I am about to cancel DS bday party, can use some advice on how to handle it

[kozachka]

UPDATE:
After all my efforts we ended up with reservations for 8 guests (6 classmates, 1 friend who could not attend another party and 1 of the students who DS martial arts studio) so I bought enough goodie bags and plates for 8 kids and a special/plastic plate for DS. Did you ever notice how all the party supplies come in sets of 8? When the party started parents asked if it was OK for the siblings to stay for the class. Yeah, why not, the class can accomodate up to 20 kids and there is no charge for extra kids. Siblings were not supposed to stay for the food but they did. We had 12 kids including DS. Fortunately, pizza had exactly 12 slices, there were extra plates (which I brough for adults) and cake was big enough to be slices in 12 pieces. But there was a bit of last minute re-arrangement and nervousness. Worst part was when it was time for goodie bags. I only had 8. One child was too little to care/not used to having goodie bags. I gave another young child, whose mom helped me set up, I gave a mini-goodie package that I picked up just in case. And I had to explain to another older child that, unfortunately, I don't have anything for him. I felt bad about it but his mom quickly jumped in since she knew in advance that this would be the case (and warned him but the child must have forgot(. Whew... Everybody liked the class and the cake so all in all everything went well, parents and their kids kept thanking me for inviting them. DS loved his party and I survived the day in one piece. Glad we did not cancel the party. And I have you all to thank for encouraging me to go ahead with it.

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________________________
DS birthday was the day after Thanksgiving. We had a party for friends and family last Saturday. It went very well. I have also invited 16 out of 20 classmates (4 people did not publish their e-mail) at DS school for a party this Saturday at the martial arts studio that DS attends. Of the 16 people invited to the party only 4 responded - 2 reserved and 2 declined. Five more viewed the Evite but did not respond.

I feel that at this point I have no choice but to cancel the party, it is simply not worth doing a party for 3 or 4 kids (one of the parents that has not reserved told me in person they would come). I figured that no response means that these people won't be coming. I hate to do it because DS would be disappointed and the two people who have made plans to be there would be inconvenienced. As a way to make it up to the kids and parents, I am thinking of taking the kids out for ice cream at the time that the party was supposed to take place (but it would no longer be a drop off party, obviously). And the kids could come as guests to the martial arts class earlier in the day on Saturday if they want. What do you think of this idea? And what would be the best way of communicating the cancellation - email, SMS or in person (I know one of the moms but not the other)? Or should I write to the five people who have viewed the Evite but did not reserve one way or the other?

On a side note, I am just sad for DS. I am especially upset about one of the kids who DS considers to be his good friend but I don't think the other family sees it the same way.

ETA: Should I bring something sweet to DS class on Friday so that he could celebrate his birthday or is it too late?

[Pennylane]

Sorry that people are being so lame about responding. My dd had her birthday party a few weeks ago. I gave people 2 weeks to RSVP. I had 6 people call me the day before and one the morning of the party to tell me they were attending.

If it were me, I would have the party regardless. You'll probably have more people show up then you think.

Ann

[blisstwins]

I had a lot of people who did not RSVP show to my children's party. It is frustrating.
I would send an e-mail to everyone invited and kindly ask for an RSVP either way. This is tough. I wish people realized how their actions affect others.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I'd send an email to ask people to reply. For some reason, people think just reading the initial evite without clicking tells enough. They sometimes later go back and open it up when the reminders are sent, but never bother to reply. My guess is that more are planning than you think.

[egoldber]

You can send a reminder and a request for RSVPs through evite.

I would do that first.

[hellokitty]

I agree, remind them again via evite. I would still have the party. Even if it's only 4 other kids, that still sounds like fun. Heck, I prefer less kids, b/c it is less crazy, so this may just work out better for you.

[wellyes]

I figured that no response means that these people won't be coming.

I don't think that's a safe assumption. Many people think RSVP means "regrets only". They're wrong, of course, but there you go.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I wouldn't cancel. That isn't really fair to the guests that can come and to your ds, imo. I think you need to go the extra mile here, even if it is annoying and not something you should have to do. If you have phone numbers then start calling. Email isn't reliable. You never know what email address they shared- it could be one they barely check. Small parties are great and I think your son will really enjoy it regardless of turn out. But, I think you should try harder to reach people.

Beth

[pinkmomagain]

I think I would try to reach the people who didn't respond by phone rather than email.

[egoldber]

Well, I would would cancel if only 4 kids will show up to a party that would probably cost $200+. I think a nice outing instead is a reasonable alternative.

