Eating after dinner/before bed - do you let DC do this?

[almostmom]

We really struggle with getting DC to sit at the table and finish their dinners. They just like to get up and do things and have too much fun joking around and playing after being apart all day. We are working on this, but it isn't easy. This is true whether we eat with them or not, but usually we don't eat with them because they are startving when we get home around 6, and my dinner is just not going to be ready then (and DH is rarely home then).

That being said, we also tell them, this is dinner, there won't be food later, blah blah blah. But DD now often says at bedtime that she is hungry. I'm sure that sometimes she is ,and that sometimes it is a way to get out of going to bed. But I hate the idea of her actually going to bed hungry (she's 4), and sometimes she truly is hungry.

So I'm just not sure how/where to make the limits here. If they eat a good full dinner, sometimes they still want a snack before bed, like cereal. This happened last night. Mostly this is DD. But I'm not sure that's a good habit to get into, right? I have some friends who offer a before bed snack every night (this would get rid of the back and forth we have in our house about it) but I'm not sure it's a habit I want them to get used to - eating before bed. And it gives them a reason to not eat dinner, if more food will be available later, right? If I cannot get them to eat at dinnertime, and DDis hungry before bed, should I hold my ground and make her go to bed hungry so she starts eating at mealtime? Obviously I don't want to scar her in any way around this! And when she is really hungry, she really cries for food (though she can cry about the littlest thing for a long time if she gets her mind set on it...).

What do you do if your kids don't eat dinner but want food later? I'm open to all of your opinions, experiences, ideas...

Thank you!!!!

[belovedgandp]

We struggle with a very similar pattern around here. My kids are 6 and 2 1/2. In general, if they do not eat their dinner at the meal time. I'll keep it out for another 1 to 1 1/2 hours and offer it again. This is the eat this or nothing else time about 30 minutes before we're going to head to bed. If they make some effort, then we'll negotiate into the healthy, but snackier food options (fruit, yogurt, cheese).

This was a real struggle when I think my older son was trying to avoid bed. He'd suddenly be starving as we were putting on PJs. So yes, for a couple of months we offered a nutritious bedtime snack about 30 minutes before bed basically every night. There were times he turned us down and then was whining an hour later for food, but the expectation at the time of snack offering was clear. We did this for 2 or 3 months. We're past that by about 2 months now. If we eat exceptionally early, or they didn't eat as much as normal at dinner, I try to remember to offer something, but the majority of the issue has passed.

Last night though we ate very early for us (5-ish) and had ice cream about 7:30. After finishing the bowl of ice cream both boys decided they were still hungry and proceeded to both eat a yogurt and apple.

Our schedule sounds different than yours, but the other thing that worked for us is that the kids now have a heavier late afternoon snack which lets me postpone dinner longer. DH used to come home about 5:45 and I'd try to have us at the table eating by 6:00 because the kids were starving. It was such a struggle to get the meal together and under pressure and DH kept coming home later. I've moved dinner time for all of us back to 6:30 or 7:00 depending on evening activities. Instead of giving the kids something small to "not spoil their dinner" right after school at 4:00, they typically sit down for what amounts to a meal of side dish vegetables and fruit at 4:30 or 5:00. I essentially split their dinner into two parts, so that they eat the good stuff while they are hungry, but still sit down for family time later in the evening.

[infocrazy]

Our schedule sounds different than yours, but the other thing that worked for us is that the kids now have a heavier late afternoon snack which lets me postpone dinner longer. [snip] I've moved dinner time for all of us back to 6:30 or 7:00 depending on evening activities. Instead of giving the kids something small to "not spoil their dinner" right after school at 4:00, they typically sit down for what amounts to a meal of side dish vegetables and fruit at 4:30 or 5:00. I essentially split their dinner into two parts, so that they eat the good stuff while they are hungry, but still sit down for family time later in the evening.

This is what we do too.

[hillview]

We serve dinner around 5:15. DS1 asks for a snack around 7 pm and we give it to him. It is usually nuts, crackers, fruit. He goes up to bed at 7:45 or so. I don't have an issue with it -- he usually eats a good dinner and I figure it helps him sleep longer?
/hillary

[hillview]

right after school at 4:00, they typically sit down for what amounts to a meal of side dish vegetables and fruit at 4:30 or 5:00. I essentially split their dinner into two parts, so that they eat the good stuff while they are hungry, but still sit down for family time later in the evening.

Wow I really like this!! Thanks for the good idea :)

We do serve veggies first at dinner time often while I am still serving up the main course.
/hillary

[DrSally]

The kids are usually hungry for a snack around 3-3:30pm and sometimes it ends up being pretty substantial. Then, they eat dinner around 5-5:30pm, which sometimes ends up being more light b/c they just had a snack. Neither usually asks for food before bed. But, when DS has been in growth spurts, he has said he's hungry upon going to bed. I'll always give him food b/c I know he's truly hungry and not stalling. Now, if he didn't eat a good dinner, but then was hungry before bed, that may be an issue. I do know others that routinely give their DC's a snack around 7pm--like nuts, crackers, cheese, etc., and that's what they're used to.

[ray7694]

We eat as a family at 5pm because the kids can't wait any longer and if we don't they will just eat and be full by the time dinner is ready. I use the crock pot.

