Tell me about going from 1 DC to 2

[JTsMom]

Not that I'm freaking out about the reality of this happening here or anything. :innocent: Is there anything I can do to prepare? What was the most challenging aspect? When do things settle down a bit?

[carolinamama]

Seriously? I found going from 1 to 2 easier than 0 to 1. But I had a very difficult transition into motherhood. I had prepared for the worst - BAD sleepless nights, difficult and fussy baby etc. And then when things were better than I had prepared for mentally, I made it through. Things settled down after about 2-3 months, but then they seemed to pick up again after DS2 got more mobile and into everything that DS1 was doing.

[LarsMal]

Not that I'm freaking out about the reality of this happening here or anything. :innocent: Is there anything I can do to prepare? What was the most challenging aspect? When do things settle down a bit?

Settle down???....:hysterical: hehe, juuust kidding!

My experience was a little different becuase L was only 16 months when M was born. The transition from 1 to 2 was easier for me than 2 to 3. L was still napping and he was really good at entertaining himself while I BF M. This time around the most difficult part has been keeping L&M entertained while I feed C and making sure they get attention and don't feel like the baby is a higher priority. That can be really challenging! I just make sure to do things with them when C is napping.

I'm sure you'll get great advice here, but you'll be fine! You'll figure out what works for you, and just when you get used to that, the baby will change on you!

I like to say things don't get easier, they just get "different" ;)

[AnnieW625]

I have been wondering the same thing too in recent weeks. I am really trying to keep an open mind too and I think that helps me. An open mind for me equals being calm.

[brittone2]

For me the most challenging part was learning to "triage" needs. When I just had DS, he pretty much never had to cry without being in arms. When DD came along, it was hard for me to learn to juggle who needed what first, and who was going to have to wait, kwim? DS was also still unable to wipe himself after pooping on the potty and would always need me just as DD was almost asleep nursing in my lap. Things like that were frustrating and challenging for me in the beginning. We eventually found our groove, and dd isn't scarred for life even though sometimes she had to wait/cry while I was meeting DS's immediate needs, but that was hard for me since it was very different from my experience w/ DS's infancy. DS had to learn the world didn't revolve around him, and that sometimes he had to wait for my help. However, it was a natural way to learn it and in the end definitely beneficial...it helped him grow and mature (my first two are basically 3 years apart).

When both would be crying or screaming or needing me, I would basically feel overwhelmed and like my head was :dizzy: spinning. In time that feeling eased up and it worked out though. I'm not sure I could have done anything to prepare other than repeating to myself that parenting two is just different. It has to be. Being an "attachment" parent to two was different than being an "attachment" parent to one.

I also felt kind of detached from DS for a while. DS spent a lot of time w/ daddy in those early weeks after DD was born which was wonderful, but I missed him, kwim? We had been together daily for almost 3 years at that point. But our relationship wasn't harmed in the long run. Ideally it is good to get a little one on one time with your oldest and let DH or another helper/family member take the baby, even if only for 15-20 mins a day.

DS had a bit of an initial adjustment in the early weeks (once the novelty of the baby kinda wore off and he started to realize she was a permanent fixture in the family). Then things eased up a bit. Once she became mobile and could get into his stuff (first w/ crawling, then later with walking), we went through new periods of sibling rivalry.

They still argue, but love each other so, so dearly. He is so protective and they love to snuggle and love on each other (but certainly have their moments of fighting!). That sibling bond has been so amazing to witness :) Even w/ a nearly 3 year age gap they play together for most of the day. DD doesn't get much one on one time from me, but seems to learn sooooo much from DS, so that's kind of amazing to observe.

Now I'm wondering about the addition of baby #3 to the family and how that will all work out ;)

[Tondi G]

For me the most challenging thing was that DS1 wanted to play the minute DS2 finally went down for a nap etc. There was no sleep when the baby sleeps going on cause we had an older non-napping kid in the house! When we were stuck nursing or feeding DS2 we had to help DS1 find things to keep himself entertained/busy. When DS2 was 1 month old DS1 started full time preschool ... that made a world of difference for all of us!