[neeter]

Well, I would would cancel if only 4 kids will show up to a party that would probably cost $200+. I think a nice outing instead is a reasonable alternative.

i agree with this. outside bday parties are too expensive for 4 kids, plus cake and snacks, etc. for those who rsvp'd can you simply change the location to your house - it can be a small playdate, maybe you can show a movie, etc. then your ds won't be as disappointed, it can still be drop off.

[kozachka]

Well, I would would cancel if only 4 kids will show up to a party that would probably cost $200+. I think a nice outing instead is a reasonable alternative.

This party should cost less than $200. We are not paying for the space and marshial arts class, it's free to the studio members. Not only parents get more value for their $$ but it also a good way to attract new members. Also, I have a few things left from the party we had last Saturday so I would essentially be paying for a cake, pizza, paper plates and goodie bags. I will also probably order baloons from a party place.

What I am concerned about is that the following:
- party would feel 'empty' with only 4 kids (3 guests and DS) and DS would be disappointed that so few people showed up;
- martial arts studio would go through so much trouble for so few kids (they are doing a second bday on Saturday at 4PM at the owners request just to accomodate DS, who is a well liked and very enthusiastic student). I would not feel bad about it if I were paying but than again we are ordering sparring uniform/padding for almost $200 for DS bday so the studio is making some profit. Of course, I will have extra cake and pizza for people from the studio who are like family to DS;
- I'd have to go through a lot of hassle for just 3 guest.

I have sent e-mail reminder to the parents and will start making calls in half an hour. And DS will ask his friends during recess to see if they are coming or not. Hopefully, couple more people will show up.

[alien_host]

I'd call and follow up, I hate that people don't bother to RSVP.

If it's only a few kids can you do something small at home? Cake, ice cream and games?

Or maybe take the few kids and DS to the movies? I wouldn't go through the expense to have it at the martial arts place for 3 kids (sorry I misread your post). But maybe you can come up with an alternative?

Sorry this is happening to you and DS. :(

I wouldn't worry about just a few kids, IMO, that's better than cancelling a party b/c that seems more of a let down and highlights that people couldn't come. Kids are pretty resiliant and would have just as much fun with 20 or 3.

Do you have family/cousins nearby that could boost numbers?

[sste]

OK, I am a personal believer in the show must go on so long as even one person is showing up! To me, that is at the heart of hospitality. Even the money would not change my view and I am a cheapskate about alot of things. Plus, I am assuming that your DC has been looking forward to this party . . .

If you don't want to stay with the martial arts, can you change the party a bit so it is cheaper cake and a fun outing that lends itself to a smaller group? I personally think ice cream would not be enough given the former martial arts plans - - I think your DS might feel doubly bad that kids didn't show up and now the party is "just ice cream." If you post here your ideas and perhaps your location or things near you I bet posters can help you come up with something that will be fantastic. Three to four kids allows for lots of cool museum and other things. We can all figure out something great for you and your DS.

[AnnieW625]

Not sure how long it's been since you lived in California, but even with Evite people just don't get that they are suppose to RSVP. It's very big in my area for RSVP to mean regrets only these days. It's changed soo much in the last couple of years.

ETA: it sounds like you've gotten a good deal on the place and I bet even with 4 kids the kids will still have fun and get lots more personal attention than they would have at a larger party w/more kids. I'd say don't cancel!

[egoldber]

I've been to a martial arts party and I agree it could seem very empty. Some kids may not care, but if your DS is particularly sensitive and notices these things, I can see why it would be an issue.

I don't see a problem with instead taking a smaller group of kids to the movies, a children's museum, the zoo, a nature center, etc. Lots of cool things to do there. :)

[almostmom]

I had very few RSVPs for my kids shared bday party a few weeks ago. The Monday before the party I picked up the phone during the day (I wanted to just leave messages and not talk to anyone!) and called everyone who had not responded, whose number I had (mostly from the preschool and K lists). My Wednesday I had heard back from everyone and we had 20 people there.

People don't RSVP (I can be quite delayed myself on this - just keep forgetting), but they may in their heads be planning on it. Just call or email and say you need a number to work out the details. They'll feel bad and get back to you.

[kozachka]

Do you have family/cousins nearby that could boost numbers?

No family nearby, we just moved back into the area. Plus we already had a friends and family birthday party for DS (and sort of welcome back to the area party for us) last week-end.

