how do your kids react to their grandparents/aunts/uncles?

[AnnieW625]

So just curious.

We seem to be much closer to my parents and my mom has even come down and spent a few days with us after Christmas when daycare is closed (doesn't have to do this year) and I am really happy that she has done that. My dad's parents also live not to far so when my dad comes down he'll stop by if it works for his schedule. My sister used to go to school near us, and my brother is really easy to get a long with (although it did take DD a very long time to get used to). We see my parents about once every three months, but they either stay near us at a hotel or at our place. Granted DD has seen my parents a lot in the last month because of my Grandpa's death, but even if she hadn't she'd still have a better relationship with them than my in laws.

Yesterday we saw my in laws for the second time in the weekend and well it didn't start well. She wanted to play in another room of BIL's house and not the living room. So FIL comes in and says something like come to grandpa or get in trouble. DD starts balling, and BIL, MIL, and FIL start laughing at her (they have no real interaction with children except DD whom they only see a couple of times at most per year). BIL even brought out his camera to take black mail photos. I stayed out of the room for the most part because I didn't want to blow my top. DD eventually calmed down and we moved to the other room, but still DD wouldn't go over to either of her grandparents and kept talking about seeing Grammys (my mom) again before we went to the airport. Later in the car I told DH I didn't really appreciate what his dad did and he said he honestly had no problem with DD dismissing the grandparents, BIL, and his wife because of their actions. He's somewhat frusterated by the whole ordeal too, but we are still going to try and keep the relationship open for DD's sake, but I really hope that it gets better as the years go on. However is it sad to think already I won't be surprised if it doesn't?

[hellokitty]

DS1 had a lot of problems as a baby. He was terrified of my father and my fil. He would just scream and cry when they held him. It took him almost a yr to warm up to them. We used to joke that old men were scary to him. He is ok with them now, but still stand offish compared to DS2, who takes to just about anyone quite quickly. My brothers are my two older boys favorite uncles, b/c they get down on the floor and play with them. My bil, he doesn't play with my kids (nor his own kids), so my kids don't really interact with him much, not to mention they have only ever seen him 3x in their life.

My kids are definitely closer to my side, compared to my in laws, even though we probably see mil/fil more than we see my parents. Right now, both boys probably like my mom and fil the best, b/c both are more fun to hang out with. My father (even though he is a ped), does not know how to interact with children at all, he pretty much just likes babies, b/c he doesn't have to answer their questions or chase them around. I remember when DS1 was going through the stuart little phase and trying to show my dad a pretend stuart little in his hand and my father, being an idiot, "ate" stuart little. That did not go over well. My mil is just weird, even my boys have said something about gma x being, "strange." Funny how kids can get the vibe about weird ppl, the same as adults do, lol.

[kransden]

People like children at different ages. Just because they don't get along now doesn't mean it won't happen later. My mother LOVED babies, but toddlers drove her nuts. My aunt despised kids, but we have a great adult relationship.

[arivecchi]

I think kids gravitate to whomever makes an effort to play with them and establish a connection at their level. DS1 loves my ILs and my two BILs. They all play with him a ton. He is incredibly close to my FIL and MIL. They have made their house a very welcoming and fun place for him so he loves being there and interacting with them. The story is different with my mom. She loves my kids but never does anything fun with DS1 or play with him much. Therefore, he does not have much a relationship with her. I think you can expect your DD not to have a good relationship with your ILs until they change their actions. Perhaps your DH can have a chat with them and explain that unless they respect her and engage her, she will probably not have a very good relationship with them and that would be a shame.

[HIU8]

My MIL loved the kids as babies as well. Now, she barely gives them the time of day when she sees them. She tries but it's obvious how uninterested she is. DD and DS sort of sense it and they are not as close to her as they are to my mother and father (FWIW, they see my father daily and talk to my mother daily--they are divorced and my mother lives 1100 miles away now). They treat my father like they treat DH--they are very close with him. My mother has a really special bond with DS--different from DD, but they are very close as well. My kids will readily go up to either of them all the time. They will stand back from MIL usually until they are more comfortable and will interact some and back off.

