Did your first DC's personality determine how many kids you have?

[ourbabygirl]

On a lot of days I find that this parenting/ SAHM thing is waaaaaay harder than I ever imagined, and it's made me seriously question how many kids we'll end up with. DH and I had wanted four (I know, it sounds like a lot, but we wanted a bigger family and figured that if we could love and afford them, why not? :)), but now I don't even know if I'll make it to two! I feel like DD is really giving me a run for my money, and she's only 15 months old! It's sad to say, but I feel like if we would have had a more laid back first child, it would be easier to keep going.
Has this happened to you? (Parents of twins, I'm sorry- maybe you feel this way every day!) Was it hard to come to terms with letting go of the dream of a certain size family? Has it been hard to compromise with your DH, if one of you wanted to keep having more kids and the other wanted to stop? I love the *idea* of having a lot of kids so when they're older family get-togethers will be more busy and fun and they will have more options as to which siblings to hang out with. :) But days like today I just don't know if I have the stamina for more kids. Is there ANYTHING that gets easier with more than 1 kid (other than having an excuse to leave a party early :ROTFLMAO:)?

Thanks for listening & TIA for responding!

[g-mama]

It almost did. My oldest ds was really, really challenging. All the moms in our playgroup started announcing they were pregnant with their second around the time the firsts were turning 1. I could not even fathom having another baby at that point. He was so demanding, so stubborn, so ON all the time...from the day he was born.

Well, I did have another (almost 3 years later) and he was a completely different baby. I started to realize that's why people could want another baby - their experience of parenting was vastly different than mine. #2 was an angel. So calm, peaceful, happy, relaxed...and then we had a third. He was even easier than the second. We considered a 4th for a long time, but decided to stop at three.

They are not all so hard. Babies are often very different from one another in the same family. Of course, it also goes the opposite way, but if you've got a hard one now, remember that the next one will not be a clone of your first!

[egoldber]

If Amy had been first she would have been an only.

[Seitvonzu]

i wanted 2 kids and dh always thought he might want three.he's from a family with four kids (his parents would have had 8, but felt like 4 was what they could afford), and i'm from a family with 2, one girl & one boy. my mother always said she was going to go up to four children to have a girl and i was a "sign from god to stop having babies." the joke is that i was a VERY difficult colicky baby and a contrary kid in general (reading a previous thread, i think perhaps i was what is now called "spirited"-- couldn't be punished because i'd say things like "oh good, i'm so glad you are sending me to my room ! i LOVE my room" stuff like that)

that said, around 14 months of age, dh said "i think lucy might be more than enough." or he'd say "i think having an only child might be okay"

now he's backed off, but we still are firm believers in spacing our TWO kids far apart ;) like, i think perhaps i could handle another one once the first goes to school.

it's not that lucy is particulary clung on to us our anything...in fact, at just 2 years old she is FIERCELY independent...but she was a "difficult" baby/toddler. she was cuddly & stuck to us, but she certainly was NEEDY. for example, she was difficult to breastfeed , but wouldn't take the bottle. she never slept well through the night after 3 months until we went through prolonged sleep training (and she's always been an early riser). she does just about everything "differently" from every other baby we know. she can NOT be characterized as "sweet" or "easy going."

so yeah, it's tough. she's INTENSE. she definitely made DH rethink. he always will say "i bet the next one will be easygoing"-- CLASSIC dh optimism...but he still doesn't want 3 anymore! i figure the 2nd one could be WORSE, which is my "classic" pessimism! :)

need to go get my crazy little girl up from her nap!

[o_mom]

DS1 didn't, but DS3 did.

