom]

She was supposed to be saving over the past year to cover some of the expenses and that has not materialized unfortunately.

Maybe it's time for her to realize she can only afford a medium size wedding. Has she ever considered a destination wedding? We were married in a 1000 year old church in the middle of a vineyard in Tuscany for less than $10,000 for everything (music, flowers, incredible photos, etc.) 10 years ago. It was very romantic. :love5:

[gatorsmom]

you trollop! lol!

That's me! :hysterical:

[misshollygolightly]

Not everyone will agree, but I'd suggest she just skip the alcohol all together, or just provide champagne for toasting. If she's committed to a big guest list and schmancy wedding, she could save a bundle by not serving any alcohol at all. I'm sure it depends on her circle of friends, but I've never heard anyone complain that alcohol wasn't served at a wedding (though I have heard grumbles about cash bars). Otherwise, maybe she needs to find other ways to cut her budget (eliminating the goofy favors everyone throws away anyway, cutting way back on the floral arrangements, etc.).

[KpbS]

I agree w/ PP that she should just do wine and beer. Skip the rest.

[kijip]

I don't believe in making guests pay for things, but at the same time I don't think you need to serve alcohol at all if she can't afford to serve it. Or like a pp said you could do a limited selection- cases of affordable beer and wine. Still if it is not in the budget, there is nothing wrong with serving only non-alcoholic beverages. I personally would not have any drinks that people had to buy but that is because I personally would rather serve ice water than ask a guest to pay for food or drink. And since I would want to serve more than that, I would cut my guests list or beverages offered until I could afford the whole cost myself. I have been a number of weddings without hard liquor and a number without any alcohol and it has always been great. The open bar ones I have been too have been nice too, but honestly no more fun or interesting than the "drier" ones.

Other ideas: lower cost venue, lunch or brunch (and at lunch, fewer people will be expecting hard drinks so it is doubly cheap) instead of dinner, inexpensive dress. The catering and bar are almost always the most expensive parts of the wedding, so it is a good area to trim.

If she is not willing to save for it, then she can't count on having it.

[Andi98989]

I'd do a limited bar with cash bar options - like wine and beer, but hard liquor and mixed drinks are cash. I'd be put off by a cash only bar, but that may be due to what I'm accustomed to.
JMO.

This is exactly what we did for our wedding.

[gatorsmom]

I think you guys are on the same page as I am, the venue she is leaning towards is pretty expensive and I think I would be bummed to be invited somewhere so nice and then expected to pay for all my own drinks. I have been trying so hard to find options where you can bring your own alcohol and outside of a good 'ole VFW the pickings are slim. She was supposed to be saving over the past year to cover some of the expenses and that has not materialized unfortunately.

This the service I used. The owner of this service did an incredible job organizing this for us. EVERYTHING was arranged for us- we just had to specify preferences.

http://www.weddingsinitaly.com/weddings_italy_honeymoons/pristine_european_weddings_elegant_italian_honeymo ons/pristine_european_weddings_elegant_italian_honeymo ons.htm

You have to admit, some of these packages sound pretty darn tempting right about now....

[Tondi G]

I said Tacky. We splurged and bought the alcohol and had a full bar for our wedding. I could totally understand someone limiting it to beer and wine and then giving people the option of buying hard liquor or mixed drinks from the bar that they pay for themselves. I have been to 2 weddings with a pay bar and I had to buy my own sodas too. That just didn't seem very nice and I heard other people grumbling about it.

[blisstwins]

This is totally regional, IMO. Where I live it is totally tacky, but in NE I think it is not so uncommon. Personally, I would offer beer and wine only and skip the cash bar were I on a budget.

[mom2binsd]

I'd do a limited bar with cash bar options - like wine and beer, but hard liquor and mixed drinks are cash. I'd be put off by a cash only bar, but that may be due to what I'm accustomed to.
JMO.

