WWYD: Guest asked about bringing child to our holiday party?

[alien_host]

Every December we have a holiday party. We invite family/friends/neighbors/coworkers.

One of DH's co workers asked if they could bring their elementary aged child. DH wasn't sure how to respond so he asked me my opinion. His feeling was that other people might want to know why they *couldn't* bring their kids. I don't want to open this can of worms. We didn't invite any kids, I have friends who won't come or where one spouse will come b/c they can't find a sitter. My feeling is that we need to politely say that they can't bring their child.

FWIW, we have other kids in the family who don't come (SIL/BIL get a sitter). My DD will be there but this is truly a party for adults. We just started inviting our older teenaged niece/nephew last year but they opted out and stayed home (you know, boring grown up event).

How would you respond? TIA!

[crl]

I would just say, I'm sorry this particular party is for adults. If you have any sitter suggestions, I'd offer to pass them along.

Catherine

[kransden]

You either can or can't bring children -it's pretty simple to me.

[MoJo]

I agree, either allow all or none.

But because I've been *that* co-worker, don't hold it against them for asking. . . and they probably won't hold it against you when you say, sorry, adults only.

I'm missing a party this evening with my co-workers for that reason, among others. No hard feelings. There will be another season in my life when I can participate in such things again (so don't stop inviting them just because they can't attend, either).

[MoJo]

One other thing. . . at the last place I worked, some holiday parties DID include all the children & grandchildren, and others didn't. . . so unless this person has attended your party in the past, it's a reasonable thought that kids might have been included.

[alien_host]

One other thing. . . at the last place I worked, some holiday parties DID include all the children & grandchildren, and others didn't. . . so unless this person has attended your party in the past, it's a reasonable thought that kids might have been included.

this is a good point. he hasn't come before and it's hard to tell with a e-mail invite. I don't really mind that he asked, but it does seem awkward to have to tell him no. I want to be flexible but don't think it's fair to others if we allowed this exception.

FWIW, this party starts at 7pm and goes pretty late so I think that's why most people assume it's "no kids".

[lilycat88]

Yeah, all or none. We have our party from 4-8 and we hire sitters specifically so folks can bring kids. We have 2-3 high school girls entertaining them in the basement. Because of the time, people assume it is family friendly which is what we wanted.

[alexsmommy]

If it's an adult party then you I would just state that. Just let the person know it's an adult only party and it's not designed for kids.

I have had someone say, "Oh well, DC is used to being the only child at adult events. DC will be no problem, I could just set DC up in a room with the DVD player and DS and you'll never know DC is there." I just said (with a nice smile) it just wouldn't be fair as we have told everyone it was adult only and others had secured babysitting or declined if they couldn't make other arrangements." That person declined in a somewhat snarky manner, but I think there is nothing wrong with hosting an adult only event.

[hellokitty]

If it's an all adult party, I'd just say sorry, that's the way it is. The only exception I would make would be for a newborn who was still BFing quite often, so that the mom could still come to the party and someone else could watch her older children.

[clc053103]

I would simply state "I'm sorry it's an adults only event"- if they are local, love the idea of suggesting a sitter.

We have an adults-only party every year, and a few years ago a friend brought her 4 month old unannounced while a sitter was home with her other child- she didn't bring a bouncy seat or anything, just carried the baby around the party and got other people (drunk people, I might add!!!) to hold her. It was beyond rude to me- but it was really other guests who were offended. their feeling was, if they are paying a sitter to watch their children for an adult evening, they certainly don't want to look at anyone else's child! Another friend considered bringing her 4 month old the next year- with the intention of putting her upstairs in a quiet room to sleep with a baby monitor, for breastfeeding purposes. I felt that was a different situation altogether.

[gatorsmom]

I don't think you need to feel bad at all for telling him no children at this party. If you feel you need to explain further, say that others are getting babysitters, there will be drinking (if that is the case) and this will just not be an appropriate party for children.

There is no need to feel awkward. If he brought his child and no one else did, AND you didnt' have anything kid friendly to eat, there was drinking going on, and there was really nothing set up to entertain a child, he might feel angry that he was led to believe it WAS a child appropriate party. You are doing him a favor by clarifying the situation, imho.

[wellyes]

I think it was a reasonable question and I think "no kids" is a reasonable answer.

[DrSally]

I think it was a reasonable question and I think "no kids" is a reasonable answer.

:yeahthat: