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View Full Version : Just moved into our new house and I hate it...anyone BTDT?



Nechums
01-22-2010, 12:25 PM
We waited months to finally move into our new house and over the past two months that we've been doing renovations I've had regrets that I thought would pass once we move in. Well, here we are and, while I love my renovations, I HATE the house. The layout is awful and it's poorly insulated (it's always cold). I've been crying everyday since I've been here and completely lost it when I went back to my old apartment today to clean up. I'm falling into a depression and I don't know what to do about it. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? Is it crazy that I'm thinking of selling?

ha98ed14
01-22-2010, 12:39 PM
First off :hug: We just got our first house too and it is *very* stressful. We are moving in tomorrow and the carpet layers for two of the bedrooms aren't coming until tomorrow. It will surely be a three ring circus. Also remember that change is hard in general. Moving is one of those things that counts as a major life stressor, like having a baby or losing a parent, so be gentle with yourself (and your house).

Once upon a time, you liked the house enough to make a bid on it, right? Try to remember what those things were. And even if it was only that the house was in the right sch dist, you could afford and had enough bedrooms, THAT is A LOT! when you (and me) are a first time home buyer. Remember that a lot of things can be changed. You *can* add more insulation. If money is tight right now, there will be a time when you have more and can do it.

About the layout, remember that you have been living in an apartment, a smaller space than your house. Things in an apartment are more accessable because you don't have to go as far. Things in a house feel much more spread out. This means there is a lot more "going and getting the xyz." You have lost some convenience in the way you live on a day to day basis.

Don't let yourself think about selling, unless it is really an option. We were working with a very limited budget and had to pay all our own closing costs, so if we sold, we would lose everything cash wise. But you may be in a different place. But if selling is not a real option, don't go there. Give it at least 6 months, and then maybe another 6 months. Things grow on you and you may feel differently later.

Also, and I just did this, as a treat to yourself, buy one piece of furniture you have always wanted. I got a table off CL that I have always wanted. It kinda makes me like my house more because now I have room for such a table and I never did in an apartment.

:hug:

arivecchi
01-22-2010, 12:48 PM
So sorry. BTDT. We moved into a big gorgeous house a couple of years ago that we thought would be perfect and for whatever reason it never felt like home. We were only there for 8 months. Definitely stay there for a bit and give it some time. Maybe you will like it a lot better when the weather changes. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one that has gone through that. I was super depressed to after we moved into that house. Do you think it is the house itself or the change in general? Moving is so stressful, especially if you were happy in your old home.

Nechums
01-22-2010, 01:16 PM
So sorry. BTDT. We moved into a big gorgeous house a couple of years ago that we thought would be perfect and for whatever reason it never felt like home. We were only there for 8 months. Definitely stay there for a bit and give it some time. Maybe you will like it a lot better when the weather changes. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one that has gone through that. I was super depressed to after we moved into that house. Do you think it is the house itself or the change in general? Moving is so stressful, especially if you were happy in your old home.

Glad to know I'm not the only one! Did you own or rent? If you owned, what type of reason would you give to prospective buyers as to why you were moving so quickly?

sste
01-22-2010, 01:17 PM
Repeat to yourself over and over, "I am in the midst of a major transition and I will not even think about how I feel about this new house for two or three months." Really. If you still feel the same way in three months then drafts can be fixed and you can consult an interior decorator or post here for ways to minimize your layout issues and maximize your layout positives.

You really cannot assess while you are in the midst of a major transition.

LarsMal
01-22-2010, 01:20 PM
OMG- yes, yes, yes!!! I am there right now and haven't been able to admit it out loud to anyone. I haven't cried because I'm afraid if I start I won't stop. I also feel horribly guilty because it's a beautiful new home and I should be grateful that we can afford a house at all, especially with the economy/jobs. Watching the coverage of Haiti makes me feel even more guilty, but I still can't help it. I am becoming more depressed as the days/weeks go by.

Not only am I not happy with our house, I am beyond depressed that we moved at all. I thought I would be fine with downsizing because we gained a basement. The basement is great, but our previous house was my "forever house". I loved the house, the neighborhood/neighbors, the area. I miss my good friends. We are closer to family and friends here, but everyone works so I am so alone- in a house with a floorplan I thought would be fine, but isn't.

