WWYD: Adopted Family Requests Gift Cards

[Melbel]

We help to adopt several families through school and work. Since it is a group effort, we are usually assigned one person. In addition, I normally purchase an extra gift for each of the children in the family. One person we have been assigned has only requested gift cards to Walmart and gas stations (an adult in the family). My concern is that the money could be used for alcohol, cigarettes and other items that I do not feel are necessities. Am I the only one who is a little put off by what is essentially a request for cash? What would you do?

[JBaxter]

I dont donate gift cards as a rule. Those thoughts always cross my mind. We adopted a family through our Moms club and we did a group gift card through donations to a grocery store.

[cvanbrunt]

Or it is for gas and food. If you feel you can only donate what you find acceptable then don't.

[Ceepa]

I would buy them the cards. Maybe they want to be the ones to buy presents for their family or maybe they could use groceries from a Super Wal-Mart. Who knows. It sounds like you've already adopted this family and they're not asking for something extraordinary.

[JenaW]

I used to feel this way too....certainly fueled by the homeless guy asking for money on the side of the highway that threw my (still hot) McDonalds food back at me when I offered him a warm meal. Now, I have decided that I WANT to be charitable, and it really isn't my place to be judgmental, or to dictate how they utilize what I give. I have been blessed with an abundance and God is calling me to share my blessings. His love is unconditional for me, and I feel my sharing of that love should be unconditional as well. Also, as someone mentioned, I often wonder if those asking for gift cards instead of an actual toy really do need the money for food and other necessities? Can you imagine the despair of wanting to give your child a new toy to open on Christmas morning, but knowing that having a warm meal in their stomach would be a much better gift, and it has to be an either/or scenario? I am sure this is not the case with everyone, and unfortunately I do know people who make a living from benefiting from the generosity of others. However, I give what I can and hope/pray for the best.

[almostamom]

My first thought when I read your post was that they were being very practical and wanted help with gas and groceries or household supplies instead of a gift for themselves. DS' best friends' family is going through difficult times and I've often been asked what people could give them. I always suggest WalMart gift cards as they could use them for food, diapers, pharmacy (DS' friend has asthma), lightbulbs, shoes, etc.

With that said, I think you need to do whatever you are comfortable with.

Linda

ETA: All the Walmarts near us are Supercenters, so maybe that makes a difference.

[Melbel]

I used to feel this way too....certainly fueled by the homeless guy asking for money on the side of the highway that threw my (still hot) McDonalds food back at me when I offered him a warm meal. Now, I have decided that I WANT to be charitable, and it really isn't my place to be judgmental, or to dictate how they utilize what I give. I have been blessed with an abundance and God is calling me to share my blessings. His love is unconditional for me, and I feel my sharing of that love should be unconditional as well. Also, as someone mentioned, I often wonder if those asking for gift cards instead of an actual toy really do need the money for food and other necessities? Can you imagine the despair of wanting to give your child a new toy to open on Christmas morning, but knowing that having a warm meal in their stomach would be a much better gift, and it has to be an either/or scenario? I am sure this is not the case with everyone, and unfortunately I do know people who make a living from benefiting from the generosity of others. However, I give what I can and hope/pray for the best.

Thank you for the inspirational reply. I think I am a bit jaded by family members who are constantly asking for money to pay rent, etc. but still find enough money for illegal drugs, alcohol and vacations when we are working hard and cutting back. I do think that you have a wonderful perspective.

[wellyes]

Now, I have decided that I WANT to be charitable, and it really isn't my place to be judgmental, or to dictate how they utilize what I give.

This. Exactly. Part of the virtue of charity is respecting the dignity of the recipient.

[JenaW]

Thank you for the inspirational reply. I think I am a bit jaded by family members who are constantly asking for money to pay rent, etc. but still find enough money for illegal drugs, alcohol and vacations when we are working hard and cutting back. I do think that you have a wonderful perspective.