That's what we did... good quality beer and wine open bar...hard liquor cash bar (most bartenders/caterers will tell you people waste so much hard liquor at weddings, it's free so they get a glass, take a drink set it down and walk away...) We were paying for our own wedding and felt it was fair, most everyone was either a beer or wine drinker and the cost of hard liquor is pretty high (esp as we got married in Canada)

[jent]

I think it depends on your area and particularly your social circle. None of my relatives/HS/college friends has ever had a cash bar at a wedding and I would be shocked if any had. But I recently went to a coworker's wedding, which did, & none of the guests were surprised/put off by it (including me).

I would find out if it's common in your area and particularly with people you know. If not, I would advise saving money by limiting options as PP's have said. People often get in their heads an image of the "typical" wedding and feel they have to re-create it all. But I've been to some really great weddings that broke the mold, weren't that expensive, and were still a blast for their guests.

You have the Bridal Bargains book, right?

[brittone2]

We offered a limited selection...beer, wine, and champagne was available. We had to provide our own alcohol at our reception location anyway and I didn't feel like having to buy a zillion bottles of liquor. We were originally going to do just beer and wine but at the last minute realized we could pick up a few cases of champagne and still be within our budget and we offered that as well.

I did not want to do an open bar so our happy medium was open bar with a limited selection.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

We did beer/wine/sparkling wine. We also cut-off the bar 1.5 hours before it ended, to make sure my Irish fam was sober! :wink2:

Doing a signature cocktail can be cheaper, too. I was opposed to hard liquor at *my* wedding though.

[Jacksmommy2b]

Tacky - it sucks, especially if the bride and groom aren't drinkers - but it is tacky.


But - there are sooooooo many ways to save money on weddings!

You can save a bunch of money by having a Saturday afternoon, Friday evening or Sunday wedding.

You can also save a bunch by going with a less than popular month or by planning a wedding in less than usual time.

For examlpe - We saved $20 per person by having our wedding on a Saturday afternoon and another $10 per person for going with the end of April instead of May. We ended up paying about $50 a head for a sit down meal with an open bar, flowers, cake, linens etc at a very nice place.

Also, I helped my mom plan her wedding (last Friday actually!) and she saved $20 per person going with a Friday night. And because we booked the wedding in August and had the party before the end of the year she got a ton of 'extras'. We got a free ice sculpture (IDK why anyone needs one of these but it was pretty cool!) we also got a free pasta station for the cocktail hour, a free champagne upgrade and three free hotel rooms at the hotel where the wedding was held.

Tell her the most important thing she can do is ASK for a discount. You would be amazed who will give you a break if you only ask and don't hesitate to play the venues against eachother. A venue will be more than happy to match discounts or offers in order to get the booking - especially on an off day/time/season.

And for the record - I thought my mom's Friday night wedding was fabulous and everyone stayed late and partied hard knowing they had two days to recover!

[jent]

Maybe it's time for her to realize she can only afford a medium size wedding.

:yeahthat:

I just read your second post about how she wants an expensive venue. If I were invited to a wedding at an expensive place and then charged for my drinks I would totally think it was tacky. Especially if any other parts of the wedding seemed like they went all-out.

[melrose7]

We did a full open bar because it wasn't much difference in price with the package they offered. I know not everyone does that or wants to do that. For weddings I attend I would rather they have the option of free soda, beer, and wine, and paying for my own hard liquor than not having it available at all. That is probably the most common around here. I bring money knowing I will be paying for drinks if I don't feel like beer that night, or if it a beer I don't usually drink. This would be more of a problem for DH as since I got married and stopped living with friends I rarely drink anymore. DH would be complaining the whole time if we were at at wedding with no hard alcohol.

[infocrazy]

Honestly, I don't even know if I would bring money. I am the credit card queen. DH would have some though. I would do a limited bar. You could do beer, wine, and a "signature" drink.

We had 275 people for $14k. Buffet with open bar.

Cut the champagne toast--even DH toasted with a Jack/Coke. Lots of people don't like it and you end up with half-full bottles on every table.
Don't do a limo--we borrowed a friend's cool car.
We did VERY simple centerpieces. Unless they are crazy over the top, no one will remember them.
No flowers at the church, they weren't missed.
My mom/aunt made my bouquets with roses from costco.
I did order invites, but I did the church program, placecards (I fortunately have great handwriting), Save the Dates, etc...all on my computer.
Unless you are serving the cake plated, you don't need enough for everyone. Our cake was only for 180 and we still had quite a lot left over. If that makes you too nervous, you can also have a smaller cake, then get sheet cakes in the same style for far less than decorated tiers.

