too "fat"?

[lmh2402]

UPDATE - had our pedi appt today and DS weighed in at 22.4 lbs. i didn't catch the length b/c he was screaming his head off. but i did hear the percentages - 97th for height, 85th for weight and 70th for head

doc said he is a big boy for 8 months...but perfectly proportional. and she called DH in his office and told him so. and told him that he "must never, EVER withhold food from an infant. ever."

DH came home and apologized and i'm all around feeling much better

thanks to all for their feedback. i also orderd the ellyn satter books from amazon.



i'm really upset with my husband and looking for some perspective. i guess i'm upset with several people...but most specifically with him right now

DS is 8 months old. he likes to eat. he really, really likes to eat. he cries when a meal is done. he is willing to eat almost anything. in fact, even things he doesn't seem to like very much - like lentils - he will make funny faces, but still open his mouth wide each time. and he will cry if it's not offered fast enough.

i've been somewhat concerned with his nursings recently b/c they've been so short. and i've been offering and encouraging nursing pretty frequently to try and make up for it. and i have started nursing him right before each meal. with thoughts that if he's hungry, i'd rather him take the breast milk...and fill up with that

he still fights me, but he has been willing to do little nursing sessions more frequently throughout the day

so all this is background

the real issue of the day (or weekend)...is his weight. or appearance of weight.

my dad and siblings have been making comments that he's fat. he's a chunk. he's pudgy, etc, etc. and all that is said with laugh. kind of a joke. but not really.

and on friday my dad told me he legitimately thought DS has been eating too much. that i offer him too much food. and that he's afraid he's going to get diabetes! (umm...i think it's a little early to be worrying about this)

so i'm super sensitive about this issue for the following reasons:
1. i'm a new mom...i have no idea what i'm doing and i don't KNOW how much food is too much. or how much is not enough.

i hate for him to cry. i worry when he cries, that he's still hungry. i asked the doctor what to do when he cries, and she said if he cries...feed him more. so i did.

2. i am extremely sensitive about weight issues b/c i have struggled with body image and weight concerns my whole life b/c of my dad...and i never, ever want to put those worries on my boy

3. i honestly don't want him to be unhealthy or overweight. i want him to eat well and be active (when he's able to move around...he doesn't even crawl yet)... so i worry about his health

so my dad tells me this on friday. and it bothered me. so i mention it to my husband. who has also been making little comments about DS's belly recently.

well this weekend, DH's little comments have turned into nonstop talking about how fat DS is. that we're overfeeding him. that he has a double chin. that he's a porker. etc. etc.

on sat night, he refused to feed him more than 2 oz of fruit + his cereal for dinner. he said he needed to be cut back.

i told DH i would call the doctor on monday morning and bring him in for a check. to see what she says. but the comments have continued. and tonight i just lost it.

after we fed DS his dinner, we again had cut him back to only 2 oz of veggie plus his cereal. and i was a little worried about him still being hungry. and DH said something snide. and i got so mad. i'm still not speaking to him.

i feel SO mad and sad that people are making fun of my baby. and his own dad. picking on him. putting him on a diet! at 8 months old!

i'm just...devestated. i know that must seem so dramatic. but i really am so upset.

here's what DS eats on a daily basis:
the equivalent of 1 stage 2 jar or 4 homemade cubes of fruit and/or veggie - a total of 4 oz at each meal...along with cereal.

he gets 3 tbs of cereal at breakfast and lunch. and 4 tbs at dinner

in addition to the fruit/veggie + cereal, once or twice a day he gets some protein - little less than an ounce or so of lentils or chicken

does this sound like a grotesque amount? i wish i could get him nurse more and eat less. i have had our lactation consultant come b/c I was worried about the nursings…and she said the amount of food seemed ok. but she also told me she was a little concerned that he was getting so heavy – he weighed 22 lbs about 2 weeks ago. she said she wouldn’t want him to be heavier than 26 lbs by a year.

but i don’t know how to stop him from gaining. also, i should mention that he was 90% for weight…but 98% for height. so it’s not like he’s only growing in one direction

thanks, all

sorry this is SO long

[dhano923]

Sometimes babies cry when food runs out because they are enjoying their meal, or they ate so fast that their stomach hasn't caught up with their brain saying they are full. They don't know when they are full. Have you tried distracting him when he's done eating to see if that helps? If he is still hungry after you attempt to distract him, then you could feed him milk instead of solid food. Crying doesn't always mean hunger but if he's hungry you should feed him. You just have to try different things to see whether he is genuinely hungry or if he is fussing because of another reason.