My 2 yo is usually hungry at 7 and I give her milk. My 5 yo is sometimes hungry after dinner and he can have a fruit. Nothing else.

[g-mama]

We will let our 4 and 6 year olds eat whenever they express the tiniest interest in eating because they are both in the zero percentile and never eat well. I have had to give up all preconceived notions about how things are "supposed to be" surrounding eating habits and strike while the iron is hot. My pediatrician even said to let them have ice cream every night, even if they don't eat dinner, if that is something they will actually eat. I haven't gone that far and don't plan to, but that's not all that far from where we are.

[khalloc]

If my daughter does not eat her dinner (and she will ALWAYS say she is hungry right when its time for bed), she can either have her dinner, if we saved it. Or I might give her a banana or something. But usually we have some of the dinner saved, as often times it is packed for her lunch the next day.

[slworld]

DS is 18months old. He has dinner at ~5:30pm & is in bed by 7-7:30pm so there is not much time there. Guess I would be ok with snack before bedtime/after dinner as long as its before brushing teeth. My DS is a grazer. He can only eat so much at a time and within 1.5-2hrs he is hungry again. Though I would prefer he eat a proper meal instead of grazing all through the day, I don't think it will work. Most of my friends' kids who are around DS's age go to bed ~9pm, so they usually get a snack when they come home from daycare & then dinner at ~7:30pm.

[ezcc]

My dc are allowed fruit whenever and usually do eat an apple before bed.

[brittone2]

We eat dinner around 5ish and the kids often have a snack around 8:30pm (usually cheese, pickles and mustard...that's a fav for some reason, or fruit/nuts, leftovers, etc.).

The before bed snack is not contingent upon what was/wasn't eaten at dinner.

[Raidra]

Our schedule sounds different than yours, but the other thing that worked for us is that the kids now have a heavier late afternoon snack which lets me postpone dinner longer. DH used to come home about 5:45 and I'd try to have us at the table eating by 6:00 because the kids were starving. It was such a struggle to get the meal together and under pressure and DH kept coming home later. I've moved dinner time for all of us back to 6:30 or 7:00 depending on evening activities. Instead of giving the kids something small to "not spoil their dinner" right after school at 4:00, they typically sit down for what amounts to a meal of side dish vegetables and fruit at 4:30 or 5:00. I essentially split their dinner into two parts, so that they eat the good stuff while they are hungry, but still sit down for family time later in the evening.

This is what we do. The kids have a big snack around 4:30 or 5:00, then we eat dinner at 7:00. My husband is never home before 6:30. He's a better cook than I am, too, so about half the time he'll cook when he gets home and we eat around 7:00-7:10. We still give the kids a snack sometimes right before bed (8pm), provided they've eaten enough dinner. If they didn't eat a good dinner, they can eat whatever's left over, but I won't reheat their food for them. If they want a hot meal they eat when we serve it, otherwise they can eat it cold.

[maestramommy]

My kids don't eat again after dinner is over. If they "say" they're hungry, tough beans. My answer "you should've eaten more for dinner." I think only once has one of my kids truly gone to bed hungry.

ETA: my kids eat dinner at 5:30, and go to bed by 7:30. So if they ate to their satisfaction, they're not hungry. But often they don't eat big dinners because they've eaten plenty during the rest of the day. They tend to frontload their eating, biggest meal in the morning.

[newg]

I offer DD a snack before bed. If she didn't eat a good dinner I offer healthier choices..........if she did eat a good dinner, then I'm more relaxed about the snack.

[crl]

We had lots and lots of fights over this--DS waiting to see if snack would be better than dinner, DS waiting until I said bedtime and then being starving and eating very slowly for an hour or more to delay bedtime, etc, etc. I finally started serving dinner really late--basically we eat dinner, he gets to watch 1/2 hour of tv and then it's bedtime. DS can have snacks between school and dinner time. Then we eat dinner and that's it. No more food. No exceptions. I felt like a really mean mom a few times early on, but I really, really wanted to avoid the fights. It did work.

Catherine

[sarahsthreads]

We avoid this by having dinner shortly before bedtime. Or maybe bedtime shortly after dinner? I aim for dinner to be on the table in the 6 - 6:15 range. None of us are particularly speedy eaters and we linger at the table to talk, so by the time we're done it's approaching 7-ish. DD2 is in bed by 7:30, DD1 is in bed by 8. Not a lot of time for snacking in there!

On the other hand, I don't limit snacks in the afternoon. DD1 is often starving when she gets home from school. Today she packed away a sunbutter sandwich, a squeeze yogurt, some pretzel sticks and a clementine. DD2 ate a clementine and pretzel sticks. And they both ate a reasonable amount of dinner. I figure if they're snacking on mainly healthy foods it doesn't really matter all that much if they don't eat a ton of dinner.

Our nightly fight is over dessert. When DD1 was tiny it was a very rare thing to have dessert. We'd maybe have some fruit at the end of dinner as "dessert", but true sweets and things were uncommon. Now she seems to expect that there will be dessert every night, and it will always be candy or ice cream or something else not particularly healthy. We hear "but my body is full of healthy food and now I'm ready for dessert" a lot, and it drives me nuts!

Sarah :)