I don't have any advice, but know you're not alone! :hug:

arivecchi
01-22-2010, 01:32 PM
Glad to know I'm not the only one! Did you own or rent? If you owned, what type of reason would you give to prospective buyers as to why you were moving so quickly? We just said we did not like the area and were moving back to the city. We did own it. We were lucky we were able to sell it quickly, but that was pre-real estate bust.

SnuggleBuggles
01-22-2010, 01:39 PM
It happened to me but luckily it was only a rental. By the end of our lease it was growing on me and I was finding a lot of positives that I just couldn't see in the beginning. I bet it will get better once you get all settled and determine how your family can use the space the best. It will work out. :)

Beth

wendmatt
01-22-2010, 02:15 PM
we moved into our new (5 yo) house in July last year. For the first 2 months I regretted getting a bigger house than we'd planned, was overwhelmed with having to go upstairs all the time and wished we'd got something smaller. Now I'm used to it and love it. The cold drafty thing you talked about would not sit well with me! One of the main things I wanted was a non drafty house, our old place in KS was FREEZING all the time, ice inside the windows. It was a rental but I hated it in the winter, summer was fine.
Try to relax and not think about it too much and see how you feel in a few months, I really hope you grow to like it. That is really tough.

codex57
01-22-2010, 02:33 PM
I'm not in depression, but I'm not a huge fan of the house. I just focus on the positives and try to keep the negatives completely out of my mind. Yes, the negatives pop up but I just start listing the positives over and over in my head like a chant.

maestramommy
01-22-2010, 03:35 PM
We moved into our first house after 7 years of renting. Two months after we moved in we had to major repair/renovation to our bathrooms because the toilet was leaking through the floor and rotting it. Why this was not discovered during the inspection we cannot fathom, because once it was pointed out to us, it was OBVIOUS. Anyway it sorta cast a pall over the house for me for a while. Our house also has a pool, not what I really wanted. I think we bought the house because it had no outstanding features and had the right specs ( 4 bdrms, 2.5 bath, plenty of space without being cavernous). But I just didn't have that feeling of "God, I LOVE this house!" It's 3 times bigger than our apt and at first it was overwhelming just trying to clean it. I finally got a cleaning team last month. The best thing about this house is that it was constructed extremely well. It just needs time for us to make it OURS.

It's now 1.5 years later, and I'm slowly warming up to it. We just got a pair of beautiful bookcases, and are putting our books up, something we could never do in the apt. And we're talking about cycling out our 2nd hand bachelor furniture for nice stuff that will last forever. And we did fill our mantel with our pics. Originally it was just to get them out of the darned boxes, but it really does look nice up there and Laurel's 6 mo pic is there so it feels complete.

Another thing that has been running in tandem is something LarsMal brought up about missing everyone. We moved away from my parents, my sister, and my mom friends. I still haven't made any close friends since moving here, and the pregnancy (during a long winter) and now her infancy makes it hard to get out. It's also hard for me to meet people, although I've taken some steps. Dh works and has the cameraderie of his coworkers, 2 of whom have become running partners. I still don't have that, and sometimes it feels very isolating being a SAHM in a relatively new town. It's very friendly, the people here are so nice, but it still isn't easy.

maylips
01-22-2010, 03:44 PM
When we first were looking in the town we're now living in, we were shocked at the cost of living differences from where we lived at the time compared to where we were moving. So when we found this house, it met our basic criteria and was still in our price range, so I thought, "well, it's not perfect, but we can add some paint here and some hardwood there and it will be fine." 3 1/2 years later and I can't move out of here fast enough, even with the changes we made. I just spent most of the morning rearranging YET AGAIN my kitchen because I just don't have enough room for everything I need. But it's going to be very hard to sell in this market so I try to live with it. I'm with you, too, in that then I feel guilty not being happy with my blessings - the house is 2400 square feet after all, so you'd think it would be big enough but it lives SO. SMALL. And the kids' bedrooms are the type of freezing you mentioned - I hate it. Anyway, I'm trying to figure out when we can put it on the market in order to sell it for enough to build what we want. May still take a few years. *sigh*

But, yes, I sympathize.

niccig
01-22-2010, 04:45 PM
Similar feeling here. We bought 5 years ago and there were some things that I didn't like, but felt they were livable until we could fix them. Five years later, and they're still not fixed, and they won't be for a while. Selling is not going to happen because of the market. Sometimes I get annoyed, and wish we had bought another house. But we didn't, so this is our home, and we'll make it work.