[Melaine]

Yes, definitely. Both of mine are very challenging. Coupled with the fact that they came as a set, yes it has changed my mindset about having more. I always wanted a large family and still do in so many ways. But the reality is that sometimes we feel like the two of them are more than we can handle. I struggle with frustration and jealousy when I see other people having easy baby experiences and popping out child after child. My SIL for instance, has four DC under the age of 6. And I am so jealous of it, but it would be a different situation for us.
The biggest issue for me is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our children are VERY challenging. (I was the oldest of 4, babysat a LOT, nannied, and worked with children a lot through church.) DH, on the other hand, has never had any experience with babies or children at all. So I try explaining to him that theoretical future DC could have totally different personalities but I don't think he buys it. I don't think he will be on-board for more children for a very long time, if ever which makes me sad.

[ThreeofUs]

It almost did. My oldest ds was really, really challenging. All the moms in our playgroup started announcing they were pregnant with their second around the time the firsts were turning 1. I could not even fathom having another baby at that point. He was so demanding, so stubborn, so ON all the time...from the day he was born.

Well, I did have another (almost 3 years later) and he was a completely different baby. I started to realize that's why people could want another baby - their experience of parenting was vastly different than mine. #2 was an angel. So calm, peaceful, happy, relaxed...and then we had a third. He was even easier than the second. We considered a 4th for a long time, but decided to stop at three.

They are not all so hard. Babies are often very different from one another in the same family. Of course, it also goes the opposite way, but if you've got a hard one now, remember that the next one will not be a clone of your first!


I could have written this post verbatim.

I wanted 3. I barely got 2. And it's because my DS1 is a VERY high-need child. He's bright, coordinated, and was intensely needy for his first 3 years. All the joy that parents talked about with their babies? Not there. It was hard, hard work - even though we love H to pieces.

So hard, in fact, that both my DH and I put our careers on hold for 3 years. I quit and started consulting, DH (who, thank goodness, can set his own schedule) went deep into "collaboration debt" because he didn't go to the field for collaborations he was leading.

I know that what I wrote sounds cold; it's not like that. There's a ton of love in our home. The reality was just a lot different than anyone else's experience, and extremely difficult. I used to say I often felt like I had been riding a mountain bike down a really steep and bumpy hill *all* the time. Shaken and jolted to pieces, with my teeth constantly on edge.

Then we decided to roll the dice again, reasoning that if the next was as high-need, we'd hire a nanny.

DS2 is completely different, and all that joy I now understand. But I miss the neediness, oddly enough! DS2 really likes his crib, for example, and didn't need to sleep upright on us for 15 months. But, oh, the baby hugs are marvelous - and he's so cuddly!

And, to be fair, DS1 is a lot less needy now. He's still intense, but more relaxed and happy.

GL with your choices!

[Ceepa]

I always say how defeating it is when you realize your FIRST child was "the easy one". As new parents we thought everything seemed so stressful and then the second came along and was even moreso? Whoo Boy! I'm scared about what another child would be like. Could he/she possibly drain us as much, or more? I don't want to know. LOL

[boolady]

Yes. DD had bad reflux, I had some supply issues that I think were more serious than I realized at first, and she was very, very "colicky." This was not just me as a new mom being unprepared-- this was the conclusion of the ped., my best friend, my mom, the lactation consultant, and pretty much everyone who saw the hours-long screaming. She did not sleep unless I was holding her, and would often wake if I so much as moved slightly to turn on the television or turn a page. If I could get her to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time, I had to basically just sit there, either letting her nurse/dream nurse the whole time or sit there totally still. I was completely shell shocked by this, compared to all of my friends' kids, who ran the gamut from so-sleepy-they-had-to-be-woken-up to fussy (a word I don't really like, but don't know what else to use) but would still sleep for 3 to 4 hours at a time. DD cried if she was in the bouncer, swing, crib, bassinet, laying down, car seat, or pretty much anything other than being held for more than 10 or 15 minutes MAX.
This lasted until she started being able to tolerate sleeping in the car seat in her crib for 4 or so hours at a time when she was about 4 months old. She was never a great napper, but at least started to nap around 1 y/o.