For me going from 1 to 2 was easier than 0 to 1. DS1 was colicky, we dealt with Thrush, he was a horrible sleeper etc it was tough. DS2 was a much more easy going baby. Of course after my experience with DS1 I ended up with PPD/anxiety and panic attacks after #2 was born. The psychiatrist said it was like PTSD... waiting for #2 to turn into the crying colicky baby that my first born was. Once I got that all straightened out with Lexapro we were doing fine!

[JTsMom]

Settle down???....:hysterical: hehe, juuust kidding!


You just wait until #4 is on the way! :p

[LarsMal]

You just wait until #4 is on the way! :p

That is SOOOO not funny! :nono:

[Corie]

When do things settle down a bit?



Never!!!

You should have seen them both diving from bed to bed at the Wilderness Lodge.

[JTsMom]

You guys are kind of touching on my big fear. DS is still SUCH a high-needs kid. It's seriously exhausting to be around him some days. Taking him anywhere is such a challenge b/c he wants to run (literally) every imaginable direction, touch everything, goes into his own little world and tunes me out, etc. I just keep thinking what if the second is the same way? Seriously, I don't know what I would do. What if the second one has a heart defect (or some other issue for that matter) that requires a lengthy hospital stay? How is DS going to cope with that? Is the baby going to make the challenges with DS 100 times better or worse? Right now, he's very excited, and very into babies, but what will it be like after reality sets in?

Plus, now that I've had a year or 2 of relative "freedom", how am I going to adjust back to that 24/7 neediness? With DS, I literally could not leave his side until he was over a year old. Not for 2 minutes to pee even. He'd scream his head off until he turned as blue as a blueberry. DH and I would both work non-stop to keep him happy as an infant, and I know that won't be possible this time around.


Plus, things just already feel so different than they did with DS. When I was pg with him, I though about it constantly. I did tons of research. We talked about him all day long. This time, I seriously forget that I'm pregnant on a regular basis. I don't have time to obsess about crib bedding and which onesie is the cutest, kwim?

I don't mean to sound so negative, b/c we really do desperately want this baby, I'm just freaking out a bit, and I know if anyone gets it, it will be you guys.

[JTsMom]

Never!!!

You should have seen them both diving from bed to bed at the Wilderness Lodge.

OMG, we had the same thing going on! LOL One day we came in while housekeeping was still there, and DS about gave the poor woman a heart attack!

[SnuggleBuggles]

You have a nice age spacing for easing transitions, imo. That will really help!

One thing we were not prepared for was ds1 getting super clingy to me after ds2 was born (well, I kind of expected that). What I didn't expect was that all of a sudden he rejected his favorite g'ma. He went from having weekly sleepovers with her and outings to refusing to spend time with her. That lasted 2 months after ds2 was born.

I think that with a 5yo and a summer baby you'll want to consider looking into some camps and activities for ds1 so that he has an escape. :) It's nice to maintain some normalcy from them, and some time when the focus won't so much be on their new sibling.

I had to be on the go a lot more with ds2 so I got good at nursing in public (and while chasing ds1!).

I found that the early months were pretty easy with the 2 because the littlest one couldn't move and he slept a lot!

I think that you'll find it won't be as hard or what you are expecting. :) The age gap has a lot of rewards and some challenges. But, I'd say the pros really outweigh the cons.

Beth

[egoldber]

For me the most challenging part was learning to "triage" needs.

This was me too. One of the biggest "mistakes" I made was always putting the older child's needs second. It's hard because many people naturally seem to put the tiny baby's need's first, but it can create a bad dynamic with the older child. Especially when the older child is quite a bit older, it's easy to expect them to be the "big kid" when they still have their own needs.


I think that with a 5yo and a summer baby you'll want to consider looking into some camps and activities for ds1 so that he has an escape.