Have her figure out the important things and start scaling down/eliminating the rest. I know that is easier said than done. For us, we couldn't really cut the guest list since we both have huge families. A big turning point for me was when I was talking to a close friend about something and she said remember at my wedding when...and I didn't, and I was IN her wedding...only a few days earlier!

I would look for something to cut that no one will even remember...I would probably remember a cash bar.

[JBaxter]

Mine was beer ( keg and a selection of bottles) and wine Liquor was cash. It was at a small country club so the bar was just out side the hall.

[kerridean]

Always tacky, no exceptions. Sorry

[kijip]

For examlpe - We saved $20 per person by having our wedding on a Saturday afternoon and another $10 per person for going with the end of April instead of May.


Place on the calendar is important. You are very right. January-April are some of the cheapest months to have a wedding (excepting Valentines weekend). Our location, a victorian mansion that is the headquarters for a horticulture club and a popular wedding spot was literally a tenth of the price for us on a February Saturday than the same spot in June. October and November are, as far as I know, cheaper as well. December and May-August is the highest.

[Jo..]

never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I've never even taken money to weddings! I wouldn't do it. I'd rather have no bar at all.

[amandabea]

We offered a limited selection...beer, wine, and champagne was available. We had to provide our own alcohol at our reception location anyway and I didn't feel like having to buy a zillion bottles of liquor. We were originally going to do just beer and wine but at the last minute realized we could pick up a few cases of champagne and still be within our budget and we offered that as well.

I did not want to do an open bar so our happy medium was open bar with a limited selection.
:yeahthat:
we had beer, wine, champagne and margaritas

[ilfaith]

I agree with most of the previous posters. I would never expect my guests to come to m wedding and have to pay for their own drinks..nor would I expect to have to crack open my wallet at a wedding.

If a full open bar isn't in the budget, offering just beer and wine, and perhaps one signature cocktail could keep costs down.

I think expectations for weddings are somewhat regional. I'm from the NYC area where they tend to be completely over-the-top affairs, with copious amounts of food and drink served in the cocktail hour before sitting down to a full meal. (One friend of mine who grew up in Georgia was shocked that after filling up on heavy appetizers at his first NY-area Jewish wedding he was expected to consume a salad, and several courses including his choice of chicken, fish or prime rib) Weddings I've been to in the midwest and south have been more modest affairs...although I think other parts of the country are starting to catch up with the northeast.

Other ways to save on weddings include omitting the favors (most people don't really want a cheap picture frame with your names and anniversary engraved on it) use flowers that are in season, and go with simple arrangements (honestly, has anyone ever complained about the floral centerpieces...unless they are so large that you can't see across the table). Offer fewer main course options...just one entree and a vegetarian alternative. If you're giving a choice between sea bass, capon and chateaubriand the caterer will need to have enough of each on hand and you will be paying for the unused protein. Surf and turf for everyone. Many supermarkets make wedding cakes for far less than specialized bakeries...and nobody really expects the cake to be that good. Invitations can be done inexpensively. Two places I wouldn't skimp are photography and music, where you really do get what you pay for. There is a reason you see so many people on courtroom reality shows suing their wedding photographer. A band will be pricier than a DJ, but it does change the whole dynamic of the party. If music isn't important to them they can always use an iPod.

[sarahsthreads]

I voted tacky, although as I don't actually drink much of anything beyond a small glass of white wine now and then (I almost typed that as "white whine" - clearly I have small children in the house) I don't know if my opinion counts.

We had an open bar at our wedding, but it was at a vineyard and they only served (their own) wine and beer (of DH's choosing). There was no option for other alcoholic beverages, and we were joking that we should buy little paper umbrellas to stick in some of our (mostly his) friends' wine and beer so they'd be fooled into thinking they were other sorts of drinks. :)

I've been to quite a few dry weddings since, and had no problem with it. I prefer it actually, as many people on both sides of our family get embarrassingly silly at weddings when alcohol is involved. DH's family is mostly Irish so he figured they'd disown him if we didn't have at least wine and beer. Plus, with our reception being at a vineyard, it might have been a little odd to have a dry wedding...