I went from being someone who definitely wanted 2 or 3 kids to feeling like I must have no parenting skills and thinking that I really didn't see if I could EVER deal with that again, largely on my own because of DH's work schedule, especially with an older kid. I am just now, three years later, seriously thinking about having #2, but need to lose some weight first. When I look back on it now, I realize that in the grand scheme of things, the worst went by quickly, but at the time, it felt like h*ll on earth... I guess I should feel bad saying that, but I have never felt so frazzled, defeated, and like a bad parent in my life.

She is a great girl but still very active, very much wants to be where you are and do what you are doing. She does not generally want to watch TV or do something calm--she likes to move, and wants you to be doing it with her. This is a good thing, but something else that makes me concerned about the logistics of a baby. That said, it wouldn't hold me back, and I think she would make a great big sister. :)

[srhs]

Ya know, it should have because DS1 was super high-maintenance IMO the first 9 months, and around month 4, I really started questioning if I was cut out for this.
I knew I wanted more than 1, though, because I personally did not like being an only, so it actually may have sped things up...in a "if we are going to do this, let's do this!" way. DS2 certainly has a more agreeable personality but has reflux.
I am always IN AWE of laid back babies. I leaned over to a DF and asked, "Were any of your babies laid back like that?" pointing to a 3rd friend's baby across the room. When she replied, "Oh yea...all of them," I was like, "Huh?"
For awhile I worried my babies' more demanding personalities were more a reflection of me, but I know a mom whose BABY #5 is the highest maintenance of them all, so I've let myself off the hook there.

[LarsMal]

I actually posted on FB the other day that if C was born first I'd probably want a dozen kids, but L&M are constant reminders of why we are finished!!! ;)

If M was born first she could very well be an only! C was a surprise (so was M for that matter), but we always thought we'd have 3. I just wanted more time to forget some of the problems we had with M as a baby. I'd still be waiting because M is just as challenging and "spirited" as always...so I'm glad I got pg with C!!

[AnnieW625]

I always knew I wanted more than one child until I had Elisa. I had a strange labor and it took me a good long time to even think about wanting another child. Elisa was a good baby (getting her to sleep was a challenge and still is sometimes, but once she was asleep she's always slept well) and very even tempered for the most part. She is your typical Aries, laid back, but not afraid to take a risk if needed. She's easy to get along with and I really enjoy having her. I was happy with just her. DH was adament that he didn't want an only child and finally around the time DD turned 2 I was finally convinced that it would be okay to have another child.

I was soo happy when I found out I was having another spring baby, and am honestly hoping that this one will be a couple of weeks early so I'll have two Aries.

[mommylamb]

I worry about what things will be like when we go for round 2. DS is really a pretty easy kid and was a relatively easy baby too. Don't get me wrong, we had our difficulties, but in comparison to a lot of my friends' kids, he's easy. I know that I'm due for a tougher child when we have #2. I'm scared.

[m448]

Almost but not quite. Even though my oldest is the one who gave me the most run for my money in everything (he's my spirited one that's only recently begun to settle down) I eventually did have another two years later and that second child is my most laid back. The baby is too early to tell but the child must have come with a spare battery pack.

[spanannie]

No. #2 didn't even determine it and she is "challenging" to put it nicely.

[catpagmo]

I think this is an interesting question. Originally, I wanted to have 2 kids. DH is an only child, so he only wanted 1. Well, DD was a great baby, very laid back. Once she turned 1.5, DH decided he wanted another. Yay!

Fast forward...now we have DD and DS. DS is a great baby, and full of personality BUT he gets very angry when he wants to eat/sleep. Now he is 10 months old and still not sleeping through the night. He wakes up 2-3 times every night, and has only STTN maybe 4 or 5 times since birth. This has been very hard on everyone (me, DH, DD, and probably DS, too). When he wakes up, he has these crazy crying/screaming fits and it's very difficult to calm him down again. The boob is the only thing that works, and that gets very old very fast.