:yeahthat:

Also, I found it wasn't that bad until the baby got to be a toddler. Then it seemed like I spent all my time refereeing fights. :dizzy:

[citymama]

Let's just pray for mellow DC2s! My older one is also a pretty high-maintenance kid, and even right now, we feel we can barely manage with both working full-time and trying to spend lots of time with DD, who is anything but mellow. I guess I am grateful now that we spaced them out! I'll be watching this thread; thanks for starting it.

[JTsMom]

I have been wondering the same thing too in recent weeks. I am really trying to keep an open mind too and I think that helps me. An open mind for me equals being calm.


Let's just pray for mellow DC2s! My older one is also a pretty high-maintenance kid, and even right now, we feel we can barely manage with both working full-time and trying to spend lots of time with DD, who is anything but mellow. I guess I am grateful now that we spaced them out! I'll be watching this thread; thanks for starting it.

We'll have to stick together!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Plus, now that I've had a year or 2 of relative "freedom", how am I going to adjust back to that 24/7 neediness?


You settle into a new normal. And you have the luxury of hindsight to know that you will have that freedom back. You could also do what I did and put ds2 in preschool before he was 2yo, something I never would have considered with ds1. I love my 5 hours of "freedom"/ week!!

I admit that I get overwhelmed thinking sometimes about how far away kindergarten is and all the things we will do between now and then...classes at the zoo, playdates, museum outings...so much to do! It's strange because I did it all already and have started over. But, at the same time that is really cool and I am glad I get to do all these things again.

All of your feelings sound very normal, btw. :) Ds2's room didn't get done till I was 38 weeks pg. The good thing about #2 is you realize just how little you actually need for a baby! Diapers, food, carseat, clothes.

Beth

[JTsMom]

Beth X 2, the fact that you guys are saying the spacing is good is comforting. Good point about the summer activities. I was wondering what to do about that. On one hand, I figured sending DS off to do something might make him feel like he was being cast aside or something, but at the same time, I could see where it might be more of an escape for him.

[MommyAllison]

I had a very needy DD and DS was soooo much more mellow as an infant. He is crazy into everything now, but really, the baby stage with him was so much easier than with DD. I think having a spring/summer baby is easier too. We walked to the park a lot - DS would fall asleep on the way there (on me or in the stroller) and we'd hang out in the shade while DD played for an hour or more. Winter is really cold, icy, snowy, and gray here, so it's harder to get out and let the kids run off their energy. DS isn't that old now, but I do already look back on his infant stage with a lot of sweet memories and nostalgia. It is awesome having the built in playmate too, despite the inevitable arguments.

ETA: I agree with Beth, it just becomes your new normal. I can't imagine going back to just one DC now. DS is soooo lonely when DD is gone!

[egoldber]

Good point about the summer activities. I was wondering what to do about that. On one hand, I figured sending DS off to do something might make him feel like he was being cast aside or something, but at the same time, I could see where it might be more of an escape for him

I think it depends on the kid to some degree, but Sarah has always enjoyed classes and camps and it was good for her to have a place where she could be a big kid and do things she couldn't do at home because the baby was napping or whatever.

Also, learning to be VERY comfortable nursing in public was a crucial second child skill LOL!! I was MUCH more on the go with Amy, taking Sarah to K, gymnastics, OT, etc. I learned to get very comfortable nursing in public and it helped a lot.

[JTsMom]

You know what else is getting to me this time? I just feel so stinking old! Not only am I starting over, but it seems as if most other people my age have kids finishing elementary and older. Not here, but IRL. I wonder if I can get a senior discount when I join the PTA.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I could tell ds1 was bored hanging out at home when ds2 was little. Ds2 was born at the beginning of Dec. so ds1 was home for holiday break when ds2 was tiny and not going out as much. He was itching to go back to school and hang out with his friends.

Beth

[JTsMom]

NIP isn't a big deal for me. I did it with DS- I had no choice, I wouldn't have ever been out of the house until he turned one otherwise. He was attached 20 out of 24 hours a day!

[maestramommy]

Well, I'd say it depends on a couple of things at least. 1) age and temperment of DC1 2) temperment of baby2 3) Whether any issues come up with the baby or your recovery.