I agree with the ideas to start setting it up. Get all your things in and make it YOUR home. Somethings you might not be able to change for a while, but make it the best that you can.

Karenn
01-22-2010, 05:12 PM
I had some serious buyers remorse when we bought our current house. It met a lot of our most important criteria, but it wasn't my dream house. We bought it because we'd been looking for ever and nothing else had come close to meeting as many of our criteria as this house did. And, even though we were "moving up," this house needed a lot more work than the one we were leaving.

I was never a fan of the floor plan. It's not what I thought I wanted. It was particularly not the right floor plan with a toddler and a baby, which is what I had at the time. My aunt convinced me that as the kids got older I would grow to love this floor plan and even prefer it to what I thought I wanted and she's been right.

As for the rest, I've tried to focus on the things this house does have that I like. Like someone posted earlier, there were reasons we picked this house in the first place. We also made a list of improvments we wanted to make on the house. Over the last four years, we've crossed a lot off of our lists. It's been really encouraging to pull out those lists that seemed really overwhelming at first and realize all we've been able to accomplish.

Finally (and DH always thought this was crazy and risky!) I continued to watch the listings in our area for quite awhile after we bought this home to prove to myself that we really weren't going to find anything better in our price range.

tmarie
01-22-2010, 11:39 PM
I had major buyers remorse after we built a new house. Long story...there were lots of things I did love about the house and neighborhood, but for some reason I was really fixated and bogged down by the things that didn't turn out as well as I expected (whether it was the custom faucets and light fixtures I dallied over, the psycho postal carrier, or the new --and disappointingly uppity--neighbors). It is lunlike me to get bogged down in this silly stuff, and I was in a funk about it for longer than I'd like to admit. For the first 2 years or so after we purchased it, I would get knots in my stomach when I really thought about whether it was the right decision.

As we've been here longer and more (nicer!) neighbors have moved in, my feelings have improved. Next time I don't think I would build a house. There were so many expectations that things would be "perfect," and when they weren't, it was ridiculously disappointing. The next time we move, if ever, I think I'll be more prepared for the emotional adjustments of moving....

Hang in there and try to look on the bright side of things as much as you can manage. I had to constantly remind myself of the positives......

tmarie

gobadgers
01-23-2010, 12:02 AM
We moved in September and I am definitely having some bad moments in this house. It is a million times better than our condo was, but I find it so. difficult. to get past some things. For instance, our kitchen is the size of a postage stamp. And I'm not crazy about our floor plan. But I'm trying to remind myself of why we bought this house in the first place. I really do think we had our priorities in the right place when we bought, I just lose sight of them when I spend half my day cramped in the kitchen.

Can you look back to what you liked when you decided to buy the house? Even if its not your dream house, are there things about it that you do like? Are there some other things you can change?

ncat
01-23-2010, 12:37 AM
I hated my house before we even moved in. I had nightmares the week we closed. I dreamed about divorce after we moved in, because that was the only scenario I could think of that would get me out of that house.

We are still in the house. Two things happened - I went back to work and the house is less of a focus for me - AND - we fixed one very large problem with a major bath remodel. I still don't like it, but hating it is no longer the focus of my existence.

Some of what I don't like about it is that it could be our last house and its not perfect. Our first house was small and we knew we'd upgrade when we advanced our careers, had kids, etc. My parents are still in the house they bought over 30 years ago and it still has aspects they complain about. I'm sure they have the money to move or to fix some of their issues (i.e. they'd like a double sink in the kitchen), but inertia and practicality has kept them there.

Globetrotter
01-23-2010, 03:16 AM
I had regrets after we bought our house. We bought in the boom time in the Bay Area, so we didn't have time to really think about it and there was hardly anything to choose from. It's big enough but not the best layout, but it came with a pool. I used to worry all the time about it, so we got rid of it. Then there was water under the house and termites. oh yay.

We got through that, installed french drains, got the termites taken care of (that really freaked me out) and then slowly started changing things and decorating. When we moved in, it was country with green stripes and flowers. IWe immediately installed pergo, but it took me about five or six years to decorate and remove the popcorn ceilings, etc.., as I was overwhelmed with two kids and a dh who was working for a startup and was never home, but now it reflects MY taste, with items from our travels and also some color! Finally, it feels like my house, not "hers"! Now there are still some things to be done (I'd love a new kitchen someday, but I've organized it well so now it works for me) but I love the house! I've also made tons of friends here and like our neighborhood, though our street is mostly comprised of seniors and people with teens or babies. It's a great location, though, convenient to everything.