Now back to the question....
I think I'm done having kids, mostly because DS is crazy and it's been so hard. Well, like 98% sure anyway. I'm not sure how I would handle having another difficult baby. There is still a part of me that maybe wants to have another some day. But DH says absolutely not, because DS has been so hard. So, I guess we're done. I do feel very fortunate to have the two that we have, and that DH even wanted to have two. I would have to hope for a miracle for DH to ever change his mind.

[salsah]

if we let it, we wouldn't have had dd2. dd1 was and still is difficult. but we had dd2 because we always wanted a big family, it was part of the plan. although i had no desire to have more kids, i'm gald we did. dd2 is not easy but she is so different from dd1. and since having her, i do sometimes feel like i want more.
more kids means more craziness and even though it can be difficult, it doesn't feel as difficult at the first because it is less of adjustment for you. your life doesn't change as drastically.
i secretly pray for twins because i would love to have two more kids (but in one shot). i'm sure that i will officially loose my mind if that were to happen because i can imagine how difficult twins are :dizzy: but feel free to send p&pt my way for twins. hey, if God doesn't think that i can handle it, then he won't make it happen.

[alexsmommy]

No, but I could see how a second-born could have. If we had had two really high-needs kids, I would have thought long and hard about a third. DS1 was very easy once we got past the early days, and DS2 is more challenging, but very manageable.

[ellies mom]

Kind of. But in the opposite direction. The oldest was pretty easy all things considered. I knew enough not to chalk it up to my excellent parenting so I was nervous about a second child because I was worried about pushing my luck. Obviously, I ended up having the second child and while she is more challenging than her sister in some ways, it isn't as bad as I feared.

[Momof3Labs]

DS1 was very challenging, particularly his earlybird sleep habits for the first couple of years (he was often going down for his first nap by 6am). There's a reason that our two oldest are 3 years, 5 months apart; it took us that long to be remotely ready for a second.

DS2 was pretty easy comparatively, and didn't become very challenging until the last few months or so. Stubborn as a mule - when he digs in his heels, he will NOT budge unless he is good and ready.

The girls are easy. Soooo easy. But there are two of them, which makes it hard. If I had them first, I would not have appreciated how easy they make it for us.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My SIL always said if dn had been born first she would have stopped right there. :) But, she had my nephew first and he was an absolute dream.

Beth

[tny915]

DD1 was almost an only. Very challenging, very needy. DH is hands-on and was so traumatized by how difficult DD1 was that he refused to have another for years, thus the reason my two are 4.5 years apart. I wouldn't give in on wanting 2 kids, and DH finally relented. We figured if DD2 was as difficult as DD1, we were well prepared since we'd been through it all already.

DD2 is the complete opposite of DD1. Wonderful sleeper, loves playing with other kids, mellow and adaptable to changing schedules, not at all clingy. We were in absolute awe when she would happily sleep in the bassinet in her newborn days, when by contrast we had to hold DD1 for all naps and throughout the night for 3 months straight.

I feel lucky that I have seen both ends of the spectrum in my girls, easygoing and challenging, because it really helps me to appreciate the different experiences we've gone through raising both.

[eliasmom]

Yes. DD had bad reflux, I had some supply issues that I think were more serious than I realized at first, and she was very, very "colicky." This was not just me as a new mom being unprepared-- this was the conclusion of the ped., my best friend, my mom, the lactation consultant, and pretty much everyone who saw the hours-long screaming. She did not sleep unless I was holding her, and would often wake if I so much as moved slightly to turn on the television or turn a page. If I could get her to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time, I had to basically just sit there, either letting her nurse/dream nurse the whole time or sit there totally still. I was completely shell shocked by this, compared to all of my friends' kids, who ran the gamut from so-sleepy-they-had-to-be-woken-up to fussy (a word I don't really like, but don't know what else to use) but would still sleep for 3 to 4 hours at a time. DD cried if she was in the bouncer, swing, crib, bassinet, laying down, car seat, or pretty much anything other than being held for more than 10 or 15 minutes MAX.
This lasted until she started being able to tolerate sleeping in the car seat in her crib for 4 or so hours at a time when she was about 4 months old. She was never a great napper, but at least started to nap around 1 y/o.