Good luck!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Based on his stats, he is proportional. He is a bigger boy but the fact that he is tall with the weight just would make me say he's ok. I think that he just hit a growth spurt and could easily slow down in the coming months, most do by12m. Also, his size is genetic so look around the family and see what normal might be for him.

Imo, when they are hungry, you feed them. At 8m I would be far more inclined to nurse if still hungry after a solids meal. You want to get the excellent bm nutrition in more at this age. You don't want to do anything to keep him from gaining. Babies are smart and don't overeat (at least in my experience). They eat b/c they are hungry and it isn't up to us to put them on a diet or try to convince them that they are done eating. eta- I agree with pp about why they cry at the end of the meal ad agree with distractions to see if really and truly still hungry. It can take 20 min for brain and tummy to get the message.

The 9m growth spurt was a big one here and lasted more than a week. Ds2 ate an amazing amount during that time.

Some kids are big, some are small. The focus should be on healthy. That is something your ped can help you with. :)

You sound like you are doing just right there. (((((hugs))))

Beth

[MamaMolly]

DD got super squishy (read that as fat, but I prefer squishy ;)) before she turned a year. I went between that and her falling below the weight chart. So I've BTDT about the weight comments. I had one prospective landlord tell me I needed to put my 8 month old on the Sugar Buster's diet. :rolleye: Puhleez. Plug your ears and take your DC to the doctor and ask what they think.

If your pediatrician is concerned, then follow his/her advice. If they say not to worry, well then follow THAT advice :).

I'm sorry that you are feeling picked on, and that DS is being picked on. Personally I think your instincts are good.

[lmh2402]

thanks, ladies

we have height on both sides - DH is 6'4" and so is my brother

but no real weight problems...except, ironically, that DH has gotten pudgy! his doc told him he has to cut weight and go back in jan to have his BP checked again b/c it seemed a bit high.

i'm going to call the doc in the AM and see if we can get in tomorrow

i fully agree with the suggestion for additional BM over additional solids. and if i could get him to nurse more, i would. i've been offering very often the last few weeks. and he is very clear in when he's interested and when he's not.

however, i've NEVER had him turn his head from a spoon or a piece of finger food. i certainly don't feed and feed b/c i'm waiting for him to tell me no...b/c i'm not sure if/when that will happen. i just feed him what i thought seemed reasonable.

i guess we'll see what the doc says

thanks again.

i do feel picked on. but i'm so much more upset on my son's behalf. and it's silly since he has no clue about anything...so i shouldn't be upset for him at all. but i am.

oh well.

[Katigre]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

I hate it when people comment on babies' weights - it drives me nuts! It's so unfair to them and to their mamas especially. Some babies are just chunkier than others and that's 100% ok.

In terms of the food issue, I would stop spoon-feeding him and make all of his solids intake self-feeding. That will allow him to regulate his eating b/c it is easy to overfeed a baby with spoon-feeding (especially b/c they get used to getting a lot in their mouth at once).

It will take the pressure off of you b/c you can legitimately say - "He's eating what he feeds himself, he stops when he's full" and then you know that aside from putting food on his tray he's the one in control (which is how it should be - unless his hungry/full sensor inside is 'off' he'll naturally regulate his intake if given the chance).

You're right to offer the breast first before solids given his age (under 9 months).

If you go to www.babyled.com it has more info on exclusively self--feeding for infants (highly recommend the book, it is a feeding approach designed to work with a breastfeeding paradigm and really helps create healthy eaters because the babies are always the ones in control of what goes into their mouths - there is no spoon feeding).