Now that we have 3 guest rather than 2, which was the count as of last night, and after reading all of the responses I decided to not cancel the party. Hopefully, couple more people would RSVP by Saturday. Three more people have viewed the Evite after my e-mail as of this morning, the same ones that have viewed it before, and still did not respond one way or the other. G-r-r-r... But at least they've been reminded, increasing chances of them coming to the party. I am so frustrated that it takes this much effort. Off to make phone calls. Hopefully, people would not think I am stalking them.

[kozachka]

Double post

[SnuggleBuggles]

We purposely had small parties for ds1. One party though we invited a lot and few came. I was worried he'd be sad but he had a blast, as did the other kids because they got to really play together and do more of the activities. Hype up all the positive and enjoy. :)

Beth

[mominmarch]

I will never forget being 11 years old an my mother letting me have a slumber party and the two girls I invited forgot about it/didn't come. Two hours later my mother got in touch with one of the girl's mom and they had forgotten, but they brought her over anyway. In all the pictures from that party, my eyes are still puffy (though I was happy later) from crying.

I would call, not evite, the people. As much as I too live and breathe on the internet, I still think that evites get lost/blocked or skimmed over. I think you need to call or do a mailed invitation to be sure.

[kozachka]

OK, I called everyone who I have phone numbers for (I got voice mail for everybody, yeah :) ) and e-mailed all the people who I could have e-mailed. I would also try to get to the pick up a bit earlier to try and follow up with the couple moms who I 'know' a bit better in person. DS was also supposed to ask kids who he plays with whether they are coming or not.

Wish me luck that a few more people decide to come to the party. So far one more person responded "no" so we are still at 3 guests count :( .

[mytwosons]

I would call, not evite, the people. As much as I too live and breathe on the internet, I still think that evites get lost/blocked or skimmed over. I think you need to call or do a mailed invitation to be sure.

:yeahthat: If only 5 people have viewed the evite, I don't think the problem is people not rsvping - I think the problem is they don't realize they've been invited!

[wendibird22]

I would still have the party. I think the kids would still have fun.

Off topic sort of but what I don't like about evite is that you can see who has/hasn't rsvp'd and who is/isn't coming. I get the sense sometimes that people look at the list and wait around to see who is/isn't coming before they make up their mind whether they are or not. It's like it isn't good enough to come because of the person who invited you, you have to see if other people you like are going to be there or that you want to go but don't want to be "the only one" so you wait to see how many others are going. The downside of technology!

[kozachka]

:yeahthat: If only 5 people have viewed the evite, I don't think the problem is people not rsvping - I think the problem is they don't realize they've been invited!

I probably did not phrase this properly but when I wrote the OP last night two out of the 17 people that received the Evite have reserved online, two declined and 5 viewed it but did nothing so 9 out of 17 people clicked through the Evite and read all the details. Others could have decided that they were not interested after seeing my very detailed e-mail that had Evite in it, which maybe was a mistake. At this point only four out of the 17 families that I sent the Evite to have not reviewed it. Five people (not all the same) are still undecided and I spoke to three of them after school, two still might come.

From reading about the same issue (people not RSRVing) posted by other BB members earlier, I understand that this has also happened when people sent paper invitations via school so I don't think it's about the way you invite people. At least with Evite I have some sense of who still might be on the fence and follow up with them. Personally, if I were to receive a paper invitation and we were not planning on coming to the party I would be much more likely to call to let the host know that we are not coming than do the same via Evite. It's just so easy to click on one of the options, that's why they have 'undecided' one.

[Globetrotter]

Off topic sort of but what I don't like about evite is that you can see who has/hasn't rsvp'd and who is/isn't coming.

I always set it up so the other invitees can't see who else is invited. Evite is, IME, much better than a paper invite in terms of tracking people down and figuring out whether they have seen the invite.

A classmate of ds had a party and invited the entire class, regrets only, via a paper invite distributed during school. Noone responded (including me, as I was planning to attend) and only two of us (out of twenty) showed up. I felt so bad, but fortunately there were a few other kids there so it wasn't so bad. I had been tempted to tell her that she needed to follow up with the invitees, but I didn't even know this family and didn't want to interfere. Later, I wish I had spoken up b/c she was clearly new to all this and didn't realize this might happen!

ETA: Also, keep in mind people are busy during the holiday season. Try not to take it to heart if you get a bunch of no-shows..

OP, don't assume anything :) I'm glad you're calling! Let us know how it turns out. We also invited the entire class for the first time last year (plus other friends) and, surprisingly, almost everyone showed up! I followed up with the few who didn't respond to my evite, and that worked out well.

[AbbysMom]

Kids with birthdays around the holidays have such a hard time. I have no advice but hope your son has a great time and sorry people are making it tough on you!