I went from being someone who definitely wanted 2 or 3 kids to feeling like I must have no parenting skills and thinking that I really didn't see if I could EVER deal with that again, largely on my own because of DH's work schedule, especially with an older kid. I am just now, three years later, seriously thinking about having #2, but need to lose some weight first. When I look back on it now, I realize that in the grand scheme of things, the worst went by quickly, but at the time, it felt like h*ll on earth... I guess I should feel bad saying that, but I have never felt so frazzled, defeated, and like a bad parent in my life.

She is a great girl but still very active, very much wants to be where you are and do what you are doing. She does not generally want to watch TV or do something calm--she likes to move, and wants you to be doing it with her. This is a good thing, but something else that makes me concerned about the logistics of a baby. That said, it wouldn't hold me back, and I think she would make a great big sister. :)

I could almost have written this post word for word about DD, but I desperately wanted another slice at the apple. DS is sooooooooo much easier, although he is still not the most laid back baby by any means. If I could sell this %#*! condo and move into a bigger home, I would already be considering DC3 and I always thought I would stop at two, regardless of gender. There is hope!

[MontrealMum]

DS is a huge handful. He's also wonderful, kind, and loving. I certainly don't regret going for it with him because I love my little bear to pieces, but he is also the main reason that we still haven't started trying for #2. I'm not sure our marraige could take it. I am so envious of my friends that have those cute, cuddly, snuggly babies and would love to try for one of those, but I am terrified that I would get another "determined" child. If I had two like him I would completely lose my mind. DS wakes up in the morning and he doesn't stop until he passes out at night. Ever.

He was a PITA to bf'eed, he's now a PITA to feed regular meals, he's clingy but wants to do it all himself, he's insanely strong and it's hard for me to physically manage him these days. I so wanted to cosleep, but even at 2 weeks he was batting at me and poking me in the eye. I could go on and on, yet part of me still wants that chance at the "easy" baby...so the door's not completely shut...but it's closing fast.

I also somehow feel it's my fault as I hoped and prayed for a baby that looked like me when I was pregnant with DS. And he does. He's a total carbon copy physically. But I forgot to address his personality. Which is DH's and FIL's. And it's so great (not) that MIL is NOW remembering what it was like to parent DH when he was little. I don't know what I might have done to prepare, but a little heads-up would have been nice!

[misshollygolightly]

Just want to say thanks to the OP and other posters on this thread. DS has been much harder than I thought (everything about him, from the 4th-degree tear he gave me at birth to the constant nursing and neediness to not sleeping through the night until 12 months...and the saga continues!). I love him dearly but have been seriously doubting our capacity to have other children, even though we both think we want them on some level. Anyway, reading your posts has been encouraging and helpful in keeping a realistic perspective. Thanks!

[Snow mom]

I worry about what things will be like when we go for round 2. DS is really a pretty easy kid and was a relatively easy baby too. Don't get me wrong, we had our difficulties, but in comparison to a lot of my friends' kids, he's easy. I know that I'm due for a tougher child when we have #2. I'm scared.

:yeahthat: This is the situation I'm in too. DD has been a relatively easy baby and I'm scared to get a more challenging one. I guess it's a no win situation. If you have a hard baby you've already been through it all and might be afraid for another go round. If you've had an easy baby you get to be afraid of whether you could (or would want to) handle anything more difficult. Having kids is a crap shoot.

[MoJo]

We're the opposite. DD has been about as easy as they come. I didn't think I'd enjoy the baby stage at all (I always liked older kids) but I've smiled more in the past 19 months than in the past 10 years.

However, we're pretty sure that DC#2 (on the way) is our last. I always wanted 2-4 kids (leaning towards 3 or 4--I came from a family of 3 and DH is from a family of 4), but our advancing ages combined with a difficult pregnancy this time around is pointing both of us to stop with this next one. I don't think I could handle this much sickness while watching TWO toddlers in another couple of years.

