Seriously how do you do it all

[hillview]

DH is away for work. My work is a mess (boss is a JERK and things are moving a mile a minute). AND I want to feed the kids good healthy meals, BE THERE, do laundry, not live in a sty, not use TV as a babysitter, get the trash out, recycle, go organic, avoid BPA, get DS #1 to school on time, bathe the kids more than weekly, help DS #2 as he is currently wanting mommy 24/7, and SLEEP more than 5 hrs a night, declutter, organize my closet and pay my bills.

HOW DO YOU DO IT. Seriously? HOW?
/hillary

[Melaine]

I think you will have to ask Kate Gosselin since she is the only one of us who has had time to get extensions put in her hair. :tongue5:

As for me, I have no idea how to do it.

[scrooks]

I would love to know too...I feel the same way. I can't seem to do any of the things I would like to! Some of the moms on this board seem like super moms to me. I would love to know their secrets!

[happymom]

I *can't* do it. And I only have 1 baby who is relatively undemanding. The only way I come even close is with a decent amount of hired cleaning help. You probably need to lower your expectations while your DH is away- there's only so much you can do!!

[bubbaray]

Focus on keeping you and the kids fed and clean. Then work. Leave the rest until your DH gets back.

[egoldber]

No one does it all. Everyone makes choices.

[Tammy]

Give yourself a break and realize there's only so much you can get done and not lose your mind. Save the extra stuff for when you get a chance- otherwise I'd recommend doing what you can for the kiddos and try to stay sane and do your job (I hate when your boss is jerk too). The good (or bad) thing about clutter is it will still be there when you get time! :rolleyes:

[arivecchi]

Focus on keeping you and the kids fed and clean. Then work. Leave the rest until your DH gets back.:yeahthat: Some stuff HAS to slide. My nanny helps a lot around the house and it is still a mess. Oh well. Can't tend to everything at once.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I don't do it all, and surely not well. You'll appreciate the word that has been emblazoned across my forehead lately - it has been a long lately, too - overwhelmed. Picking the bare minimum that must get done and doing just that is my goal. If I can do one thing beyond that, then I feel like a rock star.

[firstbaby]

you just have to set a standard of "good enough". Honestly, I have some days when I clean the house, make a wonderful dinner, go for a run, have lots of quality time with the kids and made some sort of art project and / or science experiment, bake bread from scratch, etc and the next day I'm excited when we've all brushed teeth. :)

I've also found that whatever didn't get done *that day* wasn't really that important at all. :)

[ellies mom]

I don't. I'm in school. My priorities are my children, school, my husband, the house. Honestly, I'm just aiming for fed and somewhat happy. I consider the pig sty I call my home to be good for their immume systems and then swear I'll do better after I graduate in 11 months.

[kijip]

No one does it all. Everyone makes choices.
:yeahthat:

This is my take on it as well. I do what I need to to, it may not be ideal but there are tradeoffs.

Simplifying and making each thing as easy as possible helps me have time to do more but there will always be something I can't do.

[ThreeofUs]

I can't. I prioritize and make lists of what I *have* to get done each day. On another list, I put the things I know I have to do soon or should do soon, and try to get to those.

I pick up all the time, even when I'm playing with the kids. But frankly I have just decided our house is one big playroom, except for my bedroom, and I can't care about it. I can make the toys look halfway neat, but I'm not going to let it drive me bananas - it's just too short of a trip!

I talked to a neighbor who has 7 kids, with about 1.5 years between. She said she just keeps all the regular stuff going all the time: laundry, cleaning, etc. She always runs her dishwasher every night (and so do I, now) because even if it's not full it's good to have a routine.

I mean, there are only so many hours in the day, right? For our household, letting the least little thing slide usually ends up in disaster, so I guess my last "how" is that I have to come down from my "big picture" orientation and do all the little stuff. If you can get a little done of everything, it's better than letting things slide.

GL! Sounds like you're in a tough period right now.

[tnrnchick74]

I can't possibly admit to doing it "all", but as a single parent it does ALL fall on my shoulders.