Sarah :)

[sariana]

They should just have a dry wedding. I would have preferred this, but DH wanted to have alcohol. We had a really small (25 total, including all family, musicians, and officiant), so nothing was really TOO expensive. But why does alcohol need to be served at a wedding at all? Maybe just champagne for the toasts (though DH made sure my glass held cider:love5:).

[KrisM]

I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar in Michigan.

My first Wisconsin wedding was a cash bar and I had about $3 on me. I never expected to have to pay for anything at the reception. But, for my wedding, none of my friends had ever been to a free bar :).

So, if you make it cash bar and it's not traditional in your area, you need to let people know, especially since people carry less cash these days.

[kransden]

I'd do a limited bar with cash bar options - like wine and beer, but hard liquor and mixed drinks are cash. I'd be put off by a cash only bar, but that may be due to what I'm accustomed to.
JMO.
:yeahthat:

[brittone2]

So, if you make it cash bar and it's not traditional in your area, you need to let people know, especially since people carry less cash these days.

For me this is the very crux of why it can seem tacky. I think you need to give people a heads up that it is a cash bar so they can be prepared (as someone who rarely carries much cash...). However, I can't think of a terribly tactful and appropriate way to convey that it is a cash bar...seems inappropriate IMO on an invite. Do you rely on word of mouth (like a registry?). It just seems sticky, but I agree that if you go w/ a cash bar, you should ideally let guests know in advance (but how?).

[gobadgers]

I'd be a little surprised if I went to a wedding and it was only a cash bar. I've been to one wedding that neither the bride nor groom drink, so there was no alcohol period. Everyone who knew the couple knew that, so it wasn't a surprise.

We had a open bar at our wedding, but still had a 'signature' cocktail that was special to us (aren't we the lushes!).

My vote would be beer, wine and one special mixed cocktail (if they're inclined), and cash bar for other hard alcohol.

[vludmilla]

I'd probably a bit taken aback at 1st if I saw it was a cash bar but I'd roll with it after that.



Beth

I agree with this.

[MontrealMum]

I've been to one wedding with a cash bar, back home in MI. But this particular family had some other truly tacky behaviors in other areas, so I really see the cash bar as being against the norm. Never been to one here in Eastern Canada. It was surprising to me that I would have to pay at the bar, and embarrassing as well, since, like many women, I was using a tiny evening bag and did not have much cash on me.

I *have* been to quite a few dry weddings, because it's not uncommon to have receptions in a church where I come from, yet it's also illegal to serve alcohol on (or sell it near) church premises in that particular city. I'll tell you, my dad wasn't happy about it, but at least we all knew what to expect when we received our invites and saw the location of the reception. I've been to other dry weddings where there was an alcohol issue in the family and it was a way to avoid a scene, which I completely respected.

When I was planning our wedding and trying to cut corners here and there it was frequently suggested to go with unlimited beer/wine only, or to offer liquor which guests could pay for. I was uncomfortable with guests paying for anything, so we did all three, but went with poured champagne only for the toasts. We had both a food caterer, and an alcohol caterer and they were full of helpful suggestions like that. We were able to bring alcohol in and thus, shop around, because our reception was at a college. Can you get her to change the venue? There are a number of types of places that let you bring in your own drinks that range from halls to museums. I would also be OK with offering only beer and wine and not cash bar liquor if I needed to cut somewhere.

Another expensive part of the budget is flowers, but there are lots of ways to cut corners there (says she who has never read Bridal Bargains), especially in the colder months. My cousin had her wedding near to Christmas and the church was already decorated :) Is there another spot like that where you can trim a bit from the budget?

[MoJo]

It's pretty obvious I'm from the midwest, because even though I and nearly all of my friends drink occasionally, I don't think I've been to more than one wedding that had anything more than the champagne toast offered. So in my circle, alcohol isn't even expected.