To the OP: even our super-easy child was harder at 15 months than before or since. You couldn't take your eyes off of her for 5 seconds. I didn't feel like I could leave her with anyone. But last month I left her for two whole days and nights with my mom and sister. It may getter better in just a month or two!

[catroddick]

This is a huge part of why we're stopping with DD. She is a dream, and has been a happy, wonderful, easy baby. :love-retry: I could not have dared to dream of such an amazing little person.

The next could only be the devil. :icon_twisted: I'm not chancing it.

The rest of the reason is because of my job. If I could be a SAHM, I would consider another (though with some fear). But I already spend all day at work and far too little time with my wonderful girl. To have to split such limited time with even an easy sibling would be tough. And if #2 was a challenge, taking more time from DD, it would be too much.

[lmintzer]

It almost did! DS#1 was an extremely high needs baby. Terrible sleeper. BF problems that lasted for 4 months! Lots and lots of crying. DH and I were pretty ravaged by his first year.

Although we love him dearly and wouldn't trade him for the world (he's a bright, verbal, kind-hearted, loud, musical, athletic 8 year-old), he still exhausts us.

DS#2 was a bit of a surprise. I'm really glad things happened as they did, or DH would have been a hard sell on another.

DS#2 is tempermentally more average. As a baby, wow--what a difference. Even though he wasn't a good sleeper either (how could we be 2 for 2 in that dept?) he was much more content. And he was a very reasonable toddler and preschooler.

Long way of saying. Yes--almost. And now, no chance at #3. : (

[jk3]

No. We knew we wanted more than one and even though our first was and is our most challenging we have 2 more! My 2nd DS was calm from birth and continues to be an absolute delight. Our first is intelligent and interesting but also challenging and intense. #3 seems to be a combination in some ways but he is an easy baby.

[BabyMine]

M almost became an only child but I really wanted 2. TT is a dream child.

[codex57]

I always wanted 2. DS (the first), while not perfect, was still an awesome baby. DD is quite nice too.

However, two kids is a LOT different than one. Sometimes we wonder if we shoulda stuck to one. Particularly since DS is entering the terrible twos and our friends toddlers show no sign of exiting the terrible twos even tho they haven't been two in a while.

[WatchingThemGrow]

By the time we realized DD was "spirited" DS1 was here (18 mos apart). By the time we realized how awesome DS1 was, DS2 was on his way. DS2 is the kind of baby who makes you think you can have 17 babies.

The combination of DD's personality and 3DC so close is determining (for me) the number we have. DH is at work during the day, so he only gets updates by email, not personally experiencing the trauma/drama that is so much of our day. He thinks he wants a 4th. :hysterical: I'm not sure what rock he's been under these past 6 mos.

[MartiesMom2B]

If Amy had been first she would have been an only.

I say this about DD#2 all the time

[Gena]

Not his personality alone. If it were just a matter of DS's personality, we probably could have had the 6 kids we always dreamed about. But DS's personality combined with his disorders (plus bad timing and bad advice) has meant that we have not had the emotional and material resouces to add another child to our family.

By the time we were ready think about having another child, we were starting to realize that things were awry in DS's development. Since the ILs blamed his lack of language and "anti-social behavior" (their term) on our parenting skills, they convinced DH that we should put off having more kids until we "figured out how we had screwed up this one" (again, their terms).

So DH wouldn't even consider having another child until we knew what was going on with DS. Even before we got the official diagnosis of autism, we had DS in intensive therapies though EI, privately, and at home. I became a SAHM so I could work with him and manage his therapies and various appointments. All this put a huge strain on our finances. It took an emotional toll on us as well.

DH and I both believe that DS was born with autism and have reason to suspect that it is genetic in both our families. So there is always the possibility that a subsequent child will also be on the autism spectrum. I don't know if we could manage that, especially if that child were to be more severely affected by the disorder. And DS's recently confirmed diagnosis of albinism adds a further genetic complication. Although DS very lucky with the level of vision he has, it is very possible that we could have a child with very little functional vision. (We still need to have genetic tests done to determine the type of albinism DS has.)