I would also talk seriously to your DH about what can happen to kids who are given a complex about their weight - it's not emotionally or physically healthy for others to pressure them that way!

~~~~~~~~~~

ETA: So in terms of food, I would stop cereals altogether and give him soft finger foods exclusively - fruits, veggies, proteins, and some grains.

ETTA: In terms of nursing, are you nursing during the night at all? Is he getting any sippy cups? Ideally, all of his thirst needs would be met through your milk as well as the majority of his hunger needs at this point.

ETTTA: Once he is mobile he will slim down - my DD used to have three chins and now she doesn't, it disappeared as she got mobile over the past few months. IME babies tend to chunk out right before they get mobile and then slim down as they start moving, and if your baby is one who becomes mobile a bit later that just means they stay chunky a bit longer.

[JBaxter]

I have big ROBUST boys. My super chunk was 22lb10oz at his 6 month check up now he is a skinny 15yr old. All my boys were proportional or close. I found that my boys all were much chunkier before they walked then they ran it off. I had MANY MANY comments on my "fat" boys "chunky" boys. OH boy I bet you get tired carrying him around.... Your making him to fat ( oh yes carrots pears and chicken will do that for you ) 2 of mine were big eaters 1 wasnt and 1 is average. My response to everyone when made a weight comment was.... Yes hes a healthy happy boy and besides skinny babies look funny.. and left it at that. OH with and occasional... we are growing a linebacker.

[ohiomom]

Is it possible for your DH to also be in on the conversation (attend the appointment or have a 3-way call) w/MD so he hears if from the "source"?

[Corie]

My daughter was over 22 pounds at 6 months old. She was always 99%
for her weight. Once she starting walking, her chub just went away.
She is now a skinny bean pole at 8 years old weighing in at 60 pounds.

I wouldn't worry about it at all! :)

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

If your Ped. isn't concerned than neither should anyone else. At his age he will start to thin out when he starts walking probably soon.

[crl]

We adopted DS at 13.5 months so I don't have any experience with babies, but I wanted to share that my mom says I had little fat rolls as a baby. Then I got sick (ugh--my first case of bronchitis at 6 months) and then I started walking and well, that was the end of any fat rolls. I was a super tiny and skinny kid. (And stayed quite thin well into adulthood.) So I really, really don't think a bit of pudge on a baby who isn't walking yet relates at all to their childhood or adulthood and I also think it is very typical.

Catherine

[boogiemomz]

you should check out ellyn satter's books/website. she is a registered dietitian who is an expert on childhood feeding issues... not just nutrition, but the entire feeding relationship and dynamic, and she focuses a lot on fostering a healthy relationship with food and body, since our culture now is so food and body-obsessed and our children can be so vulnerable to that. two books i would recommend: "child of mine (feeding with love and good sense)" and "how to get your kids to eat (but not too much." the first is sort of a general reference for feeding from birth through childhood, the second is about how to go about preventing childhood overweight in a healthy way that doesn't foster negative body image or food issues. i also am a registered dietitian and i think ellyn satter's work is some of the most valuable information out there for childhood feeding. i have a 3 week old baby and i have already been using her stuff, and plan to continue with it as she grows. check out www.ellynsatter.com

this is so difficult and i feel your pain... i have an overweight cat that people make fun of all the time and it pisses me off, so i can only imagine someone saying stuff about my baby! he is only eight months old and the fact that people are already giving him/you a hard time is a function of our screwed-up-about-food-and-body-image culture. you clearly love your little boy so much and are doing your best to love and care for him the way he needs, something no one else can possibly understand. hang in there and talk to your doc, and i really think ellyn satter's work might be really helpful too. you are a great mom and your sweet little boy is going to be just fine!! (hug)

[rosiegirl1]

My LO is almost 9mo, and we get many similar comments about her weight. I think she's about 24lbs. I've backed off the purees and have moved towards a more "baby-led-weaning" mentality. She self-feeds 90% of her own solids. They (the famous "they") say that then babies learn to regulate their food intake better. It also takes longer for her to eat the same kind of quantity, so I think she's less likely to overeat. Is he taking a sippy cup? Perhaps water in a sippy cup with meals would also help...IDK.

Here's the list of things my LO will eat...
-bread
-cheerios, rice chex, puffs, etc
-diced fruit
-cooked veggies
-small pieces of meat
-feta cheese
-pickles
-potatoes (mashed or cooked)

I just throw stuff on her tray and she eats whatever she wants, at her own pace.