DS has priority - if he needs me, then everything else goes to the wayside.

I clean when he's in bed and I have made up a chart to clean 1 area of the house EVERY night (though last night didn't get done, so tonight I have 2 areas).

When I cook, I make LOTS of leftovers, so that during the week its REALLY easy to pop them in the microwave.

Shopping is hard - have a set aside date/time to do it. Then just DO IT. I also only allow myself 2 hrs to shop - because if I don't limit myself I tend to spend more $$ & waste time.

Sleep - well after DS goes to bed (7-7:30), I hurry up and do my cleaning/tidying for the day and then do the things *I* need to do (study for a course, catch up on fave tv show) then I FORCE myself to read in bed ALONE for at least 30 minutes. That's my only alone time.

Using tv - I admit my son watches more TV than I would like...but he's not sitting in front of the tv; he's running around while the tv is on. This is my big weakness because we don't have a usable kitchen table, so dinner time is in front of a 30 min "Tigger & Freinds" show. But hey, he's happy; I'm happy and eating gets done.

[klwa]

Pick which ones matter the most & let the others slide. Which is why I live in a sty. :)

[amandabea]

I don't even try to do it all. I figure, why make my myself upset about it when I know it's not possible. I also rely on my DH as he works very PT. I work a lot and right now is a very stressful time at the office. My DH does a lot (almost everything) around the house. I do my laundry and some of DD's and that's really about it. He does everything else. Though I'm DD's bather, so there are weeks when it's 1x only. Work stresses me out enough, there's no reason to let home stress me out too.

[lmwbasye]

After a 15 month deployment, I can say this:

There are two sets of rules/standards....one for when DH is here and one for when he is gone and that is just fine. The most important thing is that they have a mom who loves them. No one can do it all. No one.

Trust me...I've tried and learned the hard way.

Hugs...hang in there. :)

[JBaxter]

Ive done both WOHM and SAHM. Priorities :). Kids get fed and attention ( bath books play etc) everyone NEEDS clean clothes even if you pull them out of the dryer to use OR they sit in one of the 4 clothes baskets for a while. The crock pot is still my best friend. OH and even now... My house will be clean when the grandchildren come to play ;)

[SnuggleBuggles]

I decided that I would like multiple chances to live this life: one where I focus on my career, one for my family, one for selfish pursuits and maybe one other one thrown in for good measure. I think that's the only way I could do it. :)

Beth

[carolinamama]

Plain and simple, I don't do it all. Things just don't get done alot of the time.

[AJP]

I barely manage and I'm a SAHM. My husband works insane hours 7 days a week. If I don't have my mom here one day a week, I can't get enough done to not feel like I'm drowning. I have a lady that cleans once a week and I spend a few hours the night before clearing the clutter & putting away laundry so she can actually clean. People ask how I manage to get out with the twins alone (since they were newborns) almost daily. If they knew what was facing me at home daily they'd know WHY I get out LOL.
I give big props to moms who do all of this while working and with DH's who work alot/travel.

[mommylamb]

My kudos go out to all the single working moms of more than one child out there because those are the folks who really do it all.

I work full time, but I a.) only have one kid, b.) have a husband who does 90% of the cooking and all of the cleaning, even though he also works full time. So, clearly, I am not doing it all. And I b*tch about everything I do have to do.

ETA: When my doctor told me I needed to go to the gym 4 times a week because I have high cholesterol, I cried right there in front of her.

[daisymommy]

I just told DH last night that I'm drowning here. I was doing really well until we had Andrew. Now it's become just too much some days. I don't regret for one single minute having a 3rd, and I still dream about having a 4th some day (call me crazy!). But now the laundry and dishes are consistently piled up, I dread dinner time (and I usually love to cook) so my organic from scratch cooking is no more (sniff-sob), the kids are bathed much less than they should be, the TV is on too much...you get the idea. My OCD like type-A standards have really slipped. I had to let them slip for fear of going into depression over what I can no longer accomplish.

DH works 50 hrs. a week, and has a 45 minute commute each way on top of that, so he's gone a lot. We cannot afford a house cleaner or nanny, so it's just me, doing what I can.