I thought going from 1 to 2 was hard, but not as hard as I was expecting. Going from 2 to 3 was VERY HARD. Main reason was temperment of the baby.

[lilycat88]

You know what else is getting to me this time? I just feel so stinking old! Not only am I starting over, but it seems as if most other people my age have kids finishing elementary and older. Not here, but IRL. I wonder if I can get a senior discount when I join the PTA.


I feel the same way! I'll be almost 41 when this baby arrives and there will be almost exactly 6 years between the two kids.

[pastrygirl]

I really thought it was going to be easier, since I had such a HARD TIME going from 0-1. Ugh, 1-2 has just beaten me down!!!!! It's a different type of "hard," though. Going from 0-1 was really hard mentally -- having to always be "on," etc. Going from 1-2 has been hard physically.

My older son was high-needs... so I thought! I didn't think it could get worse. But it did. Caleb was/is SO MUCH WORSE than Toby ever was. I used to think, at least if I need to sleep, the baby can sleep with me. Ha! That assumes the baby will sleep at all!!!! The joke's on me!

At 3 months, it's getting better. I'm getting decent sleep at night, and have been for a few weeks. He still cries A LOT. Like, when his eyes are open.
But for the first two months, I was a TOTAL zombie, thinking that I'd made a big, terrible mistake with the timing and I should've waited another year or two (older son is 3.5). I no longer feel like I made a mistake. That's a huge improvement.

But sheesh. I really wish I'd gotten a laid-back model this time around!

ETA: Oh, and my older son has the run of the house! Boy, he's a real treat to be around these days. I want to sell them both to the gypsies most days!

[catpagmo]

I really thought it was going to be easier, since I had such a HARD TIME going from 0-1. Ugh, 1-2 has just beaten me down!!!!! It's a different type of "hard," though. Going from 0-1 was really hard mentally -- having to always be "on," etc. Going from 1-2 has been hard physically.

My older son was high-needs... so I thought! I didn't think it could get worse. But it did. Caleb was/is SO MUCH WORSE than Toby ever was. I used to think, at least if I need to sleep, the baby can sleep with me. Ha! That assumes the baby will sleep at all!!!! The joke's on me!

At 3 months, it's getting better. I'm getting decent sleep at night, and have been for a few weeks. He still cries A LOT. Like, when his eyes are open.
But for the first two months, I was a TOTAL zombie, thinking that I'd made a big, terrible mistake with the timing and I should've waited another year or two (older son is 3.5). I no longer feel like I made a mistake. That's a huge improvement.

But sheesh. I really wish I'd gotten a laid-back model this time around!

Geez, I could have written that post! Same story here. It was very, very hard. Much harder for me than going from 0-1. DC #2 cries a lot more than DC #1 ever did, sleeps less (still wakes up 2-3 times a night at 9.5 months!), and is fussy about food (read as doesn't want anything to do with solids). All of those things, plus trying to maintain DC #1's world.

I missed my DC #1 so much after the baby was born. I went through a "mourning" period since I didn't get to spend much time, or any time, with DC #1. And honestly, my relationship with my oldest is still not the same as it was. I think I had PPD this time around.

Anyway, I think things got better around the 7 month mark, and it's getting better still. I'm very happy now with two DC, but it is quite an adjustment.

No regrets. Now I look back on my time with just one DC and think about how special that time was.

[maestramommy]

You guys are kind of touching on my big fear. DS is still SUCH a high-needs kid. It's seriously exhausting to be around him some days. Taking him anywhere is such a challenge b/c he wants to run (literally) every imaginable direction, touch everything, goes into his own little world and tunes me out, etc. I just keep thinking what if the second is the same way? Seriously, I don't know what I would do. What if the second one has a heart defect (or some other issue for that matter) that requires a lengthy hospital stay? How is DS going to cope with that? Is the baby going to make the challenges with DS 100 times better or worse? Right now, he's very excited, and very into babies, but what will it be like after reality sets in?

