What age for cry-it-out?

[TwoBees]

DD is only 3.5 mos old, but was born 3 mos early, so her adjusted age is roughly 2-3 weeks. DH is content to let her cry at night until she falls asleep, and when she wakes up if not content after a feeding. I say she is too young to cry-it-out and that there is nothing wrong with holding her to comfort her back to sleep. Which means that this job gets left to me at night. Who's right? And if she is just wimpering with short, intermittent cries, do we let her go?

[WatchingThemGrow]

too young, imo. We did it at 5.5-6m with the first. I wouldn't get up for weak, intermittent cries.

[wellyes]

That's waaaay too young. I believe Richard Ferber (who literally wrote the book on the topic) recommends 5 months at the earliest. So, you are correct :).

Good books on the topic to check out of the library
1. Solve your child's sleep problemsm - Ferber (for when baby's a little older)
2. Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child - Weissbluth (best on the topic for all infant stages IMO)
3. The No-Cry Sleep Solution - Pantly (has some techniques you may find helpful until CIO becomes an option)

I don't think wimpering always requires being picked up - new babies sleep very noisily - but I'd immediately address any actual crying. Babies that young don't really have a differentation between "I want" and "I need" so not getting their "wants" met ramps up their distress levels.

[DrSally]

Too young. 5 months is what Ferber says is the earliest. I personally wasn't comfortable until much later--10 mo and 16 mo.

[scrooks]

I have a similar question...DS is a little over 4 months and he doesn't really cry but protests when going to sleep. We generally let him go for about 10 minutes to see if he will calm down....does this sound normal for a 4 month old. I keep telling my husband that CIO isn't appropriate until he's a bit bigger but I agree with him we can't run in there for every little wimper or cry...I don't want to create bad sleep habits...I want him to be able to sooth himself. Is it ok to let them fuss for a bit to settle down??

[DrSally]

I think there's a difference btwn a "I'm trying to settle down" wimper and a full on "I need you" cry. I personally don't have a problem with seeing if they can settle themselves for a few min at that age. Some babies need to discharge some energy before settling down. But, IMO, babies learn to self-soothe by internalizing experiences of being soothed by mom and dad. Being left alone in a state of great distress is not good IMO.

[firsttimemama]

Not a fan of CIO - and noticed your signature says babe was premature.. I'd tend to think of those weeks as weeks baby was supposed to still be in utero.. which would make the CIO window even later for me (ie if 5 months is "normal" I'd wait longer)

[wellyes]

DS is a little over 4 months and he doesn't really cry but protests when going to sleep. We generally let him go for about 10 minutes to see if he will calm down....does this sound normal for a 4 month old. I keep telling my husband that CIO isn't appropriate until he's a bit bigger but I agree with him we can't run in there for every little wimper or cry...

It sounds normal but if it's not working (if he doesn't consistently self-sooth after 10 minutes) I'd definitely recommend stopping that method & exchanging it for the phased approach - let him cry for a few minutes (2-3) between parent visits the first day, a bit longer spacing on the second day, and so forth.

I think this is one of those things where reading the Ferber book and applying his suggestions will go a long way to minimizing parent and child distress and helping long-term success.

I wasn't comfortable with CIO til 8-9 months but I know every baby is different.

[marge234]

You are right. Even the hard core CIO people say not in the beginning. The period is longer for you because she was premature. My LO was term but small. He started sleeping better, longer when he put on some weight, I think it was around 14 pounds. Hang in there, you're doing great job mama!

[Fairy]

Way too young. 4 months for full term babies maybe. Borderline, even for them IMO. 5 and 6mo is ok for full term baby. Not sure for adjusted age babies. Your guy? Too young. And I'm a CIO girl.

[slworld]

I think there's a difference btwn a "I'm trying to settle down" wimper and a full on "I need you" cry.

:yeahthat: We did CIO with DS at around 4 months, but it was more like fuss-it-out than full out crying. We had to do it again at around 11months & that involved crying and took about 3-4 of days to settle down. You can give your DD a few minutes to see if she will settle down but if she is crying quite a bit then I wouldn't do it since she is too young. Also make sure she is not hungry or wet or in discomfort before letting her settle down on her own.

[TwoBees]

So do you think we (DH really) have harmed her by trying it for a few nights? First time mama panic here.