But the trade offs are so worth it. Love my family!

[JTsMom]

The perfect people are all lying. Nobody does it all, all the time, unless they have a staff. I agree with PP's- prioritize, then let the rest go.

[lchang25000]

No one does it all. Everyone makes choices.

:yeahthat:I'm a SAHM with only 1 child and I still can't manage to do it all! I just prioritize and move on.

[buttergirl12]

DS3 is 6 weeks old and I started to work again full time from home. DS2 is home with me all day too. DH just started working again part time but we have 2 horses and he does all the out of the house chores. So I'm pretty much on my own with the kids.
I do the bare minimum and feel overwhelmed all the time. It's hard but it will get better. As long as the kids are happy...

[mecawa]

How do I do it?? I've learned to let go. I've had to. My husband is away more than he is home, and I don't work and I still don't know how to do it. The fact that you work and your husband is away and you are still managing to do as much as you do is amazing to me!!!

[Minnifer]

Yikes - I'm a single working mom to my 20 month old DD, so technically I *do* do it all, but I think my expectations for what "all" means have had to be DRASTICALLY reduced (and I continue to have to remind myself to keep them low). Like a pp said, some days, if all we've done is gotten dressed and brushed our teeth, then that has to be enough. Life feels pretty chaotic, and I constantly struggle to be comfortable living with that chaos (as a total Type A personality). It's super hard not to compare myself to the proverbial "everyone else," whoever they are, so it's really helpful for me to read here that so many people, regardless of their situation (SAHM, working, single, married), feel pretty much the same way.

[DebbieJ]

WAHM with a 6 yo and a 3 month old. I can't do it all, ever. My DH is gone from the house 10ish hours a day and when he's home he just wants to spend time with his kids, not help cook and clean (can't blame him).

We do the important stuff and let the rest slide. I do meal plan and cook most nights, but sometimes it's frozen pizza or chicken nuggets. So be it. As Amy said, the kids get bathed less often, watch more TV than we'd like, and much much more, but it's just a season of life.

[rachelh]

You sound like me! I thought I was the only one who couldn't do it. Then again, all my friends are either SAHMs or work significantly less than I do. And forget about the fact that DH and I were both in school this past semester while working ridiculously full-time and the fact that I am pregnant. I feel like everything I do between work, school, home, etc is done so incomplete/sloppily.

I was really hoping to set aside time to walk at least three times a week during this pregnancy and really eat healthy. I just can't get it together enough to actually have planned meals and food in the house to actually prepare a full healthy meal. Oh and sleep - whats that?!

Does the craziness ever end?

[elephantmeg]

I give up. Really. And I just work part time and have 2 kids. I keep up with dishes and laundry. When things are going well I do a list of cleaning stuff once a week. Next week a housecleaner is comming to dig me out since mom was here 2 weeks and didn't clean ANYTHING that I can tell. Toys stay on the floor until I pick them up to vaccuum. I keep thinking it will get better when they go to school. As mom pointed out I only have 3.5 more years to go so I'm half way (DS is 3.5 lol)

[mominmarch]

I stopped trying to do it all. And in return, I am a lot happier.

I am almost 41, didn't get married until I was 35 and only have 1 child (almost 3) and work 50 hours a week outside the home (as does DH). Before I got married, when I lived by myself, I "did it all" in that my house was orderly, bills were paid on time, I was well read, ran marathons, had time to work out and be in tip top shape, followed current events, had lost of "me time", did yoga a lot of days and was relaxed and balanced, went out with my girlfriends to lots of trendy bars and restaurants, maintained a nutritious diet and counted calories, etc.... but lacked the most important bond which was with a husband and child.

Now that I am married with a kid, plain and simple, my life is not wholly my own. My priorities have changed. My biggest commitments are the health and happiness of my child, and involved in that is my own sanity and physical health. Because of this I make my own exercise and sleep a priority that gets met about 85% of the time.

