How to dress a toddler for a memorial service / funeral?

[wellyes]

My FIL passed away two weeks ago after a battle with leukemia. They are having a ceremony for him this weekend at his childhood church. There was no funeral - this is the memorial service. DH is making a speech.

I'm not sure how to dress DD. She's 20 months. We'll be right up front, and DD was a big part of her grandfather's life. I know a lot of eyes will be on her. I want to do what is appropriate, but I honestly don't know what that is. I wouldn't normally take her to a funeral due to potential toddler disruptive tendencies but of course I want to be at this one.

So - how to dress a young toddler? I've never been to this church & I'm not familiar with how formal that denomination (Congregationalist) tends to be.

[shawnandangel]

I would probably do a black dress like this one:
http://www.hannaandersson.com/style.asp?from=SC%7C4%7C2%7C24%7C25%7C1%7C%7C&simg=36015_015

It's simple but she could wear it other places than a funeral. I've heard here that the love to twirl dresses are comfy and that kids seem to love them.

I would also splurge on these very cute tights
http://www.hannaandersson.com/Style.asp?from=SRCH&styleid=36127&simg=36127_015&mwc=015&styleRef=36127g

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I know Irish Catholics discourage black. I don't think black is necessary. Kids make unhappy days a bit brighter...

[JBaxter]

There are some very pretty Christmas dresses out in dark greens, navy or even red velvet. Ive never been to any funerals where the toddlers were frounded upon for looking pretty. What would your FIL liked to have seen her in? Thats what I wold go with.

Sorry for your loss.

[MontrealMum]

I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL. Many P&PT to your whole family :grouphug:

I've been to two funerals where toddlers were present. My grandmother's, and the one for my BFF's dad. For my grandmother's funeral, my cousin dressed her DD (just over a year) in a red corduroy smocked dress (that I'd given her), and her DS (maybe 3?) in dark dress pants and a white shirt w/ argyle vest. It was early Spring, with snow still on the ground. They sat in the back and fed the kids fries which was a great treat :) They were both as good as gold.

A number of smaller children - the grandchildren of my BFF's dad - were present at his funeral this past spring. None of them were dressed in dark clothing, and I thought it was refreshing to see them dressed up, but not in a somber way. Of course, it was spring so the lighter colors made sense.

So...if it were me, I'd probably tend towards church- and dressy-affair-appropriate, but not necessarily black. FWIW, I was raised Congregational, and my grandmother's funeral was in that tradition. The other one, for my BFF's dad, was Catholic. Congregational churches *can* be quite formal in terms of order of service etc. - they are the original Puritans after all. But many modern-day congregations are quite liberal in terms of dress. My dad used to wear a sport coat and tie to Xmas and Easter, but a sweater and dress pants were fine - and very common - for regular Sundays. He always wears a suit for funerals. But, like I said, it really depends on the individual congregation - especially since Congregational churches are independant. Can you ask your DH if he remembers about mens' dress (I find that's a good gauge)? HTH!

[amldaley]

I know Irish Catholics discourage black. I don't think black is necessary. Kids make unhappy days a bit brighter...

??? My husband is from a very Irish, very Catholic, Boston family and they all wear black or a black arm band to all funerals.

That said, I don't think DD needs to be in black. Just something not bright or garrish in any way.

I agree with PP's to just put her in something pretty that you can re-use. That said, I would avoid the party style of many Christmas dresses. Also, keep in mind that as family of the deceased, you will be at the funeral and reception for quite some time, so make sure DD is comfortable.

I am sorry for your loss.

[mnosky1]

My DD who was 3 when her grandfather died wore a sailor type dress with white sweater one day and a black/white check dress with pink cardigan the other day (but it was in April). White stockings and black patent leather shoes - but I can't remember what she wore with the navy dress. I think any dress would be fine. I wouldn't do a huge print or Christmas specific dress but if you have a solid Christmas dress for her I think that would be fine. And by the way, DD never wore either of those dresses again - they just kept reminding us of the funeral - so I wouldn't buy anything specific.

[ged]

My DD was 2.5 when she attended her grandmother's memorial at their church. It was in the Fall. I found a simple navy blue wool jumper from Janie and Jack, and I paired it with a plain white turtleneck, some white (?) tights and navy shoes. I didn't want her to look too depressing, but OTOH, I did not feel comfortable getting her all dolled up. She was not the main attraction, and I felt we needed to keep things toned down a little. I like the PP's suggestion of the black Hanna love to twirl velour dress.

[citymama]

I'm sorry for your family's loss. I agree that kids make unhappy times a little sunnier. She does not need to be in black. I think blue, green, or any sober color would be fine - even pastel pink or yellow is fine. I would avoid bright colors like red or orange, but every thing else is fair game IMO. Also, dressing up in respect of the deceased rather than typical casual toddler wear.

[TwinFoxes]

??? My husband is from a very Irish, very Catholic, Boston family and they all wear black or a black arm band to all funerals.

That said, I don't think DD needs to be in black. Just something not bright or garrish in any way.

I agree with PP's to just put her in something pretty that you can re-use. That said, I would avoid the party style of many Christmas dresses. Also, keep in mind that as family of the deceased, you will be at the funeral and reception for quite some time, so make sure DD is comfortable.

I am sorry for your loss.

I agree with everything in this post, except substitute Detroit for Boston. :) Comfortable, pretty, not a party dress, not necessarily black.

I think a nice plaid skirt/dressy blouse + sweater would look fine too.

[MoJo]

I'd probably tend towards church- and dressy-affair-appropriate, but not necessarily black.

:yeahthat:

Unfortunately, I've been to two memorials where there were several young children, because babies had passed away. All of the children wore dress clothes, but none wore black.

So sorry for your, your DH's and your DD's loss.

[mecawa]

When my husbands grandmother died, DD1 was 12 months, and I dressed her in a smocked one piece pant set (romper, long bubble type thing) that was dark burgandy in color and then she had a black velvet coat and matching hat for the cemetery. It was a very sudden thing and I didn't have time to search for anything black to wear in the church, so that's what we did and it worked she blended right in.

[wellyes]

This helped a lot. I'll get her a muted-color dress and some tights - and expect her to never wear them again. Thanks all.

[MamaMolly]

Big hugs. It is a hard time to loose someone.

My step dad passed away in January a few years ago. DD and DN were both babies, and people loved, loved, loved seeing them. They were a big comfort to his brothers and sisters who just wanted to hold the babies.

ITA that a dress and tights is appropriate. Navy, dark green, burgandy should all be easy to find right now.

So, so sorry you are dealing with this right now.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

??? My husband is from a very Irish, very Catholic, Boston family and they all wear black or a black arm band to all funerals.

That said, I don't think DD needs to be in black. Just something not bright or garrish in any way.

I agree with PP's to just put her in something pretty that you can re-use. That said, I would avoid the party style of many Christmas dresses. Also, keep in mind that as family of the deceased, you will be at the funeral and reception for quite some time, so make sure DD is comfortable.

I am sorry for your loss.

Maybe just West Coast Irish Catholics?