Plus, now that I've had a year or 2 of relative "freedom", how am I going to adjust back to that 24/7 neediness? With DS, I literally could not leave his side until he was over a year old. Not for 2 minutes to pee even. He'd scream his head off until he turned as blue as a blueberry. DH and I would both work non-stop to keep him happy as an infant, and I know that won't be possible this time around.


Plus, things just already feel so different than they did with DS. When I was pg with him, I though about it constantly. I did tons of research. We talked about him all day long. This time, I seriously forget that I'm pregnant on a regular basis. I don't have time to obsess about crib bedding and which onesie is the cutest, kwim?

I don't mean to sound so negative, b/c we really do desperately want this baby, I'm just freaking out a bit, and I know if anyone gets it, it will be you guys.

I don't know about the spacing, since mine are close together. But I will say that having Laurel was kinda shocking to the system because she's rather high maintenance. In some ways she's a lot like Dora was, but it was never a problem when Dora was a baby because she was the only one I had to deal with! I remember nursing her and watching Oprah. No chance of that now:p The difference is that at some point Dora started sleeping well during the day. That hasn't happened with Laurel yet, and though I'm grateful she sleeps relatively well at night, it makes for a very long and hard day.

I also didn't do much research second time around, because the only major thing that had changed since Dora was the big news about BPA in bottles hitting the mainstream. And the start of the rotavirus vax. Those were relatively easy things to make a decision on. As for Laurel, she's lucky I don't forget about her lol!

I'm kidding of course. But I have gotten more laid back about some things with each kid, because trying to optimize on everything like I did with the first just isn't possible, and I'm not sure that Arwyn and Laurel have lost anything by it. I'm now at the point where Laurel gets her "taste" of formula in a 4oz bottle of what used to be entirely breastmilk. It's just too stressful trying to bulk up my supply the way I used to. I'm trying, and do what I can, but at the end of the day I just have to let it go.

I've also had days where all I can do is keep my head down and plug on through until it's over. I can bitch about it all I want when it's over:ROTFLMAO:

[ThreeofUs]

I think my DS1 might be a little like yours - high-need.

DH and I talked about it, as our experience was a lot like yours with DS1 as a baby (couldn't leave him, slept on us, etc.), and we decided we'd have to get in a nanny if DS2 was anything like DS1. (Thank goodness, he wasn't! A completely cuddly, fairly laid back baby....)

But I didn't want DS2 to suffer complete lack of attention, so I got help in. Sure, I wanted time to bond with the new baby, but I got help in because new babies are a TON of work and I knew I couldn't take care of both DS1 and DS2. And you know what? DS2, even as an easy baby, is a ton of work - even just nursing itself takes a lot of time.

But I understand what you're talking about.

[bubbaray]

Haven't read the replies yet, but I will say what saved me was keeping DD#1 in daycare (paid for full time, but only used it part time) and weekend activities she could do with DH. She was busy and engaged, not bored at home with a BFg mom and baby. I probably would have gone insane otherwise. Its hard at first getting out of the house to take the older child *to* places, and the second one sleeps in the car way more than the first one did, but its totally worth it.

Now that they are older, they (for the most part) play well together and keep each other occupied. It seems a lot easier at these ages with 2 b/c I can tell them to go off and play Barbies together or something and get out of my hair.

Of course, there are days when I could sell both or one to the highest bidder. JUST KIDDING.

[sidmand]

Not to scare you even more but I did find the transition from 1 to 2 much much more difficult than 0 to 1. But I think part of that was because I didn't expect it to be as difficult as it was.

DS was also (from past posts you may know!) a high needs child but he's actually the easy one now! And not just by comparison, he's actually become a lot more laid back in many situations that I think does come from age. Now I could take him shopping but I dread taking DD. He'll sit and watch a TV show and just chill out, she'll be all over the place and crying...

And DD was a very easy baby. She's not a very easy toddler, but she was a very easy baby.

It was just a lot. Before one parent could stay with the child while the other one did their own thing (nap, shop, take a break)...with two the "break" was often that you only had one child instead of two but you still had one. There wasn't as much of the no-child-at-all time.