Even now, DH and I both dream about having another child (or two or ....). I really admire families who do not let having a child with a disability deter them from having more. I wish we could be that strong. But things didn't work out that way for us. Still, DS is an incredible, amazing, sweet, smart little boy. He is the joy of our lives and we would not trade him for anything.

[jent]

So far, yes. I always wanted two but DH is an only and has been pretty unwavering in his viewpoint that onlies are best. Before DD, I figured I would eventually wear him down. But, DD was certainly a handful- not as colicky as some, but definitely fussy and needy and made us endlessly question our parenting skills. For a long time, I was too exhausted to consider having another. I didn't mind accepting our family was complete. But now DD has matured into a wonderful toddler/preschooler (she still has her moments) and I'm no longer as exhausted these days, so I've gone back to yearning for a bigger family. Plus, I feel bad for DD that she's the only kid in the house-- whenever we get together with my sister's kids, she's so excited to see them & talks about the visit for days afterward.

Our situation is also different from the typical b/c I have the job with the more demanding hours, the one that gives us healthcare and pays the mortgage. If we had another child, quite a bit of the babycare would fall on DH. I think DH is still shell-shocked from those early months when he was home alone with an irritable DD. Also, I can't really say I'm ready for a new baby. I'm really unhappy with my current job and want a change, and I kind of have to get that squared away before I could even think of having a new baby. I'm still holding out hope for the future, though (and holding on to our baby stuff in the basement...)

I am jealous of my friends with bigger families, but I feel so lucky to have DD that I should be grateful for what I do have.

[firsttimemama]

Definitely true for us. DS is 2 yrs old and has slept through the night about 3 times. We would have never considered having an only child, and now we have. I don't know if we'll have another or not, but I strongly suspect we will not have three like we'd hoped.

[Happy 2B mommy]

DD was a nightmare. Huge reflux issues and our ped didn't think meds were needed -and being a new, inexperienced mom I followed his advice. It was a terrible, nearly sleepness first year. I thought I was a terrible mom and cried a lot. I felt like a total failure. Thankfully, I enjoyed her 2nd year when her needy and spirited personality also showed me what a loving and smart little girl I had.

I always wanted 3. But I needed a break from babies and time to fall in love with DD. So DS came along later than I planned. Due to my age and that my pregnancy with DS was hard, DS may be our last. DH thinks he's done, but DS is a dream baby and REALLY makes me want another one!

[DietCokeLover]

No, DD was less than 2 mos old when I got pregnant with DS. Hard to see much personality at that age.

[JTsMom]

I can relate quite a bit to what Gena wrote. DS was a very high-needs baby- and is a very high-needs child, but that coupled with special needs really scared us away from having more for quite a while. Even now, I worry that it isn't fair to DS1 or DS2.

Before DS1 was born, we planned on having at least 3. We wanted to start TTC the second around DS's 1st bday. Instead, we waited until he was 4.5!

[daisymommy]

It almost did. But thank-goodness it didn't stop me from having more, or I would have really missed out :)

Joshua was colicky from day one. Had reflux sooo bad, & milk protein allergy that didn't get diagnosed for months. Poor little guy. But even on top of that, once we got those issues taken care of, he was still high-needs, cranky, never slept...it was just plain awful. I did NOT enjoy the first year with him as a baby at all :( Even now, he has ADHD and sensory integration disorder, so it hasn't gotten easier.

I remember telling DH when he was a baby that I was done having kids. We were going to have to adopt, because I was not about to chance the same thing happening again. I was in serious depression.

Thank-God every child is not the same though. We took a chance and had Hannah, and she was easy as pie. Now not so much, now that she is 3 :tongue5: but that's just a stage...right? ;) And Andrew is such an easy baby it's ridiculous. So my belief is it must just get easier the more you have, LOL!