Give it some time. It sounds like you've already done some rennovations, but are there some other things you can change? Better insulation? (not sure how you do that without major work, but at least fix the drafts) Maybe even the paint color... color makes a difference.

Amelia
11-18-2012, 03:34 PM
I had a major problem with a neighbour that had persisted for years. I liked my house but the problem made my life a misery, so I knew I should move for peace of mind.

I live in a very small town, so houses I could afford to buy were limited and it took me a very long time to find this one. My offer for this house was accepted in June and I sold my house immediately. Then I was pretty ill for 3 months. I managed to deal with all the legal stuff and moved here at the end of September when I was almost better.

After 3 weeks here I knew I'd made a huge mistake! It's a little period cottage - the ceilings are low (the front door is 3 steps down from the street) and the rooms small. I don't like anything about the house and it's making me feel wretched - I just spend all my time findings reasons to be out of the house, and started looking for somewhere to move to 3 weeks after I moved in. People say it's a pretty cottage but they don't live here - and I just wish I was still in my former house which was more modern, light and spacious... What a mess.

Mommy_Mea
11-18-2012, 04:22 PM
I've been there. We bought our first house 1.5 years ago after renting and a very long house hunt. We saw the house 4 times over a 4 month period before offering on it. We had to convince ourselves it was the right house. The location, neighborhood and schools are fantastic, but the house itself is a 1950s ranch, low ceilings and dark.

After we closed and moved it, I had nearly daily panic attacks about the fact that we had bought the wrong house, how awful this place was. After waiting SO long to buy a house, this is what we end up in??!!

But suddenly, in the last few months, I find myself looking in a room and thinking how much I like it here. We have started to decorate and make small renovations, really making it our house. And I have continued to watch the market in our area, even going to open houses, and I have seen that nothing else would have been better than this house. In our price point and our HCOLA area, you have to compromise, and we did the best we could.

That might sound depressing, but when I run around our awesome backyard with my boys, go for a walk around our neighborhood and stop and talk with all of our super nice neighbors and drive into our (rare for our pricepoint) 2 car garage when it is snowing/raining out, I am very happy.

Give it time, you might be surprised how you feel in a year!

chiisai
11-18-2012, 04:27 PM
Yes, although, I guess I just sort of disliked it when we moved in. 5 1/2 years later I have to force myself to think of something else or I get into a deep funk. This was definitely a step up from where we were (apt. to TH), but after not seeing anything for a long time we were desperate, and this was simply decent and affordable.

The TH layout is challenging, it feels too small, there is no backyard, the surrounding neighborhood does not have children my son's age.

We can't afford to move into a SF home and stay in the same area / school district zone. I often wonder how anyone can afford the cheapest SF homes (2000ish sq. ft) around here at 620K - 700K, when the median family income for the area is $119K.

I have been trying to take my mind off of it by renovating a little here, now that the little one is a bit older. I am planning to put in hardwood, change the fridge, put up more artwork. And mostly, fix whatever the previous homeowners started trying to do around here. E.g., they put down nice laminate / vinyl flooring in the kitchen, but didn't put down any quarterrounds, so it all is curling up everywhere. And, they refinished the bathroom in the basement, but didn't use the right materials in the shower and only a few times after we showered my DH put his arm right through the tile wall.

I will say, that laying out furniture in different ways and placing aesthetic pieces up has helped me a lot, to feel calmer and not "buzzing" around in my head. That, and being humbled that I have a place to live in the first place.

:hug:

MontrealMum
11-18-2012, 04:29 PM
****Just a note. This thread is nearly 3 years old. It was recently bumped****

elbenn
11-18-2012, 04:31 PM
****Just a note. This thread is nearly 3 years old. It was recently bumped****

I noticed that too. I'm curious if OP started to like the house or moved. Can OP update?

kristenk
11-18-2012, 04:32 PM
Just FYI, this post is from January, 2010! :) Let's hope the OP no longer needs advice. (I am curious as to what happened with the OP's situation, though!)