I'm an older mom too and it was hard (I'm sure for everyone, but I did feel old!). And it was hard for DH too. Lack of sleep when you had just one was easier then lack of sleep when you have one baby and one child who has constant needs as well. This time around I was totally willing and ready to nap when the baby napped but I couldn't because I had an older child not napping.

Slings were my friend. I didn't use it so much with DS (and he didn't like it so much) but it was great for when I had to chase DS around the park and couldn't leave DD somewhere. I definitely wore her much more than I ever wore DS.

But yes, school, camp, daycare...whatever you can afford and do for the older one. It gives them some time to interact with kids their own age and gives you some one-on-one time with the baby and if the baby is sleeping it gives you time to sleep!

[alexsmommy]

I've only skimmed other responses, but thoughts off the top of my head...
You have great spacing. DS1 and DS2 are 4.5 years apart, and little things, like his ability to get himself into his carseat and buckle up and tighten his own harness if it was needed was wonderful. He could get his own snacks (I kept a tupperware container with "approved no need to ask Mommy items" in it like cheese, carrots, raisins, maybe four crackers, cut up fruit), was potty trained and proficient (no need to check his wiping job), and understood having to wait a few minutes for my attention. I am honestly terrified of the spacing we will have this time around b/c DS2 is still very territorial with me and still needs help more often than not. I don't see him welcoming this new addition.
Second thought - have you processed what the first year of DS's infanthood was like with anyone? I have treated mom's with kiddos with various cardiac conditions - similar to you where they were told "don't let the baby cry and blue out". Two had true PTSD - and only recognized it because they had older children and understood what they went through with the kids with cardiac issues to be truly traumatizing. You may benefit from a few sessions just to process what the experience was like - not long term or anything, but to help you sort out just what it was like to be held hostage with such serious consequences if you "failed" your job during that first year.
I think everyone has anxiety adding to the family, it's like you have this system and you've all finally sort of gotten an handle on how it works and now you are upsetting the applecart.
You'll do beautifully.

[hillview]

Well for me it was having 2 under 2. So non stop being pg, nursing and being sleep deprived for 5 years. With the sort of difference in age you are talking about I think it will be more about handling different aged needs and helping DC #1 deal with a new child and getting into the groove of a baby again :)

CONGRATS!!
/hillary

[DrSally]

The hardest thing for me was dealing with newborn needs, trying to get nursing off the ground, nap timing, etc. while also dealing with DS's needs and no DH at home. I found supper time to be the most challenging for me. DD needed to nurse/nap at that time, and several times, DS was waiting downstairs patiently for dinner. One time, he got an box of crackers, put some on a plate, ate them, put the plate in the sink and washed his hands, yelling upstairs, "Mommy, I ate some supper and I'm done". Broke my heart a little, but I was also proud of how independent he was. Having another set of hands helps tremendously. The first 2 weeks, I had to nurse, supplement, and pump every feed (I just couldn't pump everytime), and that was a lot of down time away from DS's needs. He always wanted to be involved too, and was all over DD, when I just needed to nurse her to sleep. It was hard to manage her and him at the same time wo/hurting his feelings. It just took some time for us to get in a groove. I found that if I nursed her and put her back to sleep in the morning, I could have an hour alone with DS in the morning when he woke, to snuggle, read, nurse, etc., since the evenings were so hectic. Finding that alone time with DS1 was important. I also found that I did not get out of the house very much. I felt like I had a lot less freedom with a newborn. I had gotten so used to going out and doing whatever with DS. At 3 yo, he didn't need a nap and was game for most anything, so we had really free, fun days.

ETA: I'm sorry, I must have missed your "outing". Congratulations!!

[HIU8]

I can relate to the first being very needy. DS is an extremely needy child. He has sensory issues, along with being very sensitive and whiny and generally can't/won't do anything unless I'm in the room with him (still at 5, but it is getting better). I lucked out in that DD is a very independent child. She has always (even as an infant) been able to recognize that DS has issues. Early on I decided that DD should get a pretty large amount of one on one time with mommy b/c of DS and his extreme neediness. I was able to put DS in 5 day a week preschool and spend that time with just DD. Now DD is in preschool, but not as long a day as DS so we get that alone time as well.