[slworld]

Don't worry, you didn't harm her permanently. I just don't think it is really going to help. They are not capable of soothing themselves at that age, kwim. I remember at that age we did anything to get DS to sleep (ie rocking etc).

ETA - We did go over both Ferber & Weissbluth

[WatchingThemGrow]

I second (or third) the recommendation to read those books. VERY helpful, not just now, but for the long-term. And...to get DH informed, let him read one while you read another. Healthy Sleep Habits is the one we borrowed 3x then bought ourselves. Sleep is vital and it changes so often.

[DrSally]

So do you think we (DH really) have harmed her by trying it for a few nights? First time mama panic here.

No. I really liked the Weissbluth book. I think you'll feel a lot more informed after doing some reading.

[TwoBees]

Ok, so I printed out some info on the Ferber method yesterday and DH and I had a discussion, and now we are on the same page. He had no idea there was a "method" to this whole thing. Phew.

[arivecchi]

Agree with other PPs. Wait until your baby's adjusted age is 5-6 months.

[DrSally]

Also, if you think your supply is dropping (from your other post), night feedings will help that.

[Fairy]

Sorry to get this post so off topic, but is this thread looking visually weird to anyone? The headers and formatting are all completely different colors (blues and reds) than the entire rest of the threads (my settings are not these colors). Is it cuz this is Baby 411's forum? I'm really confused. Intersted if this is happening to others?

[slworld]

Sorry to get this post so off topic, but is this thread looking visually weird to anyone? The headers and formatting are all completely different colors (blues and reds) than the entire rest of the threads (my settings are not these colors). Is it cuz this is Baby 411's forum? I'm really confused. Intersted if this is happening to others?

Yeah, the sleep section has different colors. I have noticed this before.

[DrSally]

Sorry to get this post so off topic, but is this thread looking visually weird to anyone? The headers and formatting are all completely different colors (blues and reds) than the entire rest of the threads (my settings are not these colors). Is it cuz this is Baby 411's forum? I'm really confused. Intersted if this is happening to others?

Yep, I've noticed this with a few other threads too, but haven't kept track of any similarities in where the threads were.

[barkley1]

My son is 6.5 months old, and we've never really needed to do CIO going to bed at night and naps - he just closes those little eyes when we sit down in the rocker, and I put him in the crib almost asleep.

However, for MONTHS, he consistently has woken at 5 or 6 in the morning, and I'd really like for him to sleep until 7-ish. Since we weren't comfortable with CIO yet, we've been just giving him a paci in the early a.m. and he will ususally go back to sleep. Sometimes for an hour, sometimes for 15 minutes. So, about half of the mornings, I'm up and down the stairs 3 or 4 times giving him the paci to get us to 7:00 (breakfast time).

My question is: is CIO effective for this time of the morning? I mean, he really is very awake sometimes, up on his hands and knees over near the door, waiting for us. sometimes, he's just stirring. It varies. I'm just really getting tired of being woken up at 5 am every day :( BTW, he goes to bed at 7:30 and we do get him up to eat at 10 pm, but he hardly wakes up, just eats in his sleep.

TIA!

[arivecchi]

My son is 6.5 months old, and we've never really needed to do CIO going to bed at night and naps - he just closes those little eyes when we sit down in the rocker, and I put him in the crib almost asleep.

However, for MONTHS, he consistently has woken at 5 or 6 in the morning, and I'd really like for him to sleep until 7-ish. Since we weren't comfortable with CIO yet, we've been just giving him a paci in the early a.m. and he will ususally go back to sleep. Sometimes for an hour, sometimes for 15 minutes. So, about half of the mornings, I'm up and down the stairs 3 or 4 times giving him the paci to get us to 7:00 (breakfast time).

My question is: is CIO effective for this time of the morning? I mean, he really is very awake sometimes, up on his hands and knees over near the door, waiting for us. sometimes, he's just stirring. It varies. I'm just really getting tired of being woken up at 5 am every day :( BTW, he goes to bed at 7:30 and we do get him up to eat at 10 pm, but he hardly wakes up, just eats in his sleep.

TIA! I find that DS2 sleeps longer if he goes to bed earlier. Try putting him down at 6:45/7 instead of 7:30. Sounds crazy but works. Sleep begets sleep. :) Some babies are just early risers but it's worth a shot.