In terms of the comments, that sounds terrible. I guess with your DH, I think you should go to the pedi, see what he/she says, and then go from there. In the meantime, maybe try to worry less that your LO is getting enough. I think it's intrinsic within mothers to worry about our baby's food intake, but we are living in a time of plenty.

My LO also cries at the end of the bottle (we FF) - but I don't give her more than 8oz. Once she starts playing with something, she's fine. It's not necessarily about the food, it's about the total experience (snuggling with mom, sucking)...so maybe if you gave him stuff to feed himself, it would prolong the experience without increasing the calories...

HTH...I'm a first time mom too - I totally understand the insecurity!
-Rosanne

[american_mama]

Given what you are dealing with, I strongly second that you and DH go together to the ped appointment, even if that means waiting a few days or week until you can get that scheduled appropriately. If it is stressful in the interim, I suggest you tell DH it makes no sense to vary what you had been doing (i.e. no restrictions) until you see the ped, who might recommend yet a different approach and you'd have to change yet again (I think it's unlikely the ped will suggest a radical altering since what you are doing sounds fine).

If going together is impossible, ask the ped if he or she will call your DH at work or home to go over these concerns.

I was in a very different situation but with the commonality of playing message bearer between the ped and my husband about some issues, and it was quite maddening for me espcially since DH doubted everything I'd say the ped had said. Finally, DH and the ped were able to talk in person on the phone, and she repeated almost everything I'd been relaying verbatim, but hearing it from the ped was magic. All complaints from DH, claims of being right and antagonism towards me went away.

Also, my son had a huge appetite despite never gaining much and being only 10% for weight his whole first year. He would always keep opening his mouth for me. I would just decide at some point that this was a reasonable amount of food, similar to what he'd eaten yesterday without seeming unhappy, and would call the meal done. After all, there was always more food coming at the next meal. So, I wouldn't keep feeding your son when he cried if it seems he'd eaten a lot already and can pretty readily move on to the next part of the day.

[lmh2402]

thanks, all

i've actually read the baby led weaning book and totally love the idea

but actually doing it is daunting and scary

i've had him gag and go almost silent on banana and a piece of chicken and i thought i was going to jump out the window

i read and re-read the sections on gagging and know that it's a normal, "safe" response to prevent them from actually choking

but it scared the crap out of me and i have gone back to feeding him with a spoon and/or holding the pieces of food for him...so i can pull back if he's trying to shove it all in

kathrine, thanks for the ellyn satter tip - i'll have to look into her

he doesn't take a sippie cup. i've tried and tried with different brands. but he doesn't seem to understand it. doesn't get the tipping at all. and if i tip for him...even slowly...the second the juice (diluted) or water hit his lips, he cries bloody murder

he will self feed mum mum crackers. or pieces of bread. or a half of a banana. but anything too small - like a cheerio or one of those dissolvable puffs...or a bite size of chicken - he just bangs the tray and cries. he doesn't seem to have the coordination to pick them up. and if he does pick them up...it's so odd, he won't put them in his mouth

if i pick i up, he will grab my hand and pull it toward his mouth. but if i put a piece in his hand, he will throw it and cry

so this actually brings up a separate issue i worry about (there are so many things to worry about)...that he's delayed in his self feeding. it's very odd to me that he won't put small pieces of food in his own mouth...but basically begs me to put it in for him.

[smiles33]

My heart goes out to you. Like the PP, I really want to recommend Ellen Sattyr (sp)'s Child of Mine. The main message I got out of it is that you, the mom, determine WHAT your child eats (healthy food like fruits, veggies, lean proteins, and complex carbs) and your child determines HOW MUCH.

DD1 was a super chunk too, 95% for height and 98% weight for the first 6-9 months. Then she started crawling and walking and the weight melted off. Still, she has a huge appetite and her daycare teachers would joke she had larger lunches than them. Yes, I packed her adult size lunches but she would eat it all! Anyhow, she's 3.5 now and back down to 75th percentile height/weight. Plus, her appetite has decreased so she's now eating less than she used to eat as a 2 year old. So it all worked out.

[StantonHyde]

meh, kids do stuff at different rates. At 8 mos, he probably doesn't have the "pincer grasp" to pick up little things. My DD was a big baby at birth, then when she started really moving around at 9 mos, she went way down and was short. Then she hit a growth spurt. She is now really tall and really skinny.