So, going from 1 to 2 was difficult b/c of DS's issues, but not impossible. DS was 2.5 when DD was born. I feel like it would have been much harder if DS were younger and easier if he were older when DD was born.

[gatorsmom]

You settle into a new normal. And you have the luxury of hindsight to know that you will have that freedom back.



I think this is exactly it. You just find a new routine. It's like you are throwing yourself into an obstacle course for you life- you just do it and dont' really stop to think of it much. You'll find your way- just like you did with your first one.

btw, I don't know ANYONE- here or IRL- who had a difficult baby followed by a second difficult baby. Your baby will adapt and adjust to your living situation too, just like you and the Jman will. Everything will turn out fine. And just like Beth said, you have the luxury of knowing that you'll get through the rough times to get to the comfortable times because you made it through once before. :hug:

[DrSally]

Plus, things just already feel so different than they did with DS. When I was pg with him, I though about it constantly. I did tons of research. We talked about him all day long. This time, I seriously forget that I'm pregnant on a regular basis. I don't have time to obsess about crib bedding and which onesie is the cutest, kwim?
.

I totally know what you mean. DD was 4 weeks early, so I really didn't have much ready. Her room wasn't even set up. I came home from the hosp. and the house was a disaster, not even a diaper changing area set up. When DS was born, everything was washed and in total order. I didn't even wear my cute maternity clothes with DD b/c I was always getting grubby doing something. It is different with #2 in terms of how much you meditate on every little detail, but that can be a good thing! Like pp's mentioned, I don't have as much alone time with DD, but she learns *a lot* from Ds.

[pastrygirl]

btw, I don't know ANYONE- here or IRL- who had a difficult baby followed by a second difficult baby.You must've missed my post and the post following mine... ;)

[wendibird22]

Haven't read the replies yet, but I will say what saved me was keeping DD#1 in daycare (paid for full time, but only used it part time) and weekend activities she could do with DH. She was busy and engaged, not bored at home with a BFg mom and baby. I probably would have gone insane otherwise. Its hard at first getting out of the house to take the older child *to* places, and the second one sleeps in the car way more than the first one did, but its totally worth it.

My two will be closer in age (DD1 is 2.5) but this is what we are planning on doing. I have 3mos maternity leave, but DH will only take a few days off, so when he goes back to work DD1 will continue to go to the sitters. I figure this way she gets to maintain a "normal" schedule, play with kids all day long, get loving attention from her sitter, and allow me to focus on the baby all day and get rest. Then when DH gets home from work with DD1 I can pass the baby off to DH who will be eager to see DD2 and I can put all my attention (aside from nursing) on DD1. I've also been prepping DD1 as much as possible about waiting patiently, not being able to be picked up/carried every time she wants, etc. I'm hopeful we'll all survive the transition!

Of course, what really worries me is when I go back to work and DH and I have to get ourselves and 2 kids out the door on time each day.

[gatorsmom]

You must've missed my post and the post following mine... ;)

Oops. I did miss it. But now I can say, "of all my mommy friends I only know TWO who had difficult first AND second babies." Still pretty good odds (well, maybe not for you and the other poster ;)).

[BabyMine]

It was hard in the beginning becasue TT had reflux. After a couple months we settled into a routine. The best part is when you see your kids laughing and playing together. M also tells me how much he loves TT. I would do it all over agin in a heartbeat.

[saschalicks]

Settle down???....:hysterical: hehe, juuust kidding!

My experience was a little different becuase L was only 16 months when M was born. The transition from 1 to 2 was easier for me than 2 to 3. L was still napping and he was really good at entertaining himself while I BF M. This time around the most difficult part has been keeping L&M entertained while I feed C and making sure they get attention and don't feel like the baby is a higher priority. That can be really challenging! I just make sure to do things with them when C is napping.

I'm sure you'll get great advice here, but you'll be fine! You'll figure out what works for you, and just when you get used to that, the baby will change on you!