[codex57]

I think kids gravitate to whomever makes an effort to play with them and establish a connection at their level. DS1 loves my ILs and my two BILs. They all play with him a ton. He is incredibly close to my FIL and MIL. They have made their house a very welcoming and fun place for him so he loves being there and interacting with them. The story is different with my mom. She loves my kids but never does anything fun with DS1 or play with him much. Therefore, he does not have much a relationship with her. I think you can expect your DD not to have a good relationship with your ILs until they change their actions. Perhaps your DH can have a chat with them and explain that unless they respect her and engage her, she will probably not have a very good relationship with them and that would be a shame.

Yeah. DS very clearly gravitates towards whoever gives him the most affection and plays with him. Very clearly, that person is my dad, who acts like a big kid around pretty much every child he encounters. MIL and my mom don't play with him or anything so he essentially ignores them. MIL took care of DS for a few months, so he was close to her for a while. When she stopped, he stopped liking her.

[MontrealMum]

DS is very close and comfortable with all 4 grandparents, though he's relearning who FIL is and having to get comfortable again since he was in the hospital for so long that DS isn't always quite sure who he is. He likes to sit in people's laps and give hugs and kisses; though he has quite apreference for my mom over the other 3. We call her the "baby whisperer" :) All 4 make quite an effort to play with him, and get down on the floor to be on his level.

OTOH, we have a similar situation as the OP with DH's sister, her DH and DS. We rarely see them, and they are also amazingly awkward, foot-in-the-mouths, basically un-warm people. So, DS doesn't like them much. Well, he doesn't really dislike them either, he just ignores them. He actually dislikes DN because the last time they visited 15 yr old DN took DS' blocks, and then proceeded to kick down a tower DS had made. I stepped in and was NOT pleased, but come on, what kind of 15 year old feels the need to bully a 2 year old! He's lucky DS didn't bite him :p

I think it's totally a case of a child picking up on the adult's discomfort and awkwardness. Because DS has had no trouble warming up to even more distant (but more loving!) cousins, great-aunts and uncles, and DH and my friends.

JMHO, but it's your IL's job to make your DD feel welcome and safe, not the other way around. If they can't do that, I guess you still visit with them, but don't put pressure on your DD to behave differently. She sounds like a warm and loving child, but she's just a child YKWIM? She shouldn't have to put on an act because your IL's can't handle it.

[maestramommy]

Our kids have had enough interaction with both sides of grandparents and SIL's family to feel comfy. They always get excited when we say Amah or Auntie X's family is coming, with Cousin Dn and Cousin Dn. I used to visit my parents once a week before we moved, and they've been out here twice since we moved, so the kids love them too. I've got to say though, your IL's are pretty strange. None of our immediate relatives would behave that way around children. But they are used to children.

At least your DH is on the same page:hug:

[jenandahalf]

Im actually new around here but I just wanted to add what we have done in a similar situation - our family all live overseas and when my husband would take our daughter to see his folks 1/2x per year she wouldn't remember them. Now we skype every week with a webcam we got especially for it and she is much closer to them now. You don't have to do it every week but if you want them to build a relationship it is a good way to start.

[egoldber]

My kids adores my ILs. We see MIL about every 2-3 months and FIL a little less often than that. MIL sometimes comes to stay with us for a week when DH is traveling.

My two SILs live about 2.3-3 hours away (but close-ish to each other) and we see also see them about every 2-3 months. My kids are quite close to them too.

My MIL is not so great with babies, but she is very good with older kids. So their relationship is much better now than it used to be. My FIL is pretty useless with kids in general LOL but he is an incredibly nice man and the kids love him. It is very important to us that our kids have a good relationship with their grandparents and aunts/unlces/cousins, so we do foster that as much as we can. My ILs are not getting any younger (75ish), so I don't know how many years my kids will have left with them, so I try to be tolerant of their well intentioned meddling to some degree.

My family is a very different story. My father was a simply toxic human being and we only saw him twice a year. Even now that he is dead, my mother is not well and does not travel, so my kids still only see her once or twice a year under non ideal circumstances. They have little to no relationship with her and that makes me somewhat sad. But it is what it is at this point.