Bargain hunting & gift giving

[dukie41181]

We typically exchange gifts amongst the kids in our extended family (gifts for our cousins children) and this year a cousin commented about not wanting to do it because she feels like we always get better stuff for her kids...so like its uneven and there's uncomfortablness there. This is what I have heard from my mom. The gifts I give are things I have gotten at 50-75% off (think Target after xmas clearance) so while I don't spend much, I can see how someone else would be under the impression that I did. To me, its not about the size of the gift but i do enjoy giiving the kids gifts I think they'll enjoy. For example this year I am giving the boys little tikes soccer ball pits that were $45 but I got at 75% off. I guess my question is how to approach the situation? I don't want to make it awkward for anyone but I do want to stretch my dollar.

[elliput]

It sounds like your cousin doesn't understand the fine art of bargain shopping. This can be a difficult issue to nagivate sometimes. On one hand you look extravagant because you get great things and on the other you can look like a cheapskate because you got it on clearance, KWIM?

Do you think your cousin would be offended if you told her these were clearance purchases?

[vonfirmath]

Take the fact she said something as that it is making it awkward for her, whether you want to or not.

Find something within the budget of what she usually gives you at normal price and just spend less when you find it on sale. So if she spends about $25 on you, make sure your gifts are about $25 retail too and just spend whatever you can find.

Knowing you get things at great prices doesn't remove the awkwardness of "I can't do the same for her kids"

[corrie23]

I can understand your position. There are items that I have gotten screaming good deals on that I feel a little uncomfortable giving as birthday gifts or the like because their "retail value" is far more than anyone would reasonably spend for such an occasion, even though I didn't spend anything close to retail either. In some cases, I just don't give the items as gifts...case in point, the Plan Toys roadway that retails at $85 but was $10.99 with free shipping the other day....GREAT deal, fantastic price, great gift, but how could I have DD walk into a preschool classmate's birthday party with that as her gift when other kids are giving a book or a small toy? I would however send it to my nephew for his birthday, but still I would make it the only gift even though I'd otherwise spend more than $11 on him ykwim because I wouldn't want his parents to feel like Auntie goes way overboard or like they should reciprocate in kind when it's our kids' birthdays.

What I generally end up doing is give the type of gift that I think is appropriate even if it didn't cost me very much, rather than give an intimidating type/quantity of gift(s) to achieve the level of spending that I would generally allot for the occasion. If I'm able to get some great $20 craft kits for $5, I'm not going to have DD give 3 or 4 of them to a friend as a birthday present, she'll give one and I'll just be happy to have cut costs.

In some cases, I give gifts that would be somewhat above my typical price point at retail because I got a great deal if I don't think that their actual value is horribly obvious/intimidating. For example, I bought the PBK personalized beach towels to give as classmate/friend birthday gifts even though they retail at close to $30 which is more than I typically spend for a birthday gift because I don't think that the general perceived value of a personalized beach towel is that high and they only cost me $10.

In the example you've given, I'd try to scale back the types of gifts that you give so that they are more in line with the types of gifts that your children receive. If that means that you spend a fraction of the amount that the other givers do, so be it. If you stumble onto some amazing deals that way exceed the types of gifts that your children receive, buy one and donate it instead and make some other child's day.

[OKKiddo]

All I want to say is: Can I send you guys the money and YOU can shop for ME?! ;) I have two little ones and I can't even shop for basic clothes or bras for myself because they make it impossible, lol. So, if you ever see a picture with someone that looks like a bag lady in it....it might be me! :)

[Globetrotter]

There was a thread on this recently!


Find something within the budget of what she usually gives you at normal price and just spend less when you find it on sale. So if she spends about $25 on you, make sure your gifts are about $25 retail too and just spend whatever you can find.


That's what I generally do, to avoid this issue. The point is not what you spent but what it is worth, IYKWIM!

[wifecat]

That's what I generally do, to avoid this issue. The point is not what you spent but what it is worth, IYKWIM!

I agree, to some extent. But when it comes to family, at least to family members who know I'm a crazy bargain hunter, sometimes I feel like I have to add more things so they don't think I'm a total cheapskate (which I am, let's be honest). Even with friends, I feel like they know I'm a deal hunter so they assume I spent next to nothing on their gift, even if I had to (gulp!) buy it at full retail.

Maybe I need to just learn to keep my mouth shut about my deals!

[dukie41181]

I'm kinda wondering now if I should give the soccer ball pits as a sibling group gift. What do you think? One sibling set is 8/3 (girl/boy) and the other is 3/1 (boy/girl). Do you think that might be appropriate and feel a bit more in line?

[maybeebaby08]

I agree, to some extent. But when it comes to family, at least to family members who know I'm a crazy bargain hunter, sometimes I feel like I have to add more things so they don't think I'm a total cheapskate (which I am, let's be honest). Even with friends, I feel like they know I'm a deal hunter so they assume I spent next to nothing on their gift, even if I had to (gulp!) buy it at full retail.

Maybe I need to just learn to keep my mouth shut about my deals!

:yeahthat:

[Globetrotter]

But when it comes to family, at least to family members who know I'm a crazy bargain hunter, sometimes I feel like I have to add more things so they don't think I'm a total cheapskate

I know what you mean because I'm sure people assume I always get everything at 75% off, which is not true! However, in this case the cousin is clearly uncomfortable with the really nice gifts, so why not scale back?

[citymama]

Well, your cousin has let it be known that she is uncomfortable with gift exchanges. Maybe it's the value of your gifts, or maybe the pressure to match your bargains/scale with her gifts. I don't think you should tell her you get items on clearance. If you are close enough with her, you could tell her you enjoy buying these things for her kids, and would she mind letting you continue? Make sure she knows there's no pressure to reciprocate in kind.