But the rest of the things that I did so well in my single or newly married days have really just gone out the window. Our house is a cluttercapital... but honestly it looks lived in, has tenderly drawn art projects and my DD's "grocery lists" of scribble for me. Somehow we all manage to find what we need to. Sure there are times that I find these blogs on the web about being better organized and 7 habits to do each day and I try to invigorate myself to do them, but it just isn't happening. I would rather be present in my daughter's life and my husband's life than have an orderly kitchen, organized closet, purse where the bills aren't buried beneath a lot of gum.

Once I let go of that standard, I felt much free-er. One thing that helped me was remembering my own mother who kept a spic n span house with 4 children, but I never remember sitting on her lap and laughing or just vegging. A friend's mother when we were growing up had 3 kids, 3 dogs, and their house was crazy, but she would play the guitar and it was just so great to be there. I decided sometime recently that I was going to be that kind of mother.

[elephantmeg]

thank you for this post. It really struck me


I stopped trying to do it all. And in return, I am a lot happier.

I am almost 41, didn't get married until I was 35 and only have 1 child (almost 3) and work 50 hours a week outside the home (as does DH). Before I got married, when I lived by myself, I "did it all" in that my house was orderly, bills were paid on time, I was well read, ran marathons, had time to work out and be in tip top shape, followed current events, had lost of "me time", did yoga a lot of days and was relaxed and balanced, went out with my girlfriends to lots of trendy bars and restaurants, maintained a nutritious diet and counted calories, etc.... but lacked the most important bond which was with a husband and child.

Now that I am married with a kid, plain and simple, my life is not wholly my own. My priorities have changed. My biggest commitments are the health and happiness of my child, and involved in that is my own sanity and physical health. Because of this I make my own exercise and sleep a priority that gets met about 85% of the time.

But the rest of the things that I did so well in my single or newly married days have really just gone out the window. Our house is a cluttercapital... but honestly it looks lived in, has tenderly drawn art projects and my DD's "grocery lists" of scribble for me. Somehow we all manage to find what we need to. Sure there are times that I find these blogs on the web about being better organized and 7 habits to do each day and I try to invigorate myself to do them, but it just isn't happening. I would rather be present in my daughter's life and my husband's life than have an orderly kitchen, organized closet, purse where the bills aren't buried beneath a lot of gum.

Once I let go of that standard, I felt much free-er. One thing that helped me was remembering my own mother who kept a spic n span house with 4 children, but I never remember sitting on her lap and laughing or just vegging. A friend's mother when we were growing up had 3 kids, 3 dogs, and their house was crazy, but she would play the guitar and it was just so great to be there. I decided sometime recently that I was going to be that kind of mother.

[jgenie]

I don't even attempt to do it all. When we decided I was going to stay home with DS we made the decision that he was the reason I'm home. I try to get things done as I can but he is very demanding and we've let our standards slip. My mom spent my childhood as a SAHM cleaning. We had the neatest house on the block but I can't remember my mom ever sitting down to play with me because there was always so much cleaning to be done. I don't want to miss DS' childhood because I'm trying to keep my house clean.

[Corie]

No one does it all. Everyone makes choices.


I completely agree!!!

[wimama]

You can't do it all. Just pick your priorities for your day.

I constantly feel like I am doing a poor job on balancing the roles I hold in my life: mother, wife, business owner, daughter, family member, friend, home keeper, family nutritionist, family personal shopper, etc). I always feel like some of my roles in life suffer at the expense of others. But, I try never to let the mother role suffer. My DS comes first.

I try to make sure the basic home keeping things get done - the food gets bought, cooked and dishes get washed. The laundry gets washed, not always put away in a timely manner, but washed at least.

I have been trying to shorten my To Do list. I keep a running list of everything I need to do and then a list of each day with less than 5 things on it. My top five most important things to do. Except sometimes I forget or I don't find time to make my list. LOL.




DH is away for work. My work is a mess (boss is a JERK and things are moving a mile a minute). AND I want to feed the kids good healthy meals, BE THERE, do laundry, not live in a sty, not use TV as a babysitter, get the trash out, recycle, go organic, avoid BPA, get DS #1 to school on time, bathe the kids more than weekly, help DS #2 as he is currently wanting mommy 24/7, and SLEEP more than 5 hrs a night, declutter, organize my closet and pay my bills.

