Letting something go....how??

[greenclover]

Something has been bothering me for a long time and I figure I could get some honest-and hopefully helpful-advice here. Back in the early 90s I graduated from high school and went onto college.

The college I attended was very unique in that it was single sex, located in the South(major culture shock for a Yankee like me) and was active in sorority-like traditions. From the start, things just did not seem to work for me. I had a very hard time adjusting to the freedom of college, the ways of the South and so on. And truth be told, I feel now that the change caused a bit of a manic depressive episode (It runs in the family; happily, I have not had an episode since that time) in me. Long story short, I left the spring of my freshman year after being involved in a car wreck; I never returned to traditional college. I do donate to my (brief) alma mater, receive the alumnae magazine, own a coffee mug and so on.

That said, I still keep in touch with a few friends from that time in my life. More and more, though, I am mourning-for lack of a better word-the fact that I did not attend and graduate from that college-or any other traditional college. I feel like something very special is missing. I know I should just move on but this is really getting to me.

Any suggestions on how to move on?
I am thinking of taking a trip to campus so that I can find closure but am wondering if this will add fuel to the fire..

[MMMommy]

This may be too much, but would you be in a position where you could go back to college (not necessarily that same one) and earn your degree? Would that bring you closure? Perhaps night classes or part-time even? Or just auditing some classes? I'm not sure if you are in a place in your life where you could even do that, but it was just a thought.

[greenclover]

I am actually starting nursing school in the fall..

[wellyes]

I've had that feeling - about opportunities I didn't get (one particular grad school rejection still stings). But you know what they say about regret..... your life is the sum of your experiences, so regret is a rejection of your life right now. I just tell myself my life would be so different if I'd taken another path: no (or different) DH & DD. I wouldn't want that. So that's how I work through those feelings.

[MMMommy]

I am actually starting nursing school in the fall..

That's fantastic!

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I am actually starting nursing school in the fall..

Lucky you! I have NO degree and I am doing pre-reqs for Nursing now...

[MommyofAmaya]

.

The college I attended was very unique in that it was single sex, located in the South(major culture shock for a Yankee like me) and was active in sorority-like traditions. From the start, things just did not seem to work for me. I had a very hard time adjusting to the freedom of college, the ways of the South and so on. And truth be told, I feel now that the change caused a bit of a manic depressive episode (It runs in the family; happily, I have not had an episode since that time) in me. Long story short, I left the spring of my freshman year after being involved in a car wreck; I never returned to traditional college. I do donate to my (brief) alma mater, receive the alumnae magazine, own a coffee mug and so on.


Was the college Agnes Scott by any chance?

[MamaMolly]

I think you are experiencing a normal thing. I've often wondered how life would have been different (and maybe better?) for me if I'd chosen a different path here or there. Sometimes it is hard for me to let those thoughts go. But try to find peace in knowing the path you chose led you to where you are NOW. And sure, the person you are now might not make the same decisions as you did back then, but you aren't the same person you were then. You are much more experienced, so of course you can see opportunities you didn't take.

For what it is worth, it sounds like you are in a time of transition anyway. THat is always hard, even when it is something as positive as Nursing school. I'm really glad to read you are going back to school and I bet you'll love it.

Full time college isn't all it is cracked up to be. Don't believe the brochures and hype.

[ellies mom]

I think you need to decide if the regret is not getting a degree or not getting a degree from that school. If it is a degree in general, then I think you should go back to school even if it is one class at a time and get your degree. If it is that school in particular, then I'm not sure the best way to get closure.

I have a 2 year degree in electronics and I'm halfway through nursing school. Even though I don't really need a 4 year degree, I want one and will be going on once I finish my current program. Even though I do just fine without it, I've always been a bit embarrassed that I don't have at least a bachelors degree. I kind of feel as though I haven't met my full potential. So, I get where you are coming from.

My mom has always regretted not having a 4 year degree so now that she is retired, she has gone back to school and got a 4.0 her first semester I might add.

[crl]

I don't really have advice, but wanted to add that school experiences can really haunt people. My mother started dreaming that she had not finished nurse's training thirty years after the fact. She actually did finish her RN and went on to get a BSN, but obviously something felt unfinished or some anxiety resurfaced. . . .

Catherine

[greenclover]

I don't really have advice, but wanted to add that school experiences can really haunt people.


I feel that ,with the advent of Facebook and other social networking sites , people are considering their "college experience" now more than ever. That is what prompted a lot of my feelings..

[Raidra]

I've always been a bit embarrassed that I don't have at least a bachelors degree. I kind of feel as though I haven't met my full potential. So, I get where you are coming from.

I feel this way, too. I went to one school and majored in physics for a year, then switched to another school for two years where I first majored in English and then in elementary ed. My husband (then boyfriend) and I wanted to buy a house, and since I wasn't happy with my major and really had no idea what I wanted to do long term, I dropped out to work full time, figuring I'd go back when I knew myself a little better and we were more secure financially.

Well, we decided to start our family, and since we knew I'd be staying home long term, it didn't make sense to go back to school. We homeschool our kids and even though I'm a very intelligent person (not to toot my own horn or anything), I always feel weird when the other homeschool moms start talking about their college experiences, and I can't say, "Oh, I have a BA in Whatever." I always kind of fudge it and say, "Well, I majored in physics for a while then switched to English."

I'll most likely start training to be a postpartum doula this time next year, and I obviously don't need a degree for that. But I really relate to the comment about not feeling like you lived up to your academic potential. I think that, especially in our society, a lot of emphasis is placed on getting a 4 year degree, and if you don't go that route, there's bound to be feelings of regret, inadequacy, etc. I don't know if you're more concerned about the degree or missing out on college life, though. If it's the latter, I can sort of relate because I've been with my husband since I was 15, and I never had any sort of wild teen/early 20's stage. In a way, I wish I'd experimented more, but that would mean I wouldn't be with my husband and have my kids, and I'd never ever give that up.

[jenandahalf]

I don't have a bachelors either, I left home at 17 so there was no way at that time for me to consider it. I started a part-time program the year before I got pregnant with my daughter and it just was too much work with my husbands demanding job and my full time job and a child.

I never felt that it had hindered me before moving to the US, in my last job in Europe I managed staff and was responsible for over a million euros in annual revenue with my client base. Since coming here I have only been able to temp, my last assignment was actually with one of the banks I worked for in Amsterdam but because I don't have a degree their policy prevented them from hiring me as an employee. I was headhunted to work for this bank last time around, now I was reduced to filing and errands.

I don't feel as though I haven't reached my intellectual potential, I feel as if it is not recognized because there isn't a piece of paper that says I'm smart and capable. I can see how people can sometimes feel like they are less worthy because they don't have a degree, today's work culture has set us up to look that way.

[kijip]

But you know what they say about regret..... your life is the sum of your experiences, so regret is a rejection of your life right now. I just tell myself my life would be so different if I'd taken another path: no (or different) DH & DD. I wouldn't want that. So that's how I work through those feelings.

Exactly. I used to have lingering feelings of doubt and frustration about the turning points in my life- most importantly staying in my hometown and going to a significantly less prestigious college than I was accepted to. But what I did with my time and what I did with my life since then is NOTHING I would want to give up. That knowledge helped me put the matter to rest and stop feeling embarrassed when I tell people where I went to college etc. My husband, my kids, my relationship with my brother who I provided for when I was in college and he still in high school, my career path etc.

[StantonHyde]

Just a quick story to let you know that anything is possible......My amazing mother graduated nursing school (RN) when when she was 21. She worked till she had me at 23. Then she didn't WOHM till I was 9. It was part time and with public health, I think. When I was 11-12, we moved and at that time, they wanted RNS to have BSNs. Mom went back to school and said--if I am going to get a BSN, I might as well get an MSN. It took a while to do that--she had to write a thesis, etc. She got a job as a college professor when I was 19 and a freshman in college (she was 42). Then they wanted nursing profs to have a PHD---she got that by the time I was 24 and had graduated from MA (she was 47).

She went on to work as a professor until she retired at 64. She was an amazing example--it is never too late to go back to school or consider yourself an academic or to chart a new path. This was a woman who NEVER read ONE book before her freshman year of nursing. She became a VORACIOUS reader and some one who combined compassion, practical intelligence, hard work, determination, practicality, etc to become a very published author and to rise in ranks to whatever a professor is just before they are dean. She was amazing.

Just because you didn't finish college does not mean you don't have something to offer the world. My mom's best friend was from nursing school--she joined the navy and didn't marry until much later. She has lived a very different life than my mother. My mother was a wonderful person, mother and teacher. She taught me that it is NEVER too late to pursue your education or your dreams. Good luck!!


Ok, so a very long story inspired by my dear mom (gone for 3.5 years now) and quite a bit of wine, and a less than stellar holiday stay at the ILs :loveeyes:

[mommy111]

You are NICE. If I had that bad an experience in a college, I would never, ever donate to it.
You're going to nursing school, you are obviously a smart and accomplished woman who will be in a very well paying career. Is it the college 'experience' you are missing? The other people chatting about it on facebook? Cause its not as great as it sounds or as people like to remember it. I was never as happy as when I got out of college and I refuse to open a facebook acct because I don't want to spend unnecessary time with people who I never really bonded with in college. I mean, I made a few good friends in college and these have lasted me out of college and are still good friends ten odd years later. But the rest....I don't care what they're doing, really. The heavy drinking, partying, dating stress lifestyle was totally not for me. Socially, college can be a very different experience for different people and sometimes I wonder whether the camaraderie that you see in the once in 6 months facebook messages that people send to other people is any indication of a warm relationship or just a new social necessity that doesn't mean anything real.