I had something similar with my sister who was buying way too many gifts for DD's birthdays - it wasn't so much that I was uncomfortable with the expense but I couldn't deal with all that stuff (mostly plastic, which we try and minimize!). But when I talked to her about it, she said she thought about stuff for dd throughout the year and really wanted to give her those things. It reduced the pressure on me to buy that many items for my niece and nephews - I just buy what I want to give them, not what I feel I have to b/c of what we get, IYKWIM.

I also agree with the comment that you should try and remain roughly in the ballpark of what she spends on your kids - even if not exactly $25 retail, then $40, but not $100.

[dukie41181]

I know what you mean because I'm sure people assume I always get everything at 75% off, which is not true! However, in this case the cousin is clearly uncomfortable with the really nice gifts, so why not scale back?

Scaling back in years to come is an option, however I just heard this and shopping for this year is complete for the kids. That's why I was wondering if it would be more appropriate as a group sibling gift.

[Melaine]

I really struggle with this as well. My gifts, in general are of higher monetary value but I also have a rep for being a bargain shopper so sometimes I actually feel UNDER-credited for gifts. For instance, I am pretty good with knowing the $$ value for most kids toys/brands/items, but my friends and family definitely don't. So they are going to assume everything I purchase is at 75% off and don't recognize brands so won't realize that actual value of things I give.

[egoldber]

Well, your cousin has let it be known that she is uncomfortable with gift exchanges. Maybe it's the value of your gifts, or maybe the pressure to match your bargains/scale with her gifts. I don't think you should tell her you get items on clearance. If you are close enough with her, you could tell her you enjoy buying these things for her kids, and would she mind letting you continue? Make sure she knows there's no pressure to reciprocate in kind.

Even if there is no pressure to reciprocate it is still VERY uncomfortable as a gift giver/receiver to not being able to do so. I had to control my generous impulses a few years ago when I realized I was making my family uncomfortable. Just because I could buy extravagant gifts (even at a discount), did not mean that I should.

OP, if $45 retail value is too high for each kid, then I would do the ball pit as a group gift for the 3/1 year olds. They are both a good age to enjoy it. I had to Google this to see what it was and unfortunately I think it is a toy better suited for 3 and under, so I don't think it would be appropriate for the 8 and 3 year old. Maybe give the 8 year old a book or something else small that they might enjoy.

[sewarsh]

i didn't read all of the replies, but here's my 2 cents:

Bottom line...she's uncomfortable and $$ is a strange thing that can put many long strains on relationships. in the end, its not worth it, no matter how cheap you buy the gifts, it makes her uncomfortable. i think you should honor her feelings by buying her children items that have the same RETAIL value as what she is buying your kids. if you get them 50% off, then good for you.

i assume the last thing you probably want is something like this to become a strain in your relationship...not worth it.

[ssjarrett]

I think the soccer ball pits sound like a great sibling group gift! It's probably the sort of thing that is more fun to do with someone else anyway and that would bring down your dollar value per child to something that doesn't seem over the top. I imagine the younger kids would grow into it even if they are not quite ready to play with it the right way just yet. It sounds like a very nice gift for each family! I agree with PP that I would just consider the retail value and not what you actually paid in determining if the gift was "nice enough."
-Sarah

[wellyes]

I think making other people happy is the point of gift-giving. If bargain hunting is making recipients or their family unhappy, it is not a worthy endeavor when buying those gifts. I'd just pay around retail price & give a gift receipt so that they can exchange it for an equivalent item if they wish.

I'm a bargain hunter but in this case I really have to feel for the woman who was in the awkward position of asking you to buy gifts of lower value for parity's sake. That is a tough conversation to start and I would simply respect her wishes.

[dazdance]

Interesting thread for sure! My brother and I have a $20 limit for gifts. I bought him a game on the Target 50% off. Then I felt like I had to add something to bring the total to a literal $20. Now I'm afraid it will look like I spent MORE than the limit...I think the PP who said to match the retail value hit the nail on the head, but I agree with others- it's hard to give a gift you only spent $5 on (even if it is a $20 item!)

[dukie41181]

I just wish I would have known my cousin's feelings before Dec. 22nd! Knowing all of this earlier, I could have planned differently. My sister tends to spend a decent amount on gifts too...she tends to head to the specialty toy store and get everyone the same thing. I'd say she tends to spend about as much as the retail value of my gift. I still feel somewhat stuck for this year. I would feel comfortable doing the soccer ball pit as a sibling group gift for the 3 year old and 18 month old sibling group but not so much for the 3 year and 8 year old group. I don't really think the soccer ball pit would be age appropriate or appealing to the 8 year old. So, I'd still want to get seperate gifts for those two children and the only gift I have right now for the 3 year old is the ball pit and I already have a gift for the 8 year old. Perhaps I do the sibling group gift for the 3 year old and 18 month old and then seperate, smaller gifts for the 3 year old and 8 year old. Would a Sit N Spin be appropriate for a 3 year old? I could do a Sit N Spin for the 3 year old and the gift I already have for the 8 year old. I hope I'm making sense! Talking this through with you all is helpful!

[dukie41181]

I think the PP who said to match the retail value hit the nail on the head, but I agree with others- it's hard to give a gift you only spent $5 on (even if it is a $20 item!)

I completely agree! I just have to get over the second part...the part where I feel like a cheapskate for spending so little!

[wendmatt]

Depends how well you know them. I think it would be a shame not to give the little ones the ball pit now you have it. Can you tell her on the quiet that you got it for a great deal, and please don't worry about the amount of the gift. I agree with pps a ball pit is not a good thing for an 8yo, but it'd be sad for the 1yo to miss out. I say go ahead and give the gifts you were going to give anyways, just tell your cousin that you got them for a bargain.