I DO understand where you are coming from. We send MIL a decent amount of money each month. On her recent visit, I found out she has been eating at soup kitchens. When I asked her why, she responded that she did not have a ton of money! Where is all the money going? Well, she was planning on taking a $1200 Panama Canal Cruise, and she smokes 2-3 packs a day!! My feelings towards my MIL are already tainted, but DH rightly put me in my place when I complained about it. He pointed out that she is an adult, and we are CHOOSING to help her. We certainly do not have to, but we want to. We have no way of policing how she uses the money. I can not in good conscience stop sending her any money at all, knowing that without our help her pension is less than $300/mo, while we sit here nice and comfortable.

[Ceepa]

I DO understand where you are coming from. We send MIL a decent amount of money each month. On her recent visit, I found out she has been eating at soup kitchens. When I asked her why, she responded that she did not have a ton of money! Where is all the money going? Well, she was planning on taking a $1200 Panama Canal Cruise, and she smokes 2-3 packs a day!! My feelings towards my MIL are already tainted, but DH rightly put me in my place when I complained about it. He pointed out that she is an adult, and we are CHOOSING to help her. We certainly do not have to, but we want to. We have no way of policing how she uses the money. I can not in good conscience stop sending her any money at all, knowing that without our help her pension is less than $300/mo, while we sit here nice and comfortable.

My family went through this with a relative, almost exactly. Even the money being used on a cruise. It was a very tough situation for everyone.

[wendibird22]

I'm ok with doing the gift cards. I completely understand your concern and it would certainly be on my mind as well. But, I also know that more often than not families in need use their gifts for good purposes. The college that I work at helps student groups adopt almost 100 local families a year. Many of the families have gift requests for the children but mom and dad ask for nothing or ask for practical household items and yes, gift cards. Food stamps can only be used for food items and so gift card money helps them buy paper products, cleaning supplies, diapers, etc. And with gas prices still being high, I would guess that gas cards would really be used for fuel.

[sidmand]

This was the first time there seemed to have been a lot of giftcard requests but many of them (at least for the kids) were to Gamestop! That makes total sense that they'd like to pick out their own video games.

There were some to Target and Walmart and I never even thought about what you could buy there. I guess like the PPs, it's up to them to buy whatever they would like afterall.

I just feel bad because I usually try to spend about $50 but if I find things on sale (and for kids) the total value is often above that. But if I'm getting giftcards that's pretty much all I get. I probably should've added something else. I figure with the sales though, that could go a fair way.

[vonfirmath]

My first thought when I read your post was that they were being very practical and wanted help with gas and groceries or household supplies instead of a gift for themselves. DS' best friends' family is going through difficult times and I've often been asked what people could give them. I always suggest WalMart gift cards as they could use them for food, diapers, pharmacy (DS' friend has asthma), lightbulbs, shoes, etc.

With that said, I think you need to do whatever you are comfortable with.

Linda

ETA: All the Walmarts near us are Supercenters, so maybe that makes a difference.


This. I can easily see doing just that. We're cash strapped and the $$ we got for Christmas went right back into bills. I'm happier that way than with a bunch of new toys to take up space. Gas cards could help the person go to see relatives farther away in the holiday season... Or just get to work.

[AshleyAnn]

I'd be ok buying the gift cards. DH and I are in a tight spot and have been using the gift cards we got from the baby shower last month to get us by when our bank account bottomed out and we needed nessicities. I'd rather believe the parent is trying to be reasonable and provide the best they can for thier family than to buy alcohol and stuff like that.

And if they are buying alcohol - is that not ok? Its thier gift to use anyway they like right? If the item on thier wishlist was some other self indulgent item, like bath and body works or something similar, would you refuse to buy it just because it wasn't practical?

[cvanbrunt]

Part of the virtue of charity is respecting the dignity of the recipient.

This is beautiful. I've been struggling with some of the attitudes I have seen toward helping those in a tough spot. This is the perfect response.