I like to say things don't get easier, they just get "different" ;)

This was EXACTLY my experience. Going from 1 to 2 was easy b/c my kids were 18 mo apart. It was the 2 to 3 that threw me for a loop. I just seem to always need to be in 3 different places and don't know where to be.

The best advice I ever got was this: When you have a new baby and you see they both need "attention". Pay attention to the oldest FIRST. The baby will never remember you putting their sibling first, but the oldest will remember and hold it against the baby. If the baby cries an extra 5 mins b/c you had to attend to #1 it's no big deal.

ETA: DS1 had colic and was attached to me the first 3 mo. DS2 had colic and was attached to me even more than the 1st, which I never thought possible. Then DD came along and I was prepared for the worst as I had seen it before and wham I got the easiest baby alive. It just goes to show that everything depends on the temperament of the children. Even though DD is super easy going from 2 to 3 was still more difficult due to logisitics.

[kerridean]

I think this is exactly it. You just find a new routine. It's like you are throwing yourself into an obstacle course for you life- you just do it and dont' really stop to think of it much. You'll find your way- just like you did with your first one.

btw, I don't know ANYONE- here or IRL- who had a difficult baby followed by a second difficult baby. Your baby will adapt and adjust to your living situation too, just like you and the Jman will. Everything will turn out fine. And just like Beth said, you have the luxury of knowing that you'll get through the rough times to get to the comfortable times because you made it through once before. :hug:

I did! I had 2 severely colicy, high-needs, unhappy babies, 22 months apart. I am still bitter.

[emily_gracesmama]

Life has settled down a lot here with the two that are 26 mths apart, so much so that I can see having a third, just cause I feel like I am no needed so much anymore, they play a lot and often together, but who knows what'll happen, as everyone here knows, a new baby starts the clock again of being needed 24-7 and losing the spare time I've got now to oh, clean and do laundry in peace :)

[newbiemom]

I thought going from 1 to 2 was the absolute hardest. Harder than 0 to 1, harder than 2-3. Some moms have agreed with me, others have not. I think it just all depends on your combo/personality/age of the kids.

Some of it probably depends on expectations, too. I expected that going from 2 to 3 was going to be brutal, so I was pleasantly surprised.

good luck!

[ZeeBaby]

I went from 0-1 to 1-2 in 16 months and I feel like it is insane! Some parts I'm sure have been easier, like getting up in the middle of the night and adjusting to having a child in the home, but some parts have been so hard. Managing the older one, while I take care of the new baby, has been really tough for me. DD1 gets so frustrated when I have to take care of DD2 and I am just overwhelmed with guilt. I feel like I stole her babyhood!

[DietCokeLover]

I had a 3 month old when I found out I was pregnant with DC2! So, our transition was quite shocking. The first year of DC2's life was pure torture for me as he did not sleep at all, fed every 45 minutes and had colick.

However, here's the positive part.... you adjust where you must because you love those babies. It just happens. That "Mama" kicks in and you just do what has to be done.

Hugs to you and congratulations on your growing family. What a blessing! (repeat that to yourself over and over and over and over, etc.... LOL)

[mecawa]

I haven't had a chance to read every post yet, so I don't know what advice you got but it really depends on the situation. For me going from 0-1 child was ten times easier than going from 1-2, however my 2nd one was born with a major medical issue that was and could not be picked up in utero. So we were very unprepared for that. However my girls are over 4 years apart which worked in our favor for the situation we were in, because DD1 was able to understand that a lot more than say if she was like 2 or something.

Since DD2 had her surgery in April, and things have calmed down a bit, it's not that hard having two. It's fun to see the two of them interact together now that DD2 is furniture walking and trying to "play" with her big sister.

The only thing I still find hard is running errands with both kids, especially now that it's snowy and cold. Strapping both into car seats and then taking them out again gets wearing when you have to do it several times a day (like yesterday) so I try to avoid that and schedule my errands around DD2's school day, or find a place where I can get most of the days errands down in one stop type of thing.

You're going to love seeing the two interact together that has been my favorite since we were able to take my youngest home.:)