No Generous People

[Oak]

I don't even know these people, but they are quite poor and having twin girls by the end of the year. They have NOTHING, and I mean nothing and are not prepared for this at all. My mother-in-law has taken up the cause to assist them, and I am worried about the children as well. I don't even know how they might get home from the hospital. I got rid of most of my baby gear for the twins, so I cannot be of much use in that way and I am on a limited budget myself, although my wife and I have already bought them $100 worth of diapers.

I am trying to get donations for items and nobody is being generous in Northern NJ.

[dukie41181]

Wow! If I were in northern NJ i'd have a few things to ppass down. Have you tried post your local freecycle?

[Melaine]

Maybe you could get a local church involved. Freecycle is definitely a good idea. You could also post on Craigslist.

[TwinFoxes]

I would suggest your mom get them in touch with the nearest Mothers of Multiples group. The groups usually have a community chest. Ours definitely does. Twin moms usually have more gear than they can deal with, and are often happy to donate. Good luck.

[C99]

I am not surprised. Times are hard and lots of people are going without the basics. There is a certain sense of schadenfreude in the situation you describe - what was someone thinking to get pregnant without any means of supporting these children? Their best bet is to go to a social-service agency for assistance. I'm much more likely to give stuff to an agency than to someone off the street. Freecycle was on the news a couple of years ago and people kept signing on and asking for ludicrous things (if you have an old Wii sitting around...). I actually had to unsub because I found it so maddening. Freecycle was created for getting rid of jelly jars and bits of construction debris, not getting everything your heart desires for nothing.

[jenandahalf]

I don't know if I'd go as far as the PP, I know my own circumstances have changed since deciding we were in a position to have a second child, I have spent a lot of the last 5 months wondering if I am doing the right thing and I am in no way as badly off as this couple seems to be.

I am certainly pro-choice and that includes the choice to keep your babies and try to raise them yourself, but do they really think that they are doing the best for their babies by not giving them up for adoption or at least putting them into foster care until they can improve their situation? I can see why people have a hard time feeling generous towards them when so many of us are going without in order to ensure we don't have to turn to charity ourselves.

I hope everything works out for them in the end and that they get on their feet.

[dukie41181]

Freecycle was on the news a couple of years ago and people kept signing on and asking for ludicrous things (if you have an old Wii sitting around...). I actually had to unsub because I found it so maddening. Freecycle was created for getting rid of jelly jars and bits of construction debris, not getting everything your heart desires for nothing.

I have seen a few requests for "lavish" things on freecycle. Kinda makes me laugh when they come through but, around here at least, the overwhelming majority of the listings are offering small items as you've noted. In fact, today have freecycled two laundry hampers and a plant stand! I see lots of postings offering/requesting baby items.

[gatorsmom]

If you REALLY want to help and can't provide material things, there are still some things you could do that come to mind.

YOU could contact a few local Moms of Multiples groups. Tell the director of the group the situation with this family and see if there are parents of multiples that have things to donate. There are probably some parents of twins that have stuff they would be glad to get rid of. I know that for months after I was done breastfeeding, I had 2 EZ2Nurse breastfeeding pillows that were in excellent condition. They are big and take up a lot of room so anytime I heard of someone having twins i'd ask if they were interested. I got rid of my Double SnapNGo stroller the same way. I just didn't want the stuff sitting around in my house while I waited for a garage sale or tried to sell it. Like other twin moms I met, I know how hard it is to have twins and was happy to give mine to someone who could use it. I had extra bouncy seats too, that I was dying to get rid of.

Also, you could call local post partum doulas and ask if they know of any families that have things they are giving or throwing away. The only reason i suggest calling a ppdoula is because I know 2 or 3 who have told me stories of how they worked at homes where so much was wasted and thrown away and they asked if they could take it off there hands and donate it. The doulas I know said they saw this all the time. Outgrown toys and whole packages of diapers in a size that didn't fit anymore just put at the curb for trash pickup. The post partum doula organization you could try is www.DONA.org (http://www.DONA.org).

I'd also ask this couple if they are affiliated with a church. If they are not, now would be the time to join up. Maybe you could call YOUR church and explain this couple's plight. Some churches have ministries already set up to help people like this in need. I can't tell you how many offers of help I received from wonderful people at our church, from people coming to mow our lawn to some of the grandmothers coming to just hold a ababy for me.

There ARE people who want to help others in need, you just have to find them. You are very kind to want to help these people.

[kijip]

Social services and charities exist for a reason. I am sure that there are places for this family to get professional help- anything from housing resources to baby gear to work search help.

[greenclover]

This past holiday I would have been rich if I got a dollar for every solicitation I received..and they were all from people I knew. I simply could not give to all. I am a generous when I can afford to be but not this year. It's not that people are not generous..it is that people are just trying to survive:(

[kijip]

I just want to say that people are amazingly generous on the whole- do you know that even in recessions total overall giving from individuals (less corps and foundations) does not drop (though as people focus on basic needs in a recession, some arts and other organizations run into trouble.) The organization I work for- an employment opportunity for any homeless or low income adult combined with social justice advocacy work on the criminalization of poverty- has seen a double digit growth this year in revenue and programs and we are wrapping down our most successful giving campaign ever. People are generous. But they want to make sure there is a need, that it is a need accurately presented and that the solution they are helping makes the biggest impact etc. They do that largely by pooling their donations together at 501 (c)(3) organizations in this economy. Giving stuff away without social support etc often does not serve the family or the donor well. I am not saying don't give to individuals, I sure do. However, I don't usually give stuff to individuals I don't know well enough to know that it is a wise gift on my part.

[LexyLou]

I just moved back to CA from living in Northern NJ for 4 years and I can't really say I'm surprised. I found that people are very kind and generous when they know you, but if you are a stranger, forgetaboutit. It's all men for himself.