Any BTDT elderly care advice?

[SASM]

I am going to leave out all of the details...too complicated and depressing. Quick details...I have a VERY stubborn 89yo grandmother with dementia who is in need of a bath, etc. By some miracle she let me give her a quick manicure the other day. For those of you who have experienced this (adult children, home aides, etc), any advice to coax her into taking a bath?? My uncle and mother are constantly fighting her on this issue. I spent 45 minutes the other day trying to get her to take a bath as well...OMG!! I will not even begin to tell you what she was saying in front of my children (again...won't go there...very long story). :( So...any advice for my family to get her to take one???

Thank you so much for any help.

[AnnieW625]

They really need to look at getting some outside help. My grandma is 92 (will be 93 next week) and my parents/aunts/uncle would be lost without the outside help. Even if it's just a couple of times a week for a couple of hours a day it's much less of a headache for things like bathing. Good luck!

[klwa]

No advice, but *hugs*. I know my great-aunt gave the family a fit about bathing. When they moved her into a nursing facility, the workers there asked one of my aunts to come in & try to coax her into taking a bath at least once. I will second the idea of getting some outside help in, though.

[hillview]

Can you get Visiting Nurse Assn or the Home Instead http://www.homeinstead.com/home.aspx
sort of company? Maybe a non family member who has experience here would be more effective?

GOOD LUCK and hugs
/hillary

[elephantmeg]

it's time to get home health aides. When DH's grandma got to that point we had someone come in3x/wk to give her a bath.

[HIU8]

:yeahthat: My grandmother had Alzheimer's. For the last 2 years of her life she had a home health aide come in for 6 hours every single day monday through sunday. My mom lived with her but it got to a point that she simply could not care for her by herselft (and had made a promise to my grandmother to abide by her wishes of not being placed in a home if at all possible).

Does your grandmother have long term care insurance? Can you enact that? Is there a waiting period (I think my grandmothers was 14 days--my MIL's was 100 days--depends on the policy).

For my mother's sanity and my grandmother's well-being the hom health aide was a godsend (she happened to get someone very good who did not treat her badly or steal from her).

[elektra]

The Alzheimer's association http://www.alz.org/index.asp will have links to support groups and resources for in-home aides. This is where my dad gets a lot of info and support in caring for my mom.
My mom has finally allowed him to help her bathe. He also bought these bidet toilet seats (they were expensive!) but she is not really using them.
The coaxing is a long process, so it probably won't happen overnight. I think it started with him asking her if she just needed help doing her back, (she had sticky stuff all over her back from the patch she wears for her dementia medication) and then he slowly went from there.
My dad is now at the point where he needs help and is looking into getting a home aide. He is using he contacts at his alz.org support group for references. I also gave him my copy of "Protecting the Gift" to help him interview the caregivers.
One piece of advice that I thought was genius was to position the aide as a person to help my dad, not my mom. My mom would freak out and STRONGLY resist getting help from the aide. So the plan is to tell my mom that this new person is there to help my dad with "errands" or "household stuff" and then slowly but surely he will leave the house more and the aide will start helping my mom more.

[SASM]

They really need to look at getting some outside help. My grandma is 92 (will be 93 next week) and my parents/aunts/uncle would be lost without the outside help. Even if it's just a couple of times a week for a couple of hours a day it's much less of a headache for things like bathing. Good luck!

Believe me...I TOTALLY agree 110% but that is part of the "details that I cannot get into". We are WELL beyond needing outside help. I need BTDT tips for the immediate future.

Thank you so much for your response.

[mmaimp]

Sometimes a little white lie works well. Will she get ready for a special visitor, a date, a party? Using something from her past like getting ready for school or church can work too.