Whatever she does, I think it's very important not to try to have more wedding than she can afford. She would regret that long after the wedding is over.

[jgenie]

I was worried about people getting out of control and getting home safely so we opted not to do a full bar. Neither of us drinks hard liquor so we opted for wine and champagne only. I know some people weren't happy that we didn't have a full bar but I was willing to make that choice because I wanted to avoid any problems.

[klwa]

:) Wouldn't bother me, but then again, I had NO alcohol at my wedding since we had a church reception. (I won't lie, it freaks me out a bit to go to a wedding with alcohol. Just not what I'm used to.)

[egoldber]

Interesting. I've been to many cash bar weddingreceptions (all over the country). Ours was not a cash bar because the ILs insisted, but they paid for it. It is definitely customary in many circles to have a cash bar.

Generally people put "cash bar" somewhere on the invite/reception card. I agree that it is a nasty surprise to get to the reception and realize it is a cash bar. ;)

[wellyes]

I've been to several weddings with cash bars, but I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar ONLY. They always have wine with dinner or at least a champagne toast.


But why does alcohol need to be served at a wedding at all?

I'm surprised by the number of teetotalers on this board. Weddings are celebrations! Weddings and all about marking a family milestone as a group, getting sentimental and dancing...... all things that are benefited by the social lubricant of alcohol. I'm certainly not saying everyone should drink, but I do think that alcohol has an entirely appropriate place at wedding receptions.



Generally people put "cash bar" somewhere on the invite/reception card. I agree that it is a nasty surprise to get to the reception and realize it is a cash bar. ;)

I've never seen that. Maybe the type of venue is a big hint....... VFW Hall reception, cash bar. Super-fancy hotel ballroom, no cash bar -- or at least they're better not be. To me, a modest wedding, cash bar = no big deal. At an extravegent wedding = cash bar is skimping on the guests.

[egoldber]

Maybe the type of venue is a big hint....... VFW Hall reception, cash bar. Super-fancy hotel ballroom, no cash bar

No, the one I went to most recently was at a casino LOL!!!!

IME it mostly has to do with who is paying for the wedding and their affluence level. People with more money have free bars, those who can't don't. I know that some people feel like it is important to offer the option of alcohol, but can't/don't want to pay for it.

Although I do agree that generally cash bar does mean liquor and that beer and wine (limited selection and generally cheap brands) are "free".


I'm certainly not saying everyone should drink, but I do think that alcohol has an entirely appropriate place at wedding receptions

It's appropriate, but I agree it is not mandatory. I know that some people want to avoid ugly behavior (I've certainly seen that at weddings). Or maybe they have a relative (or few) with alcohol abuse issues. And many people simply are against the consumption of alcohol in general.

[Melaine]

anything beyond a small glass of white wine now and then (I almost typed that as "white whine" - clearly I have small children in the house) .


:hysterical:

[MaiseyDog]

It's pretty obvious I'm from the midwest, because even though I and nearly all of my friends drink occasionally, I don't think I've been to more than one wedding that had anything more than the champagne toast offered. So in my circle, alcohol isn't even expected.

Whatever she does, I think it's very important not to try to have more wedding than she can afford. She would regret that long after the wedding is over.

I'm right there with you, although I'm from the south. I couldn't tell you the last wedding I went to that served alcohol. Weddings in the south have in the past been more modest affairs than I think happen elsewhere in the country- lots of church receptions. But they are starting to catch up. What I don't understand around here though, is that receptions are getting bigger and having bands and such, but it seems like for most of them no one other than the bride and groom and little kids dance. This is probably the part where alcohol helps. Seems like a huge waste of money to have a band that provides what is essentially background music.

[wellyes]

it seems like for most of them no one other than the bride and groom and little kids dance. This is probably the part where alcohol helps.

LOL, I've been to many of those weddings and I totally agree with you. I mean, it's cute and all, but weddings where people actually danced (which gives ME the courage to get up & dance too) are much more fun.