HOW DO YOU DO IT. Seriously? HOW?
/hillary


The perfect people are all lying. Nobody does it all, all the time, unless they have a staff. I agree with PP's- prioritize, then let the rest go.

I agree! I think those perfect people are hiding something. No one can do everything perfectly.



Once I let go of that standard, I felt much free-er. One thing that helped me was remembering my own mother who kept a spic n span house with 4 children, but I never remember sitting on her lap and laughing or just vegging. A friend's mother when we were growing up had 3 kids, 3 dogs, and their house was crazy, but she would play the guitar and it was just so great to be there. I decided sometime recently that I was going to be that kind of mother.

You just described my mother. I was an only child, but my mom kept a tidy and clean house. I have no memories of her reading to me at night or spending much one on one time with me. She was always doing something. But, I do have memories or her being crabby on a Saturday morning while she was cleaning he house. I learned quick to stay out of her way on Saturdays.

I have rebelled against that. But, still struggle to do it all. I didn't get the lunches packed for DH and I like I wanted this morning. It snowed, so we were short on time. But, when DS hurt himself getting off the kitchen chair. I found the time to snuggle and cuddle with him for like 15 minutes. He is growing up to quick, I don't want to miss it all. DH grabbed the tupperware containers full of yesterdays dinner and some bananas on the way out the door and lunch was made in less than a minute. LOL.

[gatorsmom]

DH is away for work. My work is a mess (boss is a JERK and things are moving a mile a minute). AND I want to feed the kids good healthy meals, BE THERE, do laundry, not live in a sty, not use TV as a babysitter, get the trash out, recycle, go organic, avoid BPA, get DS #1 to school on time, bathe the kids more than weekly, help DS #2 as he is currently wanting mommy 24/7, and SLEEP more than 5 hrs a night, declutter, organize my closet and pay my bills.

HOW DO YOU DO IT. Seriously? HOW?
/hillary

Nobody can do everything. Nobody. Something always falls through the cracks. Some things you have to let go of. So what if they bathe only weekly? Unless they have a skin condition, who cares? One day they'll be able to do it by themselves. Aim for feeding the kids healthy meals 2x per week (oh, and then double the recipe so they can eat healthy leftovers). Declutter your house a little bit as you go along. when you get dressed in the morning and see a shirt you haven't worn for months just take it out. Make sure it makes it's way to the Goodwill bag you always have sitting near the door to take to Goodwill when it's full. If you can't find something in a cluttered drawer, take out a few things here and there that you dont' need or use. Over to the Goodwill bag it goes. Declutter little by little- that's the best way. Just wittle the mess away. Oh, and don't expect more than 5 hours asleep per night. Oh, and buy yourself a bunch of laundry baskets, all the same size taht can stack inside of each other when not in use, and throw everything in there that is just sitting around. It makes me feel like I've done something with it when I haven't actually.:ROTFLMAO:

I try to keep VERY organized and always put things back in there place, even if it means staying up late to do it. I'm trying to train the kids to do that too to save me some work. I don't expect to sleep regularly until they are all in elementary school. That's the light at the end of the tunnel for me. :D

[daisymommy]

I have tears in my eyes reading these last few posts. Joshua is always saying that "I'm too busy", or too tired, and asking me why. I tell him I'm sorry, there's just so much for mommies to do. But I have to make a change, Even if it means the house falls apart around me. I don't want for my kids to grow up and feel like they lived in an immaculately clean house, but that their mother was absent.

[gatorsmom]

I have tears in my eyes reading these last few posts. Joshua is always saying that "I'm too busy", or too tired, and asking me why. I tell him I'm sorry, there's just so much for mommies to do. But I have to make a change, Even if it means the house falls apart around me. I don't want for my kids to grow up and feel like they lived in an immaculately clean house, but that their mother was absent.

If it makes you feel any better, I make a serious effort to spend time with my kids and they still ask for more time with them. They will never get enough of you. :love5: