Baby wakes when put down

[Kymberley]

I'm really hoping I can get some helpful advice. DS is 5 mo and has been cosleeping with us since he was 2 mo. Last night, DH said that was the final night. That's fine with me- we have a queen size bed and it's getting crowded, neither DH or I are getting enough quality sleep, and last night DS fought going to sleep for over an hour. During the day, DS will usually fall asleep while nursing and stay asleep as long as he's being held. The moment I lay him anywhere he is wide awake, crying, and inconsolable. Usually when DH and I get up in the morning, I put DS in his crib where he will be happy for a while, complain for a short while, then fall asleep. This sleep can last a long time, so I know his quality of sleep at night isn't that good either. The problem is at night. I have tried to let him cry for a while, but he refuses to sleep in his crib at night. Today, he has refused to take more than 2 30 minute naps, so I know he's sleepy. My plan tonight is to give him a bath at 7, nurse, and put him to bed. I just have a really bad feeling that this is not going to work. I am not against CIO, but emotionally, I don't know if I can handle it right now. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him back to sleep after putting him down? Or should I change any of my planned routine? I'm nervous and ignorant about this stuff, as if that wasn't obvious, and I'm worried that my mom is right and I've messed my DS's sleep up forever. Help?

[Katigre]

IMO deciding 'tonight no more cosleeping' in the manner that you are is setting you all up for heartache, waffling, and too much crying. Plus, when a child is overtired is the worst time to try and change sleep patterns b/c they're not as resilient.

You have not 'messed up your DS's sleep forever', not at all. With your first child it's easy to worry too much about sleep - now that I'm two kids down the road I can see how they have each grown into good sleepers and that I didn't need to worry (FWIW, it was about 4-5 months old with DS that I was convinced I had screwed up and needed to change things and it turned out I just had to stick it out and wait and things got lots better, just my experience).

It is totally fine to say 'cosleeping isn't working for us anymore - we're going to transition the baby to a crib. Here are the parameters we'll follow."

But you have to have a plan for that type of thing, if you're inconsistent and 'try' CIO a few times it will just make for more crying. If you do CIO, you have to commit to it and have both of you on board with a set plan in place for how long.

I personally don't CIO and cosleep through toddlerhood (just so you know my biases) and currently both my kids are STTN really well (DD nurses twice at night I think - I honestly am not sure).

I would recommend finding a sleep book - Pantley, Ferber, Weissbluth are the ones mentioned most often. See what they say, see what you can change to help everyone sleep better.

Things to try:
1. A routine - something to cue him 'it is time to sleep now'. Rocking in a chair, nursing, white noise (we love the Sleep Sheep! totally helped DD sleep longer at night without me there), music, etc...
2. Write down when he sleeps and for how long each day/night for a week - that will help you see where the over-tired cycle starts
3. Focus only on one thing - trying to fix everything at once will be overwhelming for him
4. Keep his crib in your room - corooming has many health benefits for the baby.
5. Consider sidecarring his crib to your bed so that you can lean over and nurse him to sleep and then roll away, and he'll have his own sleeping space

Those are just some thoughts...

[SnuggleBuggles]

First off, your mom isn't right. :) You can't screw up their sleep at 5m old. I think you have till 2yo for that. ;) Really, he's not even 6m old and you haven't done anything wrong. It's just how babies are. Some are better sleepers than others too so there is no way of knowing that if you tried some other method, never co-slept...that things would be any different. You made the choice that worked until now and that's all that matters. However you can get some sleep is all anyone should be concerned with. :)

Swaddle and/ or belly might help him feel more comfortable. Try laying something of yours in the crib before he goes to bed so it smells like you.

Your plan sounds great and I wish you good luck!! :)

Beth

[Katigre]

Wanted to mention, I have rarely ever been able to keep DD asleep if I hold her and then put her down. So what I do is lay next to her in the bed at night and nurse her to sleep, then get up after she's asleep and go to bed when I'm ready. That works well for us for naps and night (and is what worked well for DS too). If you side-car the crib to your bed that would be an option for you.

[Babymakes3]

Oh you sound exactly like me! DS co-slept until almost 9 months in our queen bed...hubby moved to the couch and happily I might add! He would nap wherever if I nursed him to sleep and laid him down but at night he only wanted to snuggle with me.
We were having our bathroom remodeled so ds and I slept in his room for 2 weeks which I honestly think adjusted him to being in his room at night, I decided it would be a good time to get him sleeping in his crib. I did the Ferber method and it took about 4 days and they weren't bad at all!
A few people told me that I had messed up my childs sleep forever and that that was the worst thing I could have done...yadayadaya, tune them out and do whats best for you!
This resulted in much better sleep for everyone when I switched him. Before I would put him in our bed, nurse him to sleep then I would either leave or lay and watch tv until I was ready to sleep. DS was seriously nursing off and on thru the entire night and it was overly frustrating. My boobs and I were tired! Strangely enough he started sleeping the entire night after he went to his crib. I think the first night he slept in there I got no sleep bc I was constantly up checking on him wondering what was wrong!
Definitely don't start the sleep training when baby has had crappy naps and start them a bit earlier than normal bedtime. Being overtired does not help anything and it will only result in tears from everyone. My friends hubby couldn't take it and had to go to a hotel for a few nights bc he couldn't stand the crying...lol! I had to darn near sit on mine to keep him from going into get ds. Maybe you could try sleeping in his room for a few nights with him to get him used to his surroundings. Yes, hubby may be telling you thats it, he needs his own bed but honestly if your not ready as well your not going to be able to do it. I was to the point where I wanted my hubby and my own bed back and stood my ground! Set your time and stick to it! I got a good book and sat outside his room reading or in my room with the monitor on, i had to have something to focus on while I was listening to the crying.