I know it is hard, momma, but try to put this aside till the peds appointment and then ask if baby is ok. You could google growth charts and see if there isn't something on that--some baby books have them in the back etc. So you could see what an 8 mo old baby at your DS's height and weight would be--e.g. if he is 98% on both scales he is fine. If he is off the freaking charts in weight, then, ok, I could see cutting back. But I don't think it sounds like you are feeding him a lot.

At that age, I think I fed a #1 jar with fruit and 1/4-1/2 c of cereal for bfast and then veggies/cereal for lunch and meat/cereal for dinner. Plus 2-4 BM feedings a day. I could be way off, but I think that's it. Good luck!!

[hillview]

Your dad and DH are SO wrong. Sorry -- not trying to be mean. That sucks. I have 2 boys BOTH were 90/100 % in first 2 years of life. Both BF. DS #1 is now 90 for weight and 98 for height. His BMI is great. DS #2 is off charts for height and 95 for weight. My boys would on occasion eat 2 jars in a seating. Pedi said just feed them what they want. They got good healthy food. No juice no cookies etc.

Call the pedi.

HUGS!
/hillary

[gatorsmom]

I totally agree that if your pediatrician isn't worried about it, neither should you be. It is VERY common for babies to be pudgy and round and then once they start crawling, they slim down.

If I were you, I"d put DH in his place RIGHT NOW. His comments about weight are hurtful and NOT HELPFUL IN THE LEAST. If he continues this as your child grows, your child could develop an eating disorder. In today's society, it's not hard to get one. It sounds to me that if your DH is gaining some weight himself, then his negative comments are more about him projecting his insecurities on others. NOT HELPFUL to anyone. Be the strong mama bear and stop DH and your father now. Trust me, you'll be thankful you did (and those mamabear skills will come in very handy as your child gets older.)

gl!

[amldaley]

Hey mama - I feel for ya! You have some excellent suggestions from pp's.

I have struggled with my weight, too and so was very sensitive about dd's weight. She, too, went through a heavy couple of months between 4 months and 8 months. She was chubby. And people made constant comments. Well, she is only 15th percentile for weight now...and people still says she is chubby. People are stupid.

I agree that if he cries immediately at the end of a meal, he may be hungry for a little more. And certainly the portions YOU have been feeding him sound fine. And I totally agree that at 8 months, he may likely not be able to grasp foods like Cheerios yet.

But I would also caution against using food to quell him from crying every time he fusses. Babies fuss and cry for MANY reasons. You don't want to set up a dynamic where he fusses, you feed. Find something to distract him, a toy, a game. Pick him up and play or dance and see if he is distracted by that.

Also, after you speak with your Ped and get some information on portions and servings and weight ratios...share them with you husband. Some men just think that babies eat like adults and if he is "fat" then you should put him on a restricted calorie diet. It seems so simple...well, it is TOO simple for infant nutrition. That's not how babies work. Sharing info with him, asking him to partner with you, etc. may help.

[MoJo]

ETTTA: Once he is mobile he will slim down - my DD used to have three chins and now she doesn't, it disappeared as she got mobile over the past few months. IME babies tend to chunk out right before they get mobile and then slim down as they start moving, and if your baby is one who becomes mobile a bit later that just means they stay chunky a bit longer.
:yeahthat:

God designed babies to have extra padding when they need it most. . . when they are learning to walk, and falling down more than standing up.

Once my DD started walking, she slimmed down so much that the ped wanted to know if she was still eating as much. I assured her that DD actually eats more now. . . but she's so active, she uses up all those calories.

ITA with trying to take DH to the ped, or having the ped call him. It's far better for him to hear whatever directly.

[TonFirst]

Another rec for Ellyn Satter - but your husband needs to read the pertinent chapters, also.

[MamaMolly]

One of my doctor friends told me that baby fat is actually a different kind of fat than adult fat. That is why baby fat is so soft and smooth. And it does serve the very useful purpose of padding. Just look at the tops of DS's feet. See how puffy and rounded they are? Not bony? That fat pad is there for crawling.

When DD was going through her chunky phase I got so used to apologizing to people for how fat she was (even though I *knew* she was healthy, it just seemed to shut them up) until one day there was a much older woman who had commented about it, I did my usual thing and she explained that no, a fat baby was a GOOD thing. Because God forbid what if the baby got sick? I'm telling you, that granny was complimenting me on DD's fat and I couldn't even see it because I was used to being defensive. And you know what? She really helped me see the light.

