How do you handle tantrums that get out of control and go on and on??

[Tammy]

DD is 3 yrs old and her temper is getting bad these days. :banghead: I know at this age she's figuring out her independence and how to react to things. But this is ridiculous. Bedtime is a huge battle- I should say bedtime preparation. Getting jammies on, brushing teeth, going potty, anything that she's asked to do. If she doesn't do it and I go to help her, she gets royally pissed and screams and cries, says she wants to do it, so I back off and try to let her. Then she doesn't and it's this huge cycle. The other big thing is picking her up from daycare. If she's in the middle of doing a puzzle or playing with something, I'll talk to her and let her finish within a reasonable amount of time. And then the fighting starts... doesn't want to leave, won't put coat on, won't walk out. Jeez..... my nerves are on edge. I'm just not sure how to handle these situations to difuse them and get DD to cooperate. You cannot reason with her at all when she gets like this. :shake: Please help!!

[WitMom]

I have no idea, but I feel your pain. I wanted to bump this up so others might see it and chime in.

[daisymommy]

Oh my gosh! My DD has a twin! I seriously thought it was only my child! I've actually thought there was something *wrong* with my child because I've never seen anything like this behavior! Glad to know that it's not just her, and maybe it's just the age!

[egoldber]

Amy is very much like this. Getting her out of the house or up the stairs to bed is challenging.

What works for us is to give her choices...even if the choices aren't "real" choices. For bed, she can choose to walk up the stairs, be carried up or "fly up" (Daddy's specialty). For daycare, she can choose the blue mittens or the pink mittens, etc. She also often feels the needs to complete one last task before leaving, and so we need to just factor that time in or else it is a HUGE battle.

Soooo frustrating though.

[hillview]

Yeah so I wouldn't reason with her too much. I'd do the warnings. We are leaving in 2 minutes (in 2 minutes it is time to brush your teeth). In one minute. Ok in 10, 9, 8 etc. When you can pull it off (it does take some effort to do this). Then when it is time it is TIME. That means either DC can walk to bathroom or you carry them (I often phrase it as a choice "do you want to walk to the bathroom to do your teeth or have me carry you? Ok I am going to count to 3 and if you aren't heading to the bathroom, I am going to carry you." You have to keep your temper/tone in check here. It is like hey do you want jelly or cream cheese. You have to follow through 100% of the time. You have to do it 10 times in a row. It does have an impact/change behavior. I find esp with DS #1 that if I get too into reasoning with him it devolves very fast. If I pick him up he might be unhappy for 20 seconds then I can distract him and we carry on fine from there. This behavior is esp concentrated at bedtime when kids are tired and so am I.

Good luck!!
/hillary

[AngelaS]

My children get 5 or 2 minute warnings as well and it works like a charm. "In 5 minutes, we're going up to bed, so finish your game." "In two minutes we're going home, so finish your puzzle."

I also give choices. "Do you want the pink pjs or the blue ones tonight? I'm going to count to three and you tell me which ones."

Some things in life are non negotiable. Teeth brushing has to be done by mommy--it's the dentist's orders. You must wear a coat outside. If you'd like to holler about it, holler away, but then you cannot play with X toy in the van. If my girls threw a fit, then whatever was next on the agenda didn't happen. If you go home from daycare and she watches a movie while you make supper--if she throws a fit, no movie--instead she has to play quietly in her room.

A few days of consistent consequences will be life changing. :)

[JTsMom]

DS gets like this as well, but I've found some things that do truly help. For the bedtime stuff, how about making her a simple picture chart? One way is to take pics of her doing each step of the routine, stick them on a piece of posterboard, and make an arrow with velcro on the back. Put pieces of velcro by each picture, and then she moves the arrow each time the task is complete. I think it works for us b/c DS knows what to expect, is kind of in charge of it, and thinks moving the arrow is fun. Mostly though, you can't really argue with the chart- it just is the way it is, kwim?

When it's time to leave somewhere, we do the warning/countdown thing too. I am 100% consistent with it, and it works. "DS, we need to leave in 2 mins. Start finishing up." "We have one minute." "We have 30 seconds." "10, 9, 8..". If it's not a situation where we have 2 mins (for example, when he wants to look at everything in a store), I'll say he can look at it until I count to 10, 20, whatever. When he was younger, I'd let him pick how high to count to, but if I do that these days, the number is usually pretty high- lol.

If he refuses to go (which is pretty rare), I give him the choice of walking or being carried, and he always chooses to walk.

[SnuggleBuggles]

All I can say is I am very thankful that next year ds is going to a different preschool. This one is the normal style with parents coming into the class for drop off and pick up. But, next year's is at a university and parking is so limited that they have a car line. They get to be the ones to tear him away from the toys, get his coat on and have him waiting. After this year I am really looking forward to that next year. :) So, that's my solution...pawn off the problem on someone else. :)

I'm sorry. I know that doesn't help. But, it really will get better!!

Beth

[ThreeofUs]

I tell DS1, who does this, that I (and the rest of the family) can't be with him when he acts like that.

Then we take ourselves away from where he is and we shut a door between us. Or I take him up to his room and tell him that he can come down when he can manage his body and emotions. If he comes down and starts again, I tell him "you thought you could handle yourself, but I can see that you're still having trouble. We can't be around you while you're acting like this. You need to go back up to your room until you can be with us." And then separate again.

I do not engage any more than this.

Stops tantrums in their tracks, tho' it might take a few times for them to get the message.