[kozachka]

I think you are right about people being more busy around the holidays. It's bad enough that DS was born on Thanksgiving and the hospital was short staffed when I was giving birth (at least I lucked out that it was early in a day and my ob-gyn could deliver DS before his Thanksgiving dinner) but now we'd be dealing with the consequences for many years to come as long as we live in US. It could be worse, one of my best friends was born on Jan 2nd and most people forget her birthday as they are recovering from celebrating the New Year. Something to think about if I ever decide to have another child.

We are up to 5 guests at this point :bowdown: with 2 maybe's (one more like a yes and another one more like a no) so this party is beginning to look almost normal. Quite a few people said they did not see the original e-mail but did see the reminder. I wonder how this could have happened... Who cares at this point, next time I'll start calling/talking to people in person earlier. Apparently, not everybody spends as much time online as I do :loveeyes:.

Thank you for all your support ladies. BB came through for me yet again.

[Melanie]

I used evite for the first and second time recently for my childrens' birthdays. I also had similiarly frustrating experiences getting people to view/respond. When I sent follow-up emails with a link some said they'd not received the initial invitation. As convenient as it was, I don't think I will use it again. If I decide to go electronic I will just send an email and keep track myself. It made it so much more stressful for me!

[mominmarch]

Personally, if I were to receive a paper invitation and we were not planning on coming to the party I would be much more likely to call to let the host know that we are not coming than do the same via Evite. It's just so easy to click on one of the options, that's why they have 'undecided' one.

We don't have a computer in the kitchen where our family calendar is, so when I look at emails (either at work or in our home office), I am not around to see what it conflicts with, or to consult with the spouse to make sure that he doesn't know of another plan that I am not thinking of. Hard invites get pinned to our bulletin board, and I am just much more likely to respond. I know that a lot of people use evites these days, I am just telling you that from personal experience, I don't respond to those near like I do a paper invite.

[lizzywednesday]

Spam filters sometimes filter out eVites; I have had this happen in the past.

[Melanie]

We don't have a computer in the kitchen where our family calendar is, so when I look at emails (either at work or in our home office), I am not around to see what it conflicts with, or to consult with the spouse to make sure that he doesn't know of another plan that I am not thinking of. Hard invites get pinned to our bulletin board, and I am just much more likely to respond. I know that a lot of people use evites these days, I am just telling you that from personal experience, I don't respond to those near like I do a paper invite.

That's so funny. Proof how different everyone is. Half the time I loose the paper invitation before it gets to my computer to be put on my calendar that I then enter it like a meeting and 'invite' my Dh so we both know when it is. Then I sync my telephone calendar with it so I know what's going on wherever I am. If it makes it through all of that, it then goes on the clip on the refridgerator where it may fall down and get lost any number of times before I actually need the directions so kindly put in it. :ROTFLMAO:

[TonFirst]

We don't get many evites to birthday parties - in our circle, it's generally paper invitations and evites are for much more casual, grown-up gatherings. Regardless, I am TERRIBLE about responding to evites. I have three email accounts - personal, job #1, and job #2. I get those all on my iPhone and on my laptop, and I cannot tell you how frequently I'll get an evite, read it on my iPhone, tell myself that when I get home, I need to respond (evite mobile doesn't work for me), and then promptly forget all about the evite. Whereas paper invitations go on the bulletin board in the laundry room.

Seriously - I can get 70-100 emails a day, and it is so, so easy to put the evites (which I maybe only get once or twice a month) on the back burner with the best intentions only to completely forget about them. And that's if the evite and all the reminders make it through the spam filter. If you are still waiting to hear from people, calling them is the best course of action.

[Globetrotter]

It must be regional. Around here most things run on evite so we're used to it. I'm in the Bay Area, btw, so that would make sense :)

Paper invites still come for some kid's parties (mostly school parties, though) and I have lost them or sometimes the kids forget to show me! I prefer for the parents to contact me directly with the details.

[kozachka]

It must be regional. Around here most things run on evite so we're used to it. I'm in the Bay Area, btw, so that would make sense :)

Paper invites still come for some kid's parties (mostly school parties, though) and I have lost them or sometimes the kids forget to show me! I prefer for the parents to contact me directly with the details.

We are also in the Bay Area and I have been using Evite since at least 2000. I am much more likely to misplace a paper invitation than an electronic one. I also add all the events to my iPod Touch and set reminders. I had a great response to e-mailing reminders, calls and DS lobbying his friends in class. Wish I did it earlier but that's my problem in general.