[arivecchi]

We switched DS2 from sleeping in the PNP in our room to the crib in his room at 5 mos. He screamed bloody murder. We did CIO (we also did it with DS2). We let him cry for increasing intervals (10 min, 20 min, 30 min) for 2 or 3 nights and he started sleeping through the night. It's a hard couple of nights but totally worth it IMO.

[Kymberley]

Thanks everyone. Last night was a doozie. Neither one of us slept much. I put a blow up twin mattress right beside his bed, I'll be taking that out tonight. DS is very strong willed, I believe. He cried for over 2 hours. ugh. I messed up and gave in and he slept on the mattress with me.

So tonight. I'm going to do it this time. It's gonna suck, and I know that. It's ok, it won't kill him. So, do I comfort him every 10 minutes tonight since I messed up last night? Then 20 minutes tomorrow, 30 minutes the night after? Do I just let him continue to cry and never give in and pick him up? I think he can cry for hours and hours, but I hope I'm wrong. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to be exhausted for the next week or so.

[arivecchi]

I go in increasing intervals every night. First time I go after 10 minutes, then after 20, then after 30, etc. Same thing if he falls asleep and wakes up again. Do the same thing every night and he will get the message. Good luck!

http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-cry-it-out-methods_1497112.bc

[czekit7]

OK, little John is now 2 weeks old, and I've got to start sleeping...however, napping while he naps is NOT an option...unless he's on my chest, he wakes himself up to crying within about 10 minutes...what is CIO?? And then I'll ask more questions later...NEVERMIND...JUST GOOGLED IT!

[Katigre]

Get a Moby Wrap - www.mobywrap.com

DD took tons of naps that way her first few months and it was a lifesaver b/c she was happy, cuddled, and asleep and I was able to do things with my arms free.

[BeccaB.]

We switched DS2 from sleeping in the PNP in our room to the crib in his room at 5 mos. He screamed bloody murder. We did CIO (we also did it with DS2). We let him cry for increasing intervals (10 min, 20 min, 30 min) for 2 or 3 nights and he started sleeping through the night. It's a hard couple of nights but totally worth it IMO.

:yeahthat:

[euno]

i think katie is right. we did cio and before we did, we had to be really firm, have a plan in place. the thing ia lso tried to do was have a consistent routine so that it woudn't come as a shock that it was time for bed. i didn't sleep train until 13-14 mos old and i was sleep deprived, depressed, angry and kind of crazy for a long time. but now, my 22 month old, points to her crib, goes in, and when i tell her good night, i love you, see you tomorrow morning, she says, "good night" and nods her head. and no crying. she sleeps without a peep for 11 hours. and when she wakes, she sings to herself and talks to herself. did i tell you this is thes ame baby who used to wake every 30min to 1hr? so you're not doign anything to mess them up. but with the cio method, you absolutely must be consistent, because you send mixed messages otherwise. you have to be very very VERY firm with your boundaries or baby won't get it and there will just be lots of crying on both ends and frustration. so please, read up and figure out what you can deal with. it'll make it so much easier. we used the sleepeasy solution and i can't praise it enough. there is an entire guide in the back for you to remember why you're doing this and it is very comforting to read while your baby screams her head off. g ood luck though! and remember to be open to everything - not each baby responds to every method. be flexible, but when you pick a plan, be consistent. if it's really not working after a couple weeks, i would try something else, though. but good luck. really. chronic sleep deprivation was the worst experience of my life.

[Melanie]

I REALLY found the "No Cry Sleep Solution" to be very helpful. It wasn't a overnight miracle but Ds went from 8 night-wakings to 4 in the first night. I know 4 doesn't sound like a good night sleep but boy did I feel human! And it did get better from there.

[Kymberley]

I'll give everyone an update since this thread has come up. DS and I have figured out our night routine and I'm happy to report that he's doing very well! It took about 4 really tough nights before DH went in and sang to him, and he fell right to sleep. That was needed for 3 nights, then I was able to nurse him and lay him down. He'd cry for 5 minutes or so, then fall asleep. What a dream!!! Last night was a little rough, but that's because he wouldn't nap yesterday and he was over tired when he was put to bed. He is sleeping about 11 hours straight through, and I'm feeling like a human again because I'm getting sleep too! Thanks to everyone for the advice and encouragement. I really didn't know if we'd make it for a while there.