[AnnieW625]

I voted for doesn't bother me, but in my family it would never fly. In my family we'd cut down on other things like expensive favors, reception hall, and table decorations if we needed to cover the costs of the bar for the entire reception. If it were my ceremony the bar on site was only hosted for beer, wine, and soda, but they also had a full regular bar and someone wanted to order a gin and tonic if hard alcohol wasn't hosted then I wouldn't have a problem if the venue charged for that.

In general if there is a non hosted bar we usually don't drink, we'll just stick to what is included with the meal which is usually punch, tea, coffee, soda, or a bottle of wine on the table.

We were pretty lucky at our wedding my dad worked in the beer industry and the beer that was served was slightly out of code (FWIW beer is actually good for about 6 weeks to 2 mos. past the date on the can/bottle) that my dad got from his accounts (it was his once it was out of code), and then we had a local grocery outlet that had good deals on wine. We just did beer and wine. We were also able to bring in our own sodas, and we just had to pay the caterers bartender. That saved us a lot of money.

I have been to a few weddings here in CA (including a cousins) where the bar has been free for the first hour of the reception and then it's a cash bar.

ETA: after reading responses.

What about trying a church hall?

We got married a week before Valentines Day, and it was great.

Hors D'Oeurves as the meal will cost more than a buffet

Buffets save money and honestly I like being able to get up and move around, although a plated meal is also nice. You can get a great variety of options for less. It's also great for vegetarians.

Highly recommend getting flowers from the flower mart. We were 2 hrs. from San Francisco and the florist was independent and she did six bouquets, including mine, plus 7 boutineres, and four corsages for less than $700. This was a week before Valentines Day and I also wanted red roses for my bouquet and got them!

We had 130 people and spent just under $10,000 for the reception, ceremony, buffet, alcohol, bartender, and flowers.

[lovin2shop]

Call me a lush, but I would much rather go to a wedding with a cash bar, than no bar at all!

I voted that it doesn't bother me. I think that "tacky" is throwing a wedding that the couple or family can't afford.

[crl]

It seemed a little harsh to vote tacky so I didn't vote, but I wouldn't do a cash bar. It just seems wrong to me to invite people to a party and then expect them to pay for themselves. I'd do a cheaper venue, offer just wine and beer, choose a cheaper menu, reduce the guest list, etc instead. We actually did a sit down dinner at a country inn type place that had a big, beautiful upstairs for the reception and their liquor license was only for beer and wine so we didn't have anything else (and they did let us buy offsite so it was cheaper). It was fine.

Catherine

[jayali]

I voted "tacky" because of the two choices. Tacky is a strong word and if it was all the couple could afford then the answer is, "no it is not tacky". In the NE - in our particular area, it would be out of the ordinary to have a cash bar. However, we have been to several weddings where it was cash bar and in some cases wine was served with dinner, in some cases it wasn't. My biggest issue with a cash bar is that we usually don't travel with cash and if we needed cash for the bar we would like to know in advance. My husband has had to leave weddings to go to the cash machine to have money for the bar - not because we are big drinkers - but because we didn't have any cash on us. I am not sure how you would word that on the invite - that may be tacky.

I totally agree that serving wine and beer would be perfectly acceptable. My brother and SIL had a very expensive formal (black tie) wedding and my sil was adamant about not serving hard liquor - let's just say my brother's peeps can get really out of control. Not to say they didn't on wine and beer - but for some reason hard liquor really put her off.

Are the bride and groom locked into a date and venue already or are they still considering their options? We had friends who hosted their daughters wedding on July 3 - a tuesday evening - at a place that they would probably not be able to afford on a weekend evening. It was lovely - and none of us had to work on Wednesday and our friends hosted a brunch the following morning at their house. It was one of the nicest weddings we have ever been invited to. Just a thought that date and venue can sometimes be reconsidered with a desired outcome.

[codex57]

To my knowledge, most of our guests weren't big drinkers. So, we had wine at the tables, but a cash bar. Our friends didn't care. The alcoholics bought drinks. The others stuck to the wine or nonalcoholic refreshments. However, it's pretty well known that I'm severely allergic to alcohol and that DW doesn't really drink so I don't think it was shocking to our guests to see a cash bar since when we go out casually or go to parties, alcohol is pretty limited anyways when we host.