I wouldn't get too worried about the self feeding at this point. Sounds to me like DS has figured out an efficient method of getting his finger food, meaning he gets YOU to do it. (I'm not being critical, mine did the exact same thing with food AND walking! And I was such a sucker I did both for her forever. Save yourself the frustration and don't be like me :) ) My DD was like this for all her eating for a loooooong time. She'd eat what I fed her but wouldn't do it herself. Sneaky smart little boogers, aren't they? ;) I was worried she'd never learn to use a spoon, but here she is 3 and can wield a spoon and fork with ease. It took longer than other babies in our playgroup but she got there. Your DS is probably frustrated with doing it himself, but if you keep offering he'll figure it out. Maybe with the slippery stuff you can roll it in cereal flakes? I remember reading that here and it was great for DD. Once she could pick up those small bites she was better about trying.

I also agree about taking your DH to the pediatrician appointment. You guys need to be on a team. He needs to read what you read, and I used to facilitate this for DH by marking pages and putting the books in the bathroom. And once DH started quoting the experts back to me, I know it had worked. For some reason, many guys seem to take the advice from an 'expert' more easily than from their own wives. My DH is sure that way.

Good luck, mama!

[mommy111]

:hug5:
I so feel for you!
You have excellent advice already, the only things that I would recommend is be slow when feeding, give diced veggies etc rather than purees and make sure he has some protein in each meal (cheese, chicken etc) This will make him feel full and help him feel full for longer.

[ThreeofUs]

My babies ALWAYS had multiple chins and little tummies at 8 months. DS1 was 98/98 %iles for ht/wt and he always wanted to eat. They are growing so darn fast that they need the calories, and if your DS is easing off nursing, then he'll need even more food.

Totally normal, and if your Ped isn't concerned, tell everyone else they have NO idea what they're talking about.

[niccig]

Let me get this straight. Your DH and Dad are worried that DS is in the high percentiles, but the men in your family, your DH and your brother, are in the high percentiles themselves. You said they're 6'4" that's not 50 percentile for men. I bet if your DS was in the 50% range they would worry that he's too small and won't be as big as they are!!

A friend's boys have always been off the chart height and weight. Her Dr. wasn't worried as the Dad is 6'4" and the uncles on mum's side are 6'5". My friend herself is 5'10"...there is no way they were having a 50% child. Her 3 year old is taller and heavier than my 5 yo. In our family we're smaller until about junior high then we have a growth spurt, but still only average height. My DH was 108 lbs when he went off to college...so we don't have 90% children. We're in the 25% category.

I would tell your father to stop the comments or you restrict contact - seriously, weight issues are not something that he can tease a grandchild about. Tell your DH that you are NOT putting a baby on a diet. You'll go see the DR, and it's a good idea for DH to go along with, but you will not change one thing unless the Dr. says so.

Sorry everyone is being such a pain.

[arivecchi]

I would not worry about it unless your ped says it is a problem. DS1 grew an insane amount between 9 and 12 months. He was eating like there was no tomorrow. Also, my nephew is 4 months and weighs 20 pounds! Now THAT is crazy!!!

[Katigre]

He doesn't sound 'delayed' in self-feeding at all - the pincer grasp develops about 9 months old (give or take). Try not to worry, I know it's hard, especially with your first, but it doesn't sound like anything abnormal or to be concerned about.

What does he do if you pre-load a spoon or fork with some food and give it to him to feed himself? DD liked doing that starting about his age.

[almostmom]

Just another to chime in and say you are doing the right thing! My kids were both big babies, 20 pounds by 5 months. They grow A LOT in the first year, and then it really slows down. I loved how big and healthy they were - I had friends who always stressed because their kids were skinny and didn't eat enough.

My kids definitely ate, sometimes, more than one jar at a sitting. It honestly never crossed my mind to worry that they were fat at that age - I just assumed they could regulate and fed them, on a schedule, when they were hungry. And DS is skinny and healthy and active now - 50 pounds at 6. DD is just finally losing her baby belly at 4, and eats much less than she used to.

I think your DH needs a good talking to - and hopefully that will happen at the ped meeting. Secondly, be careful not to project your own experience on DS - I really think you have good instincts feeding him healthy stuff until he is done! Personally, I wouldn't worry so much about the BM. Of course it's good for him, but it sounds like an added stress for you on top of a stressful situation.

Hugs to you - sorry you're going through this. I (we all) know how things that might seem small can feel really big, and make us angry when our partners aren't on our side. More hugs. Hang in there.

[lmh2402]

thanks to all

i have an pedi appt for fri morning and DH is supposedly going to try and come with...or else i'll call him from the doc office and make him listen in

the saga continues...i left him to feed DS breakfast this morning so i could run to the gym

came back and DS was down for a nap and all seemed fine

but when i went to feed him lunch, i found the little container of banana i had mashed up for his breakfast...stuck in the fridge with a note that said, "he had enough with his cereal + apples"

re: loaded spoon - he makes a mess...which is fine. but he usually drops most of the food and then when an empty spoon gets to his mouth he gets mad. there is lots of crying if he sees food sitting on the table or on his tray...but i'm not helping him put it in his mouth

i'm just so frustrated with the whole experience. and sad b/c i grew up with body images and weight issues my whole life. i was never overweight or heavy...always on the thin side...but my father was constantly stressing the importance of being thin. calling me saddle bags b/c i have wider hips. things i couldn't do anything to change.

and i worried that i wouldn't be able to protect my son from my food issues...that i would slip and complain about feeling fat.

but i've been really aware and careful not to talk that way (even though i know he's too young)

but to have my father at it again with him! and my DH! it just totally pushes me over the edge

anyway, thanks for the tips and support

i was looking at DS while changing him a few min ago...and i really don't see any excessive fatness! he's just a chubby baby boy

[niccig]

but to have my father at it again with him! and my DH! it just totally pushes me over the edge


I think now is the time to put a stop to this BEFORE your DS is old enough to understand. Deal with your DH first, and then deal with your father's comments. Your son does not have to grow up with the same issues. You can protect him from it.

I have the opposite with my mother, she says DS doesn't eat enough and is too skinny and she'll try to force feed him - I can see what I had to deal with as a child. I won't let her do it.

[ThreeofUs]

re: loaded spoon - he makes a mess...which is fine. but he usually drops most of the food and then when an empty spoon gets to his mouth he gets mad. there is lots of crying if he sees food sitting on the table or on his tray...but i'm not helping him put it in his mouth


It's hard to be a first-time parent. Really hard. Figuring things out and understanding when your child is being deliberate versus just a normal baby doing normal baby things - that's difficult.

Cut both of you some slack, though. If he cries, at 8 months, he needs your help more than he needs to learn a lesson.

And lessons, you know, may not be developmentally appropriate for him. He really doesn't know what he's doing yet, and may not be able to process the cause and effect you're describing. Add to that that his grasp probably isn't developed yet, and you might be setting both of you up for frustration.

Take good care of yourself!

[stillplayswithbarbies]

I suggest that you read the book "How To Get Your Kid to Eat But Not Too Much" by Ellyn Satter. It was very helpful for me to help me understand my own issues with food as well as come up with a plan of how to feed my own children.

[deborah_r]

FWIW, my DS1 who has been barely hanging onto the bottom of the charts for weight for about 5 years now, was a super-chunk at 8 months old! I can't believe when I look at the pictures. He thinned out when he started walking, then he got super picky about food and is barely at 3% for weight. This may be a temporary thing for your DS!

[hillview]

It might be helpful for you to talk to a therapist about the food issues you have before your son gets older. Based on your post about being concerns.
/hillary

[lmh2402]

UPDATE in OP

[MamaMolly]

Yay! Great update Mama. Your instincts were right on target, and now you and DH are a team. That is wonderful news!

[elephantmeg]

yeah for your ped!

[maestramommy]

Wow, sorry I missed this thread earlier, but good for your ped! I'm shocked that your Dh was withholding food as well. Hope he remembers the convo with the ped for a LONG time:hug:

FWIW, at that age Arwyn was eating way more, but kept falling down the charts. Some kids are just hungry! She's still a big eater to this day, and still teeny. Well, except for that belly of hers:p:heartbeat:

[DrSally]

YEah!! :cheerleader1: I'm glad the ped was so straight fwd and clear with your DH. I agree that he's perfectly proportional. I think it's always nice to see a higher height percentile than weight. I think you'll really like the Satter books and maybe DH will take a peak at them too.

[gatorsmom]

Good for you getting the doctor to call your DH! Smart mama! And I'm so glad your doctor was firm with your DH. Sounds like he needed that!

Also, congrats on having a healthy, perfectly proportional baby boy. :yay: I'm glad everything turned out so well.

[crl]

Excellent. Thanks for the update!

Catherine

[ThreeofUs]

GREAT update! I am so happy to hear what your ped said, glad your baby boy is such a big cutie, and really relieved your DH has gotten the message.

Excellent job, mama!

[amandabea]

That's a great update - I'm so glad you're feeling better and that your ped is so supportive.

[SnuggleBuggles]

What a great update!! I hope that it really gets through to the whole family.

Beth